Sexy Move: Rough Sex

One of the things that many women like is rough sex. If that makes you squeamish it might make you feel better to think of it as “very firm thrusting sex”. It probably won’t turn you or her on, but it might make you feel better.
In part the enjoyment of rough sex comes from the intensity of the experience. Tons of people go to amusement parks year after year to ride the big roller coasters. By all accounts riding a roller coaster is roughly akin to the physical stresses of getting bump drafted off the Interstate and punching through a badly constructed retaining wall before stopping in someone’s front yard. But in the context of being on a roller coaster, that same physical intensity is experienced as fun. It’s similar during rough sex.
Also there is the element of physical dominance that sexually excites many women. This is fairly well evident by the content of romance novels – the leading male is very likely not a 5’3″ unattached marriage counselor who saves the day with his communication and problem solving skills. I believe “tall dark and handsome” was the criteria the ladies go for, though I suspect that is just girly girl code for “toned buttocks”. There’s the whole sweeping her off her feet thing. The powerless to resist thing. The pull my hair and spank my ass thing. The take me thing. The shut up and just fuck me thing.
Many women fantasize about being forced as a sexual turn on, but in no way wish to be raped in reality.
“Being forced or coerced into a sexual activity is a common theme in sexual fantasy. In particular, some studies have found that women tend to fantasize about being forced or coerced into sex more commonly than men. A 1974 study by Hariton and Singer found that being “overpowered or forced to surrender” was the second most frequent fantasy in their survey; a 1984 study by Knafo and Jaffe ranked being overpowered as their study’s most common fantasy during intercourse; and a 1988 study by Pelletier and Herold found that over half of their female respondents had fantasies of forced sex. Other studies have found the theme, but with lower frequency and popularity. However, these female fantasies in no way imply that the subject desires to be forced into sex in reality—the fantasies often contain romantic images where the woman imagines herself being seduced, and the male that she imagines is desirable. Most importantly, the woman remains in full control of her fantasy. The fantasies do not usually involve the woman getting hurt.”
In short, what many women want is to ride the sexual roller coaster with a partner they are attracted to. They want it fast, firm, strong, exciting, a little scary and seemingly on the edge of out of control, but somehow magically safe and consensual. Maybe not every time, but at least once in a while.
An simple and safe starting point for that is in upping the intensity of the thrusting in the missionary position. Most women very much like the missionary position for the feeling of being pinned under their man already. Man on top is a naturally dominant position already, all we’re doing here is turning up the in and out into a pounding.
Now rather than go into all the little tricks that might work to make it seem rougher or more dominant – like using you knees to spread her legs further apart etc, most guys find there is one huge problem at performing this sort of rougher sex… they come way too fast. It’s terribly anti-climatic to play the whole bad boy I’m gonna pound your pussy routine before sex and then 15-20 seconds into bodies slapping suddenly getting your O face on. It can be just too stimulating to the guy.
For myself I have pretty good control and can do “fairly firm” sex at will. But to aim for a long very rough session at night I usually plan to have an orgasm that morning. The only downside to unloading the gun in the morning is come bedtime I may need a little more stimulation to get the old blood pressure up properly. Though the solutions for that is to simply be a little demanding about her doing stuff to me… stroke it, suck it, get over here on me, like that baby. We usually get her off as much as she likes before intercourse.
After that… buckle up sweetheart.
Also it’s important not to be scared about hurting her. Stopping halfway through to ask “are you okay, am I hurting you?” is going to kill any enjoyment she is getting from being pounded on. If she does get hurt most people say something like “ow!” as a clear sign of distress and you need to back that off immediately. Remember that… “ow!” = bad. Usually it’s because you’ve got your hand on her hair or something though. Otherwise it is extremely doubtful that anything other than mega porn cocks are going to injure the place designed to handle birthing 8 pound babies. She may feel a little tender down there the next day, but that’s usually all part of the appeal. It’s called feeling well fucked. They like that.

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Comments

  1. Anonymous says:

    This post pretty much sums it up. My wife likes the rough stuff a couple of times per week, but unless I've emptied the tank a couple of times recently it just doesn't work. I deliver the goods in under a minute, and she is underwhelmed.

    We do find that on nights where she just wants a quickie, she totally appreciates the speed, and enjoys the thirty seconds a lot more to boot.

    I also find that if she's had an orgasm and I'm pounding her from behind it's like heaven for her. There's no place she'd rather be.

  2. Anonymous says:

    I get rough sex every single time, at least 3 times a week. I think the boyfriend knows what he's doing!!

  3. Xander says:

    Climax too quickly vs. have trouble getting aroused. This is indeed the dilemma.

    You can fix this in part by practice-masturbating. Seriously: take a stopwatch and time yourself. Bring yourself close to climax several times without climaxing. Do it for ten minutes. Go for a run and be in shape the next day.

    Also, sometimes it's just fine to have rough-but-quick sex. If you can't fulfill your girl's need for climx and roughness at the same time, you can fulfill those needs alternately. Besides, having rough, selfish sex makes a woman feel desired, if used sparingly.

  4. Anonymous says:

    How did you and your wife handle the rough stuff when she was pregnant? My husband doesn't want to be rough with me anymore since I'm in the 3rd trimester and sporting a big belly. In fact he seems to not want to have sex much at all these days, for fear of hurting the baby.

  5. Athol Kay says:

    We didn't have rough sex during her pregnancies. For the most part this is something we've added to the schedule in the last few years.

    Quickees are good if she wants that. If she wants longer then the minute man deal is just annoying and disappointing.

  6. Anonymous says:

    if you add "anal" to "rough", you've got me right there.

  7. Anonymous says:

    As I have said before, some men can really only climax with "rough sex". Rough sex is normal sex for me. I don't think my wife minds, although she did say recently, "I am being pounded, and it hurts". But she never seems upset afterwards.

    I have tried gentler sex, over a long marriage, on a number of occasions but it just doesn't seem to work for either of us.

    Rough sex seems to lend itself naturally to other dominant expressions, such as getting the woman to lift her legs high or wide. And missionary is the natural position for "rough sex".

    As for the psychology of missionary for women, I was amused to see that even the PC Wikipedia admits that women like to feel pinned down by their men.

    I am not always dominating in real life, but in the bedroom I don't seem to have another style than dominating.

    David Collard

  8. Anonymous says:

    As for pulling hair and spanking, when I do the latter it turns her on, but I have never pulled her hair. For two reasons, 1) I never really thought of it and 2) she has always had short hair.

    David Collard

  9. Anonymous says:

    One further thought and word of warning. My wife is not very vocal during sex. She doesn't do that girly, moaning thing women are supposed to do. She tends to the stoical. Sometimes I think she may be "lying back and thinking of Australia". So I am never quite sure if I am in fact hurting her. I tend to assume she would let me know, if only afterwards. She seems fine afterwards, so I assume all is well.

    Just be careful – some women aren't necessarily going to let you know if it hurts.

    David Collard

  10. Athol Kay says:

    David – I think the girl moaning thing is in part a perception from porn. Most people don't groan and moan through things they enjoy. Just tell her if she's not wanting something that's happening she needs to say something.

  11. Anonymous says:

    Ayn Rand was right about the dominance preference. Instead of respect- she mainly got s&m jokes…

  12. Anonymous says:

    I find that getting my girl good and wet, I can last longer doing the rough thing. Luckily that's a positive feedback loop :)

  13. Anonymous says:

    Rougher sex is key to making a woman come during sex IMO. My wife is very vocal and loves to let it all out during sex as a primal release.

    On lasting longer that will come with more experience and age. I can go as hard and long as I need to now in my 40s. I can make her come more than I ever thought possible. Women have an incredible multi orgasmic ability. If rougher sex makes you come quicker then just finish that way. Over time you'll build up more endurance.

    Also add in other dominant moves like moving her body, pinning her, blindfolds etc.

  14. Anonymous says:

    Actually, you hit on something very important that most women don't even know about themselves. Being taken from behind after a good orgasm is the best sensation in the world. It almost feels like one never-ending orgasm the whole time. At that point, a woman is almost completely compliant and just happy to be part of the team! lol!

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