According to the Hite Report which I read off my mother’s bookshelf when I was ten or eleven… and by “read” I mean “furiously masturbated to”, only around 30% of women ever experience an orgasm from just stimulation from the penis. That’s lifetime 30% , plus only around a third of those only managing the feat a handful of times.
I forget where I read it, but the essential problem is that the clitoris is located away from the entry to the vagina. So the majority of penile thrusting misses the mark so to speak. If the clitoris is an inch or more away from the vagina, there’s very little chance she will ever have an orgasm from just penile thrusting. In some senses the clitoris is in a stupid location… I mean if I was designing a woman from scratch I would have about ten clitoris’s in a ring around the entry to the vagina and about seventy five inside it. Three firm thrusts and I figure I’d be her deity. But then again you wouldn’t want to accidentally tear it off during childbirth either, so maybe it’s about as close as it can get.
To be sure some nights she’s going to be cool with not orgasming, but she needs to say that before you lube her up and have your fun. Really – some nights they just like having you close and happy without her worrying about hitting the high notes. (Ideally the reason is she is still a little tender from the night before nudge nudge wink wink say no more.)
Otherwise you have to ring her bell. No option on this at all. If she’s expecting orgasm, you really have to try and make that happen. Once or twice missing the goal is fine, it happens, but if it becomes anything like the norm, she will start to detest you.
The problem is that in a real sense for most couples, once the man blows his load, sex is over. He loses his hard on, the oxytocin hits and he starts falling asleep leaving her halfway to nowhere. So the options are simple – use your fingers or your tongue and get her there before you even slip yourself inside her. Or get her 80-90% of the way there and have her climb on you and finish herself off. Go shopping together and find a toy that works for her. But once you get her off as many times as she wants, you get to have your fun.
The real upside is that after orgasm the woman is usually much wetter and more excited about having a cock inside her. Two or three orgasms and they literally start craving being filled. Which by all accounts is more enjoyable for the man to be dealing with than the waves of “hatred and resentment” pulsing from the silent still body beneath them.
And yes. I blame my mother for my filthy filthy mind.