I was in bed this morning after doing a night shift. I went to the toilet around 11 am and bumped into my wife on the stairs said a sleepy hello then went back to bed. I heard her boil the kettle to make a brew ,next thing I heard the our dog bark. I went downstairs quietly and my wife was outside talking to the builder I was listening quietly but our dog got excited to see me then she realised I was there.
She came in I got a little bit jealous saying he only talks to you when I’m not around anyway. She said there was nothing to worry about I was a bit out of order. I think he actually tried to make our dog barks so my wife would come out.
I think both of them fancy each other he seemed to make the dog bark knowing she would go out. Anyway I said I was going out I had to get some wood, he would be next door and my wife at our home. I did this to display that he is no threat. When I came back I went round to ask Mr. X (the builder) if he would fix some of our kitchen for us. He asked if my wife would be in later so he could measure up, then reframed the question and asked if I would be in so he could measure up. Do you think I have done the wrong thing by asking him to do some work for us?
As a side topic my wife later said that the one of our money jars was full to the brim. I patted her on the backside and said something else will be full to the brim later, she said be careful as she is fertile and I replied (with a big grin) oh so you only talk to builders when you are fertile, she took it the wrong way (is this good game or am I not getting it)
Ok there’s some good here, but a really critical bit of bad.
The answer is that having him work on your kitchen is a terrible idea. You’re trying to get him out of your life, not invite him further in. Right now they need little excuses to talk to each other and are skating around you to get that done. Once you’ve let the fix the kitchen thing go ahead they have the perfect excuse to talk to each and essentially your approval to do so. My hunch is after the kitchen is fixed something else will need fixing too. He might be inside your house with your wife on and off for a couple weeks or a couple months…. you might as well send them off on a cruise together. You’d be paying him to date your wife. You absolutely have to backtrack on that offer and refuse to let it happen. (I looked back over my original email, I clearly said “cockblock” him…)
The patting her on the butt thing and cocky and funny thing is fine, but you weren’t really meant to be mentioning him. You want to draw attention to you, not to him. The correct answer when your wife tells you not to hit on her because she is fertile is “oh really / I don’t care / good / is that so” and then pull her to you and make another move on her. Whether or not she lets you or wiggles out from you doesn’t matter, it’s the correct move for you to make and she will like it either way.
I think the situation has passed the level you can “quietly” game her attention back to you. There was the misstep with asking him to work on your house, and if he was screwing with your dog to get her outside that’s pretty much a crossing the line sort of thing. The slip where he wanted you out of the house to measure and then corrected himself is bad as well.
Time to start getting loud about it. Let her know you love her but underline this has got to stop. Then do something with her.