If She Offers You A Free Cookie – Take The Cookie

I’ve asked for some questions from the ladies and got essentially the same question twice and it’s really a fixably easy one. So I’ll take the free dunk now and get on with my day.
Anonymous said…
“How can I explain that I don’t always need to have an orgasm during sex? Sometimes it really is ok for him to get off without me. The constant pressure to orgasm is taking the fun out of our sex life.”
Anonymous said…
“I second the “I don’t have to orgasm all the time” idea. I get it that he gets off by it, it boosts the ego, etc. But sometimes I *do* want to focus on his orgasm! I get the same enjoyment he does by experiencing my partner’s joy!”
Buy Me!


  1. H says

    Ladies, as a man that has been told this, I understand. It took a while for me to believe it though. Here's what to say. "Just fuck me, I don't have to come every time, I like to know that you want me."

  2. Anonymous says

    The BIG problem in my head is that this is now EVERY time. She used to orgasm with me and now doesn't. Ever. The pushing away hands happens every time and she acts like it's a once-in-a-while thing. She can orgasm if I'm in the bedroom, but not if I'm touching her. It's soul-crushing. I don't understand why she wants to be married to me. I'm certainly asking myself why I want to be married to her.

  3. Anonymous says

    OP of 4:46am sez:

    Sure she does. It involves other guys. We had an open relationship. We don't anymore. She used to orgasm with me, then only with other guys.

  4. Anonymous says

    Open relationship killed yours. Time to get out and move on, she doesn't respect you that way anymore.

  5. Anonymous says

    Oh no!! See, this thing can be taken too far!! Yes, I do like to experience my man having an orgasm, and sometimes (not very frequently, and he's hotter than hades!) I like to take the time to watch. See the look on his face. How his eyes glaze. See what his body does. Just take it all in. THAT is why I want to not orgasm. Not because I'm not interested.

  6. Z says

    There's no-orgasm-needed-just-fuck-me sex, there's I-wanted-an-orgasm-but-it's-not-gonna-happen-easily-let-it-go sex, and there's I'm-not-attracted-to-you-anymore-but-I'm-not-ready-to-go-there sex. And I'm sure I've left some out. I'm not proud of this, but I usually fake it in the second scenario. The men I've been with have been fine with the first one, and it's been twenty years since I faced the third, thank goodness.

  7. Anonymous says

    This is why there is doggie-style. I think most men will come the quickest in this position. Lube up, assume position, done in 5 minutes or less.

    Sometimes sex is great fun, sometimes just another chore in a very busy, stressful day. Yes, just take the cookie and say "thank you" and all will be well.

  8. Twenty says


    There's also I-came-four-times-already-but-I'm-not-DONE-yet sex. Boy does that get old.

    I bring this up more in response to Athol's "if she wants an orgasm, then you should both co-create it together and do whatever it takes to make it happen". This is a recipe for disaster if you're sleeping with a multi-orgasmic narcissist.

    It's been my experience that women enjoy sex with Alphas, and whine about sex with Betas. The best thing you can do for her sex life is be Alpha. Beta orgasms won't satisfy her, and she won't know why.

    I speak as a recovering Beta, so I've done some experiments. The female post-coital glow that follows a good session as an Alpha's fucktoy far outshines that following a bunch of Beta orgasms. Alpha orgasms are the best, but excessing focus on them (as per Athol's advice) will destroy your frame.

  9. Athol Kay says

    Anon 4:46am – I'm not sure I can help you via comment thread. Email me if you like.

    Though recovery from your situation sounds very difficult. Give me the whole story.

  10. Z says

    @Twenty, wow! Not done after four?
    I certainly prefer sex with Alphas, problem is I never met one I could live with outside the bedroom. Wish I could figure out how to ramp up the fun with my Beta.

  11. Twenty says


    I've sometimes wondered how much control women have over their perception of their men as Alpha or Beta. For instance, it seems to me that when you watch a movie, your perception of a character is greatly influenced by the way the other characters react to him. (If the script has all the other characters acting scared of the goofy guy in the hockey mask, he seems like a monster.) A lot of social dominance seems to work this way (hello preselection!).

    So I wonder to what extent a woman might be able to trick herself into seeing her man as more Alpha by simply *treating* him more like an Alpha. I wonder if the perceptual bits of her brain might observe what she's doing, and assume that there must be some good reason for it. This idea is also suggested by the Game notion of compliance: that once you get a woman to do something for you, the fact that she has done so will cause your value to rise in her eyes.

    Which is all by way of asking: Have you tried to see your man as less Beta, and more Alpha? If you could manage it, you might find it … ahem … rewarding.

  12. Z says

    @Twenty I hear you, and there's truth there, (which come to think of it, I acted on last week) but there are also issues around his actions or lack thereof. Those issues probably require a different set of remedies.


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