Just Do One Thing Really Well

Badger has left a new comment on your post “Sexy Move: Ask For Her Special Dish”:
Athol, I was wondering if you might talk about how you find “you time” in your life. I understand all the gotta-dos for a modern husband – you come home from work and you’ve got kid care, wife care, nesting, etc. How do you find time to play WoW, to blog and do other things that make you you (and thus make you attractive as a guy leading his life) without your family thinking you are neglecting them?
Well this is the question isn’t it. Without an army of clones, there are simply too many things that you could do for upping your Sex Rank than can actually be done. For the most part I concentrate on what I can do best and see how far that takes me, then fill in the gaps.
I think what I do reasonably well is try and use my time for multiple purposes in doing the same task. For example when I’m answering someone’s questions by email, very often I find myself writing a longish reply. Quite frequently that long reply gets stripped of personal information and edited into a functional blog post. When I’m on Talk About Marriage offering advice and reading the stuff there, I often start to see patterns and that can turn into a post. When I read of the third guy who had a friend move in with him and the result was the friend had an affair with the wife, I said “aha that’s got to happen a fair bit” and I bammed out a post about it.
The blog is also doubling as a huge very messy first draft for the book, and as the marketing platform for the book as well. Hopefully the book turns into money which is going to pay the bills yada yada yada. Originally I had just thought of a book as a “better organized version of the blog”, but I’ve been surprised at how I’ve continued to develop my thinking as I’ve written it and it’s turning out better than the blog.
The blog is also a Display of High Value to one person in particular… Jennifer. Seriously do you realize how big my balls have to be to write that I’m an absolutely wonderful studfucking husband and get away with it? The payoff is when guys write back that when they do my stuff and say that it works, I’m always sure to show Jennifer those emails and comments. Plus I get her to read my posts and edit them before I publish them, so I’m including her in the process and asking for her help. She happens to like playing the support role, so it works on that level too. Hey honey could you just polish my enormous balls a little before I hit publish? Thanks.
So on one hand the blog itself is very Alpha, but it’s also very Beta as well. Try thinking of it as 380 posts about how much I love my wife. Try find a bad word about Jennifer in any of those pages. Oh sure I might tease her a little here and there, but it’s all really just an avalanche of positive emotion about her. At some point in 300-400,000 words of “Ode to Monogamy and Jennifer”, you figure she’s got to start thinking I’m interested in her.
So all this works together in one big ball of time efficent goodness. I’m doing my ONE THING that I’m really good at. Sometimes all you gotta do is just one thing really well and everything else just falls into place around it.
The other half of the equation is Jennifer. I’m married, so I don’t have to spend 3-4 hours a day wondering where my next lay is coming from. Generally I write posts from 930p to 1030ish, she edits the post, then we go to bed and have sex. That’s a big time savings right there. I don’t have a couple women calling me their baby’s daddy either, so that’s a big time and effort savings as well. Jennifer and I generally live within our means and we both work, so that’s a help as well. We spent time teaching the kids to behave when they were little and they behave really well now, so that’s easy too. Hey monogamy might look boring from the outside, but it’s an efficent way to live.
Also Jennifer does more around the house than I do and does more with the kids than I do. I do play with the kids and goof off with them. I don’t do nothing to be sure, but it’s not a 50/50 split and I do appreciate what she does. She believes in me. I won’t pretend for a minute that I don’t hope this all doesn’t ignite into some fame and major dollars, but even if it doesn’t, I’ve still helped a ton of people and that means something to us.
In terms of World of Warcraft, I’ve retired from competitive play. Oh I used to do that pretty hard core, server first boss kills and all that, but now it’s just a few hours here and there. This was something that I made a definite choice about a few years back. I don’t really miss the game as much as a handful of my old guildmates. I just play to zone out and not be bothered by anything.
I’ve just reached this point in my life where I need to start building something of meaning and value. And there’s really only enough time to do one thing really well.
Jennifer said she likes that I write in the living room with everyone present rather than holed up in a man cave somewhere.

Comments

  1. I would like to make a comment about the whole "being who you are thing". I was stuck on this for a while.

    I like video games. I have been playing them since I was a kid. They have been like a hobby. However, they also undermined my masculinity in the eyes of my wife. Seeing her husband spend hours at a time hiding in the basement playing games did not turn her on. It made me look somewhat childish.

    The point to this is that perhaps part of the problem in why your wife is not sexually attracted is that some of the things that make you who you are are not attractive to her. If you want to be more attractive, then you may have to give up some of the things that you like, or at least scale back on them.

    I still play games, but I do it on my lunch break at work, or when my wife is out for the evening. When she is around, I spend time with her instead. I do not ignore her to play games. As a result, our relationship has improved vastly.

  2. Nice. I've recently reached that conclusion myself. I went back to school almost 10 years ago part-time while still working full time. It's time to man-up and finish the dissertation, and I've been logging lots of time at it. As such, haven't had as much time here as I would like, but on the other hand I seem to have things in this area under control for now.

  3. I think that's an excellent example Elhaf.

  4. Louie, I agree with your wife that excessive video gaming makes a man look childish. Really, isn't that a teen boy's hobby? Do you masturbate to a dirty magazine while you're down there all night too?

    Even if a guy's "thing" isn't childish, there's definitely a line between hobby and obsession. It's like the difference between being a social drinker and a frat guy. You don't want to be the one who just doesn't stop when it's time.

  5. Athol Kay says:

    TX Janey most men enjoy video games and dirty magazines. I think Louie already said that he limited his play time and was enjoying the benefits of it.

    You look childish when you try and shame someone for openly discussing a problem and how they solved it.

  6. My sex life took a big hit when I changed jobs. The new job required a very high start-up cost. It was a very different female-dominated corporate environment (education). I went from being a self-pacing manager in IT to low man on the totem pole in a rigid structure. My wife lost a LOT of respect for me. When I started winning awards and getting high-paying consulting gigs in my third year of teaching, my investment started to pay off. It is not coincidence that I started the No More Mr Nice Guy program at that same time. Being "good" at what I do and being the "go to guy" means a lot to my wife.

  7. Athol Kay says:

    Great example Anon.

  8. "However, they also undermined my masculinity in the eyes of my wife."

    No shame intended. That quote from Louie is all I was getting at: Louie's wife isn't the only woman who thinks this way.

  9. "Really, isn't that a teen boy's hobby? Do you masturbate to a dirty magazine while you're down there all night too? "

    I could say the same thing about watching Bravo ("chick porn"), high-impact baking, shoe collecting or any other stereotypically female hobbies.

    I don't see why both members of a couple can't have some harmless fun as long as it doesn't interfere with life responsibilities. A little video gaming is not too much to ask – to be quite honest, I'd much rather couples were into "childish" hobbies than into young-adult ones like going out to bars, where you're likely to meet someone you might prefer to your mate.

  10. Bravo again, Athol. You're pure gold compared to so many gamers, who advise feeding their wives NEGATIVE and/or limited attention; you shower her with good attention instead :)

    Jennifer 6

  11. Hey, I love DVD and computer games, y'all. So shut up.

    Jennifer 6

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