I’ve been having this slew of panic stricken messages from a forty-year-old wife worried that her eternally faithful husband is going to cheat on her or just dump her like expired milk. He’s handsome, well positioned at his job, good at it and surrounded by young hotties. There’s no reported tip offs that he’s cheating or thinking about it beyond all purpose attraction to young hotties. (I have a touch of that myself. I also breathe in and out repeatedly during the average day.)
But my Male Mid-Life Crisis post has given her the heebiee-jeebies because, well… she’s forty and he could dump her and basically do better than her. It would be fairly logical if he did actually. Lose a forty, win a twenty-five and head to the bedroom. What’s not to love about that if you’re the husband? Wouldn’t that be the entire point of learning Game in the first place?
Some other things to think about… If it’s an early twenties woman with an early forties man, then that can work reasonably well as a relationship for quite a long time. But once you start hitting forty and sixty together, it’s really starting to be likely that the man is starting to slow down a lot and she likely isn’t. That can create a marked shift in the relationship and there’s probably a marked reduction in her interest in him as she hits her Female Mid-Life Crisis. He might end up celebrating turning sixty quite alone in comparsion to the kids and grandkids pile-on that would have happened if he’d stayed with his first wife.
Should he get embroiled with an affair and end up dumping the first wife, there’s only a 3% chance that his affair partner will end up being is second wife. Affairs rarely turn into permanent relationships. Those that do turn into marriages fail more frequently as after all… you both know than neither one of you can really be trusted.
I suspect that the mid life crisis period is really just a one to two year period where you make an unconscious decision about trying to have more children before the fertility ends. So one of the biggest things to really think about is whether or not you really want more kids. For myself – kinda, sorta, maybe, I dunno…. oh actually that would ruin everything else I have planned for myself. Jennifer and I are just six and a half years away from our youngest being in college. I’m two-thirds of a way through the kid raising marathon, I’d really rather not ride a chute all the way back to the starting square.
So hooking up with a younger woman is probably going to have her keen to start progressing things towards the maternity wing of the nearest hospital in fairly short order. That being the point of her getting with you in the first place. So that’s the logical direction you’ll be heading in. For myself, six years from now I’m meant to be an International Man of Marital Mystery – not picking up a kid from a Kindergarten. Oh hell no.
So despite the natural desire to find someone young, hot and tight, there’s some other good reasons to stay married and play it through with the first wife. Provided of course she’s basically holding up her end of the bargain being a functional adult, generally good company and happy to have sex with you.
For the wife in this situation, it’s really all just the same old thing to do as you’ve always needed to do. Stay in shape as best you can. Dress attractively. Have fun sex together. Really seek to find out if there’s something sexual for him that you can do, that you haven’t being doing up until now. Do things together. Talk with him and let him know you admire him. Most men have a huge weakness to women that genuinely express admiration to them… so you should do that rather than someone else meeting that need.
Affairs develop as fantasy experiences. So do let him know that you can understand him looking, but you’ll bump back very, very hard if it ever turns into touching. It actually helps a lot to hear that from your wife once in a while.The good news is that if he hasn’t cheated on you by now, he’s probably not going to cheat on you ever. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. So maybe relax just a little.
The other thought I have is this… I know that you had begged him to read this blog, but he didn’t want to. But maybe he does read and he’s got you all a little nervous and worked up about him. Maybe he’s got you right where he wants you…