Athol, Thank you.
I left a comment on your site some months back, on a post about “When do you leave her?” or something like that. I was going to update there “for the record” but cannot find it now. If you know what I’m talking about and send me the link I can still do so.
I rediscovered the existence of game and discovered your site last summer, and not a moment too soon. My marriage was really on the rocks, for a host of reasons – some of them my fault, and some of them just because life is the way it is. Whether my fault or not though, the problems were there and this time in 2009 I wouldn’t have had the skills to handle them nearly as well as I’ve done the last some months. I really feel in control of the direction of my marriage now, and things have been improving steadily enough that I can say I’m out of the woods. Now just improvement and maintenance stand before me. (And not falling back into bad habits)
Last October my wife and I were barely speaking to each other for days at a time. These days she spontaneously belts out “I love you” and “I love my family.” Before she didn’t cook, now, well, she still doesn’t always have dinner ready when I’m home from work but she at least apologizes when it happens. (My approval has been something she didn’t give a shit about six months ago to something she is constantly seeking confirmation of now, even in little things) She’s even started exercising, and boy does she need to.
I don’t need to tell you of course that I haven’t (and couldn’t have) pushed her into any of this. I’ve lead her here by being the man I’ve always potentially been but never fully realized before. I’ve started exercising myself. I’ve gotten back in touch with my masculine anger and express it with a glance or slightly lowered brow. I have created standards, and I judge when they’re not met. I’m teasing and funny without ever being nice. I’m a good father to my son and use tools around the house.
Sex is still not great, but that’s mostly because our son (18 months) is still the worst. sleeper. ever. and the wife is tired frequently. But we have gone from incredibly infrequent to at least once a week, so big improvement even if there’s still room for much more.
I consider you and Roissy to be my most important teachers in this arena, most directly responsible for my success. Roissy certainly isn’t a family man, but he knows how to Alpha – and I needed it, big time. Just adding a little Alpha would not have done the trick, considering how close to divorce I probably was last September. I needed to apply nuclear-powered Alpha, to really shock the status quo and force a system reset. It worked too. Only now is MMSL “calibration” the watchword.
So thanks. I love my wife, but even more I swore my son would never, ever have to wonder who and where his father was like I did. And it almost happened anyway. I can’t tell you in words how important it is to me that I won’t have to break that promise. It would have destroyed me to do so. You’ve saved us both.
Hi there G,
I’m exhausted today and mentally dead just wishing for a post to come to me… I’m going to post this stripped of your name, though if you want it added let me know. And you are quite welcome. I am so glad that you have both found a way together.
As a suggestion from our own baby days… ask for some “below average” sex with her. Not everything has to make the highlight reel. Love can be made five minutes at a time. Even true love.
And thank you for your email. I needed this just now.