Bridezilla = Prepare to be Betaized

Before Jennifer and I got married I was still living in New Zealand up until two weeks before the wedding. As such there wasn’t really anything I could do to assist with planning the wedding. Jennifer did ask me what I wanted for it and I came up with the short directive of “nothing too frilly and if there is a color choice I like blue, otherwise whatever you choose is fine”. Then I lapsed into a blissful ignorance and slept easy knowing my job was simply to show up and get fitted for a tux. Actually no that’s overstating it a little, I had no clue about the tux rental thing, but went along with getting fitted a week before the wedding.
In retrospect this approach served me incredibly well. I couldn’t really make a misstep in the wedding planning, as there was no opportunity to make a face at the price of something or create something to disagree over before the wedding. Plus the whole thing of doing nothing but show up to the wedding and stroll off with the bride is an incredible Alpha frame by default.
Of course if you notice some heavy duty fitness testing going on during the wedding planning, I’d take that as something that absolutely shouldn’t be ignored. Bump back on that and pass the tests or ask for the ring back if things are just getting worse. If she’s going Bridezilla on you it’s a clear statement of her intention to own you until such time as you have no further use to her.
If Jennifer had given me screeching I would have thought I was watching a preview for a horror flick… when I’m more of a romantic comedy guy.

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Comments

  1. MarkyMark says:

    IF I were to get married, I'd dump any bitch going 'bridezilla' on me…

  2. Bob says:

    Any girl I planned to marry would have ample warning about my attitude toward bridezilla. I'll play fair with her (duh, marrying her, right?), but will treat screeching and whining the same way I would a child in a grocery store – toss them over the shoulder and leave without getting any toys (flowers) at all.

  3. The Outsider says:

    I highly recommend elopement. Just go to Vegas — maybe with a couple close friends. You can plan a reception, at a leisurely place, when you get back.

  4. Athol Kay says:

    It's the people that go massively into debt to do a wedding that irk me most.

  5. Badger Nation says:

    Showing up to the wedding is very alpha – "I don't want to deal with this planning crap, I'm going to go home and sleep with my new wife!"

    "Any girl I planned to marry would have ample warning about my attitude toward bridezilla."

    Bingo – don't get to the point where she feels going bridezilla is even an option. I've noticed a lot of guys around me are wimps when it comes to articulating their expectations and boundaries to the women they date, and so they really can only blame themselves when they give an inch and their girl takes a mile. I think they are caught in Athol's cycle of "looking for a date, then looking for a girlfriend, then finally considering whether she's wife material." In the first few steps you don't want to upset the apple cart, so by the time you are thinking critically you have lost the beachhead.

    I believe ~75% of social problems can be prevented by simply articulating expectations so that people know what won't be tolerated (then the challenge is having the guts to stand up for it.) As Athol implies sex rank goes a long way towards implicitly articulating expectations.

    "It's the people that go massively into debt to do a wedding that irk me most."

    This also blows my mind, I extend it to engagement rings. To listen to modern marketers and their status-conscious bootlickers, you would wonder how anybody formed a sound marriage without a massively expensive gem and a ridiculously pricey party at its center. A lot of modern young women think it's their God-given right to receive thousands of dollars of jewelry in exchange for agreeing to marry a man, when as Athol notes the commitment market is male-minority.

    No financially responsible person or couple should suborn the imaginary "three months rule." Do people have any idea how much three months' salary is? Especially in today's economy, and with the expense of children? My belief is that if a couple wants to do an engagement ring that's great (I find the symbolic tradition kind of cool), but it should either (a) be considered the first joint purchase of the marriage or (b) the bride or her family should pay for the wedding and/or other things to offset his "investment."

    And in any case it should be done with disposable income and not anything approaching savings.

    Not to mention that women wanting bigger rings than the ones their fiances picked out have been linked in a study to marriages more likely to divorce. A guy whose woman tells him "I need a ring worth THIS MUCH" or "don't you think I'm WORTH that much?" or "I need THIS RING" (unless the ring is an heirloom) should leave – ultimata are a sure sign of a dysfunctional relationship.

  6. Jack Amok says:

    For our wedding, we spent money on food and booze. The flowers and cake were nice, but "regular" flowers and cake, not "wedding" versions. We picked out the food and booze together, she picked the flowers and cake. I made the honeymoon plans.

    It wasn't elaborate. We picked a cool venue, a good caterer, and made sure there was plenty to drink. We treated it like throwing a party for our friends, which, well, it is. It's a party for our friends and family so they can celebrate with us and then feel some obligation to the marriage. Free food = you've got skin in the game, so no undermining the relationship. Good free food plus booze = more skin in the game.

    Flowers don't do much that way. Don't spend much on them.

  7. Anonymous says:

    As a female, I really just don't understand why anyone would want to throw $30,000 away on satin chair covers, flamingo ice sculptures (that will melt after a few hours), or hand-crafted crystal napkin rings. Yes, I like wearing a pretty white dress, but NO, I don't want to pay thousands for something poofy that I'll only be able to wear once…Not to mention, I would rather not have to enlist the help of my friends to hold my dress when I need to pee.

    My boyfriend mentioned he HATED being the center of attention so that got me thinking…We could elope, save all that money, buy a house, go on an extended month-long honeymoon, pay off all of our student loans, buy a car……

    Maybe I'm going bridezilla, but God damnit I am NOT wasting my life savings on some stupid ceremony that neither I nor my boyfriend even want to have.

  8. Athol Kay says:

    Anon – that's not being Bridezilla, that's called being actual wife material. Have a party and some family fun, but don't gut your life savings.

  9. Julia says:

    Anonymous: no, you're not going bridezilla, you're seeing the light! I skipped all that nonsense myself; courthouse – $20 – DONE! I highly recommend that route – if you're churchgoers, I'm sure your pastor would be happy to marry you in the church office. Have a small party afterwards for friends and close family if you both wish it.

    "hold my dress when I need to pee" LOL! Really!

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