Wife With Baby Crazies

If your wife says she wants a baby, repeatedly, insistently, illogically, passionately… for months… she’s in the throes of the baby crazies.
Option 1 – Get her pregnant.
Option 2 – Roll the dice and don’t get her pregnant… Maybe she’ll just come around and snap out of it and be happy. Maybe she’ll mope about it but that’s it. Maybe she’ll tear the relationship apart so she can find a new husband that will get her pregnant. Maybe she’ll get “accidentally” pregnant to you. Maybe she’ll get pregnant to someone else and then come running back to you. Maybe you’ll never know that the new baby isn’t really yours.
In general though, nature finds a way. Be advised that women that really want to be pregnant have essentially no limits on what they will do to meet that goal.
I’m not saying it’s right that women act this way, I’m just saying that this is reality and this is exactly what women are biologically designed to do. Sometimes a third kid is cheaper and less effort than child support x2, alimony, losing half your stuff and having to start over.

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Comments

  1. Anonymous says:

    Where are you guys finding these ovary-driven animals? My condolences.

    The baby issue (if, when, number) should be discussed and agreed upon before marriage; not all of us get the "baby crazies."

    Your're exactly right, it isn't right; no one should be strong armed into parenthood.

  2. Anonymous says:

    If you're blessed enough that your wife is self aware and introspective, she'll at least know that this is not rational and there isn't anything she can do to change these feelings. But it WONT change it. It is a very strong instinct. Its usually for the first child, but can even be after she's had children. Even if you and she agree "no kids" before the wedding be aware this is likely going to happen.

  3. Athol Kay says:

    Anon 1/25/11 – you miss the point, you can discuss and agree upon number of babies before the marriage quite logically and calmly. But if her body kicks in at age 37 and screams for another child she won't always be able to think about that logically anymore.

    And seriously, have you never seen any women do crazy things to get pregnant?

  4. Anonymous says:

    After my wife told me that her mother wanted kids so tricked her father into them by not taking the pill and not telling him. He did have 4 already to be fair to him, and his first wife died in childbirth.

    After hearing that I was REAL careful, and made her wait 9 years before giving her kids.

    FL

  5. Anonymous says:

    My husband and I thought we would have two but after we had one we wanted to have as many as we could.Yes, it was hard work but worthwhile to us both and we have a fine and amazing family of five children. I admired the manly courage in my husband to face criticism for increasing his family size beyond the average. It was fun conceiving them and it has been a blast with all the family fun we have had. He really matured taking on the lead role of father and I deeply appreciate his being willing to provide for us. No, we are not rich but we make do. It has not interfered with our sex life,we make sure of that.
    People dedicate time and money to many things. We decided it would be family. There are many reports now of countries suffering from a birth dearth. We just kissed each other,proceeded to the next step and enjoyed our babies and now our terrific grown children and their families.

  6. Anonymous says:

    Goes to show how people's refusal to deal with this rationally eventually harms them. Women should start thinking realistically about these plans before they get married, ideally in their early 20s. They should be extensively discussed with their future husband and codified in the marriage contract.

  7. Anonymous says:

    Is wanting a child,children or more children than you originally planned on irrational thinking? There may be many things and different things men and women would put in a marriage contract but it seems to be an effort to control in a way that may not be possible. There is something very powerful in a man stepping up and saying he wants to establish a family with you–you,not any other woman. Just as marriage in itself indicates a willingness to forgo all others. What courage,strength,financial sacrifice and fortitude are required of such men! How rare they are! As other men quivered in fear before the BABY that might come their way or GASP more responsibility, there are some that welcome them more than the latest big boy toy and look for ways to enjoy their family and guide the ship. It behooves a woman in this situation not to turn out total brats,keep the home in order and encourage her man by being grateful,supportive,careful with their income,have a sense of humor and MAKE THE TIME for sex with such a generous man (generous with his life).

  8. Anonymous says:

    All this talk about "rational planning" kind of misses the point. When a woman's ovaries are in the driver's seat, rational planning doesn't matter.

    My wife had a mild case — she'd planned to have her first kid once she finished professional school and found a job. But … maybe it would be better to have the kid before getting a job, so do it late in the academic phase. But … that means we have to start trying RIGHT NOW!

  9. SeekUp says:

    I noticed some oddly specific numbers in here. "Third kid"? (Don't you have two already?) "37"? (How old is your wife?)

    Are there some developments going on that you're subtly hinting at here? :)

  10. Anonymous says:

    Sure, (some) women do crazy things to get pregnant; it just shouldn't be excused as "natural" or acceptable. Men shouldn't go along with it if they honestly don't want any more kids. This kind of thing also breaks up marriages.

    Confession: I did have a period of "baby rabies" myself in my early twenties and I was a woman who grew up knowing she didn't want any children and married a man who felt the same way. The rabies subsided in a couple weeks; nothing but a hormonal surge. Spouse got a vasectomy with my blessing.

    Anon 1/25/11

  11. Anonymous says:

    These comments are killing me. Seriously people, "you should know by your early 20's how many children you want." Where do you live? I know in my early 20's I was not thinking of exactly how many children I wanted. I was thinking of my social life and "eventually" getting married. Next thing you know I met a great man and got married far earlier than I expected to. We got pregnant after being married just under a year. It was exactly planned but we don't turn down blessings. After our first we decided we would have 3 more. Now at number 3 I am not sure I even want anymore. How can you say at 20 that you will know what life will throw at you and how many children you will actually decide to have. We are not getting anything permanant done as we may change our minds in a few years. Right now we have three small ones and busy lives but who knows what a few years might bring. You people are silly to think it can all be decided at 20.

  12. Anonymous says:

    I have a good friend who decided with his wife before marriage that they were not going to have children. Fives year later she is great with the original plan but he is no longer fine with it. If things don't change I can see him leaving her so that he can have the family he wants. It is not always a girl thing.

  13. Anonymous says:

    "I was thinking of my social life and "eventually" getting married"

    Well, that's how many women end up married at 36-40 and struggling to get pregnant and spending lots of money of IVF.

    I don't see what we need an entire decade of extended childhood involving dosing yourself with hormones (funny how that's bad when it's done to meat animals and football players, but perfectly acceptable with young women) and hooking up(yeah and look up BCP pills and "mate choice), particularly during the years when women are at their fertility prime.

    I'm 24 and I made decisions when I was 23 to stop hooking up and start dating men with the view towards marriage. I've also structured my career to be flexible. Ironically I think a lot more women would be in tech if women were taught to plan for children. I find being a computer programmer is something I enjoy, but also provides more flexibility than other career I considered like law.

    As per the contract, my fiance and I have already discussed that we aren't limiting the number of children we want, but will try to space them by at least 2 years each and set up a saving account for each one we anticipate. We have also conferred with our families regarding setting up a trust for them and have invested in real estate.

    Call me New Victorian if you want, but we'll inherit the Earth with our wonderfully healthy and large families :)

  14. Anonymous says:

    What about a woman that wants more kids but still wants to work full-time? So who takes care of the kids?

  15. Anonymous says:

    "What about a woman that wants more kids but still wants to work full-time? So who takes care of the kids?"

    You should discuss that before you get married. It's certainly possible. I work with a guy who works part-time as a programmer and gets out at noon instead of 6 like the rest of us so he can pick up the kids from school and deal with all that. This underscores the value of having the father on board with family planning on not just leaving it to the crazy hormones. There are tons of models for child rearing. Just because things can change over the years doesn't mean you shouldn't try to plan. Saying otherwise is like saying it's dumb to invest in an IRA because the stock market will change!

  16. Terry @ Breathing Grace says:

    The comments here are interesting. Had I been a more submissive wife in the early years of my marriage I would probably be a mother of 10 now instead of a mother of 5 daughters.

    After having 3 kids in the space of 12 months (twins in the mix) I was overwhelmed- and finished. My husband always wanted a lot of children and it was several years before I got with the program.

    We're united in our agreement now that we're finished. It isn't always wives who want lots of babies.

    Just sayin'.

  17. Anonymous says:

    Anon. 11:51,

    I didn't go into great detail but you have me all wrong. When I say "socializing" I was not out screwing men. I was getting an education, travelling and enjoying being able to come and go as I please. My sexual experiences don't go far beyond my husband. The point I was trying to get across was, at 20 the thought of kids was all relative. I love my nieces and nephews but until you have your own children you don't really know where your emotions/finances may take you. We did an engagement encounter and children were discussed. We both come from large families and discussed having at LEAST 4. But after having 3 under 5 and a husband that is in the military I have decided that three may be my max to manage on my own during a deployment. However if in a few years he gets out and we are both able to be home more then I would definitely think of having another one. Who and what we are at 20 doesn't always match up who we become at 25,30,35,40. Things change, priorties change. I am just saying that all best intentions can go by the wayside when circumstances change.

  18. Athol Kay says:

    UpSeek said "I noticed some oddly specific numbers in here. "Third kid"? (Don't you have two already?) "37"? (How old is your wife?)

    Are there some developments going on that you're subtly hinting at here? :) "

    Yes we have two girls age 12 and 13. Jennifer is 38. I went through a phase in 2009 where I sometimes felt like I wanted more kids, Jennifer didn't. We aren't pregnant. :-)

    It's really not possible to truely plan for how life turns out when you're 25. Our bodies can make fools of us all.

  19. Anonymous says:

    "It's really not possible to truely plan for how life turns out when you're 25. Our bodies can make fools of us all."

    That pretty much sums it up. :)

  20. Anonymous says:

    "It's really not possible to truely plan for how life turns out when you're 25. Our bodies can make fools of us all."

    Is it possible to truly plan for anything? That doesn't mean don't plan at all. Plans can be upset, but it's better than just skirting the issue and hoping for the best.

  21. Anonymous says:

    Right about the time kid number four was done being a baby my wife starting talking about having another.

    I was happy with four kids… and I would have been happy to have more.

    So told my wife it was her call especially since a new baby was a lot of load on her.

    And I got her a big yellow lab.

    Great dog.

  22. Mama says:

    @Anonymous January 26, 2011 6:40 PM
    I think that was fantastically up-front of you to tell your wife that having a fifth child was "a lot of load on her."

    My first child was an accident that happened 3 months after we got married. I was 23 and knew we were totally not prepared for kids, but my husband was excited as a kid on Christmas.

    Then the baby actually came out and he was introduced to the…let's say difficulties…of newborns. He suddenly "didn't have time" to help with the baby because he was "so tired" from work.

    With number two, we decided to go for another and I ended up pregnant the second month of trying. I was 25. Baby came out, and suddenly we had two kids, which was really hard, and OMG one was a newborn and hard to deal with. Husband was yet again "busy" and "so tired."

    By the time I was at home with kids aged 4 and 2, he started talking about having a third. I was 27. We're still in negotiations.

    I just wish my husband had been up-front about letting me handle the kids, rather than pretending he'd be super involved. I'm going on 30 and feel tired like I must be 40 already.

  23. Mama says:

    Sorry, Athol! No offense meant by picking age 40…maybe I should've said 50?

  24. BobW says:

    Mama:

    Some of us guys are intimidated at the prospect of actually, you know, changing the oil, rotating the tires, gapping the spark plugs, and all the other little things. I did some of everything with our two. My daughter still screamed at me when I came after a week out of town.

    I got from the other direction, too. A great many women expect a man to be incompetent with babies. I try not to take it personally. Maybe they just want another chance to play with dolls.

  25. Athol Kay says:

    No problem Mama. I was more tired at 27 than I am at 40. Kids can be a lot of work at that age.

  26. Badger says:

    I think you forgot to mention, don't feed her the bread pudding when she's like this.

  27. Ian Ironwood says:

    @Mama Don't let them outnumber you (plural). It changes the whole dynamic, and forces the parents into a zone defense.

    Fair warning.

  28. Athol Kay says:

    LOL Badger

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