The Queen Of All Cockblocks

Nothing like a little family conflict and drama to reduce your home life to a shambles. The official rank order of which role you play with the greatest concern and attention is…
1st Husband
2nd Father
3rd Son
4th Brother
5th Son-In-Law
6+ Anything Else
Screw that order of priority up and that might be the only thing you get to screw. There is no greater cockblock than siding with your mother against your wife.
Also it’s completely vital to frame that as “I am a husband first” rather than “What my wife wants/needs is most important”. Being a husband is a choice you are making for you and gives you the locus of being in self-control, marriage isn’t something that is happening to you, it is something that you are making happen.
Which is not to say that you won’t help somebody lower on the list, just that on balance you’ll stick to it.


  1. Anonymous says:

    Good. Although if your wife and mother have a really bad relationship, it can be a bit tricky.

    Not quite sure what you mean about being a husband before pleasing your wife, but I think I understand, and it is an important point. I think I would put it like this: your job as father and husband, as the man of the house, is to make sure everybody gets what he or she needs (not just your wife, and your needs are included).

    David C

  2. Meg at Demanding Joy says:

    You are absolutely right. I firmly believe that putting your marriage first is the key to a happy life. Even the strongest marriages can be fragile – it needs nurturing. Great post.

  3. Athol Kay says:

    David C – if the wife and the husbands mother have a bad relationship, the problem is probably the husband.

    Thanks Meg.

  4. Totally agree. Wife comes before mother – always. You should expect to have your wife around for longer. Wife also come before kids; same reason. You are hoping that your children eventually move out; you are hoping that your wife never moves out. Kids come before mother, also; same logic.

  5. Anonymous says:

    "… the problem is probably the husband". Gee, thanks! I think that is a new standard in "blame the man".

    David C

  6. Thanks for the list. The way you said that… I am cementing that into my mind. I know good advice when I get it. I really like reading here, I have lots to learn, and, so, here I am.

    Here is an *apple* for the teacher.

  7. Anonymous says:

    Hi Athol,

    newly married man here (2 almost 3 years) that finds your blog very informative. I currently having the exact problem, my wife doesn't like my mother, and I got all the flak. Mind to elaborate why it's the husband fault? Also, what advice can you give me to handle this better? Every time my wife complains about my mother it's always become a fight.

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