Sexy Halloween? Why Not Sexy Whenever?

Halloween is like a green light to flirt as every fertile woman seems to have what amounts to the same costume…

“Sexy (something)”

The costume above is reversible and covers the full range of female personality lol. One likes the Alpha and one likes the Beta. Same girl if you notice though…. there’s a point in there somewhere.
Make a move on her when she’s wearing her costume.
And everything goes on sale tomorrow… no reason you can’t play dress up on days other than October 31st.

Marriage: The Way Forward Is Not The Way Back

“I don’t know if it is just me noticing this or has infidelity become an epidemic out there?”

There were multiple replies all basically saying “oh yes it has”. My answer was a slightly different… here’s the cut and paste with some minor edits…

The answer is that marriage is no longer the finishing line for the sexual marketplace. Once upon a time when you married it was extremely clear that you were being joined together as sexual partners and no one else was allowed in. Men and women all jostled for position to nab the best member of the opposite sex they could, and then settled down for a long life together fairly secure in the idea of being faithful to each other.

Thanks to the copious and serious changes to marriage and divorce law, the current legal definition of marriage is utterly different than the recent historical one. It’s not even clear if there can even be “infidelity” as there’s usually no mention of sexual rights or agreements in the marriage / divorce / adultery laws in most States. There’s usually no definition of sexual “fidelity” in the marriage contract to even fail at. Most people just assume sexual fidelity is a requirement of marriage simply because it used to be. It may be the spirit of the agreement, but it’s not the actual legal agreement.

Likewise most people just assume that marriage is intended to permanent. It’s clearly not intended to be permanent thanks to no fault divorce law, it just may be permanent should both partners maintain interest in staying together. Permanency may be the spirit of the agreement, but it’s not the actual legal agreement being made.

In short nothing your partner says to you either verbally or by wedding vows actually matters in terms of something they can be held to. As we all know on this board, spouses can do utterly heartless cruel things against the intended spirit of their marriage… and it’s all completely legal.

So in our brave new world, the sexual market place never ends. Marriage is merely the beginning of a long round of courtship where both partners need to continue to attract, satisfy, please and actively court the other. Meanwhile others outside the marriage have minimal qualms about jostling their way in, or jostling you totally out.

I’m not saying it can’t be done, just that it’s more work than most people expect. Marriage is always an active commitment.

End quote.

All that being said, obviously there have always been extra pair couplings and the endlessly long partnerships of 50+ years are something fairly new due to longer lifespans. Much of our social change has come from the development of cheap and effective birth control solutions. DNA paternity testing is the next one coming and despite the drama of day time TV simply has not truly impacted society as much as it ultimately will.

I am pro-marriage. By which I mean a serious pair bonded couple setting out to make and raise children, a shared life together, a home together, an alliance of two. Unfortunately the laws on the books regarding this do not always appear to support these goals as well as they could. In this sense marriage sucks.

Whether the laws regarding marriage are good, bad or indifferent, maintaining a long term relationship will always require dedication and ongoing effort. It requires compromise, resilience, creativity and fun. As a single married couple you hold what amounts to trivial control over marriage law, so you must ultimately decide to find your own way together either with the assistance of marriage laws, or despite them.

The marriage of the past is gone, it’s not clear what the marriage of the future will be, but it is inconceivable that men and women will not seek to form sexual unions with each other. It’s our Prime Directive. But the way forward is not the way back.

Nice Guy Trap: Her Orgasm Is Not Your Responsibility

It’s a nice guy trap to think that you are somehow responsible for your wife’s orgasm.
The wife’s orgasms are up to her. It doesn’t mean she has to masturbate after being pumped and dumped on her side of the bed by an oaf of a husband night after night, it means that she can’t just lie there while you expect to magically divine and perform what it takes to get her off.
It used to be common that a woman lied to a man and faked an orgasm to let him think he was a wonderful lover, or simply to have the beast stop doing whatever the hell he was trying to do. Nowadays that’s just silly. The whole Harry Met Sally Orgasm In The Diner thing isn’t classic comedy, it’s epic fail. It’s literally shouting “I’m really skilled at getting myself bad sex that I don’t like”.
If she wants an orgasm she needs to take responsibility for them and say what works and what doesn’t and co-create them with you. If she doesn’t want an orgasm on a particular night, you shouldn’t feel the need to give her one. If she wants three, then work together for that. If she just wants you to have your fun and not try for an orgasm herself then just go for it. If you don’t go for it you’re on some level actually rejecting her sexually. 
Seriously think about that…
She: “Here’s my warm, wet, willing vagina. Have some fun.”
He: “But I don’t feel comfortable about that unless I get you off too. Tomorrow?”
She: “Fine.”
He: (thinks… “why doesn’t she want to have sex with me?”)
So if she doesn’t care about having an orgasm on any given night, you don’t care either.
She needs to hold up her end of the sex life of the marriage rather than you trying to do it all while she is passive. Not many women orgasm through intercourse alone and empowering her to find her way there with you opens up a lot of possibilities and energy into having sex together. More bluntly put, try some exploration of positions where you can be inside her and she can have a finger or two on her clitoris and get herself all the way there rather than the 70% mark….
…she will likely be loud about that.
Well… maybe not quite as loud as Meg Ryan… but then she won’t be overacting when she has an actual orgasm will she.
But coming back to the nice guy trap, too often nice guys want to take on her responsibilities for her. If you end up trying to wrestle this off her in hopes of pleasing her more, you simply won’t do as good a job as she could.
Spend some time figuring out what it is that you want to experience in bed.

Breaking A Sexual Deadlock With A Game Of Dominance And Submission

I want spontaneous, passionate sex and i don’t want to know when it hits. He wants exactly the same and is annoyed by the idea of scheduling, even if it’s “in the next 24 hours”. This makes the whole situation especially tricky.
Then again, I’d rather schedule and not enjoy it that much than stay without. This is the part where we don’t agree. Thing is, it’s hard to get in the mood when you’re “forced into it”.
Well if you both sit around waiting for spontaneous passionate sex you may be in for a long wait. Also both of you have a chink in your armor in terms of an opening for someone outside the marriage to make a move on the other spouse… but you knew that already.
Why not share a small item that symbolizes sexual control, maybe a soft toy, a necklace, a rubber band… whatever it is doesn’t matter. Whoever possesses the locus of control is required to be the one to initiate sex and/or “be in charge” for the next occasion. The other partner without it, may not initiate it and/or must respond to the advance. After sex the one in charge of the control item may elect to either keep it, or give it to the other partner.
You guys sound evenly matched, perhaps this will create a little extra drama and sexual tension, but also keep things moving. There is a slight element of dominance and submission that you can add into the game too. It sounds like you’d both want to be the one pounced on, so unlikely that one person hogs the locus for too long.
Have fun! It’s a game.

Twilight Moms…

I saw this on a bumper sticker…

That’s like a tramp stamp for a car right?
In case you haven’t read Twilight, he’s the cliff notes version to catch you up to the basic plot formula. Note Edwards Alpha and Beta traits lol.

So yeah… anyway… those Twilight Mom bumper stickers… if I was evil I’d run an experiment to test out a hunch about the owners of those cars…
Just sayin’.

Sexy Move: Rough Sex

One of the things that many women like is rough sex. If that makes you squeamish it might make you feel better to think of it as “very firm thrusting sex”. It probably won’t turn you or her on, but it might make you feel better.
In part the enjoyment of rough sex comes from the intensity of the experience. Tons of people go to amusement parks year after year to ride the big roller coasters. By all accounts riding a roller coaster is roughly akin to the physical stresses of getting bump drafted off the Interstate and punching through a badly constructed retaining wall before stopping in someone’s front yard. But in the context of being on a roller coaster, that same physical intensity is experienced as fun. It’s similar during rough sex.
Also there is the element of physical dominance that sexually excites many women. This is fairly well evident by the content of romance novels – the leading male is very likely not a 5’3″ unattached marriage counselor who saves the day with his communication and problem solving skills. I believe “tall dark and handsome” was the criteria the ladies go for, though I suspect that is just girly girl code for “toned buttocks”. There’s the whole sweeping her off her feet thing. The powerless to resist thing. The pull my hair and spank my ass thing. The take me thing. The shut up and just fuck me thing.
Many women fantasize about being forced as a sexual turn on, but in no way wish to be raped in reality.
“Being forced or coerced into a sexual activity is a common theme in sexual fantasy. In particular, some studies have found that women tend to fantasize about being forced or coerced into sex more commonly than men. A 1974 study by Hariton and Singer found that being “overpowered or forced to surrender” was the second most frequent fantasy in their survey; a 1984 study by Knafo and Jaffe ranked being overpowered as their study’s most common fantasy during intercourse; and a 1988 study by Pelletier and Herold found that over half of their female respondents had fantasies of forced sex. Other studies have found the theme, but with lower frequency and popularity. However, these female fantasies in no way imply that the subject desires to be forced into sex in reality—the fantasies often contain romantic images where the woman imagines herself being seduced, and the male that she imagines is desirable. Most importantly, the woman remains in full control of her fantasy. The fantasies do not usually involve the woman getting hurt.”
In short, what many women want is to ride the sexual roller coaster with a partner they are attracted to. They want it fast, firm, strong, exciting, a little scary and seemingly on the edge of out of control, but somehow magically safe and consensual. Maybe not every time, but at least once in a while.
An simple and safe starting point for that is in upping the intensity of the thrusting in the missionary position. Most women very much like the missionary position for the feeling of being pinned under their man already. Man on top is a naturally dominant position already, all we’re doing here is turning up the in and out into a pounding.
Now rather than go into all the little tricks that might work to make it seem rougher or more dominant – like using you knees to spread her legs further apart etc, most guys find there is one huge problem at performing this sort of rougher sex… they come way too fast. It’s terribly anti-climatic to play the whole bad boy I’m gonna pound your pussy routine before sex and then 15-20 seconds into bodies slapping suddenly getting your O face on. It can be just too stimulating to the guy.
For myself I have pretty good control and can do “fairly firm” sex at will. But to aim for a long very rough session at night I usually plan to have an orgasm that morning. The only downside to unloading the gun in the morning is come bedtime I may need a little more stimulation to get the old blood pressure up properly. Though the solutions for that is to simply be a little demanding about her doing stuff to me… stroke it, suck it, get over here on me, like that baby. We usually get her off as much as she likes before intercourse.
After that… buckle up sweetheart.
Also it’s important not to be scared about hurting her. Stopping halfway through to ask “are you okay, am I hurting you?” is going to kill any enjoyment she is getting from being pounded on. If she does get hurt most people say something like “ow!” as a clear sign of distress and you need to back that off immediately. Remember that… “ow!” = bad. Usually it’s because you’ve got your hand on her hair or something though. Otherwise it is extremely doubtful that anything other than mega porn cocks are going to injure the place designed to handle birthing 8 pound babies. She may feel a little tender down there the next day, but that’s usually all part of the appeal. It’s called feeling well fucked. They like that.

Sexy Move: Return The Favor

I’ve said a number of times before that only about 30% of what you try in bed actually works for you. You may get a hot sex tip from a friend that just raves about it, but for you it’s just simply awkward or dull.
As an example Jennifer and I sometimes do a rear entry position where I lie on my back and she lies on her back on top of me. It works for us because she’s petite and I’m far larger and solid. If I was medium sized and she was too, I’d probably just be too crushed under her to enjoy it. As it is my enjoyment of that particular position ends roughly a tenth of a second after I orgasm as my Body Agenda suggests quite firmly to get 120 or so pounds of wife the hell off me so I can breathe.
Likewise we can look at pictures of face to face sex where the woman has her legs thrown up over the man’s shoulders and it looks sexy and hot. However we have tried this and Jennifer simply does not bend that way. Not even close.
So you mess around together and keep trying stuff until you find what works.
However sometimes your partner likes something and you don’t. It’s not so much of a dislike of anything, just not a turn on, so the idea of doing it to your partner may never occur to you.
Personally I don’t care very much for biting. When I was a teenager I had a 9 year old cousin bite me on the forearm and I mean really sink his chompers into my arm and just frakking bite me. I don’t even know why he bit me even, it was very random. As a result I have basically written him off as a human being and never bothered with him again. That’s how not into biting I am.
Anyway over the last few months I’d noticed Jennifer giving me a couple little nips on the neck during playtime. In general I appreciated the passion, but got nothing from them as a turn on. In fact I think I told her to knock it off during a longer session where I racked up several little nips. Do not want.
Last night as an experiment I gave her a little nip… and she did this whole clutch / moan / writhe and sigh routine. So I think she might have liked it. I repeated the experiment a few times and post playtime recap reveals 1-2 little nips good for her, 3+ is a distraction please stop. Which is no problem because biting her isn’t much of a turn on for me, but I don’t mind doing it to turn her on.
So sometimes what your partner does to you is actually what they want to be done to them and turns them on. In any case it’s worth trying it out and seeing if you found something new in the 30% of things that work.
If not… um… suggest you don’t break the skin first time around….

Marital Deja Vu: Haven’t We Have This Fight Before?

Sometimes couples just have a dance they do with each other. The dance is a negative pattern of interactions that just cycle around and around without end. Each knows their lines like they were putting on a play and find themselves performing them on cue.
There’s a hole in the wall that needs fixing…
She nags about fixing it…
Then he yells about the nagging and calls her a bitch…
Then she tells him he’s verbally abusive…
Then he has something to drink…
Then she takes the children to her mothers….
Then he drinks a bit more and punches a new hole in the wall….
Then it all cycles around again a few weeks later.
Now obviously that is a sample of a cycle that is very dramatic for emphasis, most cycles are far less like a Lifetime Movie script. It can be as simple as when we come home we fight about who cooks dinner, then we whine about our day and ignore each other, she watches TV and he reads a book, then she declines his sexual advance if he tries it on and then both fall asleep unhappy.
A simple trick to try when you find yourself in one of these dances together is to do something different, anything different to break the pattern of interaction. Seriously, just anything different.
So if in the dramatic cycle above they are up to the part where she’s calling him verbally abusive, his next move is to start drinking. As long as he does something other than drinking, there’s a decent chance that she won’t haul the kids of to her mothers as a response. He could ;
Walk the dog.
Go for a drive.
Shoot some hoops in the driveway.
Heck even knitting would be better than drinking. Though angry knitting is really for professionals, so maybe stick to something physical like the first four options. Though if you’re driving, don’t drive to a bar, that just defeats the whole point of not drinking in the first place.
So anyway…. “You’re verbally abusive”
“I have no idea how to respond to that right now. We keep doing this shit over and over with each other. Usually right now I would start drinking. I’m going to go walk the dog for a while instead.”
I mean what is she going to tell her mother when she gets there with the kids?
“Oh no is he drinking again?”
“No, he’s walking the fucking dog. I’m so scared mama I think he’s snapped”.
“Hang on he’s texting me. Ah… he wants to take the kids out for ice cream after his walk.”
“Yeeeeeeeeeah… this is kinda awkward.”

Golden Balls

I’ve used the Game Theory (as opposed to Game… er… theories) of Prisoners Dilemma as a framework for understanding husband and wifely interactions. Most particularly as to how the Nice Guy approach can lead to ultimate failure.
Then I spotted a video of this game show on Eve’s Library that has a final round of Prisoners Dilemma. For visual learners it may be very helpful.

Of course in real life, the game is played over multiple rounds and the game show is too. So what happens when they can’t cooperate together and we get to the final round? The punchline is around the 20 second mark lol.

I admit that digging around on YouTube it seems that there were an awful lot of female contestants plugging the Steal option at the end. I suspect that the more dramatic ones made the the uploading to YouTube though.
But a final one… Not All Women Are Like That? Or Fear The Vaginas With The Teeth?

39th Ranked Sex Blogger! Wait, What?

A few months back there was announcement of the annual Top 100 Sex Bloggers that Between My Sheets does every year. On a bit of a lark Dick of Dick and Jane nominated me and I nominated them for the list.

Then I forgot all about it…

… and placed at #39 on the list.

Dick and Jane of course beat me, they placed #37. They do run to a more visual approach shall we say than I do. I do agree with Dick that I have badly hampered my ability to reach the top tier by the lack of naked crotch shots of Jennifer. So that’s something to discuss I guess.

So anyway… I am actually truly surprised and flattered. I’ve read a number of these blogs on the list over the last few years and like a great many of them. I’ve tended to think of myself as a Game blog rather than a Sex blog. Heck I don’t even think I’ve even described a single act of sex Jennifer and I have had. I’ve gone to side boob, but haven’t even pushed it to naked nipples even. But I guess I really must be a sex blog if I’m #39.

So anyway in a giant all purpose cut and paste, he’s the long list of the Top 100 Sex Bloggers. I doubt the majority are safe for work so be advised.

And now, your 2010 Top 100 Sex Bloggers!

  1. (Please see this post)
  2. TBK from The Beautiful Kind
  3. Iona and James from SapioSlut
  4. Quizzical Pussy from Quizzical Pussy
  5. Sadie from Sexie Sadie’s Stories of Seduction
  6. Vixen from Secrets of a Blue-Eyed Vixen
  7. Adrian Colesberry from Adrian’s Blog
  8. EA from Easily Aroused
  9. Guy New York from Quickies in New York
  10. Joan from Better Than I Ever Expected: Sex and Aging
  11. 25 Things from 25 Things About My Sexuality
  12. AAG from AAG Blog
  13. Bad, Bad Girl from BBG Blog
  14. Holden from Packing Vocals
  15. The blogging team at Sex is Fun
  16. Elle from Kink Unleashed
  17. Rachel from Rabbit Write
  18. Clarisse Thorn from Pro-Sex Outreach, Open-Minded Feminism
  19. littlegirlyone from littlegirlyland
  20. Remittance Girl from Remittance Girl
  21. Mistress Arabella from Bombshells & Rockstars
  22. Axe from Unspeakable Axe
  23. Coke Talk from Dear Coke Talk
  24. Jack from Writing Dirty
  25. Kayar Silkenvoice from Silken on Sex
  26. The blogging team at Gentle Nibbles
  27. Sinclair Sexsmith from Sugarbutch Chronicles

  28. Lilly from This Could Be Dangerous
  29. Kit from Blogging Dangerously
  30. Mistress Lilyana from Mistress Lilyana
  31. TitsMcScandal from The Blogging Slave
  32. suggestivetongue from suggestivetongue
  33. Library Vixen from Library Vixen
  34. Oatmeal Girl from Submission & Metaphor
  35. Riff Dog from Ashley and Me
  36. Rockin’ with a Cock In from Light Switch
  37. Dick and Jane from Dick-n-Jane
  38. Shasta from Stiletto Diaries
  39. Athol Kay from Married Man Sex Life
  40. Padme and Anakin from Journey to the Darkside
  41. PrettyPowerTools from Pretty Power Tools
  42. Dark Gracie from Gracie’s Playground
  43. Mollena from The Perverted Negress
  44. The blogging team at Sex in the Public Square
  45. The blogging team at Pop My Cherry Review
  46. Emma and Maymay from Kink on Tap
  47. Dave from Glimpses of Dave
  48. Jake from Facts and Friction
  49. Sylvanus and Mina from At Longing’s End
  50. Lucy from Sexy Blogtime
  51. Ms. Naughty from Ms. Naughty Porn for Women Blog
  52. Wendy Blackheart from Heart Full of Black
  53. Cin from Seeing My Own Reflection
  54. Holly from The Pervocracy
  55. Lady Pandorah from Lady Pandorah’s Sanctuary
  56. Olga Wolstenholme at Cuntlove
  57. Jiz Lee from Jiz Lee
  58. Aubrey from Vagina Drum
  59. Black Pearl from The Filthy Ramblings of a Dirty Girl on Lock
  60. Dallas from Naughty Americans
  61. Jerry Jones from Little Submissions
  62. Sir Zoomer from Vanilla-Xtract
  63. Chantelle from Chantelle Austin International
  64. Gloria from Gloria’s Oversexed Mind
  65. Insatiable Desire from Insatiable Desire
  66. Spring Flower from A Girl’s Gotta Have Options
  67. Epiphora from Hey Epiphora
  68. Wilhemina from Heartbreak Nymphomania
  69. Erin from Let’s Eat Cake
  70. Autumn from The First Day of Autumn
  71. Kyle from Butchtastic
  72. Cheeky Minx from Love Hate Sex Cake
  73. Diva from Debauched Domestic Diva
  74. Femme Fagette from Femme Fagette and Wanton Lotus
  75. Janie from A Hundred Ways to be Perverse in the Library
  76. The Secret Slut from The Secretive Slut
  77. Curvaceous Dee from Curvaceous Dee
  78. Jefferson from One Life, Take Two
  79. Kris from Phone Courtesan and Experience Kris
  80. Lila from ¡Qué sinvergüenza!
  81. Essin’ Em from Essin’ Em
  82. Shon Richards from Erotiterrorist
  83. Violet Blue from Tiny Nibbles
  84. Evey from Voyeur on Display
  85. Miss Mia from Things You Can’t Ask Mom
  86. Coy Pink from No Need to be Coy
  87. Mistress Matisse from Mistress Matisse’s Journal
  88. Audacia Ray from Waking Vixen
  89. That Toy Chick from Desk Full of Dildos
  90. Britni from Oh My God, That Britni’s Shameless
  91. SSS and ? from Sweat Shop Sissy
  92. Ferns from Domme Chronicles
  93. Jerome Nichols from Let’s Talk About Sex
  94. Dreamwalker from Dreamwalker Sadistic Poet
  95. Dr. Petra from Dr. Petra Boynton’s Blog
  96. Viemoira from Cavern of the Beast
  97. Shirley from Reptillian Prostitute
  98. Carrie Ann from A View from the Floor
  99. Sophia St. James from Sophia St. James XXX
  100. YOU! As always that last person on the list is you. Please, please, please leave a comment below promoting your own blog (or the blog of someone you love). Links are welcome, as long as they lead us to a sex-related blog, not a retail website or porn aggregation site.

So anyway, I just gotta bust a move and dance…