Sexting The Wife

Jennifer has to work late a couple times a week doing open houses, and detests open houses where nobody comes. She gets bored and we tend to text a little during her events just to stay in contact with each other. She does a lot of events like this in her job and if they are dead it’s just a vacuum, so I fill it and make her laugh. If the event is good I cheerleader her too.
When she’s working late I usually make sure the house is clean, dinner done, kids happy yada yada yada in her absence. This particular night the dinner option was leftover sausage bread, but I wrangled eldest daughter into cooking pasta with me and…
Buy Me!


  1. /clicks the "like" option.

  2. Anonymous says:

    Heh, heh, I also enjoy this type of jesting with one's spouse.

    One of my favorite traditions for Valentines Day is to purchase some of those icky little candy hearts and write suggestive (okay, filthy) messages on the back of the hearts and scatter in husband's underwear drawer.

    Along with a bottle of scotch.

    Feel free to use this tip.

  3. Anonymous says:

    LOVE coming home to a cleaned house and fed children! But one word of caution to men who aren't cooks: DON'T. More than once, I've come home to an awful meal because my husband was trying to make something complicated that he had no business trying. I appreciate the gesture, but we couldn't eat the food anyway.

  4. "But one word of caution to men who aren't cooks: DON'T. More than once, I've come home to an awful meal because my husband was trying to make something complicated that he had no business trying. I appreciate the gesture, but we couldn't eat the food anyway."

    I don't mean any disrespect to your husband, but stories like these blow my mind. If a guy is a willing husband and father, he must have at least a little belief in the male provider role, right? And one of the most base ways to provide is to deliver nourishment to the family, right? So how did he never learn to cook for other people?

    A guy certainly shouldn't be anybody's kitchen bitch, but, I mean, it is NOT too much to ask to boil pasta and put the sauce in the microwave, or grill burgers, or roast a chicken and make bread pudding, or put a casserole in the oven.

    Did he live a spartan life before his wife came along and brought him into civilization? (Talk about a tingle-killer – feeling you are the key to your husband's very being doesn't sound like he's very alpha.) Has there been that much division of labor from the beginning of these relationships? He brings home the bacon but can't fry it in the pan?

  5. Anonymous says:

    I don't get the whole "guys can't cook" thing either. As my father still says, "Cooking is too important to be left to women."

    More to the point of this blog: cooking for her does good things to the mammal parts of her brain. "This one gives me FOOD! I must have sex with him!"

    And if that's too beta, think about this. How can you be a studly Alpha if you're begging Mommy to make your peanut-butter sandwich for you?

  6. Well, there's an important point there: "trying to make something complicated that he had no business trying."

    That's different than grilling burgers or making bacon & eggs. There were a few Valentine's Days or anniversaries early on when I tried to make a fancy meal for my (now) wife. Almost always made her sick. Now I make someone else do the cooking (either we go out or I bring something home).

    On the other hand, *learning* to cook something complicated is an excellent idea, I think. Just don't experiment at family dinner time. Or at least have a Plan B if it doesn't work out.

  7. Ian Ironwood says:

    Heh. Not even an argument around my house. The kitchen is MY domain, and I guard it as jealously as any high school varsity trophy. In my generation most of the guys got jobs in kitchens in high school while girls got jobs as sales clerks or cashiers. As a result, almost all of the guys I know can cook, and many can cook exceptionally. The women? Microwaves and take-out. My wife in particular.

    In my house, Food Comes From Daddy. The last time I trusted my wife to feed the kids she was breastfeeding. And I don't stick to frozen chicken patties and tater-tots, either. This weekend I baked three batches of bread (in subtly phallic shapes), a lamb stew, and a butternut squash souffle . . . with homemade fruit tart for dessert.

    Sure, sounds pretty Beta . . . right up until my wife tries to disturb me or sniff my pots or otherwise mettle in the affairs of cooks. Then it's a playful wooden spoon spank to her ass and she's on her way. Her mother (who is a lousy cook of epic proportions) still thinks it's weird and generally disapproves that the Mother is not the provider of sustainance. Even my mother is a little weirded out, and suggests that maybe my wife should make an occasional meal.

    I love my children too much for that.

  8. Can't cook? Naw, you mean "can't improvise," or maybe "can't cook and multitask." If you want to be an okay-or-better cook, the answer is a cookbook (or, these days, recipes on the web). Obvious key steps — (1) Pick a pretty simple dish where you have the ingredients at hand. (2) Don't improvise (RTFM). Then, after a couple of successes, (3) explore ignoring (1) and (2).

    Yeah, Beta, but it's mostly Competence. A part of the Positive Masculine.

  9. Athol Kay says:

    Badger – Heat sauce in a microwave? OMG just no. Always in a pot, in a pot!

  10. "Mrs. Spartan" says:


    Agreed with Athol: sauce needs a pan. It's too easy to get that crusty layer on top with the microwave.

    I know you meant no disrespect, because it blows my mind too. My husband never learned to cook because his mama couldn't, so everything her kids ate went in the microwave. Then he went to college, where they have cafeteria people who make food to order for you. He only ever learned how to make some basic stuff, but even that is hit or miss.

    The problem is that once he's seen me cook something, he thinks he can imitate that. And by "seen," I mean "has wandered in from the TV a few times to say a few words." So what I can make from scratch, with a recipe I've altered for the better after a dozen times making it…he thinks he can hit on the first try. I guess he believes in magic.

    Yes, he'll bring home the bacon, but it's always been Mama's job to cook it. If I don't, he'll either skip dinner or eat something from a can.

  11. OK Spartan, now the situation makes more sense.

    My principle is unless there's a chemical change going on in the cooking process the microwave will do, so unless I'm augmenting my sauce with wine into the 'wave it goes, and it tastes good! (Never had any crust on top.)

  12. Athol Kay says:

    Try doing ground beef and pasta sauce in a pot Badger. Start with the beef raw and just slowly heat it up so the meat cooks through. It's excellent.

    Leftover diced chicken heats up well that way too.

  13. Athol,

    Not going to say I'm a better cook than the baby sniper so I'll be sure to test that out right after I give the sausage rolls a try.

  14. Athol Kay says:

    Let me know how it works! :-)

  15. How hard is it really to figure out the cooking thing? has a bunch of tested recipes, and many are dirt simple to do. Certainly a Man's best friend when he has to come up with a meal and hotdogs, spaghetti or mac&cheese are getting old. Some of the crock pot recipes take 15 minutes to throw everything in a pot and plug it in.

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