Reader Story: You Can Ring My Bell

The picture of the gift!

Some reader email…

Hi Athol,
I just to drop you a quick line to say thanks once again for your excellent blog. Since I last emailed you, things have continued to improve with sex being more regular, my wife being more attentive and me moving more into an alpha role whilst retaining some beta qualities with us having a young family and both of us working long hours.
Anyway, although it appeared to me that things were moving in the right direction, it was still just an overall impression until I got a smack-you-in-the-face sign on xmas day that things were definitely moving in the right direction. My wife got me an additional present which she gave me whilst we were in bed on xmas night, and it certainly works, I’m three for three so far!
Thanks buddy, you’re a star!
And then…
Cheers matey, call me Mel, and for the record, since I emailed you, it’s 4 for 4, seems she likes ringing the bell as well!
Bearing in mind that this was a Christmas gift and it’s only the morning of December 28th… 4 for 4 means… well you do the math.

Status Report…

I’m off work for a few days and really have to step away from the Internet for a little bit. Blogging is great fun, but it sure can suck up your day if you let it. I’m still around, just posting will likely be light until New Years.
I started Married Man Sex Life back on 1/1/2010, so I’m almost to the one year mark. It’s been a very pleasing first year with making some new friends and I’m at around 221,000 visitors for the year, plus the 630 or so following by the feed as well. I turned 40 this year and the blog is just finishing out the first of my assumed two years to “get it up to zero” where I break even in terms of time spent a year from now. This is all part of a ten year plan towards what I want to be doing at age 50.
As a rough guess I probably significantly helped 30-40 marriages this year. By which I mean potential divorce was averted and kids get to grow up in an intact family. No doubt not everyone that reads has their marriage turned around and some readers are still single, but probably another 30-40 people benefited from either not making a significant relationship mistake or limited the damage from a relationship fallout. I don’t really have stats to back this hunch up, but I’ve had email contact with over a hundred readers, sometimes with dozens of exchanges this year. So hunch or not, I’m very proud of what I’ve done this year.
In writing this blog I’ve “put myself out there” and for better or worse Google won’t forget. I’ve also put Jennifer out there by default as well, which is why before I started I asked her permission to start writing the blog. I’m very glad that she agreed and her support through the year has been wonderful. The process of writing things out has bought us closer together as a couple and for me this has been the most enjoyable year of our marriage.
It was also a very bad year. My real job has been difficult essentially all year and I’m starting to believe my job description is what the movie WALL-E was based on. My Dad died. I stopped writing my book to go visit him, but then I lost momentum and he died before I could get it all together again. I think I did the right thing going to see him, but I wish I had worked harder and had him hold it before he died.
And the damn book…  I’m an INTP so it’s amazing I can even finish a blog post some days. I’m still working on it I promise. All this helping people is nice, it really is, but I need a paycheck from this at the end of the day as well. Hence obvious need for a book.
So there we go. I’m a real person, having a real marriage and a real life.  This is a real blog, with a real strategy for making your sex life better, that really works. There are no tricks, no scams, no lies about what you need to pay me to learn this stuff. And I really do get laid around 340 times a year by Jennifer. I have a controversial “in you, or on your” policy when it comes to ejaculations and she’s sweet to me to comply to my demands.
I love her.

Mr. Bean’s Christmas

What’s Christmas without watching Mr. Bean’s Christmas?

There’s also perhaps a cautionary tale in there about what a girlfriend really wants for Christmas…

When A Woman Suddenly Loses A Ton Of Weight

Losing weight is hard work. Most people struggle with it for years and years with minimal progress.
However when you see a woman suddenly start making tremendous weight loss progress, seemingly out of the blue, regard that as a very serious marker that “something” is up.
The weight loss can be for very good reasons – a doctor scared her straight about the oncoming diabetes and she got her crap together finally. Maybe you lost weight and she’s following your weight loss with her own.
The weight loss can be for very bad reasons – she’s fed the hell up with you and has decided to get herself in shape to shop for a better man. Or there’s already a different man in mind that she’s getting in shape for.
The worst thing to do as a husband is simply watch this weight loss happening right in front of your face for 6-12 months and simply assume she’s “just doing something for herself” and enjoy having her become more sexy. You have to make a determination fairly early on as to what her goals are. If it’s for “shopping for a better man”, then you need to get your stuff together asap and make yourself sexier too.
But if you are both 6’s and she spends a year turning herself into 8 while you stay a 6, you’re pretty much screwed. Specially if you keep bragging to your friends about how your wife is getting so sexy these days…

Don’t Be A White Knight, Be A Horny Knight

Periodically women get into a spot of bother and can very much appreciate a spot of rescue.
My thought is that it’s a fairly natural reaction to just swoop in and save them. After all that’s what fairy tales are all about, the dashing white knight rescuing the damsel in distress and living happily ever after.
But like the old female advice to “don’t give the milk away for free or no one will buy the cow“…
Buy Me!

Wives With Baby Strollers

I was at huge party at bowling alley a little while back and I saw two different women trying to thread their way through the melee pushing baby strollers. They both looked new mom stressed with the stroller wheels constantly catching on chair legs. In thick crowds no one looks down, so basically everyone was clueless to the infants behind them. Half a dozen times people backed into the strollers or simply jostled the poor women as they tried to get through.
In both cases,  walking behind the wives… were their husbands.
Correct protocol is to walk in front of your stroller pushing wife and using your all purpose protective menace create an invisible shield around them both and guide the crowd out of the way. The family stick on your tail and follow you through.
Helpful is using a firm voice and saying something like, “baby coming through”. Most people automatically move out of the way. You don’t ask politely, you just announce it. Also being a male you are probably taller and look a greater threat than your wife, so you automatically get a better dominant profile to get people to move out of your way. You’re definitely taller than a stroller so people can see you better.
Jennifer and I do this sort of thing in thick crowds even without a stroller. I’m tall so can see where the gaps are, she just sticks close behind me as I pick a way through. The best way to do this sort of thing is to look at her directly in the eye and using your best Arnold Schwarzenegger voice say, “come with me if you want to live”. Then just grab her hand and start pulling her through the crowd.
It’s perhaps a little much for the grocery store on Saturday morning though.

Men Are Incapable Of Lying After Orgasm…

I’m in a fairly new relationship and my guy was joking (I think) that in the couple of minutes immediately after orgasm, a guy is incapable of lying. So he says I should use that opportunity to ask him anything.
First, could this actually be true? Like I said, I’m pretty sure he’s just kidding around but it got me wondering…
Second, if you could ask your SO one question and they HAD to answer honestly, what would it be? Doesn’t have to be anything too deep, something silly is good too.
Why the hell would it be true?
Oh hang on….
Buy Me!

Fried Tofu Explain Yourself

So we had our Nursing Christmas party / December staff meeting at a restaurant called “It’s Only Natural”It sounded good to me because I’m just fine with natural foods. If things get too processed they just aren’t all that nice and half the chain restaurants load up everything with MSG anyway which… well, lets just say my body has a well established violent protocol for MSG exposure. So I’m excited about the party…
… and I get there and it’s frakking vegetarian bordering on vegan.
Do. Not. Want.
Buy Me!

Sshhhhhhhhh…. Be Vewy Vewy Quiet. Quenifer Is Sweeping..

Awwww… she’s all tired out on a Friday night and napping on the couch. I’m going to sneak into the kitchen and cook dinner. You can watch but you have to be quiet.
Ok so we have that horrible “by Friday the fridge is trashed” thing. There’s something from the weekend that I just toss out. There’s a bunch of chicken legs that I breaded and roasted a couple nights back and a spring roll.
Plan B. Order food. Where’s the menu for China Kitchen? I keep searching and no joy. I don’t have the number in my phone because we always have a menu lying around. Maybe Jennifer has the number in her phone…
I look at Jennifer and try and figure out how to fish her phone out of her pocket without waking her up. I come up with three ideas but they all involve chloroform and the element of surprise, so I decide against it.
Seriously how can I NOT find a menu to China Kitchen?
Plan C. Open the fridge again and find completely different food in the fridge and have that for dinner instead. There’s a bunch of chicken legs that I breaded and roasted a couple nights back and a spring roll.
Hang on…
I boil some rice up and start slicing and dicing the chicken off the bone. There’s a fair pile of chicken diced up and that all goes into a fry pan with some oil and gets to frying up. Drain off the rice and add that to the fry pan as well.
Then I sliced up the spring roll and added it to the pan. A happy cascade of Chinese style vegetables and crunchy batter join into the chicken and rice. It’s so ridiculously easy and is utterly perfect in combination. A little sprinkle of soy sauce and a minute or two more and it’s done. So easy, so good. We will be doing this one again.
About halfway through the proceedings Sleeping Beauty stumbled out into the kitchen and mumbles that she was going to cook and offers to take over. She gets a kiss and a cuddle and I tell her to save her strength with a gentle push out of my kitchen…

The Splinter Of Mistrust And The Quest For 50

Learning about Game and what makes affairs tick can drive you a little crazy. Just reading the stories of pick up guys talking about discovering who she really put out for while she closed up shop for them can be quite eye opening. The stuff I read on the Talk About Marriage forums have an even greater degree of chaos and drama. What people can put their spouses through is appalling.
The truth is I’ve just found myself trusting Jennifer less. She hasn’t done anything weird or odd. I just have a compulsion to GPS tag her car, tap her phone, keylogger her computer and somehow staple a spy camera to her vagina. You know, just to be sure. Trust but verify.
For the most part I’ve been a quite dependable…
Buy Me!