Batshit Crazy: With a Hammer

Badger emailed me a link that Dr Tara J. Palmatier over at Shrink for Men has a great post up about Borderline Personality Disorder. Mostly it consists of a set of home videos where the husband is defensively video taping her behavior.
Now some the videos seem like it could go either way – maybe he’s pissing off a normal women by taping her and helping cause some of anger and hostility. Maybe she’s right, maybe he is the problem. But then towards the end of the second video (6:45 mark), knowing she is being video taped, she starts swinging at him with a hammer. All in front of their little girl too. Congratulations honey, you’re batshit crazy.

There is no happy ending to this story. The husband’s lawyer never got the 12 videos entered in the family court case, so the wife got full custody of the kids. She also started an affair with a family friend, that marriage broke up and she married her affair partner. Cold.
This situation has already played out ten years ago and I don’t mean to rub the Greg’s nose in it, but having looked at everything, I think he made one basic mistake. He tried to cope with the situation alone.
As I said back on the first Batshit Crazy post:
“The only really effective way of dealing with someone that is really batshit crazy is some combination of: leaving the relationship, finding an effective medication regime and using emergency services as is appropriate. Should they become violent or engage in property destruction, call 911. Even batshit crazy people understand tazers.”
If you’re faced with living with someone that is batshit crazy, you are still going to feel that you should be able to cope with a single woman inside your own home. You’re meant to be able to just “man up”, or be Alpha, or something right? Nope. When batshit crazy runs at you with a hammer in her hand, it’s over. The situation is totally unsafe and you are simply salvaging what you can from the wreckage of the relationship. You have to actively start planning to end it and your goals in order of priority should be:
1. Your physical safety.
2. Avoid being setup for jail. (She will try this.)
3. Getting custody of the children.
4. Getting to keep possession of the house.
5. Anything else.
Nanny cams are a great starting place; just don’t go it alone.


  1. Un-f'ing-believable.

  2. Problem is that most of all women nowadays behave batshit insane, simply because they CAN and are even REWARDED for this behavior, as you yourself mentioned. She got custody and the divorce courts ACTIVELY ignored incriminating evidence. Another all too common occurrence.

    In a way your blog is kinda counterproductive, as you married your virgin and are the main (&stable) influence in her life.

    This IS like finding your own personal Unicorn and riding it. Totally impossible to achieve for the rest of us "mortal" men.
    We have to deal with the (above) scraps the bad boys left behind, and I personally couldnĀ“t care less anymore.

  3. pdwalker says:


    Batshit Crazy women.

    I dated one once. It's the only time in my life I was ever afraid to sleep in my own home when she crossed that sanity line. Once that happened, that was it.

    Poor bastard. I feel sorry for the hell he must have gone through.

  4. The Private Man says:

    Family courts seem to encourage batshit crazy behavior in women but not holding them accountable for their behavior.

  5. freesoc says:

    Why was the video not admissible as evidence? Is it because she wasn't told she was being taped?

  6. There have been a couple of commentors here who say they are married to a BPD women (one got hitched just a couple of years ago). I'm curious what there is to recommend AGAINST divorcing a BPD woman immediately. If you have kids that complicates the matter, but if a person, male or female, is batshit crazy, I just don't see how they are constitutionally capable of a relationship like marriage. All they have to do is decide to go off their medication and they are a danger to everybody. Maybe there is some kind of "but I looooove her" Captain Save-A-Ho going on? I feel like you can love someone and support them in a life challenge without being married to them.

  7. I couldn't watch very far – that little girl's face just about broke my heart. It's just awful that someone would do that in front of their kids.

  8. Novaseeker says:

    It seems more unbelievable than it really is, folks. And it doesn't always take someone who is BPD to do some crazy-ass shit when they are in the midst of a marriage that is failing/on the brink of a divorce.

    Brings back bad memories, really.

  9. They say you never really know someone until you divorce them. That can bring out the hammers in anyone. Bad memories indeed. I had a physical reaction to watching one of those. It's like the commentor says, it's not that guys like this are wimps, it's that there is literally nothing they can do about it. Any self-defense is seen as an attack, and the kids are held hostage.

  10. from my blog i link to this video because is so very big shock for me..thai see how some wife and gf can be. Thank you for put this video it help me see something i never see thai girl do before.

  11. Novaseeker says:

    It's like the commentor says, it's not that guys like this are wimps, it's that there is literally nothing they can do about it. Any self-defense is seen as an attack, and the kids are held hostage.

    Yes, there are no very good options, only ticking off less worse ones.

    1. You leave the place. Best bet in terms of physical safety in the short term, but if you stay away for more than a day or if you end up doing this frequently, it's a big black eye when it comes to custody decisions, as you will be tarnished for "abandoning" the kids. And if your idea is to leave the place with the kids in tow in order to protect them, if you try to do that without calling the police about the problem first, you're going to have a hard time with the judge about custody as well because you will be tarnished for "kidnapping" your own kids, in effect, from their rightful mother.

    2. If you call the police, unless your wife is stupid/crazy enough to be prancing around with the hammer, waving it in their faces, many states have laws that require the police to arrest *you* because you are probably bigger and stronger than she is, regardless of who was (supposedly … the cops weren't there) running around swinging a hammer. So you get to spend a night in jail, her lawyer gets an ex parte restraining order placed on you and gets a temporary custodial order giving her custody of the kids. By the time any business about a home video ever gets to the judge (and it may be excluded for numerous reasons, really), the deal is done and dusted, because you are out of the house, away from your financial records, your belongings and your kids, and subject to a custodial order that typically gets turned into a permanent custodial order on the — get this — basis that you're already living apart from the kids for the most part at that stage anyway!

    3. You stay in the place. Bad if she really is a psycho and can hurt you and the kids. If she's bluffing, however, this is the best route because it gives you at least some time to plan and consult with a lawyer before pulling the plug (and you have to pull the plug — there is no remaining married to a woman swinging a hammer in your face, and if you think there is, you need serious therapy). This is a tough call, but it really depends on how you read the situation and whether you think she's crazy enough to actually bash your head in (and/or the kids' heads) with that hammer.

    All bad options, really. It's the way this plays out in too many cases. In this case the woman is bi-polar, but there are many, many other cases where she just flips her lid in the context of a divorce and the legal system simply backs her up because she is smaller than you are. The laws are very, very, very, very bad for men on all of these matters – God forbid if you ever get to the point of something like the video, you need to think in terms of damage control more than anything else. Yes, it's true that men can win their divorces — but often when that happens it's because the woman effectively gives up (i.e., one of the few who skips town, leaves the kids with hubby and is happy enough with that — i.e., she doesn't care about "winning") or, as one lawyer quipped to me during my own divorce, if she shows up in court with a lit crack pipe in her hand (or the functional equivalent thereof). Sometimes men get a more equal result if they are way ahead of their wives, are the instigators of the divorce, have it planned out in advance and so on with their lawyers and financial advisers — i.e., if the man is, as is rarely the case, behaving as the typical wife does when she is stealth-preparing for divorce.

    But if you're in anything like the situation in the video, it's a very tough call by that point, really. No very good options, I'm afraid.

  12. Anonymous says:

    truly gripping stuff.

  13. Athol Kay says:

    I basically agree with everything Novaseeker is saying here. Good people in the grip of divorce or affairs can completely change as people on you.

    The family court and DV ploys can railroad a guy into a very bad place with a fairly decent degree of success if a woman knows the system.

    I'm not really offering a cure to that entire issue here, more of a preventive approach. It's limited I know, but it's quite valuable to those that find there love renewed and avoid divorce.

    Saving marriage, or marriages, is in no way "kinda counterproductive".

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