Reader Story: Louie Is A Convert Within Two Months

I always love a good success story. Often they have little nuggets of excellence advice in them too. Here’s Louie’s story…
A couple of months ago I was at wits end with my wife. Our relationship was generally pretty good, but she was shooting down the majority of my sexual approaches. Sex had become a once every two months kind of thing. I tried confronting her about it, but this seemed to accomplish nothing. I briefly considered an ultimatum, but I knew deep down that I was not prepared to actually follow through on it. I love my wife and kids too much to ever blow their world apart like that. You should only give ultimatums when you really mean it.
Since I did not have any better plans, I decided to try an experiment. I knew that my lack of sexual success was probably caused by a lack of sexual value. I have always been a Beta type of guy. I decided to try acting like I was an Alpha for a while and see what happened.
I would walk up to my wife, grab her belt or her waist and pull her in for some kissing.
When she blew up at me over something I would just smile or laugh. I did not take her anger seriously, although I did listen to what she was saying and calmly respond to it.
When she barked an order at me I would say “I would happy to do that if you would ask nicely.”
When she was in a bad mood I make jokes to cheer her up, even if I was the cause of her bad mood.
I was not at all expecting to get away with this. I fully expected her to pull away from my kisses or tell me off. Funny thing though, she seemed to like it this way. I got some confused looks at first, but then she decided to play along.
Now if she barks an order at me, I just have to raise my eyebrows and she smiles and says “Please”.
If I grab her waist and pull her toward me she happily walks into my arms.
I am truly shocked by how successful this was. Two months of simply acting more like an Alpha has had more positive effect on our marriage than 5 years of arguing with her about my needs.
This weekend was the first time in years that my wife complained about how long it has been since we made love. The fact that it didn’t happen (due to a sick kid) is irrelevant. It shows that the pendulum is swinging.
I am a convert.
Louie
So what’s your story?   Send it to Athol(dot)Kay@Gmail(dot)com

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Comments

  1. thequestfor50 says:

    Awesome story, that's great to hear.

  2. Joost says:

    I keep getting a sneaking suspicion that the whole 'alpha' thing isn't so much about showing higher value and dominance but mainly showing that you are able to offer stability (being unfazeable) and positive influences in the life of your partner by reframing negative impulses into positive ones.

    Just showing that you are in control of yourself seems to exert some primal calming effect on others, for which evolutionary biology undoubtedly has some sort of explanation

  3. Anonymous says:

    @Joost:

    I think you're drawing a false distinction based on how other sites treat "alpha." I think showing higher value and dominance goes hand-in-hand with stability and being unfazeable. It boils down to strength, i.e., your capacity to meet a woman's needs, both on a primal/body agenda level and on an immediate level (shoulder to cry on). That, in turn, goes hand-in-hand with "beta," at least as Athol defines it (and not as it's used as an epithet on other PUA blogs).

    In other words: a guy who can stand up to his own woman is a guy who can stand up to the rest of the world to *protect* his woman. And, conversely, a man who acts like a pussy in his own home probably is a pussy vis-a-vis the outside world.

    I think your comment is insightful, but I think things will fall into place once you conceive of alpha/beta and yin/yang.

    -MWE

  4. Louie says:

    This site was an eye opener for me, because it was the first time that I saw someone put forward the idea of a Gamma male who had both the alpha and beta skill sets and could move back and forth between them as needed.

    If all you care about is sleeping with as many women as possible then I suppose you can get away with just being alpha.

    If all you care about is having someone to grow old with, then I suppose that you can get away with just being beta.

    If you want to have a woman in your life who stays with you long term AND puts out on a regular basis then you need both.

    It makes perfect sense to me.

  5. Anonymous says:

    Except I don't think that you *can* be all beta. A woman won't spend the rest of her life with a man she has no interest in screwing.

    -MWE

  6. Athol Kay says:

    Agree with Anon above. If you are all Beta no Alpha, these days you're likely to be forcibly removed to the fringes of her life at some point.

    But also if you're nothing but alpha, you can have a fun time for a while, but no one wants a family with you.

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