“we prefer to talk about big decisions out in a restaurant. When we’re out in public, we’re less likely to argue or make a big scene. When we’re talking about it in a restaurant somewhere, we’re much more likely to have a conversation and to listen to the other person than we are when we’re sitting on our couch.”
Marriage Confessions is a “Mommy Blog” so I suspect most MMSL readers aren’t going to find much more of direct interest over there, but the above struck me as a potentially great idea to problem solve a sticky issue, so credit where credit is due.
Husbands can often be emotionally outflanked by a wife and simply lose out on an issue as soon as the conversation starts. It’s hard to advance a better idea or more logical solution in the face of a shrieking tearful wife who can chain together accusations and distress at 92.7 decibels for upwards of an hour. Forcing her into a public place removes the whole screechtard special ability she has. Control the battlefield and find an even playing field. She can’t throw an emotional tantrum in a restaurant without losing the argument by default. Well not unless the issue at hand was something really bad like banging her sister, or the fact that the whole time after she’s separated the recycling out, you’ve just been throwing in all into the regular trash.
An alpha approach could simply say, “I think we need to really have a deep conversation about *insert the issue*, lets do it over dinner at *insert restaurant* on Friday”. Then delay the conversation until then.
That way there’s no surprise to the issue being discussed, both of you can spend some time thinking about it beforehand and calm down. The whole thing can be framed as a goal directed appointment together. Dinner out, deep conversation, working on the relationship, you framing the relationship – what woman isn’t going to be at least halfway into doing that?
It’s almost a counseling appointment, just without a counselor; consider it a facilitated conversation. More importantly… there’s food.