If She Offers You A Free Cookie – Take The Cookie

I’ve asked for some questions from the ladies and got essentially the same question twice and it’s really a fixably easy one. So I’ll take the free dunk now and get on with my day.
Anonymous said…
“How can I explain that I don’t always need to have an orgasm during sex? Sometimes it really is ok for him to get off without me. The constant pressure to orgasm is taking the fun out of our sex life.”
Anonymous said…
“I second the “I don’t have to orgasm all the time” idea. I get it that he gets off by it, it boosts the ego, etc. But sometimes I *do* want to focus on his orgasm! I get the same enjoyment he does by experiencing my partner’s joy!”
Buy Me!

I Shit You Not

I had a question a few weeks back asking about what to do about nausea/vomiting/diarrhea. It’s somewhere in the comments and I meant to answer it. I mean, I hope you got better and weren’t waiting for an answer. I’ve been distracted recently… my bad.
Anyway… endless puking and pooping with a fever starting. Just go to the Emergency Room. You’re probably going to need meds to stop the puking and IV fluids as well. Plus it might be something more serious than “just something I ate”. When I was in New Zealand last, one of my Facebook friends did the N/V/D thing at home for several days, and did Facebook status updates until she died from the salmonella. So please… just go get checked out.
Basic puking – About an hour after your last vomiting, start slowly sipping ginger ale at a rate of a can an hour. Flat ginger ale is easier to handle. It’s fluid, something for blood sugar and the ginger is good for nausea. As you can handle it, slowly restart food with extremely plain things to eat: saltines, rice, bread, bananas, jello. Return to normal eating slowly and as you can.
Diarrhea – McDonald’s Hotcakes. I shit you not.
Disclaimer – This is not formal medical/nursing advice and is strictly for entertainment purposes only. The FDA has not evaluated McDonald’s Hotcakes as effective treatments for diarrhea and they are likely only intended by the McDonald’s Corporation to be delicious as opposed to be a medical treatment of any kind. Really suggest you don’t eat more than one serving though.

Need Some Questions From The Ladies

I’m a little burned out from writing for advice for men, so all April I’m writing advice for the women.
I have a fair number of post ideas in mind, but I’m interested to know exactly what the most pressing questions are from the women reading. Just leave comments or you can email me them as well.
April’s postings are also doubling as a thinly disguised front for me ordering “sexual room service” for a bunch of stuff from Jennifer that I wouldn’t mind her doing. So if you’re the husbandly half of a couple that frequently reads the blog and there’s something you want me to try and talk your wife into via post, then drop me a line. I’ll try get you hooked up.

Recovery Lines For When You Bomb A Routine

Sometimes when you’re teasing and negging you end up pushing just a little too hard and the routine bombs. Instead of coming across as a playful jerk, you just seem to be an ass. So you need a recovery line to get back on track.
It’s the same sort of thing that stand up comics use when a joke dies. The joke is flat and no one laughs, but they have a bunch of preplanned recovery jokes and they throw one of those out and the failed joke actually becomes part of the structure of the one that works. Jay Leno is probably one of the best comics at doing this out there. I mean so many of his jokes are bad, his primary comedic skill is bad joke recovery.
The trick is to keep your frame that you’re still a playful fun guy. You do this for the same reason comedians don’t immediately roll over and apologize for being bad comedians for a single bad joke. If they break their frame that they are in fact funny, the audience senses weakness and it’s all over for the comic. So you must keep your frame that you’re fun and playful.
My favorite recovery line is some variation on…
“Oh that was a little much, I really should apologize for that… but… but I can’t….”
They always ask “Why?”
Then I say, with a big cheesy playful grin, “Because I’m obnoxious.” 
They always laugh, I’ve maintained frame, I’ve established than I’m an ass and ultimately not trying to mess them up, just play with them a little. It’s disarming because their actual complaint amounts to the fact that you have been obnoxious and that was offensive to them. But you already admit to it, so there’s nothing they need to push against because you straight up admitted you were obnoxious.
Then having admitted to being obnoxious, you obviously can’t apologize, because… well… you’re obnoxious.
Then ignore the mild whoopsie and move on in the conversation.
So what are your best recovery lines?