This was a long comment on Alpha Professions and Under-Appreciated Wives. I just liked it as a comment, so republishing it as a post.
I was a naïve 20 year old virgin when I entered what I thought was going to be a storybook marriage to my alpha-male trial-lawyer super-athlete husband, the husband who had more notches in his belt than anyone could count. Also, this husband was 10+ years older than me.
The first few years of marriage were Hell. Aside from devoting a lot of hours to work, he played sports 5, yeah count ‘em FIVE nights a week. No amount of begging on my part could dissuade him from doing this. The worst part about my marriage was that Hubby decided it would be wrong of him to break off his friendships with his ex-girlfriends, including the one that had appeared in Playboy. Heaven forbid he might offend them by saying “hey, I’m married now,” so he kept those friendships going. The many screaming tearful fights I would have with him about this resulted in the same two responses over and over again: “I have to maintain my relationships for business purposes,” and “you’re so insecure.”
The funny thing is, he is not your classic alpha male asshole to anyone else. This man had and still has a solid reputation for being the kindest, most considerate man his friends, clients and acquaintances have ever known. He will go out on a limb to do anything for anyone. When our boys were born, he was unanimously declared “father of the year” by friends and family for being so perfect. For so many years I felt so jealous that others felt this way about him, yet I, his wife, could not feel this way about him.
I have always been madly in love with my husband, and have always respected him (even if I did resent him at times) but 15 years into this gig my attitude finally changed. I decided I no longer cared who he maintained his friendships with or what he did in his spare time. Along with this attitude change, I felt myself “caring a little less about him,” and this makes me sad. (Note the breaking point and emotional cashing out – Athol)
We have been married 20 years now. I don’t mean to brag, but it would be leaving out an important detail if I were not to mention that my sex rank FAR outranks his, unless you count his ability to earn a paycheck, which I have to admit, I could never come close to. (We do count that, but half of it belongs to you anyway because you are married to him.) I am easily an 8 or a 9, don’t look anywhere close to my age. I can tell several of my husband’s friends and acquaintances harbor crushes on me, but due to my ultra-conservative upbringing I could never have an affair on my husband. In fact, I don’t even have male friends. I feel that getting close to a friend of the opposite sex would betray my husband’s trust in me. I wish my husband could have also felt this way from the beginning.
Of course with time and age he has settled down quite a bit, and in the last few years, he has even come to depend on me emotionally. I know that’s an odd thing to say. Aren’t most husbands supposed to depend emotionally on their wives? Not mine; not until recently. But like I said, things are different now. Maybe the balance of power has shifted somewhat. (It has, it sounds like you have a higher Sex Rank than him now and you love him less than he loves you. So you’re in charge of the relationship now.)
So that’s my story. It feels good to be able to share, even if it is with anonymous strangers.
I do have a question for you though, why are you here at this blog?
There’s more story here I think…