Sexy Move: Do It In Public

Hat Tip to Marriage Confessions….
“we prefer to talk about big decisions out in a restaurant.  When we’re out in public, we’re less likely to argue or make a big scene.  When we’re talking about it in a restaurant somewhere, we’re much more likely to have a conversation and to listen to the other person than we are when we’re sitting on our couch.”
Marriage Confessions is a “Mommy Blog” so I suspect most MMSL readers aren’t going to find much more of direct interest over there, but the above struck me as a potentially great idea to problem solve a sticky issue, so credit where credit is due.
Husbands can often be emotionally outflanked by a wife and simply lose out on an issue as soon as the conversation starts. It’s hard to advance a better idea or more logical solution in the face of a shrieking tearful wife who can chain together accusations and distress at 92.7 decibels for upwards of an hour. Forcing her into a public place removes the whole screechtard special ability she has. Control the battlefield and find an even playing field. She can’t throw an emotional tantrum in a restaurant without losing the argument by default. Well not unless the issue at hand was something really bad like banging her sister, or the fact that the whole time after she’s separated the recycling out, you’ve just been throwing in all into the regular trash.
An alpha approach could simply say, “I think we need to really have a deep conversation about *insert the issue*, lets do it over dinner at *insert restaurant* on Friday”. Then delay the conversation until then.
That way there’s no surprise to the issue being discussed, both of you can spend some time thinking about it beforehand and calm down. The whole thing can be framed as a goal directed appointment together. Dinner out, deep conversation, working on the relationship, you framing the relationship – what woman isn’t going to be at least halfway into doing that?
It’s almost a counseling appointment, just without a counselor; consider it a facilitated conversation. More importantly… there’s food.


  1. I absolutely love public sex, especially in the snow. The women that I've done it with also seem to love it. There's nothing like the excitement of possibly getting caught.

  2. Anonymous says:

    @assanova: The post isn't referring to public sex, you moron. At least bother to read it before leaving a comment.

  3. Thag Jones says:

    He's not called assanova for nothing. As for the post, that is a good idea assuming you can get a spot where there's a certain level of privacy.

  4. Anonymous says:

    Okay, Assanova basically made my day. I cannot stop laughing!
    Signed, A Girl

  5. Anonymous says:

    Probably a good approach in general…women really care "what people think" and are likely to behave better in public.

    If I tried this with my wife, though, she would tell me I was talking too loud (no matter how quietly I talked) and humiliating her in front of all these people.

  6. What can I say? I was in a rush. As for the actual topic, if you have to be in public in order not to argue, then I think that the relationship is already done for. As adults, you should be able to talk to each other anywhere without having to worry about getting into an argument all of the time. I know you're referring to big decisions, but still…

  7. Okay, I'll admit it…all the others who comment here are always well behaved and rational, but not me! We were going thru a terrible period in our marriage and attempted a "serious" relationship discussion in a restaurant. I got so pissed off I stormed out and left him sitting there alone. Yes, that was immature and out of character for me; we got thru all the crap and are doing great now.

    If things are going REALLY badly, you may want to keep to the homefront.

  8. Assanova, you made my day too.

    I seem to recall hearing this advice (of using a restaurant or other public space) for breaking up with a girl/boyfriend. So, I suppose it would work here too. Though I think a wife adept at using her shrillness wouldn't let the venue stop her. At the very least you'd get an earful on the way home in the car–with the now added complaint about your wanting to discuss the topic at a public restaurant.

    On that note, I think a wife in the habit of either a) dropping into a puddle of tears, or b) turning into shrieking lunatic when confronted with uncomfortable conversation (such that you're often seeking public spaces for conversation) is probably doing so as a LEARNED RESPONSE. She's using this behavior pattern as a tool to get what she wants out of the encounter. (As does I suppose a husband in the habit of curtailing the conversation by yelling and storming off). Of course there are legitimate triggers for this sort of thing (of the "you've been banging my sister/brother/dog" variety). But if it's a habit, it's just plain manipulative.

    In the face of this, your best response as a game-wielding husband needs to be one of almost bemused detachment. Don't reward the behavior. Recognize the toddler-tantrum-in-the-candy-aisle-pattern for what it really is.

    The threat of a wife's tantrums shouldn't ever prevent you from expressing yourself.

  9. Ian Ironwood says:

    My wife and I use this technique frequently, even though she's not a fan of hysterics, herself. The idea of "Neutral Territory" is valuable, because it puts both of you on an even footing.

    And unless I was banging her sister, any tearful hysterics would be greeted by me with a stern expression and "I suppose we can address this later once you've calmed down and can discuss it like adults."

    But we rarely get to that point. We developed "Rules of Engagement" for our fights that usually keep that sort of thing from happening in the first place.

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