Sexy Moves: Getting Through Long Distance Love

Question in the comments on yesterdays post….
Athol. I just took a job that has a six-week training period out of the state at corporate HQ. This training will run smack dab over both Valentine’s Day and my anniversary with my gf. How can I start planning now to keep our emotional life well-stocked given that we may not get to celebrate either or both of those days together?
I wouldn’t go too crazy trying to over do it before you go. I think you just need to advance with the positive expectation that your relationship is bigger than this inconvenience. Six weeks is annoyingly long, but it’s not like you’re being deployed in Iraq either, so I think you can frame it as a mild adversity of your relationship that might grow it a little too.
The obvious thing to do is stay in contact with each other each day. There’s random texting, email, phone and Skype. If you have a laptop you are taking with you, then you can grab a cheap USB camera for each of you and Skype each other. I use it to talk to my family back in New Zealand and it is vastly different seeing a talking head on the other end than merely hearing their voice. Also you can play strip poker with her via Skype, or do something more obviously sexual on camera too.
Random texting you should be doing anyway to each other, so that shouldn’t change.
How far way is it? Where are you staying? What do flights cost? Why not send for her halfway through? There’s a friendship between the exotic and the erotic, so a plane flight and a hotel room just to have sex is going to make her very excited. Plus she should fixate on it for the entire lead up to it. Maybe she can do a three day weekend. Bonus points if you can time it for her ovulation. Refer to sending for her as “ordering room service”.
Snail mail her things. No one does a love letter anymore so it can be playfully quaint but also deep as well if she’s anything of a writer. Jennifer and I survived for three years on love letters and a few weeks of visits. Send her one and she will look at the mailbox like it’s maybe full of crack each day, so send her at semi-random. Ask her some open ended questions in there and have her mail you back. The trick is not to wait for replies, let things cross in the mail. It’s okay to send the first two things before you get the first reply.
Hide something fun / special / Valentines Day / anniversary day for her in the house somewhere.
Ok readers…. add some more ideas in the comments.

Comments

  1. Anonymous says:

    Hide notes in places she might accidentally come across them: purse (will be found the same day), in the backpocket of the pants you put in the laundry (women always check the pockets), in one of her shoes, with the curling iron, in the corn flakes, …

    I'll come up with some more stuff during the day.

    Cheers,
    Fred

  2. Anonymous says:

    Haha, I just came up with a good one:

    Steal her phone and change the ringtone for when you are calling to a recording of you saying/singing something. I'm not sure what other similar things are possible with a phone, maybe set "alarms" with certain ringtones which would be recordings?

    Cheers,
    Fred

  3. If you do the hotel-weekend thing, I would buy some sexy lingerie for her, maybe a bottle of bubbles and try to have her arrive at the hotel room before you.

    Cheers,
    Fred

  4. Another good one I just came up with, but requires a friend or family member that can sneak into your house. Maybe you would give that person your house key before you leave.
    Write a message on an old looking paper or parchment, put it in an empty bottle (wine bottle with the label removed), put a cork on it. Try and have it look oldish / worn.

    Write something along the lines of "I hope this message in a bottle reaches you…"

    Have the friend sneak into your house when your girlfriend isn't home and have him or her run a bath or fill a sink with water and put the bottle in it.

    (I have to start writing these down for myself. :D )

    Cheers,
    Fred

  5. Anonymous says:

    Six weeks, you can do this. Talk, text, e-mail & Skype when you can. At least two surprises (i.e. flowers, fruit arrangement, little gift of some sort) while you are gone would be nice and let her know that you are still thinking of her.

    We are enduring a third year long deployment. Communication is sporadic at best so you make do with what you got. Those little surprises whether set up before or during really help you re-focus on those long days of Nothing.

  6. Anonymous says:

    Call her at bedtime. That way you can be sure she's home at bedtime.

    And in the midst of all this, go dark for a day. Do this a couple of times. No phone, no email, no texting. Don't explain it, either — or stick with a job-related excuse. The conditioning works better if sometimes the rat doesn't get a pellet for pushing the lever.

  7. Snail mail is VASTLY underrated these days. In an age where every form of communication is communicated over a computer screen, when you actually get a hand written letter, it means SOOO much more.

    Leave her a hand written letter before you leave. Put it somewhere where she'll be surprised to find it, like a book bag or purse. When she eventually finds it, she'll be so surprised and glowing for weeks.

  8. I, personally, think you boys are being way too mushy. Considering this is a marriage "game" blog, anonymous 10:37 am has the right idea. If you do want to do something nice for the anniversary/valentines day, make it ONCE in that 6 week period (which is not very long at all).

    The first year of "dating" my hubby he was stationed in Guam with me in Chicago. After that year he came home for 2 weeks, we got married, he went back and the first 8 months of our marriage was spent apart. He sent me a nice birthday gift. And he sent me flowers when I was chosen for a competitive internship. That was it.

    We called, emailed, and skyped regularly, and that really was the way to go. Any more mushiness (a message in a bottle, really?) and I would have been COMPLETELY turned off. It made the celebratory flowers and thoughtful birthday present mean that much more.

    I vote for either flying her out for one of those events (probably the anniversary–I'd say this is more important than V-day). Or, decide to do something special to celebrate when you get back.

  9. Melissa and Kevin says:

    Kevin and I spent time apart when we did study abroad in college. E-mail contact was the biggest thing that helped us to stay connected. We would also buy each other little souvenirs every couple of days and give each other hints about what we had bought since we decided not to mail anything (expensive).

  10. Athol Kay says:

    You don't have to do ALL of these things Tori. Doing everything would be mushy I agree.

  11. Haha. I certainly hope no one would attempt ALL of these. If it was unclear, I was just trying to stress (what I think is) the importance of not going all out, but making a single strategic, sentimental action in that short 6 week period of time, in addition to the regular communication.

  12. I think flying her out as "room service" is the best one.

  13. I agree, you need to save those original ideas and spread them out. Can't go off wasting good ideas all at once.

    The message in a bottle idea might not work for you, but I'm sure I'd get a laugh out of my wife with that one. We are pretty goofy in general.

    Cheers,
    Fred

  14. If you can't make it six weeks apart, or she can't, she doesn't care about you enough anyway.

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