The Splinter Of Mistrust And The Quest For 50

Learning about Game and what makes affairs tick can drive you a little crazy. Just reading the stories of pick up guys talking about discovering who she really put out for while she closed up shop for them can be quite eye opening. The stuff I read on the Talk About Marriage forums have an even greater degree of chaos and drama. What people can put their spouses through is appalling.
The truth is I’ve just found myself trusting Jennifer less. She hasn’t done anything weird or odd. I just have a compulsion to GPS tag her car, tap her phone, keylogger her computer and somehow staple a spy camera to her vagina. You know, just to be sure. Trust but verify.
For the most part I’ve been a quite dependable…
Buy Me!

Comments

  1. I think reading too much of the PUA/MRA blogs is extremely unhealthy; everyone is a whore, a cad, cheater, angry, crazy; I'm cutting back my dosage! And they don't want you to dare to think anything different; join them in their pissy party or else; don your tinfoil party hats you chumps!

    There's plenty of great couples, nice Jennifers and Athols out there, they just don't live on the webby, because they're happy and busy and actually have lives they enjoy.

    And we are in year 34 as of this January; I think we'll make 50! (hey, we still have sex! plenty of it)

  2. Hi Julia, actually the stuff on the Talk About Marriage boards are frighteningful worse than the PUA/MRA stuff to be honest. But it is a little like trying to learn about cars by working in an ER. Car accidents are always bad.

    Thanks though, and good for you guys!

  3. Badger Nation says:

    Athol,

    Don't mean to go off topic but a lucid comment was left at Roissy:

    "Womanspeak for Married Men:

    You’re “oblivious” = Can’t seek milk in the fridge.

    “Oh, it’s, okay.” = You’ll pay… dearly.

    “Oblivious” (multiply) = She’s fucked another guy.

    “It was a mistake.” = Your best friend, anal then came on her face, in your bed.

    “I’m not happy.” = Regularly fucking another guy.

    “I need space.” = Wants her own place (that you pay for) to openly fuck single/married men like she’s single.

    “I’m confused.” = Likes fucking him (or more) while you support her.

    “I want a divorce.” = Wants to take all your money/kids to add to those of the next guy she’s found."

  4. thequestfor50 says:

    Thanks for the kind words about me and my blog, Athol. I do try to keep things positive on my journey… I don't have an axe to grind with women so much as I have strong goals for myself.

    As for settling down with one special lady and forgoing the Quest… It's in the realm of possibility, but so far I haven't been too tempted. We'll see what the future holds.

    And I wish you the best of luck on your own Quest For 50. Sounds like you guys are doing great so far.

    Dagonet

  5. (Stops getting head from Jennifer long enough to write a quick comment) Good post Athol, keep it up!

  6. Grossed out says:

    And I find it completely disconcerting that women seem to be so cheap and easy.

    What happened to good ole fashioned guilt? I understand body agenda and I have totally been attracted to inappropriate people, but there is a ginormous difference between a mild attraction and INDISCRIMINATE PROMISCUITY.

    Ugh. The manosphere grosses me out. If I didn't know better I would seriously start to lose all respect for my gender.

  7. Badger Nation says:

    I find Athol's experience to be my own; I find that a good portion of how I'm feeling about my current relationship any given day hinges on what I've been reading lately. That's unfair to my lady (unless it's describing her in which case I would need to bump back or eject).

    "If I didn't know better I would seriously start to lose all respect for my gender."

    I read it before and it has some truth – reading or practicing game, getting a front-row view of what gets women into the sack and how easy they can fall, can turn a man into a real misogynist.

    "I think reading too much of the PUA/MRA blogs is extremely unhealthy; everyone is a whore, a cad, cheater, angry, crazy"

    It's the same as reading feminist writing, in reverse; feminists just got a thirty-year head start. It's not healthy to read too much of agitators on either side, and in fact I've cut away from the Spearhead almost entirely due to its strident tone. Susan Walsh's blog is very optimistic and hopeful so I read that a lot for constructive analysis.

    I am very thankful that guys like Athol and Dalrock do not take the clueless "well my marriage works great so you MRAs are a bunch of whiners" approach. It's gratifying to read people who are winning against the odds still acknowledge the odds and how we can play to win too.

  8. Obejctively speaking, being a married man in the US must be a very unnerving experience.

  9. David Collard says:

    Badger Nation

    Well, I wasn't disillusioned by reading MRA and PUA material, because I have never pedestalised women.

    I agree about The Spearhead. A clear case of the lunatics taking over the asylum. I don't go there much any more. Besides I am very unpopular there now.

    Athol and Dalrock are good. Marriage is hard work, and men need all the help they can get.

    BTW, I would be interested in views on this. While it is funny, I think it is very poor in terms of healthy marriage or LTR "game". Far too much supplicating. I realise it is only a joke, but it still sends the wrong message. Do American men really ask their girlfriend's permission to go out?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A5Vb9SLkq5k

  10. It can be an unnerving experience at times yes. selecting the right woman is 90% of the battle though.

  11. Grossed out says:

    "I read it before and it has some truth – reading or practicing game, getting a front-row view of what gets women into the sack and how easy they can fall, can turn a man into a real misogynist."

    This is true, but I am also glad these blogs exist. Women need a freaking wake-up call. You can't have it both ways- you can't advocate for total liberation and then expect respect. This was not the feminist dream, but it is clearly the result of feminism.

    So while I hate reading PUA blogs I will continue to do so (in moderation) so I don't forget what the reality is= Sexual liberation does not get women respect. Period.

    Ladies- if you need to read a blog that tells you how to get what you want in a relationship without believing mens lies then check out What Women Never Hear (wwnh.wordpress)
    It isn't hopeless. If enough of us develop real STANDARDS then the PUA's will be less and less successful and maybe this tide of misogyny will turn.

  12. Badger Nation says:

    David Collard,

    That link was hilarious, especially the bit with the anniversary. Unfortunately lots of men in America are dating/married to controlling, shrewish bitches like these. Some women seem to think they have total veto power over their husbands' entire lives. These are typical behaviors in American sitcoms, too, which have done untold damage to the collective male self-image in the states.

    It plays on something that's basically true – men are more likely to use logic (i.e. the words) to communicate while women are more likely to use social means (i.e. the tone of voice).

    My parents had a lot of this sublimated rage, intentional miscommunication and martyr complexing going on, so when I started dating I took an attitude probably a bit like Athol's – "tell me what you mean; if you want to make snarky sarcastic comments I'm going away and I'll discuss this with you when you act like an adult."

  13. Sup Athol, I'm visiting from insomnia land again ;)
    "reading or practicing game, getting a front-row view of what gets women into the sack and how easy they can fall, can turn a man into a real misogynist."

    No, it turns men into realists. Women are what women are, and what women are is often what society expects of them. Society expects ALMOST NOTHING from women today; in fact, to enumerate standards for women is usually grounds for a "misogyny" claim.

    So what are women without standards? Base Animals. They fall back to whoring and prostitution to gain favor. They chase thugs who induce gina-tingles rather than betas who induce family-tingles.

    But be thankful for two things:
    1) Not all women listen to society for their standards. Some set their own, others have strong parents (honestly, yes, often the father) who set standards for them.
    2) We still have some modicum of standards for men. Men without standards become Base Animals as well; when society at large has such lax standards for men as it currently does for women it will be the end of our civilization.

    Re: The Spearhead:
    Read this: http://no-maam.blogspot.com/2008/08/online-book-sex-and-culture-by-jd-unwin.html
    And, if brave enough, read the book referenced in the post. What we're really dealing with is much bigger than some mere male-female power struggle.

  14. This issue of mistrust resonates with my own experience. Glad to see I'm not the only one.

    What's particularly unnerving are the strong behavioral patterns that we see all around us (one of which Athol highlights above) combined with the long stretch of times that any given marriage has for a slip up. Fatalistic inevitability.

    I think Athol nails it when he wonders about those times when both husband and wife have been coasting.

    It doesn't take much.

    I find comfort in two places:

    1) Seeing evidence of strong, healthy, sexful marriages (including Athol's) (this helps refute the inevitability paranoia)

    2) Awareness: if it happens, i'm not going to be caught off guard.

    So yeah, the PUA community has given me heavy doses of paranoia at times. But that's not a healthy state to live in. And the only way I've found to combat it is to not fear the odds while fighting them. In this task, Dalrock's blog has been priceless.

  15. One more comment about coasting. Athol's done a good job of being a realist on this blog and not pretending that you have to perfectly orchestrate every moment of every day to keep your wife's attraction.

    However, every relationship is going to have to make it through sustained periods of time where both people are overwhelmed with life circumstances and not able to tend to the relationship with as much vigor as normal.

    I wonder how to best prepare the relationship to handle these inevitable stretches? Just plain awareness?

  16. Loose the World of warcraft Athol, it's evil. My wife got addicted to it and the EA attention she got from playing it. There one forum called WOW detox that has thousands of posts by people who have lost their spouses to this game, and the gamer's themselves who've lost four and five years of their lives in this game.

  17. Athol Kay says:

    I put in way more time on the blog and books than I do with games these days. Way way more.

  18. That's good. I wish I'd never let that game in the house, it's been recently listed as a major cause of infidelity. My wife gradually withdrew from all her normal activities, so gradual I didn't even notice at first. By the time I really became concerned it was too late

  19. Athol Kay says:

    WoW is essentially an internet chat room with a really cool mini-game and a 1 to 8 female to male ratio.

  20. Most of guilds I looked at had far more guys than girls, my wife's was around 8 guys to one girl, with few husband and wife teams thrown in. I don't know about it being a mini game, raids would take 3 hours or more…

  21. Athol Kay says:

    That's exactly my point Mike. Would anyone let their wife be in an internet chat room for three hours at a time? Night after night?

  22. Watching her play the game early on it didn't look like a whole lot of chatting was going on between slaying the bosses minions ;~)She always talked about it, the people in the game, issues some of them were having, but as it seemed we were were not having any issues of our own I knew of, I was not concerned. Things were good in the sack right up to the last couple of weeks, but she had been a bit bitchier the last month or so before the breakup. I should have seen it coming, but really it came as shock to everyone in the family, she only confided in one girl friend who lives 300 miles from us.

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