When Your Wife Doesn’t Initiate Sex Like You Want Her To

“My wife doesn’t initiate sex like I want her to”.
Generally initiating sex is a more Alpha Male trait. You’re expecting her to react and think the same way you do. Women tend towards submissiveness in comparison to men and respond to sexual advances rather than initiate them.
I mean if she felt neglected emotionally because you didn’t initiate trips to the mall with her, that would be silly right? You might happily go to the mall with her, but you probably don’t float the idea to go yourself.
So just don’t worry about, it really doesn’t mean as much as you might think it does.


  1. Yeah, but what if you like it? What if you're sick of being responsible for getting her in the mood? What if you want her to look and act sexy instead of hard-to-get?

    You're basically saying deal with the fact that this is never going to happen. We want advice on how to make it happen.

  2. Athol Kay says:

    I'm saying don't take it personally and get upset about it.

    You aren't responsible for getting her in the mood. You're responsible for you being sexy. There's a difference.

    The whole blog is about what to do to attract women. Your wife may or may not respond to you being a better sexier guy. If she does great, if not then you should be attracting other women anyway and the next move is yours to make.

    I'm not selling magic bullets here.

  3. I used to get hung up on the idea that my wife should be initiating sex. My logic was that it would send a strong signal that she was actually interested.

    Now I know that my desire for her to initiate was actually a desire to get what I wanted without having to risk rejection/failure first. I since decided that I don't really care how sex gets started. I just want it to happen.

  4. Anonymous says:

    Something to keep in mind when worrying about the female initiating sex: http://enagoski.wordpress.com/2010/02/27/do-you-know-when-you-want-it/

  5. I'd cautioun that in some circumstances you *might* want to be concerned about this. Particularly, if your wife once regularly initiated sex and has now stopped. That could be a legitimate sign that something is wrong. If she never did it in the first place, I agree it is not something to get worked up over (although I'll admit it is a bit of a bonus to have a wife who exhibits her attraction to you by initiating sex).

    In our 10-year-marriage, there has been a time when my wife quit initiating sex, and it was when I had started a business working from home and due to stress and poor discipline had let myself go a bit, physically speaking… gained 20 lbs, didn't take care of my hygiene as well as I did when I went to an office every day, and just generally looked worn out all the time.

    When I first noticed that she had quit initiating sex, I was somewhat resentful about it. I mean, here I am, burning my candle at both ends, working 16 hours a day trying to get this business off the ground, also being more engaged as a father since I wasn't making a daily commute 50 miles away anymore, and all the while making a good pile of money for us… and this is the thanks I get? She rarely turned me down when I made a move, but after years of being so turned on by me that she would sometimes lure me into the laundry room and go down on my while our daughter was watching cartoons… well, this was just a bit depressing when I was doing (what in my mind) the most manly thing I'd ever attempted.

    Then I got over that whiny bullshit, excercised some self-discipline, got myself into better shape, got an office 6 miles away from the house, and started behaving like a normal adult… and guess what? She started initiating sex again. And the best part: we never had to have "a talk" about it. Not once.

    So, just something to consider. Your mileage may vary.

  6. I think that's a valid point Eric. Changes in sexual behavior do mean things, but in general women tend to be sexually responsive rather than initiating.

    Some guys get themselves into a funk about it and withdraw emotionally from their wives because of it. The solution being exactly what you did – take stock of the situation and make changes as needed.

  7. I disagree with this idea. Women are empowered now-a-days. Many women know what they want and act on it. It can be a lonely life for a guy that always initiates because he has desire for his wife…even if his wife always accepts. Why? Because sex isn't just about orgasm. Sex is about the intertwining of sexual energies from two or more people. If the man is always the initiator and the sexual energy is lacking from the woman…then a less than satisfying sex life is usually the result…especially for a sexually liberated and confident man. If you're a woman…and you want sex…act like it.

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