When Do You Divorce Her?

I had a reader email asking about when to divorce. The basic background being that he’d really put effort into making himself into a better more sexy man and she hadn’t responded. This is a very tough question and I’m not convinced there is a stock answer.
I’m not one for saying you should just shrug your shoulders and cut and run, if you’ve been lackluster for years sometimes the last person you can convince you’ve changed for the better is your wife. If she’s been drenched in your blah sexual presence for years, she may be essentially trained by you to not be responsive. It can be a little while to unlearn that and it may require more of a shock to her system than mere polite conversation.
So assuming it’s been at least three months to a year of you being really tricked out on being sexy as you can be, with no response from her, it starts looking like more and more that she has some sort of low sexual desire issue. So it’s time to start really checking into the medical picture for her, get a full check up, look into all the medications she is on. Birth control pills and SSRI anti-depressants can nerf sexual desire for example. If it’s something really as simple as changing from birth control pills to condoms or a little testosterone patch as what returns the spark in her eye, it would be foolish to walk way too soon.
If you’ve been through all that sort of thing and it’s coming up with no medical issues, on some level she’s probably just not interested in you at all or choosing to behave that way. I think the next step is a conversation with her about you needing more than she has been giving. Ultimately I think marriage is a sexual relationship and it’s very difficult to sustain a marriage without the sexual contact implied in the relationship. I really do see one spouse denying reasonable sexual outlet to the other and making no attempt to fix things as cheating the other spouse out of their marriage. Does she even want to try and fix things on her end is the basic question.
As I’ve written on the blog before, sexless marriages basically force the partner that wants sex into three outcomes; (1) Misery, (2) Cheating, or (3) Leaving. She’s the only one that has the power to decide for (4) Resuming Sex.
Ultimately I’ve never said that my system is 100% going to work with salvaging a marriage, just that it will probably make her more interested and responsive, and if it doesn’t, you’re in a better place with yourself to seek someone new. My general advice is to continue to push on towards a resolution of the situation towards either outcome (3) or (4). Ultimately she gets to make that choice between them.
However the pushing towards those outcomes can all seem like nothing but talk, the real action really starts to kick in once you start having obvious interactions with other women. You don’t have to cheat on her (that can be a huge stumbling block to resuming things with her), just make it clear that there are other opportunities out there you know you could have. Basically destabilizing the relationship slowly by turning up the threat of leaving. Even something as low key as being obviously friendly with another woman has impact. Having lunch with someone else. Phone calls and texts. Little bite sized tastes of her future without you.
You may find the wife that has no interest in seeing the doctors to check herself out suddenly gets interested in doing so once it appears you are making some traction with a new woman. Funny that huh.
Filing for divorce is the final attempt at getting her attention. When to go is a question only you can answer. A lot will depend on the divorce laws of your state, how you can resolve the marriage as well as you can. The kid issue is huge too. I think in the end the time to go will be quite apparent to you. I think it’s when you actually feel sad for her and what she’s losing.
I write primarily for men. But if you’re a female reader 99% of this works just the same for you.

Sexy Move: Cum On her Breasts

I’ve not a huge fan of sex during menstration. I’m not particularly grossed out by it, just that I find blood to be somewhat irratating on my penis during the sex and Jennifer isn’t usually all that excited by it either. So by mutual agreement we tend heavily to avoid intercourse during her menses.
Which just opens the door to different fun…
One of my favorite things is Jennifer lying on her back giving me a handjob while I’m on all fours on top of her. That way I cum all over her breasts. It’s a physically intense way to orgasm for me, more so than my orgasm from regular intercourse, just that I usually prefer being inside her. However for nights when Jennifer isn’t up for a regular pounding this is a fabulous Plan B.
At first I just liked the strength of my orgasm and physical sensation, but over time I’ve started getting increasing enjoyment just from the position of dominace and her enjoyment at me cuming hard on her. She quite likes this position as well. Both for it’s own sake, plus it’s an easy five minutes of fun to get a contented husband.

So What Can She Do To Keep Him Chasing Her Skirts?

“Hi Athol,
If you looked through your logs and saw one reader go through all your archives in the last week – that was me. Awesome sight, and I can’t thank you enough for that. It’s really helped me make some important decisions and have some frank conversations with my wife.
One of the questions my wife had during our conversations was “What do I need to do to make sure you stay in love with me?” (In the dopamine sense – our oxytocin levels are good I think). I thought it was a good question but I didn’t know the answer. All of my reading in the last month has been on a guy’s game. Do you have any suggestions? Good books or blogs? She’s a smart girl and a good reader, so it doesn’t have to be dumbed down.”
Hi there, I can’t quite track individual readers quite that well, Google Analytics is good but it’s not quite up to Eye of Sauron levels. However I see that about 200 people a month do just go through hundreds of pages of my material, so I believe you. I’m glad it’s been of help.
Mostly the best thing she can do for you is attention to her own physical fitness and appearance. Men are mostly visual and if you look at her and your own Body Agenda sees her as physically appealing it triggers those attraction feelings in you. Likewise she can more carefully display sexy clothing for you. This doesn’t mean she dresses like a hooker, just better attention to pulling your interest. Jennifer for example is quite demure by nature, but after she started dressing in lower cut tops and showing more cleavage for example, it actually pulled my attention better. It was one of those Jerry Maquire “help me, help you” conversations that led to that. I’m not talking about getting surgical alteration here either, just get into good shape via diet and exercise… show some skin.
The other thing is basically acting with greater interest in sex in general and flirting with you. I’m talking about hitting on you, grabbing your ass in passing, rubbing on you, the lingerie thing once in a while. Basically her trying to initiate things with you and/or just playing along when you do things to game her. It’s actually quite amusing and fun for me when Jennifer uses the exact same moves on me that I’ve suggested on my blog, a couple of days ago she slipped her fingers into the front pockets of my jeans and locked me into kissing her. Often when I kiss Jennifer from behind in the kitchen she enjoys it for a second and then grinds her ass into me with a little freakstyle wiggle. Takes 5 seconds but I know she wants me.
Also if you have the time, you can come up with a list of sexual fantasies / desires / favorite things to do in bed and she can work her way through doing some of those. Also sometimes what she thinks is a hot thing in bed for you is just so-so to you and vice a versa. It can be a huge leap forward to go over that stuff together.
The other thing you can do is do new and exciting things together. Stuff that would naturally give you both a Dopamine spike naturally anyway. That’s anything from new restaurants, trips, parachuting, roller coasters, climb a mountain… whatever it is that makes you guys do a double fist pump into the air and go “woo-hoo”, or if you’re English polite applause and a “well done”.
So my advice is pretty simple – look hot as she can and pounce on you. Mix it up in general.
Some of the female orientated blogs on my sidebar may be helpful, and if you want something longer to read I think His Needs, Her Needs is the best book out there. Look for a used copy and it’s about $5. Well worth it.
Also wear a dress once in a while. It’s impossible for him to chase skirt if you don’t wear one.