It’s Ok to be a Boy

Much of what I talk about boils down to that it’s ok to be a man and exhibit normal male behavior. The betaization trap is really just about being feminized where husbands are expected to act inside a marriage in the same way a wife would. The trouble being that if you end up with a wife and a de facto wife in a marriage and the real one isn’t an emotional lesbian, then she gets very agitated at the situation.
Much of this learning that it’s not “ok to be a man” starts very early, when you learn that it’s not really “ok to be a boy”.

Unlearning all this can be a long process. Don’t give up.


  1. Jack Amok says:

    I'm not sure what to make of that video. She seems to understand a whole bunch of important issues, and then at the end her big idea is to make better games? More money for games?


    Or maybe it's just too hard for her to see the real problem, because the real problem is… women.

    Want to fix the schools? Do three things. One, outlaw teachers unions. Two, eliminate every government education agency above the level of local school board. Three, probit women from being school administrators.

    That third one is a doozy eh? But that's the real deal. Women can be great workers, but most of them make terrible managers, and the increasing prevalence of female administrators matches perfectly with the decline of our schools. Yet we continue to put women in leadership positions because they've got to have equal opportunities too.

    And so we ashcan our culture.

  2. Athol Kay says:

    She does understand a great many things, but I agree that her final idea is off to some degree. If only to have schools return to some sort of competitive approach to learning would be nice. Ten points to Gryffindor and all that.

    Prohibiting women from being school admin will never happen for obvious reasons. Seeing elementary schools are down to 7% male teachers, I'm not even convinced that there's enough of a male talent pool to draw only male admin from anyway.

    The solution to getting male teachers in schools would be incentives. Teaching is fairly low paid and long hours. High divorce rate profession too.

  3. @Jack Amok..
    "Yet we continue to put women in leadership positions because they've got to have equal opportunities too."

    Just want to point out that equal opportunities is a little different from positive discrimination. Equal opportunities only give women the chance to be successful – a woman still needs be the best qualified to get the position (and by qualified I mean experience and ability as much as academic qualifications).

    I don't live in the States, so I can't really comment on the quality of female school administrators, but I imagine if there is a problem, it's a problem with the limited candidates applying, or the selection procedure etc, rather than the ability of women in general to hold that particular position.

  4. The Outsider says:

    Although it is true that schools are profoundly feminized and not well-suited for boys, I'm not sure all those "100 Girls" statistics tell us anything meaningful.

    For many characteristics, most notably IQ, the width of the distribution for males is much wider than for females. Although the average is the same for both sexes, the number of very high and very low scores is much higher for males.

    What are the implications of this? It means that boys are more likely to have both very good outcomes and very bad ones. More men in Yale, more in jail.

    Unfortunately, schools are not very interested in the very highest performers. We are obsessed with making sure no child is left behind (most of whom would have been boys), but we do a lousy job of letting the best get ahead (most of whom also would have been boys).

    Anyway, based mostly on intuition, I suspect that single-sex schooling would benefit many boys.

  5. Athol Kay says:

    I know that the IQ spread is greater for men than women, which is what makes having a greater number of women than men in college so concerning.

    Single sex school is one answer.

  6. Jack Amok says:

    LJ, if you don't live in the US (and presumably live somewhere that doesn't have our idiotic employment laws), then you probably don't have first-hand exposure to how "equal opportunity" really works in practice. It is, in fact, positive discrimination, because any organization with enough employees is pretty much presumed guilty of discrimination if their ratios of certain protected classes don't match the community as a whole. The burden of proof is on those organizations to prove the disperate ratios aren't the result of discrimination. The result is that most places try like crazy to get women into their management ranks. You should see the feeding frenzy when a female engineer comes along…

    So the poor quality of the school administrators is a result of unqualified people being given jobs to avoid legal problems, which becomes a self-reinforcing death spiral because the competent people left in the field are driven out by the incompetents surrounding them. The job becomes lower prestige with more headaches (ever been the only competent person on a work team? Not a fun position to be in) and higher qualified candidates look elsewhere.

    Athol's right that we'll never see women banned from mangement positions, and really I should retract that. We shouldn't ban women, there are some women who are good managers and we should let them use their talents to the best ability. What we really ought to do though is end the positive discrimination of our employment laws that basically force more female management positions then thare are competent women to fill

    Or, just private schools. Get the government completely out of it. And outlaw teacher's unions.

  7. I am so tired of pseudoscientific lectures on gender issues from upper middle-class American white women.

    Keep putting boys on Ritalin and showing them the path to unemployment and prison – it's the feminist way.

    These women really turn my stomach.

  8. Badger Nation says:

    I doubt Athol wants to get too political on his blog but I will comment on the school issue. I think the key issue in school administration isn't whether or not women are constitutionally qualified to head schools but that when a supermajority of management and workers are of a single demographic tag they begin to think of their way of doing things as the "normal" way and anything that caters to the minority as threatening and obtuse. Schools are increasingly hostile to the psychology of boys not because they are staffed by radical feminists but because there's an echo chamber that reinforces the female-centric mindset of well-meaning women. (The unions don't help because they make teaching a an even more beta profession, marked by collective comfort, risk aversion and a lack of results-based hiring/firing.)

    I'm essentially in line with the diversity advocates on this one – it's damaging to the educational product to have a monolithic workforce.

    I would be curious how Athol (and fathers of daughters like Dalrock) maintain a hedge within the family where masculinity is OK, and how they communicate that to their daughters so their kids learn what healthy masculinity is and how to look for it in the men they meet.

  9. Demonspawn says:

    "The solution to getting male teachers in schools would be incentives."

    When your career is at risk on the basis of only one false allegation… most men are smarter than that. Too much risk, not enough reward. I don't think any level of incentives is really going to correct that. We need to work on the risk side rather than the reward side to get more men into pre-college teaching.

    "I know that the IQ spread is greater for men than women, which is what makes having a greater number of women than men in college so concerning."

    Actually, it explains it. 70% of HS students go to college. The bottom 30% is predominately male (like the top 30%). As such, out of the 70% of people who are "qualified" for college, there are more young women than young men.

  10. Athol Kay says:

    That's possible Demonspawn. Even so, we're approaching a 70/30 college split female/male some places.

  11. Demonspawn says:

    "That's possible Demonspawn. Even so, we're approaching a 70/30 college split female/male some places."

    I should have been more exact. I do believe what I typed is a large portion of the disparity, but I am far from imagining it is the whole story.

  12. I considered being a school teacher at one point. Contrary to popular perception, once you factor in pensions and health care, public school teachers are actually paid pretty well, at least in CA, NJ, PA, and OH, where I have lived. Not a big fan of unions, either, but the real backbreaker was when I realised,as a man, that I would be at the mercy of every parent, student, or colleague with a bone to pick with me, teamed up with a legal system where the rules would be decidedly stacked against me. My only defense would be to have a complete audiovisual record of my time at work, from start to finish, each and every day- clearly impossible.

    Choosing a profession where just comforting a crying child who has skinned their knees on the playground could be considered "inappropriate touching" seemed like insanity, so I crossed teaching off the list.

    I can't say I feel happier doing what I do now, but the risk of being tagged as a sex offender for the rest of my life is a lot lower.

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