I said yesterday… “The Beta stuff doesn’t really turn women ON, but in a marriage lacking Beta can turn women OFF.”
“The Mrs” commented today…. “So what do you call it when your husband spends as little time with his kids as possible, but isn’t alpha either? Is that just being a lousy beta because he doesn’t have those comfort skills?
My husband was never good in school, since he was too busy smoking and being the class clown. So he hasn’t been much help with homework since the kids have been out of early middle school. It’s ridiculous because he’s the computer geek and I’m the one with the useless liberal arts degree.
You might want to see a post I did a year back A Little More on Alpha and Beta Traits where I define men into four category groups of Alpha, Beta, Omega and Gamma. I tend not to mention Omega and Gamma very often at all on the blog because I want to try and sell the message of “you should balance Alpha and Beta” as a core concept. I’ve got enough new terms as it is for a new reader so I try and keep it manageable.
A Gamma Male is simply a man that has both Alpha and Beta Traits in decent quantity and balance. Whether he started off as a pure Alpha and added Beta along the way, or started off as a pure Beta and figured out how to Alpha up, doesn’t matter. He’s got a balance to him finally; he’s a nice guy with a sharp edge, a bit of an asshole but sweet to her, does what he wants but takes what she wants into account too, could pull another woman or two but stays faithful to her. He’s carrot and stick, inspiring her to her best relationship behavior with him and rewarding her for it. He’s the pump but not the dump, nor the chump for her rump.
An Omega Male on the other hand is someone that lacks both Alpha and Beta Traits. A real no getter like a Homer Simpson would be a perfect example. Words that come to mind as descriptors are things like “loser”, “totally useless” and “soon to be ex-husband”.
The question that needs asking though is what do you plan to do about your husband? Obviously screaming and kicking him out is one option, but that’s just nuking him. You’re probably doing a lot of things that support and enable his less than helpful behavior, so if you can figure out what they are and stop doing them, maybe he’ll be forced into doing something more useful. Plus you shouldn’t underestimate the power of you dressing up once in a while and going to the magical place of “out”.
If you want to tell me the story… athol(dot)kay@gmail(dot)com
Before Jennifer and I got married I was still living in New Zealand up until two weeks before the wedding. As such there wasn’t really anything I could do to assist with planning the wedding. Jennifer did ask me what I wanted for it and I came up with the short directive of “nothing too frilly and if there is a color choice I like blue, otherwise whatever you choose is fine”. Then I lapsed into a blissful ignorance and slept easy knowing my job was simply to show up and get fitted for a tux. Actually no that’s overstating it a little, I had no clue about the tux rental thing, but went along with getting fitted a week before the wedding.
In retrospect this approach served me incredibly well. I couldn’t really make a misstep in the wedding planning, as there was no opportunity to make a face at the price of something or create something to disagree over before the wedding. Plus the whole thing of doing nothing but show up to the wedding and stroll off with the bride is an incredible Alpha frame by default.
Of course if you notice some heavy duty fitness testing going on during the wedding planning, I’d take that as something that absolutely shouldn’t be ignored. Bump back on that and pass the tests or ask for the ring back if things are just getting worse. If she’s going Bridezilla on you it’s a clear statement of her intention to own you until such time as you have no further use to her.
If Jennifer had given me screeching I would have thought I was watching a preview for a horror flick… when I’m more of a romantic comedy guy.
A nice comment today…
God, I love this post. It does work for single men/women. I was dating two guys for a short period of time. One cleaned the house and was always doing laundry. The other….I was afraid to use the bathroom. I am finished breeding but the rank bathroom guy didn’t win! I am far from a clean freak but I like things clean and tidy. When I did become intimate with laundry man he always made sure we had clean sheets and towels. It scored big points in the bedroom. I love the smell of clean sheets and towels. Guys, the L-Spot does work. Men….women don’t get off washing your dirty, stinky socks and underwear! We don’t mind doing it as a combined load but don’t make us have to find the stinky things! Clean toilet and shower are right up there too!
Now if I had planned ahead, I should have made that post about doing stuff in the Kitchen. Then it would be the K-Spot which would have dovetailed nicely with my name. But even so, washing machines are pretty much foolproof and automatic these days, so there’s no reason why you can’t wash things in a machine so the original post still holds.
Actually cleaning a kitchen up is fairly easy. Just clean all the counters off and wipe them down. Actually physically pick up and put away the dishes and cups and plates and crap that are out everywhere. Having a kitchen sink full of dirty dishes just makes it unusable and energy draining. If a date walks into your house and sees dirty dishes in your sink, she’s adjusting your Sex Rank down in her mind to accommodate having to be your future charwoman if things progress in the future.
To be honest, Jennifer does more clean up work in the kitchen than I do. But I do make a special effort on nights that Jennifer is out working late to tidy up the kitchen and clean it all away before she gets home. As she drives home on those nights I’d prefer her to dream about starting to sink into my arms, rather than her arms in my sink.
Much of what I talk about boils down to that it’s ok to be a man and exhibit normal male behavior. The betaization trap is really just about being feminized where husbands are expected to act inside a marriage in the same way a wife would. The trouble being that if you end up with a wife and a de facto wife in a marriage and the real one isn’t an emotional lesbian, then she gets very agitated at the situation.
Much of this learning that it’s not “ok to be a man” starts very early, when you learn that it’s not really “ok to be a boy”.
Unlearning all this can be a long process. Don’t give up.
Jennifer is good at math, but she’s not good at Math with the capital M. She can balance a check book and loves playing money saving coupons yada yada yada, but the kids Math homework just sends her into the unhappy place. Give her a 6th Grade word problem and she might as well be looking at a green screen of the Matrix with all those symbols cascading downwards.
So me helping with 6th Grade Math Homework Assistance is quite positive Beta Male skill and a mad display of value. Ok I gotta be honest here, it’s just nice to see some pure geek stuff come around to full circle and have someone expressing sexual interest for it. I can do algebra and I’m not ashamed.
I’m down on my hands and knees using the tile in the kitchen to explain square footage to youngest and suddenly she gets it. Thankfully we have tiles that are exactly a square foot making that easy. Also explained what a square root was to youngest and I’m upgraded to the minor deity that explained “what that button was on the calculator”. You’re welcome baby, you are welcome.
Eldest is currently doing a month long science fair project on “the effect of the day of the week on prices in virtual economies”. Which translated into fun means she monitors the prices of various common trade items on her World of Warcraft server for weeks on end. Guess who thought that one up… Superdaddy Deluxe that’s who. I’ll help crunch the numbers with her in about another week or so. It does make parenting odd when you have to demand “have you played Warcraft yet?” to a 13 year old, but there we go.
As an aside it’s a little frustrating watching eldest play… I could probably up her damage dealing 50% with an hour of coaching but she detests my assistance so far. Apparently Superdaddy Deluxe doubles as a backseat driver a little bit, so I just bite my hand and quietly rock back and forth. Leveling up in Warcraft has been made so easy now that a baby smashing the keyboard with a toy hammer can hit the level cap, so she gets away with a lot of sloppiness which annoys me. Once she gets up to raiding she’ll come asking for help though, I just know it. So I’ll just wait on that.
Youngest is doing a science fair project on “does virtual practice improve actual performance?” Which in the language of fun means we’re all going bowling to establish a baseline, then we’re all doing a fair bit of Wii Bowling, then we’re all going bowling again to see if we got any better because of the Wii. Also there will be pizza.
Jennifer has been impressed with all the clever ideas for science fairs and is utterly relived that I do the Math homework. It definitely a Beta skill, but if you’re in good with a woman’s kids and can teach and lead them it just builds her comfort in being with you way up. The Beta stuff doesn’t really turn women ON, but in a marriage lacking Beta can turn women OFF.
Oh and the science fair idea trick… just Google “Science Fair Idea” and sort through the hundreds of ideas on the Internet. But if you have a Wii, the bowling one is just brilliant. When your wife bowls it’s a perfect opportunity to be caught looking at her ass.