Sexy Halloween? Why Not Sexy Whenever?

Halloween is like a green light to flirt as every fertile woman seems to have what amounts to the same costume…

“Sexy (something)”

The costume above is reversible and covers the full range of female personality lol. One likes the Alpha and one likes the Beta. Same girl if you notice though…. there’s a point in there somewhere.
Make a move on her when she’s wearing her costume.
And everything goes on sale tomorrow… no reason you can’t play dress up on days other than October 31st.

Marriage: The Way Forward Is Not The Way Back

“I don’t know if it is just me noticing this or has infidelity become an epidemic out there?”

There were multiple replies all basically saying “oh yes it has”. My answer was a slightly different… here’s the cut and paste with some minor edits…

The answer is that marriage is no longer the finishing line for the sexual marketplace. Once upon a time when you married it was extremely clear that you were being joined together as sexual partners and no one else was allowed in. Men and women all jostled for position to nab the best member of the opposite sex they could, and then settled down for a long life together fairly secure in the idea of being faithful to each other.

Thanks to the copious and serious changes to marriage and divorce law, the current legal definition of marriage is utterly different than the recent historical one. It’s not even clear if there can even be “infidelity” as there’s usually no mention of sexual rights or agreements in the marriage / divorce / adultery laws in most States. There’s usually no definition of sexual “fidelity” in the marriage contract to even fail at. Most people just assume sexual fidelity is a requirement of marriage simply because it used to be. It may be the spirit of the agreement, but it’s not the actual legal agreement.

Likewise most people just assume that marriage is intended to permanent. It’s clearly not intended to be permanent thanks to no fault divorce law, it just may be permanent should both partners maintain interest in staying together. Permanency may be the spirit of the agreement, but it’s not the actual legal agreement being made.

In short nothing your partner says to you either verbally or by wedding vows actually matters in terms of something they can be held to. As we all know on this board, spouses can do utterly heartless cruel things against the intended spirit of their marriage… and it’s all completely legal.

So in our brave new world, the sexual market place never ends. Marriage is merely the beginning of a long round of courtship where both partners need to continue to attract, satisfy, please and actively court the other. Meanwhile others outside the marriage have minimal qualms about jostling their way in, or jostling you totally out.

I’m not saying it can’t be done, just that it’s more work than most people expect. Marriage is always an active commitment.

End quote.

All that being said, obviously there have always been extra pair couplings and the endlessly long partnerships of 50+ years are something fairly new due to longer lifespans. Much of our social change has come from the development of cheap and effective birth control solutions. DNA paternity testing is the next one coming and despite the drama of day time TV simply has not truly impacted society as much as it ultimately will.

I am pro-marriage. By which I mean a serious pair bonded couple setting out to make and raise children, a shared life together, a home together, an alliance of two. Unfortunately the laws on the books regarding this do not always appear to support these goals as well as they could. In this sense marriage sucks.

Whether the laws regarding marriage are good, bad or indifferent, maintaining a long term relationship will always require dedication and ongoing effort. It requires compromise, resilience, creativity and fun. As a single married couple you hold what amounts to trivial control over marriage law, so you must ultimately decide to find your own way together either with the assistance of marriage laws, or despite them.

The marriage of the past is gone, it’s not clear what the marriage of the future will be, but it is inconceivable that men and women will not seek to form sexual unions with each other. It’s our Prime Directive. But the way forward is not the way back.

Nice Guy Trap: Her Orgasm Is Not Your Responsibility

It’s a nice guy trap to think that you are somehow responsible for your wife’s orgasm.
The wife’s orgasms are up to her. It doesn’t mean she has to masturbate after being pumped and dumped on her side of the bed by an oaf of a husband night after night, it means that she can’t just lie there while you expect to magically divine and perform what it takes to get her off.
It used to be common that a woman lied to a man and faked an orgasm to let him think he was a wonderful lover, or simply to have the beast stop doing whatever the hell he was trying to do. Nowadays that’s just silly. The whole Harry Met Sally Orgasm In The Diner thing isn’t classic comedy, it’s epic fail. It’s literally shouting “I’m really skilled at getting myself bad sex that I don’t like”.
If she wants an orgasm she needs to take responsibility for them and say what works and what doesn’t and co-create them with you. If she doesn’t want an orgasm on a particular night, you shouldn’t feel the need to give her one. If she wants three, then work together for that. If she just wants you to have your fun and not try for an orgasm herself then just go for it. If you don’t go for it you’re on some level actually rejecting her sexually. 
Seriously think about that…
She: “Here’s my warm, wet, willing vagina. Have some fun.”
He: “But I don’t feel comfortable about that unless I get you off too. Tomorrow?”
She: “Fine.”
He: (thinks… “why doesn’t she want to have sex with me?”)
So if she doesn’t care about having an orgasm on any given night, you don’t care either.
She needs to hold up her end of the sex life of the marriage rather than you trying to do it all while she is passive. Not many women orgasm through intercourse alone and empowering her to find her way there with you opens up a lot of possibilities and energy into having sex together. More bluntly put, try some exploration of positions where you can be inside her and she can have a finger or two on her clitoris and get herself all the way there rather than the 70% mark….
…she will likely be loud about that.
Well… maybe not quite as loud as Meg Ryan… but then she won’t be overacting when she has an actual orgasm will she.
But coming back to the nice guy trap, too often nice guys want to take on her responsibilities for her. If you end up trying to wrestle this off her in hopes of pleasing her more, you simply won’t do as good a job as she could.
Spend some time figuring out what it is that you want to experience in bed.

Breaking A Sexual Deadlock With A Game Of Dominance And Submission

I want spontaneous, passionate sex and i don’t want to know when it hits. He wants exactly the same and is annoyed by the idea of scheduling, even if it’s “in the next 24 hours”. This makes the whole situation especially tricky.
Then again, I’d rather schedule and not enjoy it that much than stay without. This is the part where we don’t agree. Thing is, it’s hard to get in the mood when you’re “forced into it”.
Well if you both sit around waiting for spontaneous passionate sex you may be in for a long wait. Also both of you have a chink in your armor in terms of an opening for someone outside the marriage to make a move on the other spouse… but you knew that already.
Why not share a small item that symbolizes sexual control, maybe a soft toy, a necklace, a rubber band… whatever it is doesn’t matter. Whoever possesses the locus of control is required to be the one to initiate sex and/or “be in charge” for the next occasion. The other partner without it, may not initiate it and/or must respond to the advance. After sex the one in charge of the control item may elect to either keep it, or give it to the other partner.
You guys sound evenly matched, perhaps this will create a little extra drama and sexual tension, but also keep things moving. There is a slight element of dominance and submission that you can add into the game too. It sounds like you’d both want to be the one pounced on, so unlikely that one person hogs the locus for too long.
Have fun! It’s a game.

Twilight Moms…

I saw this on a bumper sticker…

That’s like a tramp stamp for a car right?
In case you haven’t read Twilight, he’s the cliff notes version to catch you up to the basic plot formula. Note Edwards Alpha and Beta traits lol.

So yeah… anyway… those Twilight Mom bumper stickers… if I was evil I’d run an experiment to test out a hunch about the owners of those cars…
Just sayin’.