Wives With Baby Strollers

I was at huge party at bowling alley a little while back and I saw two different women trying to thread their way through the melee pushing baby strollers. They both looked new mom stressed with the stroller wheels constantly catching on chair legs. In thick crowds no one looks down, so basically everyone was clueless to the infants behind them. Half a dozen times people backed into the strollers or simply jostled the poor women as they tried to get through.
In both cases,  walking behind the wives… were their husbands.
Dudes…
Correct protocol is to walk in front of your stroller pushing wife and using your all purpose protective menace create an invisible shield around them both and guide the crowd out of the way. The family stick on your tail and follow you through.
Helpful is using a firm voice and saying something like, “baby coming through”. Most people automatically move out of the way. You don’t ask politely, you just announce it. Also being a male you are probably taller and look a greater threat than your wife, so you automatically get a better dominant profile to get people to move out of your way. You’re definitely taller than a stroller so people can see you better.
Jennifer and I do this sort of thing in thick crowds even without a stroller. I’m tall so can see where the gaps are, she just sticks close behind me as I pick a way through. The best way to do this sort of thing is to look at her directly in the eye and using your best Arnold Schwarzenegger voice say, “come with me if you want to live”. Then just grab her hand and start pulling her through the crowd.
It’s perhaps a little much for the grocery store on Saturday morning though.

Men Are Incapable Of Lying After Orgasm…

I’m in a fairly new relationship and my guy was joking (I think) that in the couple of minutes immediately after orgasm, a guy is incapable of lying. So he says I should use that opportunity to ask him anything.
First, could this actually be true? Like I said, I’m pretty sure he’s just kidding around but it got me wondering…
Second, if you could ask your SO one question and they HAD to answer honestly, what would it be? Doesn’t have to be anything too deep, something silly is good too.
Why the hell would it be true?
Oh hang on….
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Fried Tofu Explain Yourself

So we had our Nursing Christmas party / December staff meeting at a restaurant called “It’s Only Natural”It sounded good to me because I’m just fine with natural foods. If things get too processed they just aren’t all that nice and half the chain restaurants load up everything with MSG anyway which… well, lets just say my body has a well established violent protocol for MSG exposure. So I’m excited about the party…
… and I get there and it’s frakking vegetarian bordering on vegan.
Do. Not. Want.
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Sshhhhhhhhh…. Be Vewy Vewy Quiet. Quenifer Is Sweeping..

Awwww… she’s all tired out on a Friday night and napping on the couch. I’m going to sneak into the kitchen and cook dinner. You can watch but you have to be quiet.
Ok so we have that horrible “by Friday the fridge is trashed” thing. There’s something from the weekend that I just toss out. There’s a bunch of chicken legs that I breaded and roasted a couple nights back and a spring roll.
Plan B. Order food. Where’s the menu for China Kitchen? I keep searching and no joy. I don’t have the number in my phone because we always have a menu lying around. Maybe Jennifer has the number in her phone…
I look at Jennifer and try and figure out how to fish her phone out of her pocket without waking her up. I come up with three ideas but they all involve chloroform and the element of surprise, so I decide against it.
Seriously how can I NOT find a menu to China Kitchen?
Plan C. Open the fridge again and find completely different food in the fridge and have that for dinner instead. There’s a bunch of chicken legs that I breaded and roasted a couple nights back and a spring roll.
Crap.
Sigh…
Twitch…
Hang on…
ZOMG…
I boil some rice up and start slicing and dicing the chicken off the bone. There’s a fair pile of chicken diced up and that all goes into a fry pan with some oil and gets to frying up. Drain off the rice and add that to the fry pan as well.
Then I sliced up the spring roll and added it to the pan. A happy cascade of Chinese style vegetables and crunchy batter join into the chicken and rice. It’s so ridiculously easy and is utterly perfect in combination. A little sprinkle of soy sauce and a minute or two more and it’s done. So easy, so good. We will be doing this one again.
About halfway through the proceedings Sleeping Beauty stumbled out into the kitchen and mumbles that she was going to cook and offers to take over. She gets a kiss and a cuddle and I tell her to save her strength with a gentle push out of my kitchen…

The Splinter Of Mistrust And The Quest For 50

Learning about Game and what makes affairs tick can drive you a little crazy. Just reading the stories of pick up guys talking about discovering who she really put out for while she closed up shop for them can be quite eye opening. The stuff I read on the Talk About Marriage forums have an even greater degree of chaos and drama. What people can put their spouses through is appalling.
The truth is I’ve just found myself trusting Jennifer less. She hasn’t done anything weird or odd. I just have a compulsion to GPS tag her car, tap her phone, keylogger her computer and somehow staple a spy camera to her vagina. You know, just to be sure. Trust but verify.
For the most part I’ve been a quite dependable…
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