A brilliant comment left on Orgasm Self Control And Rough Sex by Confidunce. He did have a blog up, but it appears to have vanished when I went to link to it. This is an important comment in that it also sums up a large part of what I’m trying to do here. My blog isn’t for everyone, and what I advocate isn’t going to work for everyone, but for a decent sized group of people it might just save your marriage. Obviously I want to make some money on this work eventually, but it’s meant to be a win-win proposition for me and the reader.
I definitely got into the Nice Guy / beta spiral with my ex-wife. I didn’t learn until after the divorce about Game, and it kills me. I think it might have saved my marriage.
I stumbled across some emails I wrote her a couple of years ago while searching for an old email at work. It was when we were going through a rough patch (i.e., the marriage), and it was full of “Darling” this and “Baby” that. It made me sick — I nearly caught diabetes from the over-sweetness — but I was basically begging her to quit with the constant negativity and disdain she had for me. I had no idea that I was making it so much worse. How could she respect me as a man — i.e., someone who could protect her and our future children from evildoers — if I couldn’t stand up to her? I honestly think a little bit of firm but controlled anger, and the withdrawal of affection, would have been far more effective than redoubled efforts at affection and sweetness. I thought I was demonstrating strength by showing off my capacity to take whatever she threw at me. But what I was really doing was not defending myself and not demanding that she act like a good wife to me. By the time she left, she had no respect for me as a man, and thus our sex life was dead. And we’re in our late-20’s.
People reading this will react that Barbara was a bitch, and that’s probably true. But my extreme situation illustrates perfectly the theory David is expounding now. Chasing after a woman with increased sweetness in the face of coldness is pathetic. It’s weak and un-manly. And women are attracted to… men.
It’s easy to judge game as manipulative and misogynistic based on other blogs out there. And just like anything else (religion springs to mind), if taken to extremes it can be quite poisonous. But it works.
The proof is in the pudding.
It really must be be a horrible roller coaster feeling in the pit of your stomach to figure out what you did wrong after the divorce is final. And it’s not that hard to fix things and turn it around from “blahs” to “good” as long as it hasn’t faltered into cheating or she is already start reaching for the divorce card. Even then it’s still possible.
If you know someone that looks like he’s walking the road in the wrong direction and risking it all, tell them about what I’m doing here. And thank you so much for your comment Confidunce.
(And change your moniker! Don’t define yourself based on a failure in the past.)