Archives for December 2010
“My wife doesn’t initiate sex like I want her to”.
Generally initiating sex is a more Alpha Male trait. You’re expecting her to react and think the same way you do. Women tend towards submissiveness in comparison to men and respond to sexual advances rather than initiate them.
I mean if she felt neglected emotionally because you didn’t initiate trips to the mall with her, that would be silly right? You might happily go to the mall with her, but you probably don’t float the idea to go yourself.
So just don’t worry about, it really doesn’t mean as much as you might think it does.
If you haven’t tried having rough / very firm / hard sex with your wife, try a little experiment.
The next time you have sex, without particularly asking permission or announcing your intention, just pound her harder than usual. You can get her off first by fingers or tongue as the curtain raiser, but once it’s P in V time, just climb on top of her and go hard at it. Don’t worry about whether or not she will like it or will orgasm, don’t worry about how perfect your orgasm will be this time. All you’re testing out is how she responds to getting vigorously screwed. You can work on the finer points later.
If you’re worried about really injuring her relax a little. Vaginas are pretty solid things, they are after all designed to have 8 pound babies push out of there. Unless you have some sort of porn stunt cock, it’s not really possible to really injure her if you have enough lubrication down there. You cock is going to break before a vagina does. So give going rough a trial.
If she likes it, a good sign is her being unusually cuddly after sex. Another thing to look for is what is she like the next day? Happier? Doting on you? Smiling at you more? She cooked you a favorite meal? She made not even realize she liked it as much as she did.
Several years back I started trying rough sex on Jennifer. The first few times I tried really pounding Jennifer hard I was extremely nervous about it. It really didn’t seem a very nice way to treat someone and I honestly expected a negative reaction. I only starting thinking about doing it based on coming across a few things I read saying women liked it. But even though I felt emotionally awkwardly for doing it to her, I tried it anyway. I was quite surprised to find that my sweet shy naive polite quiet wife lapped it up like the head cheerleader. Plus instead of our usual post coital routine of me snuggling into her, she snuggled into me every time I tried it. Not once or twice… every time. The next day she would be just all giggly and a little silly with me. Huh… who knew.
So even though I was surprised by her reaction and I felt uncomfortable doing it, I knew enough to recognize that she did in fact like it. Over time I grew less worried by it and started really enjoying her reaction to it. It’s still not my favorite sort of sex, but I do enjoy it and she really likes it so it’s on the menu. It’s not the whole menu by any means, but it’s a reasonably frequent choice for us.
So give it a trial run if you haven’t already. She may just like it. And if you haven’t talked about a safeword, consider “ow!” the safeword for now.
I have a lot of female readers and some of them just love what I’m saying on the blog. And by love me I mean they get a little moist down below and they want their husbands to magically transform into the alpha beta hybrid I suggest. Then they throw this blog under their husband’s nose and generally beg him to start making changes.
It’s usually just a way of nagging him. Why won’t you go do this for me? Why can’t you just do that? I need you to blah blah blah. Why don’t you read Married Man Sex Life like I ask you to wah wah wah, Athol Kay is a very smart man and I chew through C batteries just thinking about him and if you did just some of what he said I might be happy in this relationship it’s all so easy he spells it out like a road map and you won’t ask for directions and I’m starting to think my mother was right about you and I’m not attracted to you anymore and you’re breaking my heart with all this.
So how is that working for you ladies?
It’s not working at all, is it.
So here’s my question to the wives that want the changes in their husband towards my alpha / beta hybrid.
Are you even reading the blog yourself?
Maybe you are the one that needs to learn the message of my blog.
You can’t really change him.
You can change you, and that change in you can cause changes in him.
Your relationship is becoming increasingly intolerable and you are talking to him about that, but you are taking no real action that makes it seem like the relationship really is becoming intolerable.
If your relationship was becoming really intolerable, you would be taking some kind of action towards addressing that which you find intolerable. Failing a positive response to what you addressed, then creating an exit plan to leave the relationship.
As an example – if the lack of him helping with chores was really intolerable like you say it is, you wouldn’t just follow him around the house bitching about it (talking) and still cleaning up after him (action). Your action is saying “it’s tolerable”. At some point you have to stop enabling the entire situation by your actions, and simply let whatever he didn’t do just pile up in a heap. That action says “I’m not going to do your work for you”.
You threatening divorce and yelling is just talk. You suddenly losing 30 pounds, dressing better and just starting to go to a mysterious place called “out”… that’s action.
Sending your husband to the blog is a good idea when he needs ideas, understanding and confidence. But if he already knows what he should be doing and the blog is just a secondary nagging system, it’s really not going to help.
It’s Wednesday… and Wednesday night is the night we make love…
When it comes down to it a lot of what is sexy is just having energy and feeling good. If there’s anything that you can easily do to improve your energy and mood, then you may as well do it. We all can feel that attractive vibe from people that just look energetic and happy. Likewise we get repulsion from the Debbie Downers of the world.
If you’ve been following the very loose plot on the blog, I’ve had several family and work crises slamming on me over this year. Some of that has resulted in some basic self neglect in my own upkeep. Working out had kinda gone by the way side and my clothing was stalled out as well – the plan was to go down a size, but the working out had stalled, so my clothes just got older and ratty waiting for exercise to resume.
So my solution was somewhat of a transitional wardrobe upgrade as I hit the stores on Wednesday. All the socks and underwear replaced, couple new pairs of jeans, several thermal shirts with matching hats (Connecticut is cold and I cut what remains of my hair very short), couple pairs of shoes and kept it all around $150 total. Like I say, it’s transitional, so I stayed cheaper rather than expensive, but it does look better than what I was wearing. I just couldn’t stand the idea of wearing what I was wearing for another four months.
And I’m back to exercising properly, I’m down six pounds in three weeks and one belt hole different in the right direction, so that’s a good start. Getting through Thanksgiving week which included going out to eat four times plus the whole turkey day routine and I still lost a little weight.
The good news is that just those few changes and I feel much better. I have more energy and I feel like my mood is starting to bounce back as well. Energy + good mood = confidence.
I felt that confidence on Friday night when Jennifer and I went out on a Date Night. Nothing particular special happened while we were out, but back home I was even more relaxed and confident with her than usual. I just found myself calmly requesting things and getting them. So anyway… her orgasm record broken (mildly against her will), a new position and an actual sexual first together for something… um… ok that one is kinda personal. Just accept that I got her compliance with something I wanted and I want to get that again.
So a little exercise, some new clothes and better sex results. I think the “Ball and Chain Demolition Co” shirt was a good choice for Date Night lol.
And to be honest, I’ve been goofy in love with her as well since Friday.