Eating Ain’t Cheating

I have this small problem in that I am a quite genuinely helpful, kind person and I do like women. So I used to be a natural born sucker for being turned into the-chump-of-the-day for any proximal cleavage.
Of course nowadays, I’m not going to be taken advantage of and I’m wise to it all. I just don’t runabout and do special tasks for women and expect nothing for my service. Plus I know that often by helping out, I can sometimes unwittingly reduce my status in a woman’s eyes, simply for helping her with a task I’d probably  help a guy with as well. So in recent years I’ve pulled back a little from doing stuff.
The other issue is, I can run a good game if I want to on a woman and start making traction towards something sexual. It’s just that I don’t actually want to convert on that as things are good with Jennifer. The whole “I’m not a white knight, I’m a horny knight” works great on Jennifer, but doesn’t quite work for other women without getting me into trouble.
So what to do?
I like helping. But if I help for free I lose status and people try and use me. Can’t help other women for sex without wrecking things with Sugarpussy.
Anyway… today… I get an anguished female text of needing IT support. I’m not the IT department person, but apparently the nurse is meant to know everything, so I help out via text. Booyah and she’s connected again.
So I ask her for $75.
No dice.
Then because she’s wasted so much time struggling with her computer, she’s totally forgotten about a meeting she was going to that one of us had to attend. As it happens, I’m already heading in the general direction of the meeting and she’d be 30 minutes late. The meeting starts in five minutes and I’m seven minutes away. So I say I’ll cover for her…
But I want baked goods.
I’m saving your ass, twice in twenty minutes. So I’m getting baked goods. You can’t buy them somewhere, you gotta make it.
“What do you want?”
“Orange Cranberry Muffins.”
“Ok. Sounds good.”
So while a Baked Goods Knight isn’t exactly as exciting as being a Horny Knight, I’m thinking I could get used to it. Plus I get to game Jennifer a little by showing up with baked goods that some other woman made for me, which is a minor playful ruffle as opposed to confusing credit card receipts and blatant lies about why I was working so late.
Plus I have to chuckle a little thinking about what’s happening as the baked goods are being made back at the other woman’s house….
No Muffin Hubby: “Oooh muffins!”
Other Woman: “Not for you! Hands off!”
No Muffin Hubby: “Why?”
Other Woman: “They’re for… um… the staff meeting.”
No Muffin Hubby: “Awww…”  (thinks… hang on, wasn’t that last week? WTF is going on?!?)
So anyway… brought Jennifer up to speed and she loves it. Of course she knows me too well…
Jennifer: “I’m waiting for the line you have…”
Me: “I’m always down to eat another woman’s muffin.”
Jennifer: “Well ‘muffin’ was too easy.”
Me: “That’s why I asked for muffins!”
Jennifer: “Fabulous… just fabulous.”


  1. … and if I were the so-called No Muffin Hubby, I'd grab my wife's muffins anyway and tell her she should bake extra, patting her ass as I said so. Isn't that what you'd do, Athol?

  2. My wife *still* brings up when we were three months into our relationship, and my previous girlfriend sent me brownies for my birthday.

    That was in 1993, we've been very happily married since '94…and it still makes the hamster run, haha. (Thank you, ex-Jenny, wherever you are.)

  3. Lol @ that's why I chose muffins. And well-played, Charles.

  4. Athol Kay says:

    That would work Charles. :-)

    All your muffin are belong to us.

  5. Not all her muffins, just the extra ones she bakes because it would be unthinkable for her to take her husband for granted. See what a good husband Muffin Hubby is, helping his wife make their marriage better? :)

  6. Athol Kay says:

    I'm getting hungry…

  7. Anonymous says:

    So, did you text back to the muffin maker . . 'Mmmmmm, I'm really enjoying eating your muffin' ?????

  8. Athol Kay says:

    "OMG I could eat that. Also I'd like a muffin."

  9. Just don't muff it, Athol. Oops, did I say that?

  10. Anonymous says:

    I think most of this issue is of your making. As you say, you want to help people. You apparently also see women as sexual objects. Rather than, oh, people who happen to be female. So you conflate the two. The co-worker made a genuine effort to repay you for your help. You had to turn that into an opportunity to make it sexual with "eating her muffin". I'm sure she would be mortified to read the comments.

    And, since I know it'll be mentioned, I'm married, female and love sex with my husband. I can keep that quite separate from work, and since I am in IT, people need my help all the freaking time for the simplest things they ought to do/figure out themselves. They don't bat eyelashes but are generally — men and women both — very solicitous in a completely non-sexual way.

    I'm not gonna ask a man for sausages when I fix his {some complex technical issue right before big presentation}. It would not be amusing.


  11. Athol Kay says:

    Oh Anon you simply don't get it.

    Go back and read it again. I'm not even in IT, I'm a nurse.

    I'm eating baked goods. I'm clearly an offensive danger to womenkind.

  12. You menz…if you aren't trying to eat our muffins, you're always trying to peek at our cookies!


  13. "Will you sleep with me for a million dollars?"

    "I'd have to think it over."

    "How about for five dollars?"

    "Of course not! What do you think I am?"

    "We've already established what you are, now we're just haggling over the price."

    You're an IT whore, Athol!

    "You apparently also see women as sexual objects. Rather than, oh, people who happen to be female."

    Here's the deal – excepting family members and children, everyone sees everybody else as presumptive sex objects. It's in our biology, it's in fact the entire purpose of our biosocial hardware to screen reproductive candidates.

    "Objectification" has become one of the more clueless shibboleths of white-collar feminism (and also another example of trying to control male sexuality in the name of female sexual "freedom"). This idea that if a dude works with a woman and later makes some sexual comment about her to his buddies he is "objectifying" her is nonsense. Did Athol mention the woman's body at all in making his pun? He's using the pun to get poon from his wife.

    "I'm sure she would be mortified to read the comments."

    If you're such a mindreader why don't you give me the phone number to your psychic hotline, I could use some advice.

  14. Anonymous says:

    Athol it doesn't matter what your job is or my job is. I was giving an example of helping coworkers and how I wouldn't ask for sausages from a man so I could joke with my husband about their size or anything like that. Haha. Isn't that just so funny. It's like being in middle school again.

    This post seems to imply that one can apply game to female coworkers (just don't let them in on the jokes you make about them!) and think that's a very bad idea. I would rather focus on the point you made about having been a chump for cleavage. It seems you are still struggling with this. You have a wife you have sex with — can you at least try to think about the women around you at work without thinking about the SMP? I'm honestly curious.

    I understand the issue you are raising about how to find a balance when helping (female only?) coworkers. I'm just saying I don't think this is a healthy direction to take that balancing.


  15. Athol Kay says:

    You most definitely can apply game to female coworkers. It's widely agreed on that a side effect of learning game to date and seduce women is that you become more effective at work with coworkers and employers.

    She's quite aware of my personality and is part of my inner circle. One of the few real life people that know of the blog and book.

    I'll stop thinking about the SMP when women stop reacting to me day-to-day based on their attraction or lack thereof. Which is to say never.

    I know of three other coworkers that show me extreme interest, I could probably close for sex with them within a week or two. I'm frankly surprised that I haven't been called out for being a total loser for considering gaming someone for muffins any form of skill or success.

    I'm just having fun at work. I would apogolize for this, but I am obnoxious. :-D

  16. One very useful thing I've found about game is that you now understand how NOT to game when it's not called for. You can't overtly flirt with coworkers, but you can control your frame for fun and muffins.

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