Hot Husband, Nervous Wife

I’ve been having this slew of panic stricken messages from a forty-year-old wife worried that her eternally faithful husband is going to cheat on her or just dump her like expired milk. He’s handsome, well positioned at his job, good at it and surrounded by young hotties. There’s no reported tip offs that he’s cheating or thinking about it beyond all purpose attraction to young hotties. (I have a touch of that myself. I also breathe in and out repeatedly during the average day.)
But my Male Mid-Life Crisis post has given her the heebiee-jeebies because, well… she’s forty and he could dump her and basically do better than her. It would be fairly logical if he did actually. Lose a forty, win a twenty-five and head to the bedroom. What’s not to love about that if you’re the husband? Wouldn’t that be the entire point of learning Game in the first place?
Some other things to think about… If it’s an early twenties woman with an early forties man, then that can work reasonably well as a relationship for quite a long time. But once you start hitting forty and sixty together, it’s really starting to be likely that the man is starting to slow down a lot and she likely isn’t. That can create a marked shift in the relationship and there’s probably a marked reduction in her interest in him as she hits her Female Mid-Life Crisis. He might end up celebrating turning sixty quite alone in comparsion to the kids and grandkids pile-on that would have happened if he’d stayed with his first wife.
Should he get embroiled with an affair and end up dumping the first wife, there’s only a 3% chance that his affair partner will end up being is second wife. Affairs rarely turn into permanent relationships. Those that do turn into marriages fail more frequently as after all… you both know than neither one of you can really be trusted.
I suspect that the mid life crisis period is really just a one to two year period where you make an unconscious decision about trying to have more children before the fertility ends. So one of the biggest things to really think about is whether or not you really want more kids. For myself – kinda, sorta, maybe, I dunno…. oh actually that would ruin everything else I have planned for myself. Jennifer and I are just six and a half years away from our youngest being in college. I’m two-thirds of a way through the kid raising marathon, I’d really rather not ride a chute all the way back to the starting square.
So hooking up with a younger woman is probably going to have her keen to start progressing things towards the maternity wing of the nearest hospital in fairly short order. That being the point of her getting with you in the first place. So that’s the logical direction you’ll be heading in. For myself, six years from now I’m meant to be an International Man of Marital Mystery – not picking up a kid from a Kindergarten. Oh hell no.
So despite the natural desire to find someone young, hot and tight, there’s some other good reasons to stay married and play it through with the first wife. Provided of course she’s basically holding up her end of the bargain being a functional adult, generally good company and happy to have sex with you.
For the wife in this situation, it’s really all just the same old thing to do as you’ve always needed to do. Stay in shape as best you can. Dress attractively. Have fun sex together. Really seek to find out if there’s something sexual for him that you can do, that you haven’t being doing up until now. Do things together. Talk with him and let him know you admire him. Most men have a huge weakness to women that genuinely express admiration to them… so you should do that rather than someone else meeting that need.
Affairs develop as fantasy experiences. So do let him know that you can understand him looking, but you’ll bump back very, very hard if it ever turns into touching. It actually helps a lot to hear that from your wife once in a while.The good news is that if he hasn’t cheated on you by now, he’s probably not going to cheat on you ever. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. So maybe relax just a little.
The other thought I have is this… I know that you had begged him to read this blog, but he didn’t want to. But maybe he does read and he’s got you all a little nervous and worked up about him. Maybe he’s got you right where he wants you…

Eating Ain’t Cheating

I have this small problem in that I am a quite genuinely helpful, kind person and I do like women. So I used to be a natural born sucker for being turned into the-chump-of-the-day for any proximal cleavage.
Of course nowadays, I’m not going to be taken advantage of and I’m wise to it all. I just don’t runabout and do special tasks for women and expect nothing for my service. Plus I know that often by helping out, I can sometimes unwittingly reduce my status in a woman’s eyes, simply for helping her with a task I’d probably  help a guy with as well. So in recent years I’ve pulled back a little from doing stuff.
The other issue is, I can run a good game if I want to on a woman and start making traction towards something sexual. It’s just that I don’t actually want to convert on that as things are good with Jennifer. The whole “I’m not a white knight, I’m a horny knight” works great on Jennifer, but doesn’t quite work for other women without getting me into trouble.
So what to do?
I like helping. But if I help for free I lose status and people try and use me. Can’t help other women for sex without wrecking things with Sugarpussy.
Anyway… today… I get an anguished female text of needing IT support. I’m not the IT department person, but apparently the nurse is meant to know everything, so I help out via text. Booyah and she’s connected again.
So I ask her for $75.
No dice.
Then because she’s wasted so much time struggling with her computer, she’s totally forgotten about a meeting she was going to that one of us had to attend. As it happens, I’m already heading in the general direction of the meeting and she’d be 30 minutes late. The meeting starts in five minutes and I’m seven minutes away. So I say I’ll cover for her…
But I want baked goods.
I’m saving your ass, twice in twenty minutes. So I’m getting baked goods. You can’t buy them somewhere, you gotta make it.
“What do you want?”
“Orange Cranberry Muffins.”
“Ok. Sounds good.”
So while a Baked Goods Knight isn’t exactly as exciting as being a Horny Knight, I’m thinking I could get used to it. Plus I get to game Jennifer a little by showing up with baked goods that some other woman made for me, which is a minor playful ruffle as opposed to confusing credit card receipts and blatant lies about why I was working so late.
Plus I have to chuckle a little thinking about what’s happening as the baked goods are being made back at the other woman’s house….
No Muffin Hubby: “Oooh muffins!”
Other Woman: “Not for you! Hands off!”
No Muffin Hubby: “Why?”
Other Woman: “They’re for… um… the staff meeting.”
No Muffin Hubby: “Awww…”  (thinks… hang on, wasn’t that last week? WTF is going on?!?)
So anyway… brought Jennifer up to speed and she loves it. Of course she knows me too well…
Jennifer: “I’m waiting for the line you have…”
Me: “I’m always down to eat another woman’s muffin.”
Jennifer: “Well ‘muffin’ was too easy.”
Me: “That’s why I asked for muffins!”
Jennifer: “Fabulous… just fabulous.”

Almost Done (Again) and Blog Suprises In Store

Reader email…
I know, I know, you get a million of these each day. I just had to write and ask you to not pull a Chris Brogan… once his book published, he felt he was done coming up with anything new. PLEASE don’t do that!!! So many people rely on your blog daily to help us transform into what we were meant to be. Me, I was recovering from a pretty destructive relationship. Just reading your posts helped me understand my role, what happened, and the parts that really were beyond my control. Cue Batshit Crazy posts. Anyway. New relationship. We both were scarred (we’re definitely older, our kids are almost grown), but reading your writing has been very healing for both of us. You’re not just teaching sex; you’re teaching trust and integrity, too. I know you know that, but I wanted you to know that as a female with a Rationalization Hamster recently tamed, you’re getting across to us, too.
We now speak of “Athol-isms” and refer to it as “The Blog(TM)”. Your work is that integral to both of our healing.
Thank you!
Hi there, I’m glad you guys are enjoying the blog and getting better. It’s a journey for us all.
I understand your concern, I actually feel guilty when I miss a day posting to tell the truth. I know people are out there reading like that, it’s quite touching really. The book has been eating my life right now, but it simply has to get done. I’m hoping its available for purchase “around” April 1st-7th. I’m really not sure how long the Createspace printing to available at Amazon thing will take, so it may go longer. Jennifer and I have given the proof copies a going over and I’m finishing up on the final version tonight. Well final version for the second time… ugh.
Sunday morning I woke up and decided I needed to  move four chapters around and write a fifth one to create a Part Four of the book. Jennifer made her about-to-throw-up-face when I said I had to do that. I explained why I had to do it and she made a face like she was trying to decide if she was starting to have a stroke or a seizure. Finished at 4am last night and had a really unproductive day at work today lol. I’m finally at peace about the book structure though. By “at peace” I mean I can’t bear to look at it anymore.
After that comes the conversions to Kindle, Nook and despite me hating eBooks, about 10-12% of my readers live in Far Far Away and it’s the only really practical way that they can have a copy. But print first, because I just need to hold a physical book in my hands. There’s one more moderate surprise about the idea of book, but that waits until it’s done.
That being said, I am mentally exhausted of my particular topic approach. So my plan for the month of April is to switch the content to be directed at what a wife can do to improve things in her marriage. 80% of what she can do is the same as what I’ve been saying to men all along, but the other 20% should be interesting to play with for a month at least. Jennifer was quite excited by the idea, then I explained I’d simply be ordering her to do stuff for me via blog post lol. Wigs and stripper shoes to kick start things.
I also have plans for a second blogsite and annual books based on that as well. Possibly ready in May but more likely June. I’m staying quiet as to exactly what that is for now, it’s very complementary to MMSL, but a much different style and content. I suspect most current readers will like it a good deal. Both sites should feed each other new readers, so win-win.
I have a few other ideas rolling around, but nothing concrete just yet. Also I’ve been falling down on the Beta stuff in my own home for a good month now. So I really should catch up on some of that too.
Thanks for your email, much appreciated. I really am pleased I’ve been helping you guys.

Female Hypergamy is Rational

Female Hypergamy is rational.
If a female 7 can get pregnant to a male 9 or 10, it’s rational for her to do so. Marrying a 7 will never accomplish a result as potentially good as what five minutes with a 9 or 10 can do. A single sexy son can trump three plain looking kids for passing on her genes.┬áIf she can pass it off as the 7’s kid, or convince him to be a stepfather, then that’s even better. She can have a sexy son and two plain looking kids.
If a female 7 is married to a male who has slumped to a 6, and a male 8 shows her serious interest…it’s rational for her to leave…
Buy Me!

Sexy Move: Do Something… Anything

When affairs are uncovered, the cheated on spouse usually finds hundreds or even thousands of text messages, instant messages, emails and calls between the lovers. Many of those messages are sexy, dirty or even filthy. Women clearly enjoy this sort of thing with a man they are interested in.
You don’t have to be as obsessive about it as dopamine addled teenagers, but why not try it out and see where it goes. Just consider that she has inner slut needs that you aren’t meeting enough and try and meet them.
Start simple. Text her “what color panties are you wearing?”
Then just wait and see what happens. Sometimes things take on a life of their own. I had a response from a reader who tried just that simple move and he had a fun text exchange with her. The next day she unprompted texted him panty color… the day after that he came home to her naked and waiting for him.
Sometimes the problem isn’t that she has a low sex drive, but instead she’s just waiting to have you instigate something she can respond to. Women more typically have a responsive sex drive, where men have an active one. Or put another way, she simply wants to see you bust a move and do something. It probably doesn’t even matter what you do, just do something. Anything.
Or you could do nothing in particular to stir things up or play with her inner slut. You could also leave your keys swinging in the ignition of your truck. Just don’t complain if someone turns her on and takes off with her though.

Cover and Title All Set Thank You

Thank you all. I have a cover and title solution. It’s a move in a different direction compared to everything before this, but I am liking it a great deal. It matches the book content better than anything else possible I can think of.
I have some minor rewriting to do of a couple pages at the start and end of the book to better sync up with the cover material. The two proof copies of the current version should be here tomorrow and Jennifer and I will read them over for final agony and drama. Then we resubmit things and we’re done just as soon as the Createspace machinery does it’s stuff.
For those that have asked me. The print version is first. After that we’ll muddle through on Kindle, Nook and eBook versions as fast as we can. It’s all fairly new to us, so no idea on time to get all that done. After that might look at getting a print version in Britain. North America gets about 91% of my readership, so obviously going to make those peeps happy first.
And thanks again for everyone wanting to help. I’m touched by the interest and loyalty of everyone. I could probably put a photo of a duck wearing a yellow hat on the cover and most of you guys would still buy it. (Just that no one else would.)
Though earlier today, Jennifer panicked and nervously squeaked I could use her ass for cover photo bait…

I’m Too Sappy But I Look Like I’m Cheating?

I’ve run into a mental stumbling block with this cover thing.
I mess around and come up with something that expresses a “pro-marriage” vibe and it’s tooooooo sappy and Beta.
I mess around and come up with some sexy and fun and it looks like I’m “pro-cheating” and it’s toooooo evil and Alpha.
Oy…. still thinking. The book covers so much ground that it’s hard to sum up in single image or a 12 word sentence without falling into one or the other of the sappy or evil groups.
But I’ve had a growing thought today as I’ve looked at hundreds of photos today. I’m at a loss as to why a image of two people locked in a romantic and sexy embrace gets flagged as “young lovers,” “boyfriend looks at girlfriend,” “passion,” “office affair,” ‘infidelity” and so on. There’s nary a “husband” or a “wife” or “married sexy” flagged in there anywhere. Even photos of women getting screwed in their wedding dress don’t get flagged as “wife.” “Bride” yes, “wife” no.
To me getting married was an erotic expectation. Having a wife meant having sex. Wives do more than just have sex of course, but isn’t it odd that “stripper” is a hotter sexier word than “wife?” One you just get to look as she jiggles her boobs and spins on a pole. The other takes all her clothes off and opens her legs for you. Isn’t a wife far sexier in reality than a stripper? If you could choose to have either a half an hour with your wife or half an hour with a stripper, which would you choose?
Why the hell have the very words that define our most important sexual relationships, been strip mined of their eroticism?
Anyway I’ll figure the cover and title out eventually, I’m tired of thinking about it for today. But it’s bugging the crap out of me that “Married Man Sex Life” plus a sexy image automatically makes a mental jump to adultery a la Ashley Madison.
I might have to call the subtitle “Wife #$%^ing 101″ and be done with it. How else can I make people understand?

I Think Haley is Fitness Testing Me…

Haley sends me a cover design for my book….

I admit it Haley, I’ve got nothing on you.

It’s like you’re an XBOX and I’m an Atari.    :-P

More Cover Ideas… and Show Me Your Boobs?

Some more cover ideas…
As an aside, Jennifer and I are crunched for time and money on this project. Whatever we can get done through the Createspace cover editor is probably it. The book will be around for a long time and I’m sure there will be future editions or traditional publisher interest etc.
Also a title change for these to “How to be a Married Man” and subtitle of “with a Sex Life!” Though one of them I ran them together to get all the words in the text box.
The back cover copy is a placeholder.
The image is about the only sexy image in the Createspace files. If you have a tastefully sexy photo that could work for the cover and are willing to let me use it, I’m always pleased to look at tastefully sexy photos. I doubt Jennifer would comply with requests to publicly disrobe, he just writing about stuff is her limit of tolerance.


So anyway, shout back. I have a long work day today and can’t reply to comments for a while.

I do appreciate that critics and haters are different things. If I sound touchy, it’s because exhausted and cranky beyond all reason.

Sexy Move: The Vaginal Orgasm Workaround

Because my mother left The Hite Report on Female Sexuality on the living room bookshelf, one of things I first learned about sex, was that only around 30% of women ever orgasm from penis in vagina thrusting. But it’s okay, it’s not like I turned out obsessed by sex or anything.
Sorry, was thinking about vaginas and lost my train of thought…
Oh, right! The old P-in-V and jiggling it about thing doesn’t get most of the ladies there, but vaginal orgasms are the holy grail of sexuality… so what to do?
One option is a long period of him using fingers or tongue and getting her to 90-95% of the way to orgasm. Then on her signal to switch out, she starts masturbating while he climbs on top and enters her. There’s probably only limited thrusting he can do as her fingers will need clearance to do their thing on her clitoris. (you could do a doggystyle or girl on top version of this too)
It usually takes a little longer to orgasm this way, especially as her being at the 90-95% mark can drop a little during the transfer and it’s probably a different set of sensations approaching an orgasm with him inside her. But once there it can be remarkably intense.
When she starts actually orgasming on your cock, that’s the end of your little tease and denial thing where you haven’t been thrusting in her. The combination of cumming on your cock and your immediate hard pounding will often make her orgasm last longer as well.
So it’s a workaround of sorts, but who cares if it is? If it works for you, it works for you. Enjoy.