I keep getting questions from women about why their husband just doesn’t seem to have a sex drive anymore. It may be something as simple as a testosterone deficiency.
See if any of this link makes any sense for your man. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypogonadism
If you both suspect it’s a possibility, then off to the doctor to get orders for a lab draw. A patch or a pill may change things a great deal. Even if your labs are in the lower normal range, you still may be symptomatic and can probably trial medication to see how it works. You never know until you go get checked out.
And yeah I know, guys hate going to the doctor…
Of course if he won’t go do this simple thing… well I’ve got a whole blog about not tolerating relationship choking nonsense. Works both ways, boys and girls. Works both ways.
A question from “B”…
I’m curious what your thoughts are on women and drama. Some Game blogs proclaim that women “need” drama and woe be the husband/player who doesn’t feed them a steady diet of faux crises and kerfuffles. If you don’t, they say, women will make up their own dramatic crises and rope you in. Seems very similar to shit-testing but I haven’t figured it out yet.
Also, your blog came along too late to help me save my marriage, but I use your stuff all the time. I’m amazed how well it (usually) works. I can’t believe how much easier acquiring vagina has become.
Finally, I’ll buy the book to show my support for you…
Email exchange with “C”…
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking between that previous relationship and my current one… In this new-found heaven I have (haha!), we talk about sex. A lot. all the time. Just started out that way! And it took me a bit to feel comfortable doing just that – talking. I got hung up on the words. Yes, cue the beta posts around hubby feeling the need to “respect” me, and not wanting to use dirty terms. That left us with the clinical ones. I find that I read your blog for some of those words. It’s given me a voice. Yes, when my partner uses a dirtier word for the first time, it still shocks me a little, but we keep talking about it. Mostly via text, because we’re still slightly long-distance in locations (2 hrs apart, so totally doable).
But we finally got to the point where he was asking if the “c word” was offensive to me (because I just used the word pussy). I thought he meant cunt. Ugh. He meant clit. Funny stuff ensued, and we agreed that cunt and dick are off-limits. Fascinating stuff for me, and has DEFINITELY engaged me in much more sex talk! And bonus points for my business trip when I met up with friends, got quite tipsy, and used the f-word in a text to him for the first time. Sometimes alcohol _does_ work!
Anyway, keep your posts laced with the dirty words, please! And maybe this is another thought-starter for a post… just trying to help.
Hi C, I’m glad I’ve helped you!
Just be open open to trying new things and accept that most aren’t going to work in the bedroom. Only about 30% of everything Jennifer and I have tried have worked for us. Sometimes the failure is funny, sometimes it’s a little bit like “ow ow ow!” But the 30% that does work is wonderful forever.
LOL at the C word confusion!
Seriously, I need another word for fuck. This texting all the time can get a little… repetitive!
Fuck, screw, grind, pounce, take me, spank me sweetly, sleep together, roll in the hay, love, make out, make love, sleep with, get laid, have sex, know, do it, be intimate, have intercourse, have it away, have it off, jazz, eff, hump, lie with, bed, have a go at it, bang, get it on, bonk, ass, nooky, nookie, piece of ass, piece of tail, roll in the hay, shag, P in V.
Go get busy
You’ve just gone way past the awesome line, Athol!! This *will* be reflected in book sales as I plan my gift giving this year!
As an aside… “that previous relationship and my current one… In this new-found heaven I have…” I had read her first email with minor confusion thinking she was talking about an old boyfriend or something. Just realized when I was finishing off this post that she was referring to her marriage phases as pre-MMSL and post-MMSL. I love a success story, but wow.
Jennifer and I had a Date Night on Saturday, so we had an adult movie from the secret sock drawer and some regular rented DVDs as well. I went to return them tonight before we got charged for an extra night.
Jennifer (smirkingly): “It would be funny if you accidently returned the wrong movies.”
Me: “Ah… we rented them with your credit card.”
The guys writing about Game on the Internet, including myself, all have a starkly pragmatic Red Pill way of looking at the world and women. The difference between us and the character of Neo in The Matrix, is that we weren’t offered a clear choice of taking the Red Pill or not. The Red Pill was given to us via personal horror: walk-away wives, girlfriends leaving for a guy they said was an asshole, cleaned out bank accounts, “it’s not your baby”, no sex for months or years on end, the slow transformation of your darling bride into a venomous screetchtard.
In my case, I’ve been lucky as to how I was given the Red Pill. I got a good dose of it early on in my teen years when the major fallout from it was not much more than hurt feelings. A lot of what is good about Jennifer and myself is a result of that, but there’s been unwittingly good luck as well. A lot of what I’ve been doing with my writing is attempting to reverse engineer that luck, so that everyone else can use some of it too.
I suspect that for most guys, learning Game was Plan B. Plan A was taking the Blue Pill and being with one special girl forever. It just didn’t work out so well.
When women talk about wanting senstive men, they mean senstive to them. They really don’t want the guy to cry when he thinks about dolphins caught in tuna nets.
I’ve asked for some questions from the ladies and got essentially the same question twice and it’s really a fixably easy one. So I’ll take the free dunk now and get on with my day.
“How can I explain that I don’t always need to have an orgasm during sex? Sometimes it really is ok for him to get off without me. The constant pressure to orgasm is taking the fun out of our sex life.”
“I second the “I don’t have to orgasm all the time” idea. I get it that he gets off by it, it boosts the ego, etc. But sometimes I *do* want to focus on his orgasm! I get the same enjoyment he does by experiencing my partner’s joy!”
I had a question a few weeks back asking about what to do about nausea/vomiting/diarrhea. It’s somewhere in the comments and I meant to answer it. I mean, I hope you got better and weren’t waiting for an answer. I’ve been distracted recently… my bad.
Anyway… endless puking and pooping with a fever starting. Just go to the Emergency Room. You’re probably going to need meds to stop the puking and IV fluids as well. Plus it might be something more serious than “just something I ate”. When I was in New Zealand last, one of my Facebook friends did the N/V/D thing at home for several days, and did Facebook status updates until she died from the salmonella. So please… just go get checked out.
Basic puking – About an hour after your last vomiting, start slowly sipping ginger ale at a rate of a can an hour. Flat ginger ale is easier to handle. It’s fluid, something for blood sugar and the ginger is good for nausea. As you can handle it, slowly restart food with extremely plain things to eat: saltines, rice, bread, bananas, jello. Return to normal eating slowly and as you can.
Diarrhea – McDonald’s Hotcakes. I shit you not.
Disclaimer – This is not formal medical/nursing advice and is strictly for entertainment purposes only. The FDA has not evaluated McDonald’s Hotcakes as effective treatments for diarrhea and they are likely only intended by the McDonald’s Corporation to be delicious as opposed to be a medical treatment of any kind. Really suggest you don’t eat more than one serving though.
I’m a little burned out from writing for advice for men, so all April I’m writing advice for the women.
I have a fair number of post ideas in mind, but I’m interested to know exactly what the most pressing questions are from the women reading. Just leave comments or you can email me them as well.
April’s postings are also doubling as a thinly disguised front for me ordering “sexual room service” for a bunch of stuff from Jennifer that I wouldn’t mind her doing. So if you’re the husbandly half of a couple that frequently reads the blog and there’s something you want me to try and talk your wife into via post, then drop me a line. I’ll try get you hooked up.
Sometimes when you’re teasing and negging you end up pushing just a little too hard and the routine bombs. Instead of coming across as a playful jerk, you just seem to be an ass. So you need a recovery line to get back on track.
It’s the same sort of thing that stand up comics use when a joke dies. The joke is flat and no one laughs, but they have a bunch of preplanned recovery jokes and they throw one of those out and the failed joke actually becomes part of the structure of the one that works. Jay Leno is probably one of the best comics at doing this out there. I mean so many of his jokes are bad, his primary comedic skill is bad joke recovery.
The trick is to keep your frame that you’re still a playful fun guy. You do this for the same reason comedians don’t immediately roll over and apologize for being bad comedians for a single bad joke. If they break their frame that they are in fact funny, the audience senses weakness and it’s all over for the comic. So you must keep your frame that you’re fun and playful.
My favorite recovery line is some variation on…
“Oh that was a little much, I really should apologize for that… but… but I can’t….”
They always ask “Why?”
Then I say, with a big cheesy playful grin, “Because I’m obnoxious.”
They always laugh, I’ve maintained frame, I’ve established than I’m an ass and ultimately not trying to mess them up, just play with them a little. It’s disarming because their actual complaint amounts to the fact that you have been obnoxious and that was offensive to them. But you already admit to it, so there’s nothing they need to push against because you straight up admitted you were obnoxious.
Then having admitted to being obnoxious, you obviously can’t apologize, because… well… you’re obnoxious.
Then ignore the mild whoopsie and move on in the conversation.
So what are your best recovery lines?