Female Mid-Life Crisis Is A Myth

I talked yesterday about the male version “mid-life crisis” actually being a “partner not so fertile crisis”, today we’ll hit on the female version. Naturally because men can continue to impregnate a woman for their entire lifespan barring medical difficulties, the female “mid-life crisis” is actually a crisis related to the end of her own fertility, but his age does play a role.
Both the husband and the wife can have these events happen in a perfect storm of both happening together, but I think for the most part one side of the relationship happens stronger than the other. I suspect it’s usually the partner with the higher Sex Rank that gets the pleasure of struggling through this and inflicting it on the other partner. Once the partner with the higher Sex Rank starts having their little psychodrama the lower ranked partner usually focuses on maintaining themselves in the relationship.
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Male Mid-Life Crisis Is A Myth

The male mid-life crisis isn’t what you think it is, it’s about how old the man’s wife is. A forty year old man with a forty year old wife has a mid-life crisis, a forty year old man with a twenty-five year old wife doesn’t. A twenty-five year old man with a forty year old wife has a “mid-life crisis”. It’s really not about his his age,  it’s about his partner moving into a non or markedly less fertile phase of life, and his Body Agenda deciding to search for someone else that is more fertile. It’s best to think of it as a “partner not so fertile crisis”.
What happens when you have a “partner not so fertile crisis” is that your own body starts up a set of programming called “The Rationalization Hamster”. The Hamster just goes into overdrive trying to drum up reasons to be pissed off at your spouse, ways to look on them negatively, ways to blow up minor issues into larger ones and generally any excuse to justify running off with a new partner or getting some on the sly.
The current partner may be doing nothing overtly wrong other than…
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Sexy Move: Rescue Her

Jennifer and the girls were out walking and the weather decided to mix it up with some heavy rain. They had their coats etc, but walking in heavy rain isn’t much fun and we’re without cell phones here.
So I circled the neighbourhood in Dad’s car looking for them…
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Reader Story: Bouncing Back From Setbacks

Hi Athol,
I hope you’re enjoying your hols, I just wanted to drop you a line to say thanks for your blog. I’ve been a follower for about two months now and it’s I think it’s saved my marriage. First a bit of background …..
I’ve been married for ten years, the first five years were excellent but after the birth of our first child things started to go down hill. The birth was complicated (edited out some personal details) and resulted in her giving birth to our son two months premature. Obviously both needed lots of care which I was happy to provide, but this led to a decline in our business due to the amount of time I was spending caring for them and me dropping into a beta role within our marriage.
Forward a five years, into a recession, our business had collapsed and we were forced to move back in with my parents. Our marriage had gone down the pan along with the business, I was unemployed, relying on my wife’s income, missing sex and completely beta. I doubt we’d even still be married if it wasn’t for the kids. It was at this point that I started following your blog, and although I didn’t feel like I was in a position to put your advice into action, I did soak it up.
Yesterday, I started a new job, a good management role, so I was suited and booted, feeling better than I have in a long time, more my normal self. My wife was impressed as well, so whilst sitting at work, I decided it would be a good day to start turning things around and putting your advice into action. She’d text me earlier to ask how it was going, so I replied it was going great and that she was definitely getting some tonight. She picked me up from work later with a smile on her face.
Later in the evening we were at a friends, she was fitness testing me, asking me for this and that. In the past I’d have just done what she asked but that night, I decided I’d let a few go and fail but I’d pass a few as well (I didn’t want to go from one extreme to another overnight). That resulted in her snuggling into my chest whilst we watched a film, something she hasn’t done in years.
As the night got on, I reminded her that I didn’t want to stay out late. She made a joke about me having to get up for work, I replied with the fact that actually it was more that I had something important to do when we got home, her! Fast forward an hour, and we’re tucked up in bed. I made a move and she tried to shrug it off with ‘you don’t want sex now, it’s too late and we’ve got to be up early in the morning’. I didn’t even answer, just kissed her harder and pulled her into me. Each time she made some excuse, I took a more alpha stance. Before long, she wanted me, more than she’s wanted me in a long time.
What surprised me was that she kept playing games, trying to take the upper hand by half heartily trying to prevent me taking her, everything from grabbing my manhood to prevent me entering her to trying to close or twist her legs. It was light hearted, but she was definitely playing games and trying to take charge. I simply stayed silent, stayed alpha and stayed on course.
Without too much graphic detail, she ended on her tummy, rump raised high and begging for me to have my wicked way with her, which I did for a long time, so long that she had to quit before I’d finished. A little downside to it, but she made sure I was well looked after once she’d regained her composure and the feeling in her legs. We ended that night with her sleeping on my chest, and this morning, she gave me a little squeeze where it counts whilst I was heading out for work.
So, thank you for your blog, I can say without a doubt, your advice has definitely changed our relationship for the better and although we still have a long way to go to get back on our feet, I feel like we’re on the right path and we’ll do it.
Thanks buddy
You’re welcome. Glad to hear that things are working out so well. Very much appreciated the email.

Sexy Move: Take The Wheel

We’re on vacation in New Zealand.
Apparently me being the one to drive on the other side of the road has been presented to me as very much an Alpha Male requirement by Jennifer.
Proper response: Playfully faking that I lost a contact lens in the pool at the bottom of the hydroslide…
In fairness I have driven here before, but it does take a little time to get over the feeling of certain death going through intersections “the wrong way”.
And for the record it is an attraction builder to drive like this. It’s somehow edgy and dangerous despite it being essentially quite mundane, it’s quite different driving here than in America. Passing other cars on winding single lane roads requires timing, acceleration and a quick nip out into oncoming traffic…

Not Everything Is A Fitness Test

When a woman presents her ass to you and requests you pay attention to it, it’s not because she’s completely morally bankrupt, or a spoiled rotten child,  it’s because she wants you to hit on her.
Seriously… what husband passes up being opened in a sexual context by their wife for the opportunity to be offended by it?
Not everything is a fitness test, but acting like everything is will tear apart even a good, loving, functional relationship. And then you’ll be divorced. Way to go Men’s Rights.
I thought the original post I’ve linked to was bad enough, but the comments are disheartening in the extreme. I don’t see how anyone with a happy marriage is going to want to get involved with the maelstrom of rage and hate that is Men’s Rights. Some of that is going to flow over and affect your own relationship.
Really, I’d like to help change laws etc some are clearly terrible, but I just find myself repulsed by the overall rhetoric of negativity in Men’s Rights writing.
I know I know, I’m a scab for crossing the picket line of the Marriage Strike and liking it. Cue shaming language in the comments…

Some Worthwhile Blogs

I tend to not want to turn my blog roll into a huge link farm, the blogs that I have linked to there are ones that I actually read whenever they post and find them some degree of entertaining and useful, while being also at least in the same basic frame of reference as this blog as well. Other married game blogs being ideal.

Some additions to the roll today…

Deansdale

Dalrock

Gaming My Wife

Haley’s Halo

Mormon Men

Stage Two

I Ain’t Saying She’s A Gold Digger…

I don’t mean to scoop up the entire post from Deansdale, but it is short and perfect.
“If the only difference in sex rank in favor of the prospective husband is his money, he’s pretty much destined for a divorce. “His money” will soon translate into “our money” in the head of his wife and thus his advantage disappears almost immediately. On the other hand the first time the thought of divorce crosses her mind she will see him without half his assets or worse – lowering his sex rank considerably. If she starts contemplating divorce seriously this image will be fixed in her mind. Being on the opposite ends of alimony and possibly child support payments her sex rank will be definitely higher than his.
So fellows, if you’re married or planning to marry a woman who’s considerably less rich than you are, you should have something more going on for you in that marriage or else it can destabilize pretty fast at the first sign of trouble.”
Overall you are better off having a better income than not, I think that is so self-evident that I’ve hardly touched on it on the blog, but Deansdale is right. If that’s all you got going for you, you’re in potential trouble.
I’ve seen a number of guys do the two jobs routine to make ends meet killing themselves for their family. 60-80 hour weeks can start to add up and wifey gets bored and lonely. Then of course if you’ve been supporting a Stay At Home Mother by working two jobs, the court will probably/possibly want you to keep up that same level of two jobs support should you divorce.
Money is nice, but the days of thinking providing income gets you to the head of the class is over.

Elevation

It’s always a beautiful sunny day on earth. It’s just a question of having enough elevation.
Taking the right perspective isn’t just an option. Things that are perceived to be real are often real in their consequences. Self fulfilling prophecies and all that.
It’s not always to your advantage to think of women, wives and marriage as badly trained tigers.
Which is not to say they can’t shred you, just that it’s best not to think like prey in front of them.

The travel is going well.

Ready Steady Go

Getting to the airport…

That’s about the summation of things. House sitting niece and friend here in 30 minutes and we’re gone.

Crank that track up.