I want spontaneous, passionate sex and i don’t want to know when it hits. He wants exactly the same and is annoyed by the idea of scheduling, even if it’s “in the next 24 hours”. This makes the whole situation especially tricky.
Then again, I’d rather schedule and not enjoy it that much than stay without. This is the part where we don’t agree. Thing is, it’s hard to get in the mood when you’re “forced into it”.
Well if you both sit around waiting for spontaneous passionate sex you may be in for a long wait. Also both of you have a chink in your armor in terms of an opening for someone outside the marriage to make a move on the other spouse… but you knew that already.
Why not share a small item that symbolizes sexual control, maybe a soft toy, a necklace, a rubber band… whatever it is doesn’t matter. Whoever possesses the locus of control is required to be the one to initiate sex and/or “be in charge” for the next occasion. The other partner without it, may not initiate it and/or must respond to the advance. After sex the one in charge of the control item may elect to either keep it, or give it to the other partner.
You guys sound evenly matched, perhaps this will create a little extra drama and sexual tension, but also keep things moving. There is a slight element of dominance and submission that you can add into the game too. It sounds like you’d both want to be the one pounced on, so unlikely that one person hogs the locus for too long.