When She Wants A Wedding And Not A Marriage

Be wary of women that want a wedding more than a marriage….

Also be wary of women that don’t even acknowledge that there is even another half of the couple. If she’s shrieking “this is my wedding” at anyone as opposed to saying “it’s our wedding” it means everything is all about her. Plus they intend it to be that way forever.
Also be wary of women that routinely purposefully break the rules of grammar and can’t use proper capitalization etc, note the “i” as opposed to an “I”…
… I suspect it means they do not feel that the rules that apply to everyone else apply to them. Be advised.
Cynical wedding reception DJ choice for the first dance together…


  1. I can't stand it when people are all about the wedding without acknowledging the fact that it's all about family relationships, not more stuff.

    If a woman tries to guilt her parents into spending more than they can afford on her wedding, instead of getting something smaller that she could afford on her own, she will treat her husband no better.

  2. Doubtless you saw this elsewhere:


    Looks like she has found herself a possible victim:


  3. Since marriage is the ultimate team sport, anyone that looks at the wedding as only about themselves will wreak havoc on those around them. Watch any episode of Bridezillas and you will start rooting for the groom to run away. They never do, though. I'm sure they will be reading this blog and others like it, eventually.

  4. Just an idle question for Athol and any gents:

    Would most men prefer to skip weddings entirely? I'm female and we did the courthouse thing, no muss, no fuss. Total cost: around $20.

    We cohabited for a couple years before that and I would have been fine with doing that indefinitely – would most men prefer to go that route and just skip "making it legal?" Not that I regret it, my husband was getting tired of my putting it on hold and I didn't want to lose him.
    Am I just odd?

  5. Anonymous eloper:

    No, you are not odd. I lived with my then girl, now wife, for several years before we married. By then, a formal wedding with trimmings would have embarrassed her, and I've never been one for lots of formal ceremony anyway. So we got a wedding license and "eloped" to a different town a couple of hours drive away, getting married by a judge / justice of the peace. Then we went to a cabin in nearby mountains. Then the next week told our families after the fact.

    In those days, 20 years ago, the average wedding was $10,000. We went to Europe for a month and still didn't spend that much…

  6. In general I'm pro having a wedding, I think it's important to have one if you can. However I'm not a fan of the modern colossal budget blow outs that seem to be everywhere. In the end the wedding is just one day of the relationship. Not even the best day.

  7. rosiewiklund says:

    The wedding was not important to us, but when we got married we still got "weddinged" and because we were so relaxed and thrifty everyone had a great time. I still get calls more than a year later from people telling me we had to best wedding ever, and I'm inclined to agree, but add THAT ISN'T WHAT IS IMPORTANT. Being weddinged was fun, being married is GREAT.

  8. Athol Kay
    In general I'm pro having a wedding, I think it's important to have one if you can.

    I'm the Anonymous above who eloped. Totally agree that a wedding is important, partly because even though I am still not one for ceremony I have come to understand the importance of them in major life events. It is important that a woman can tell the "back of her head" that she's married now, for a whole bunch of reasons. There is social proof involved.

    However I'm not a fan of the modern colossal budget blow outs that seem to be everywhere. In the end the wedding is just one day of the relationship. Not even the best day.

    Women who want the Hollywood-set wedding are clearly interested in getting married. It is not obvious that someone like that is interested in being married, not when they want to expend a lot of capital or credit on one day. If I were talking to a younger man, I would ask him to be careful about women that want big, blowout weddings…the "why" of that would matter. Is it something her family does? Is it something her parents want? Or is she just intent on having a bigger wedding than her sister/cousin/friend?

    Why we do what we do matters, especially on important issues.

  9. Weddings also matter a lot to parents. The function of a wedding is also very much a community acknowledgement of the relationship.

  10. Great post. I wonder how many guys could avoid eventual divorce by looking just at this one question. My guess is a very large percentage of them.

    I did a post a while back on women's expectations in marriage, and it was amazing what the women had to share. And these were women who made their marriages work. But their initial expectations often were bizarre.

    I also agree with you on having a wedding. Having both of you stand in front of God and everyone you know should help reinforce the importance of the promise, at least a little. But no need to bust the bank just so she can be princess for a day.

  11. Myself, my sister-in-law, and one of my best friends all wanted to elope. They had, and I'll be having, rather large weddings to please the husbands and families. Mine is going to be a pricey blowout affair– I'd rather use the money to pay off my student loans, but his parents are giving it to us for the wedding and for the wedding alone, because they want it to be fancy. So… I'm being a good daughter in law.

  12. Discussit says:

    I see this so often in college girls! They love the idea of a wedding and the idea of calling themselves Mrs. XYZ but haven't given much thought to what real life as a married person is like. They don't realize the personal sacrifice and selflessness that marriage takes.

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