“Reading your blog is like reading the musings of a dog with an electric fence shock collar around his neck. He has to go into tremendous detail and project the outcomes of actions in his surroundings because, ultimately, he realizes he is a captive slave and has no other choice. If he approached life any differently, he would perish from the sheer despair of realizing the limits of his circumstances. Good advice, but remind your readers every once in a while of those areas where your perspective is limited.”
Firstly I don’t think I’ve ever misled readers into thinking I’m something I’m not. I’m on my real name and pretty much laying it all out in the open with my relationship and sexual history. Furthermore I’ve many times framed monogamy and marriage simply as a sexual/life strategy, which also implies that there are other strategies out there to pursue. In a general sense though I am advocating monogamy.
We are all captives to our choices. What we have done in the past affects our ability to make choices now. The choices we are making today affect our outcomes in the future. Marriage as I have made clear is a significant choice that carries with it enormous risks and benefits, if it all works it’s wonderful, if it all goes to hell it’s definitely not. However that doesn’t mean being single is without a similar risk/benefit outcome either.
The freedoms of being single are more easily understood than the risks. Having worked long term care I can assure you that those patients without children have a much worse endgame than those that have family. Both in terms of having regular visitors advocating for better care, and just the desire to perish from the sheer despair of realizing the limits of your circumstances. I found just working in long term care gruesomely awful, I cannot imagine having to live in it.
Likewise the longer you stay single the less your options to ever decide to change tracks and get married are. The game community hammers this point home on women who realize with horror at age 35 or so that with fading beauty and rancid eggs she has awful marriage value. The moment of horror comes later for men, but it does eventually come. Unless you’ve got assloads of cash a 40 year old man that’s never married and never fathered a child probably is getting close to being written off by women as just unable to form a serious partnership even if they wanted to. Definitely by 45.
If you’re single you are the only real safety net for you. Life is going to throw a curve ball or two at you and what can more easily be absorbed and deflected by a couple, may break a single. A job loss and a medical event can utterly destroy a single, as opposed to damaging a couple. This is part of the reason why gay people are fighting so hard to have gay marriage accepted and allowed. Marriage can be a mutual insurance plan. Sometime I help Jennifer, sometimes she helps me. Sometimes we win, sometimes we lose, but we win and lose as a team.
And yes I’m upbeat about things. I’m not going to go all Law of Attraction silly about things and Positive Thinking isn’t a magical spell that banishes everything hard from life, I just see no point in whimpering through life like prey. You shouldn’t step up to anything with the mindset that you’re going to have your ass handed to you.
If you want true despair…I suggest you go read the game blogs written by single men. The prevailing view is that Western Civilization is in it’s last days and that we are all slaves to the system and powerless to avert its destruction. Obviously for those men that cannot convince a woman to bear them children, whether we all die in the fires of collapsed society or peace and prosperity reigns doesn’t really matter all that much. Personally I don’t see the hard wired biological pair bonding effects between men and women vanishing any time soon. Life, civilization and definitely some form of marriage will continue on and as arrogant as it may seem, I’d like to think I’m doing my part to promote that.
Besides, my marriage is more like this anyway…..}}}