What’s Alpha and Beta… For A Woman?

I’ve been asked a couple times what women can do as Alpha and Beta skills. It’s all pretty simple…
Female Alpha = Physical attractiveness, sexual interest and skill in bed.
Female Beta = Anything and everything else that she can bring to the table.
I’ve often heard people writing about women that are socially dominant and powerful as being “Alpha” but that’s really not within the framework I use where Alpha Traits evoke a Dopamine hormonal (excitement, pleasure, in love) response, and Beta Traits evoke a Oxytocin/Vasopressin hormonal (pair bonding, love) response.
Hillary Clinton for example is certainly powerful in the social sense, but she doesn’t really cause boners. Yet if she was a man in the same position of power, there would be gina tingles caused. Hillary has oodles of Beta but low Alpha. Sarah Palin on the other hand has a much higher Alpha simply because of looks and one gets the sense that she… would be “enjoyable”, but really who knows about her Beta stuff.
There is a big overlap in the Beta Traits for men and women, the difference is the Alpha ones. Just as for men, the Alpha and Beta balance is the way to go for women in a marriage.
And I am sorry ladies… the “beautiful you on the inside” does matter for the Beta Traits, but is worthless for the Alpha ones. But then you all knew that already anyway. Just confirming it.
Tomorrow we have a little more on this. I promise not to mention Hillary or Sarah ever again.

MMSL Makes the Top 100 Blogs

I’m always pleased to accept an award. This time I make the Top 100 Blogs list from Brainz.org.
Others from the friends and family department making the list…
I love how I got put in the Gender War division rather than the Home and Family division. I feel all dangerous and edgy now…
…it puts me in the mood to do Jennifer with the jumper cables and the butter.

I’ll Be Your Star Trek Girl

So remember this post…  Dominance and Submission in Marriage: The Captain and First Officer Model? If you haven’t read the original post, it’s one of my more important ones.
Have a little listen to this and catch the lyrics from 0.48 to about 0.56… I believe I’m flattered by her imitation. Though I’m a little disturbed by her wearing a Next Generation uniform while those in the background dancing are wearing the original series uniforms. Though she does redeem herself at the end with the red “Expendable” T-Shirt. So classic.
Hey I’m a geek, deal with it. Back in the day I lost interest several times on girls that couldn’t tell the difference between Star Trek and Star Wars. I’m mean seriously, big boobs are great but you still have to set the IQ bar somewhere right?
One of the things that I liked about Jennifer from the get go is that she liked science fiction. We’ve spent hours together hanging out and watching science fiction stuff together and she always gets a frame of reference joke. So I guess she is my Star Trek girl… though after dark though I’m more interested in the Princess Leia slave girl thing.
If you don’t like Star Trek, I apologize for the loss of 4:55 minutes of your life.

Oneitis? Twoitis? Onesideditis? And Jenny is a Heartless Bitch…

A question in the comments of the Forrest Chump post…
Thanks for your encouragement. Sadly, my story is just all the “Jenny” parts of Forrest Chump (over about 4 women… so far) without all the interesting Vietnam-Shrimpin-Running-appearing-in-newsreel-footage bits. Which is to say, it’s boring. The scary thing about Forrest Chump was how well it captured a woman who *almost* cares for a man, and the Beta chump orbiting her, and how long he’ll wait. Or maybe that’s just me…
Here’s one thing that I was thinking, though. I’ve read everything you wrote about how your relationship started with Jennifer, and (to those of us outside), it seems like several years of long-distance (which is to say, supremely obsessive) oneitis that ultimately ended in marriage, kids, success, happiness and sex sex sex. Sounds pretty good. Makes it kind of hard to disdain oneitis the way I definitely ought to.
Is the only difference between oneitis and determined, focused, alpha, goalseeking that the latter is recognized/defined by the fact that it worked, but only after it has worked?
The “Alpha” thing to do is kick her to the curb if she doesn’t put out after 8 hours in your presence. I know (and appreciate) that you’re more about balance, than cartoon-style PUA All Alpha All The Time, but…
So how do you tell the difference between oneitis and something worth working for that has difficulties that you have to overcome in a manly, manly way? Preferably before you get as old as I am…
Is Oneitis just the Beta/needy perversion of Alpha determination and focus?
This is a really good question, and I can see the obvious disconnect in that my actions courting Jennifer were for the most part identical to the actions of someone else that got chump and dumped for the same approach. Why did it work out for me and not the reader asking the question?
The biggest factor is that it was critical that Jennifer was also deeply in love with me and that my affection for her was returned in the same measure. I’m struggling with the PUA terms here a little, in that context saying I had Oneitis doesn’t seem quite right. I might have had Oneitis, but she had Oneitis for me, so it all worked out. Maybe we had Twoitis.
Maybe Oneitis should be called Onesideditis.
Also it was an extremely difficult time for both of us. Our original wedding date was in June 1994 and she asked to delay it to November so she could finish college. I agreed to it but also said if the wedding was delayed again past November that the whole thing was off. I just couldn’t continue on in a long distance relationship any more, one way or the other it had to end… marriage or goodbye. We all have our limits and our breaking point.
I never had any doubts that Jennifer loved me deeply though. I… we… did what we did believing in the love of the other for us.
I guess the questions to ask are along the lines of; “when I give to her, does she give back?” “Is this a mutual relationship?” Or am I always left hanging somehow? Am I always the one that has to call first or nothing happens? She she too busy for me somehow?
Or to return to Forrest Gump… when you find yourself asking a variation on “Why don’t you love me Jenny?”
If you find yourself loving a Jenny, realize that what you are experiencing for her is nothing more than an emotion. You will feel an intense desire to do things for her, just don’t do them. Don’t wait on her to change her mind and suddenly realize she loves you because she never will. Oh she may decide to enjoy your comfort for an extended time, but as soon as she decides it’s over, it’s over.
And for the record, I had a “Jenny” before Jennifer. I was deeply deeply in love with her… I just refused to actively love her when it was clear she didn’t love me back. It’s one of the smartest things I ever did for myself.