Reader Story: Shower Time

I love the reader stories emailed to me. Even if they aren’t completely sure I helped lol…
Hey Athol,
I’ve been reading your blog for a couple of weeks now and even though I’m not completely sure it helped me I do enjoy reading your posts, so keep up the good work.
I just thought I’d share my little story with you in case you should see fit to use it in some way:
I’ve been married to my wife for 2.5 years now and been together for about 6 years, so I suppose we are a relatively young couple. Our relationship started out with an incredible amount of sex. I used to be able to go for hours without having an orgasm and so we were at it every night for a good while before things started to slow down a bit. We were living in Scotland at the time and decided to move to my wife’s home country: Finland. Because of the language barrier and the financial difficulties we knew we’d face we moved in with her parents. You can just imagine what that did for our sex life. I think it was reduced to once every 2 or 3 weeks, if even that. We lived there for about 4 years until we moved into our own house. Unfortunately our sex life didn’t really pick up much. My wife is slightly overweight and has a lot of trouble shedding the extra weight so I kind of figured it was due to her poor self-image. (This is something I would love to hear your view on by the way: How self-image influences sex-drive etc.)
Long story short, our sex-life was at a low and the worst was this summer. My wife went back to Scotland for 6 weeks to study. I don’t believe we even had any sex before she left, but I’m not sure. We both have full-time jobs, but we also have a small side-business of renting out chair-covers for weddings. Basically we need to wash and iron them between every gig. This summer was turning out to be one of our busiest yet and I had a sneaking suspicion she wasn’t going to make any arrangements for while she was gone. And in fact she dumped the whole thing on me. Washing and ironing pretty much made up my whole summer, while she was off having fun. I was fuming. My philosophy is “If you don’t have anything good to say, don’t say anything at all” and so I ground my teeth. Some comments did manage to slip through and she did seem very sorry, but it did very little to my mindset. I went to join her in Scotland for a little over a week after she’d been gone for 2 weeks. During that time I tried initiating sex once, during which she decided to be very interested in a submarine movie. My wife is slightly claustrophobic and the mere thought of a submarine gives her the willies (and not the good kind). I persisted and eventually got my way, but the whole incident stuck with me.
I think the combination of having all that work dumped on me together with that incident made me into a boiling kettle of angry emotions. At some point I decided that I would not initiate sex and see how long it would take her to do so instead. After reading your blog I think this anger gave me a more Alpha-ish attitude of the sort “I do what I want and I’m not too interested in what you do”. Which is not to say I was unpleasant or unkind in any way. 2 Months had gone by without anything happening. Then last Monday we were both in the shower (our shower is basically a 2mx2m room with 2 shower heads attached to a wall) she walked in just as I was finishing my shower. I thought she could have the shower I was using so she wouldn’t have to wait for the water warm up. I crooked my finger at her and put a wet one on her lips while I pulled her under the warm shower. I got visibly aroused by our naked bodies rubbing and kissing together under a warm stream of water, but after the kiss was over I simply walked away to continue my morning routine. As I took my towel I noticed she was crooking a finger at me and I obliged. I don’t need to tell you the rest of the story, suffice it to say it was a very good morning. During the rest of this week I’ve only had to show mild signs of interest for her to be an obviously willing participant. So a bit of Alpha seemed to have done the trick.
Hope you enjoyed it.
Loved it!
So what’s your story? Email me at   Athol(dot)Kay@Gmail(dot)Com


  1. Woohoo, I've been published! Now where's the big bucks? :)

    Just noticed a mistake in my email to you Athol: "(This is something I would love to hear your view on by the way: How self-image influences self-drive etc.)"

    Obviously I meant what it does to SEX-drive. :)


  2. Athol Kay says:


    Ah the big bucks, these are elusive critters aren't they.

  3. Anonymous says:

    Advice: "If you can't say something nice, say nothing" is no way to communicate in a relationship. Say the not-nice thing openly and respectfully.
    Better yet, if you run a business together and both know you have a washing requirement, why not mention your concerns about that washing requirement leading up to the trip, and make some suggestions for lightening the workload? Surely you didn't just passively stand back and wait for her to mention the problem – maybe she took your silence about it as a lack of objection to doing it all without help.

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