Sexy Move: Ask For Her Special Dish

Most wives have something they are really good at doing and you like whatever that thing is she does. So ask for it once in a while.
Usually that special thing is making some sort of food. Lets face it, most of us are not chefs and we turn out quite edible food but on average it’s all quite mundane. But usually she will have a small handful of things that she’s really really good at making, but she only makes them for special occasions.
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The Propinquity Effect: A Third Wheel In Your Own Home Is You Being Stupid

You always need to be very cautious about having friends living with you as a married couple for an extended length of time. When your buddy visits and stays as a guest, there’s usually a lot of close interaction between you and your friend as you make the best use of your time together. But what you call “hanging out and having a beer” also doubles up with what evolutionary psychologists call “mate guarding behavior”. Or in plain English, you’re having fun with your friend, but you’re also cockblocking your friend getting to your wife.
But if you let your buddy actually start living with you, there’s no way to maintain the cockblock. You can’t just hang out and have a beer every single day when there’s real life and working late heading up your personal chore list. So at some point your buddy and your wife are going to be left together minus you. Now it’s unlikely that as your car pulls out of the driveway leaving them alone for the very first time, that they will lock eyes across the cornflakes and head back to your bedroom for five hours. But if you give it a couple of months just about anything can happen.
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Can SSRIs Really Kill Romance/Love?

Just got a question from a reader that got the “I love you, but I’m not in love with you” speech. Generally I advise that the immediate threat is another man in the picture, so naturally I asked him if that was so. The reply was that he had no concerns about that, everything had been great between them. But she had just started on an SSRI depressant because of anxiety at work. Hence the question, “can SSRIs really kill romance/love”.
Well according to Dr Helen Fisher the worlds foremost authority on romantic love, yes they can damage the ability to feel in love.
I don’t want to say that SSRIs should never be tried because for some people they are needed and do work. But if there is a change in sexual functioning or change in the ability to experience attachment to your loved ones, that needs to be looked at extremely seriously. Anything like this needs to be reported to the prescriber of the medication. Importantly do not stop the medication as you can have a very rough time coming off these medications if you do it too fast.
I’m getting questions from people asking advice about partners with a defunct sex drive that are on SSRIs every week. I had three questions today. The entire point of the medication is to make you more functional rather than less functional.
I’m getting to the point where I think “are you on an SSRI?” is a first date question.
If nothing else… research all the medications you and your loved ones are on. Your best advocate for your health is you.

You Can’t Be Too Alpha Or Too Beta

Athol, I’m digging your premise about being a mix of alpha and beta. Do you have any tips on how you know when you’re leaning too beta and need to up the alpha, or vice versa? Like different behaviors your woman will exhibit during times when you’re being too alpha or too beta.

You have a slight but critical misunderstanding on the Alpha / Beta thing, but this is a great question.

Being Alpha is good, you can’t be “too Alpha”. Women simply don’t look at a guy and complain that he’s too powerful and sexy for them and reject him for it. They just get wetter and wetter thinking about him the more Alpha he is.

Being Beta is good, you can’t be “too Beta”. Women utterly love comfort, safety and pampering. Women don’t typically complain that the pillows are too soft, the food too delicious, the wine too delightful and the sounds of their children’s laughter just unbearably adorable. They never complain that there is too much money either.

However, what does very much cause you problems is lacking either Alpha or Beta Traits.

If you’re not enough Alpha, she’s going to start losing sexual interest in you and probably start becoming more bossy and fitness testing you. Her sexual interest can reduce in you. Ultimately she can start to seek the Alpha need outside the relationship and head down the path towards a physical affair or ending the relationship. Trying to solve this problem by adding more and more Beta goodness is futile and probably increasingly expensive.

If you’re not enough Beta, she’s going to start to intensify her efforts to get a Beta response from you and seek comfort building. Usually it’s something like requests for greater indications of commitment or expressions of love from you. Ultimately she can start to seek the need for comfort outside the relationship and head down towards the path for an emotional affair or ending the relationship. If the problem is that she’s feeling ignored, taken for granted, unloved, or just a piece of ass to you, You upping the Alpha and playing it cool towards her doesn’t fix the need for comfort in need in her.

Also Alpha and Beta is not an either/or proposition, nor is it truely a “balance” thing either other than as a time management sort of issue. Lets face it, no one has limitless time to spend on their spouse, you can’t do everything a man could do without a clone army helping you out. You do have to make some choices along the way to do this and not that. Alpha and Beta are two distinct traits that can be displayed with or without each other. There is a very common pattern of men giving up Alpha Traits and gaining Beta Traits generally called Betaization, but that is best understood as two separate effects clustered together, rather than a single effect.

So it’s not like this…

    Too Beta {———————————————————-} Too Alpha

But it is like this…

No Alpha {———————————————————-} Alpha
No Beta  {———————————————————-} Beta

In general though, whatever is your weakest Trait is the one that you need to work on first, because it’s the lack of a Trait that does you in. For most men that means they need to work on the Alpha Trait.

A Quick Line To Use

Here’s a simple line to use any time you see a woman verbally harassing a man, or trying to maneuver him into completing a task for her where they have no established relationship.
“Oh wow, I didn’t realize you guys were dating.”  Importantly the tone is playful and an element of mock surprise.
The woman usually bursts out laughing every time I’ve done it, plus they usually stop ragging on the other guy right away. It’s a big win for you in that the other guy is usually relived that you pulled the woman off him, plus you’ve effortlessly passed a fitness test she threw out. Advantage you.