Reader Story: Louie Is A Convert Within Two Months

I always love a good success story. Often they have little nuggets of excellence advice in them too. Here’s Louie’s story…
A couple of months ago I was at wits end with my wife. Our relationship was generally pretty good, but she was shooting down the majority of my sexual approaches. Sex had become a once every two months kind of thing. I tried confronting her about it, but this seemed to accomplish nothing. I briefly considered an ultimatum, but I knew deep down that I was not prepared to actually follow through on it. I love my wife and kids too much to ever blow their world apart like that. You should only give ultimatums when you really mean it.
Since I did not have any better plans, I decided to try an experiment. I knew that my lack of sexual success was probably caused by a lack of sexual value. I have always been a Beta type of guy. I decided to try acting like I was an Alpha for a while and see what happened.
I would walk up to my wife, grab her belt or her waist and pull her in for some kissing.
When she blew up at me over something I would just smile or laugh. I did not take her anger seriously, although I did listen to what she was saying and calmly respond to it.
When she barked an order at me I would say “I would happy to do that if you would ask nicely.”
When she was in a bad mood I make jokes to cheer her up, even if I was the cause of her bad mood.
I was not at all expecting to get away with this. I fully expected her to pull away from my kisses or tell me off. Funny thing though, she seemed to like it this way. I got some confused looks at first, but then she decided to play along.
Now if she barks an order at me, I just have to raise my eyebrows and she smiles and says “Please”.
If I grab her waist and pull her toward me she happily walks into my arms.
I am truly shocked by how successful this was. Two months of simply acting more like an Alpha has had more positive effect on our marriage than 5 years of arguing with her about my needs.
This weekend was the first time in years that my wife complained about how long it has been since we made love. The fact that it didn’t happen (due to a sick kid) is irrelevant. It shows that the pendulum is swinging.
I am a convert.
Louie
So what’s your story?   Send it to Athol(dot)Kay@Gmail(dot)com

Chicken Monkey Duck

You are required to watch the following short safe for work video for this post to make any sense.

Now unless you are some sort of sociopath, you probably liked that little song. In fact some of you have already started replaying the damn thing and are trying to read this, but are also trying to sing chicken monkey duck as you read as well. My female readers have probably just gone en mass to Facebook to update the world about this addictive little song. I’ll still be here when you get back.
It’s catchy and it’s hard not to like it and there’s a very good reason why we like it. We big brained humans love to find patterns in things and solve puzzles. Finding something semi-random that almost borders on a pattern is very stimulating and it kicks up our brains to try and solve a puzzle that may or may not have a solution.
Faced with something completely non-random and repetitive, say simply the word “chicken” as the only lyric repeated a hundred times, we’d quickly become bored and we’d hate the song. Likewise if it’s too complicated for us to figure out the pattern and it just seems totally random, we tend to just shut down and ignore it. A great example of that would be 3.14159 26535 89793 23846 26433 83279 50288 41971 69399 37510… which for those that didn’t feel woozy in math class, you’d recognize as Pi. Personally I get to 3.14 and I’m all done with caring about Pi. If you can actually memorize Pi to anything more than ten decimal places it actually turns into a Display of Low Value everywhere outside of a Star Trek convention. Even then it’s only a Display of High Value if you’re dressed as Lt.Commander Data. Though it probably would make a great password combination to lock your wife out of your laptop.
Anyway…
We love semi-random patterns and are stimulated by them… so…
Missionary, doggy, doggy, cowgirl, missionary, missionary, doggy, missionary, doggy, cowgirl, cowgirl, missionary, doggy, missionary, missionary, doggy, cowgirl, missionary, doggy, cowgirl, missionary, doggy, doggy, doggy, missionary…. reverse cowgirl.
Alpha, beta, beta, alpha, beta, alpha, beta, beta, beta, alpha, beta, alpha, alpha, beta, alpha, alpha, beta, beta, alpha, beta, beta, alpha, beta, alpha, alpha, alpha, beta, alpha, beta, alpha, alpha, beta…. alpha force of nature.
Kiss, kiss, spank, funny, kiss, funny, spank, spank, funny, kiss, kiss, funny, funny, spank, funny, kiss, spank, spank, kiss, funny, spank, kiss, funny, kiss, kiss, spank, funny, kiss, spank, funny, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss… money shot.

When She Wants A Wedding And Not A Marriage

Be wary of women that want a wedding more than a marriage….

Also be wary of women that don’t even acknowledge that there is even another half of the couple. If she’s shrieking “this is my wedding” at anyone as opposed to saying “it’s our wedding” it means everything is all about her. Plus they intend it to be that way forever.
Also be wary of women that routinely purposefully break the rules of grammar and can’t use proper capitalization etc, note the “i” as opposed to an “I”…
… I suspect it means they do not feel that the rules that apply to everyone else apply to them. Be advised.
Cynical wedding reception DJ choice for the first dance together…

Sexy Move: Pilot Light Love In Just Five Minutes A Day

Following on from the day before yesterday where the scenario is (1) she wants you out, and (2) there is no other man in the picture – which is NOT a guarantee just because she has stated no one else is involved – and (3) the cause of the problem is largely your lack of attention at holding up your end of the deal in the relationship.
One simple thing that you can do each day to keep love alive, even when things are very bad between you, is what I call a Pilot Light move.
The idea is you perform one small act of service for her each day as an intentional act of love, and in doing it for her, she receives it and acknowledges your motivation for doing so is love. Also the act of service isn’t random, ideally she tells you what that act would be that she would appreciate.
The act of service can be as simple as; make her a cup of coffee each morning, buy her a flower each day, write her a note of thanks for something, clean the kitchen counter off before bed at night, spend five minutes just listening to her. And yes indeed all this sounds very Beta.
The point is that when her interest in you is so low that she’s just thinking about leaving you, you’ve somehow screwed up in multiple small (and large) ways how you relate to her for a very long time. By asking her exactly what it is that you can do that wouldn’t be screwing up in relating to her, you ensure that you find if nothing else ONE small way to get it right.
Sometimes the core problem is not that you don’t love her, but that the way you try and express it doesn’t hit the buttons she wants hit for her to experience feeling loved. It’s the same sort of thing where she thinks by her matching the couch cushions to the curtains that it makes you feel loved. You probably don’t even know that they match. Seriously go look, they match, she did that on purpose because knowing that they match makes it easier for her to orgasm when the lights are off and she’s in a totally different room. And you being a great lug don’t even act like you care about them. Bastard.
What you’re doing here is taking control of the situation and basically saying, “give me a shooting fish in a barrel easy target that I can hit and I’ll hit it”. And then you hit it. It’s not a magic bullet, it’s just about making her believe that the marriage can change and things can get better.
It’s that “help me, help you” Jerry Maguire moment sort of thing. Marriage is cooperation. If you can’t play as a team, you’re going to have a slump, and you can’t get out of a slump unless you play as a team. The Alpha aspect of the move is framing yourself as the leader of the team.
So anyway like I said, it’s no magic bullet. It’s about making a turn around in the direction things are heading and buying a little time to get some of the other Alpha and Beta trait things in place.
And when you do your little act of love, don’t stand around like a lost puppy waiting to see her reaction. Just do it and move on with your day. It’s meant to just roll around in her head and be a positive mindfuck sort of thing. Also importantly it’s a small act of service, not some grandiose thing. Check out why you should give her skittles and not something huge like jewelry.
When she admits that this is working for her, you tell her you want to try one more little thing to turn it around… The Ten Second Kiss.

Don’t Move Out Just Because She Told You To

Following on from yesterday where the scenario is (1) she wants you out, and (2) there is no other man in the picture – which is NOT a guarantee just because she has stated no one else is involved – and (3) the cause of the problem is largely your lack of attention at holding up your end of the deal in the relationship.
I’ve realized I missed mentioning one of the most important things NOT to do, in part because the reader I had been emailing had done it correctly. I also had a couple emails addressing it as well. (Thank you to those who did so.)
The most important thing to NOT do is…
Buy Me!