It’s very common for people leaving a relationship to reframe the entire history of the relationship.
So years one through nine… “wow it’s been (one to nine) wonderful years I’m so happy”.
Year ten during the affair…. “I’m just so torn”
Post divorce…. “he was a wonderful man, but we’re just not the right person for each other. We tried for a long time to make it work.”
Where upon the dumped spouse goes, “WTF are you talking about? That’s bullshit, you said you loved me for the first nine years and then you cheated on me”.
Then they say something like… “yeaaaaah… this is awkward, you need help.”
So… what to do…
It’s not a bad reason to have a family photo album of the good times. A little scrapbook of the happy moments. Where we went to dinner together. Movie ticket stubs. The little love notes. It doesn’t all have to be expensive stuff, sometimes the cheap stuff means more. Jennifer still still has a Post-It note in her cubical at work that I scribbled on “love you no reason”. I had no idea she would keep that.
Maybe it’s just the nurse in me talking here, but the old line is “if you didn’t document it, it didn’t happen”. You may have done a hundred good things, but when the shit hits the fan if you didn’t document them, it’s like you have no recourse to say you did.
Marriage has it’s ups and downs, and the in love feelings can cycle even faster. Some day you might feel down about it all and reading over your own story of togetherness might be it’s own encouragement. Or in moments of terrible darkness and pain when they tell you that they never really loved you, their own handwriting, photographs of their own shiny eyed smiles and the two tickets to romance and lust will call them a liar.
Plus it’s a solid Beta move to pull a written history of the relationship together. Just reeks of commitment and faith and she will love it. Just don’t let her steal the project from you otherwise it will look all girly and floral. She can do her own if she wants, but this is your half of the memories of the marriage. Own it.
Skid Row – I Remember You….
For the record I don’t so much have a “scrapbook” per se, I have a drawer that’s slowly being filled up with “the little pieces of crap that matter”. A disproportionate amount of the “little pieces of crap that matter” appear to be baby teeth from the kids though. For a while there it was like I was part of Baby Teeth Of The Month Club. While the baby teeth are not particularly gaining in value, they have historically out performed my 401k.
Oh and I have this blog…