Her Orgasm, Or Not Her Orgasm… What Was The Question?

The Alpha approach is to simply not give a damn about her orgasm or sexual pleasure. It’s simply about getting her to do want you want her to do to maximise your pleasure.
The Beta approach is to do whatever it takes to make her orgasm and be sexually pleased.
With the Alpha approach you can sometimes get into that eyes glazed over zone where…
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  1. Ooohhh no you didn't! Yes, you did…say that. I'm so very disappointed in you, Athol.

    I had two relationships in the past, where not once did I have an orgasm with either man; guess they were King Alphas! Really, I should have insisted they just leave money on the dresser.

    Luckily, I married a man who had healthier attitudes on sex and relationships. But I still remember the pain of being treated like nothing but "a piece of ass" – think I need to go swallow a Xanax and a shot of Scotch to dull the memories!

  2. Anonymous says:

    People differ. My wife doesn't orgasm during sex. It would be nice if she did, but she never does. I don't think she enjoys sex very much. She tolerates it because it leads to a nice cuddle. That is what she mostly wants.

    I have tried a bit of "beta" but it doesn't seem to help. So I suppose I just do "alpha" and fuck her as I please. "Piece of ass" is my approach I suppose.

    I have had a fair few "quickies" and I usually just fuck her as a please. Lately I have been getting her to suck my cock as foreplay.

    I consider myself to be a fairly scrupulous and moral man, but I must be a natural "alpha" in this area, because I have never worried about my approach.

    It is either that, or no sex at all.

    I don't mean our approach is ideal, but some women prefer affection to sex.

    David Collard

  3. Anonymous says:

    I had a previous comment which seems to have failed to arrive. I'll try again.

    Some women don't orgasm during intercourse. My wife doesn't. The latest theory is that this may just be genetic.

    My wife loves affection, but she only (at best) likes sex. What is a man to do?

    Mostly, I take the "alpha" attitude. I have tried "beta", but it just seems to frustrate her. She seems to prefer to be "banged" and I much prefer banging. Some men find it hard to reach orgasm without banging anyway, for physiological reasons. I get my wife to suck my cock for foreplay, but I am never in any danger of ejaculating because I need the force involved in intercourse. The rebound. There are articles on the Internet that discuss this.

    If men are going to have sex with their wives, some will have to take the alpha road. Women should also realise that men's performance is not assured, and having to jump through a whole lot of beta hoops might be self-defeating.

    David Collard

  4. This one is so tricky. Getting in a rut, either way, is really easy. If it leads to boring sex for her, it leads to a diminished life for me with her. Everything has consequences. The only thing I am sure is that when I am nailing it right for a while, she is easier to handle, live with, and love.

    The question I have is, isn't it usually a roll of the dice? There are hints, but when she goes quiet and leaves you to read her mind, not even giving you cues (a sh*t test?), what then? I just roll, usually more alpha if I don't want to deal with her, a bit more beta if I want to engage her, but I wish there was a way to be more sure.

  5. Athol Kay says:

    Ya commenting is weird these days David. It thought you were spam.

    Cat Lady – you're making my point for me! I said you have to be able to have ability to run both approaches in your toolbox. Nothing but Alpha and not caring about her orgasm is going to piss her off eventually… just as you said.

    Too many men hold back emotionally and physically during sex. Quiet restrained ejaculations do not excite most women. I don't believe I've ever done anything to Jennifer that would have caused PSTD memories.

    Doom – if is a little tricky to know which one. Personally I think you just throw it back on her as to what she wants. Usually I ask Jennifer what she is up for each night. Her orgasms are ultimately for her benefit and not mine.

    So if it's an Alpha night or a Beta night I don't usually care one way or the other what it is. If she has no opinion I just choose the one I'd prefer.

  6. Anonymous says:

    Yes. Cat Lady, remember that your orgasms are up to you; they're ultimately not the responsibility of your mate. Obviously the guy has to show some interest, but if he's all beta all the time, I promise you will be just as disappointed in the long run.


  7. Maria Barbos says:

    Bill that's garbage. Do you mean a woman should use a vibrator to have an orgasm and let let her man use her vagina to have his orgasm? You are not having sex. No woman will sustain a sexual relationship with a man who has no skills. Your alpha male stance does not work and you should not mislead men into thinking that it works.

    These are the men whose wives feel that they are being used for sex and will not have sex with their hubbys. So why give such bad advice? Smart men know not to follow this advice. If a woman is responsible for her own orgasm what does she need a man for. Easier to get a vibrator than to be frustrated watching a man use your orgasm for his orgasms.

    I have better advice for men who are sexually frustrated – learn everything you can about female sexuality and become a skilled lover.

    I think Bill posed the question – why should a man have to jump through hoops to have sex. Because men can orgasm more easily that women and no woman is going to continue having sex if the man gets all of the orgasms. All relationships are an exchange of satisfactions, you can accept the hoops that are imposed by the nature of female sexuality or engage in male sexuality which will confined o much fun with your hand and pity sex a few times a year.

  8. I think you misunderstand Maria. I've said the same thing about the woman's orgasms being up to the woman. It doesn't mean she has to masturbate, it means that she can't just lie there and expect the man to magically divine and perform what it takes to get her off.

    It used to be common that a woman lied to a man and faked an orgasm to let him think he was a wonderful lover. Nowdays that's just silly. If she wants an orgasm she needs to take responsiblity for them and say what works and what doesn't and co-create them with her man. If she doesn't want an orgasm on a particular night, he shouldn't feel the need to give her one. If she wants three, then work for that.

    Basically she needs to hold up her end of the sex life of the marriage rather than expect the man to do it all while she is passive.

  9. Anonymous says:

    My wife tends toward sexually submissive side so I do take responsibility for making sure she orgasms more than enough.

  10. "Her orgasm"? What is that? Sounds German…

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