Reader Story: Discovered Game Just in Time

Athol, Thank you.
I left a comment on your site some months back, on a post about “When do you leave her?” or something like that. I was going to update there “for the record” but cannot find it now. If you know what I’m talking about and send me the link I can still do so.
I rediscovered the existence of game and discovered your site last summer, and not a moment too soon. My marriage was really on the rocks, for a host of reasons – some of them my fault, and some of them just because life is the way it is. Whether my fault or not though, the problems were there and this time in 2009 I wouldn’t have had the skills to handle them nearly as well as I’ve done the last some months. I really feel in control of the direction of my marriage now, and things have been improving steadily enough that I can say I’m out of the woods. Now just improvement and maintenance stand before me. (And not falling back into bad habits)
Last October my wife and I were barely speaking to each other for days at a time. These days she spontaneously belts out “I love you” and “I love my family.” Before she didn’t cook, now, well, she still doesn’t always have dinner ready when I’m home from work but she at least apologizes when it happens. (My approval has been something she didn’t give a shit about six months ago to something she is constantly seeking confirmation of now, even in little things) She’s even started exercising, and boy does she need to.
I don’t need to tell you of course that I haven’t (and couldn’t have) pushed her into any of this. I’ve lead her here by being the man I’ve always potentially been but never fully realized before. I’ve started exercising myself. I’ve gotten back in touch with my masculine anger and express it with a glance or slightly lowered brow. I have created standards, and I judge when they’re not met. I’m teasing and funny without ever being nice. I’m a good father to my son and use tools around the house.
Sex is still not great, but that’s mostly because our son (18 months) is still the worst. sleeper. ever. and the wife is tired frequently. But we have gone from incredibly infrequent to at least once a week, so big improvement even if there’s still room for much more.
I consider you and Roissy to be my most important teachers in this arena, most directly responsible for my success. Roissy certainly isn’t a family man, but he knows how to Alpha – and I needed it, big time. Just adding a little Alpha would not have done the trick, considering how close to divorce I probably was last September. I needed to apply nuclear-powered Alpha, to really shock the status quo and force a system reset. It worked too. Only now is MMSL “calibration” the watchword.
So thanks. I love my wife, but even more I swore my son would never, ever have to wonder who and where his father was like I did. And it almost happened anyway. I can’t tell you in words how important it is to me that I won’t have to break that promise. It would have destroyed me to do so. You’ve saved us both.
G
Hi there G,
I’m exhausted today and mentally dead just wishing for a post to come to me… I’m going to post this stripped of your name, though if you want it added let me know. And you are quite welcome. I am so glad that you have both found a way together.
As a suggestion from our own baby days… ask for some “below average” sex with her. Not everything has to make the highlight reel. Love can be made five minutes at a time. Even true love.
And thank you for your email. I needed this just now.

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Comments

  1. Irish Lass says:

    G-
    Fabulous post! My own story mirrors yours in many ways, except I'm the female who needed my husband to ramp up the Alpha (while maintaining his awesome Beta side) to bring out the passion I desperately wanted to feel. Fortunately he was willing to read MMSL and put Athol's tips into practice as you did. I actually crave my husband now, and respect him in a way I didn't before. Thanks for sharing your triumph; there are many cheering for you!

  2. jonnystiles says:

    Athol, science supports your conclusion.
    http://spp.sagepub.com/content/early/2010/10/09/1948550610387162

  3. Anonymous says:

    Well said, G. -Confidunce

  4. CSPB says:

    Athol and email writer,

    This causes me to smile! This is the reason that I comment in the manosphere and try to encourage these skills. From what I have read from Athol, that is his motivation too. It is NOT self-serving but rather altruistic.

    Stories like this boost the spirits and motivation of those that strive to distribute the knowledge. It is primarily for this good, but secondarily for survival of men which ultimately promotes the good of children. OK, yeah, a man gets his jollies too. LOL

  5. Athol Kay says:

    Thank you CSPB, you have me right.

    If my blog was self-serving, I'd go the route of encouraging Beta idiots to let me bang their wife as a service they pay for.

    Saving a marriage from divorce though… it's a huge rush to know that I've helped in that. I wish I could save them all.

  6. The Private Man says:

    Roissy to get 'em

    Athol K to keep 'em

  7. Fourmyle says:

    Athol,

    You're welcome for the post. Thank you for all the other posts.

    Irish Lass,

    It's amazing how a bit of game really turns things around, isn't it? It's almost magical. I've read a lot of self-help books and blog posts in my life, and only one other topic has had as dramatic an effect as Game.

    CSPB,

    You're right, it is altruistic. And self-serving too; my marriage is much more pleasant for me as well these days. It will be even better once the wife carries through on the exercise and drops some dress sizes. She's really let herself go, but they so did I. You want an Alpha to Beta story? Let's just say it's been a while since I carried a throwing knife in my boot, swam with sharks or faced down a bear with a stick. Instead I became an office jockey. Drafting contracts pays better than being a wild man, but you gotta make up the Alpha somehow, and I didn't. Not 'till now.

    All,

    The name's a pseudonym anyway, so post away. I chose it specifically for Game/MSM related posting and comments. I think it's appropriate, if you Google it.

    Geoffrey Fourmyle, of Ceres (aka, "G")

  8. Anonymous says:

    To the contibutor G what was the nuclear powered Alpha you use

  9. Anonymous says:

    to G the irish lass, just as a matter of interest does your husband lift weights?? or do any martial arts training?? would be good to see the statistics on that front from heavy weight training and upping the alpha..

  10. Irish Lass says:

    Responding to Anon-10:49 a.m.: By way of background, my husband is a law enforcement officer (23 years), a blue belt in karate, and a half-marathon runner. (He also plays the bag pipes, which is a turn on for me, but understandably doens't give every woman the gina tingles). He went beta on me early in our relationship, leaning on me to give him the mothering that his mom wouldn't give. And in the beginning I was only too happy to try to fix the damage his mom did; I'm a super-supportive nurturer who performed the "pit crew" role single-handedly. But as the years wore on, I continued to bring in a six-figure salary, maintained my size 4 figure after having two sons who are now 18 and 23, took care of his elderly parents and mine, and kept the BJs coming. My husband took time to train for races, kick box, and lifted weights, and enjoyed sex, but I felt like a lonely, single parent with three sons to raise, doing it all for the good of the family. He'd load the dishwasher, vacuum, or hit the grocery store every so often, so his beta side was functioning okay, and he regarded our marriage as better than that of our friends. But he seemed incapable of remembering where my clitoris was, had no ideas what I might be worried about on any given day, and would consistently pass up chances to nuzzle my neck when I was cooking at the stove. So ramping up his alpha meant more than being in shape; it meant that he was shifting (or maybe just expanding) his focus generally from him to me, from his pleasure to mine, from being results-oriented to process-oriented in our relationship.

  11. Athol Kay says:

    Irish Lass – Just sounds like you wanted him to "play attention" to you.

    Nice comment though. It's all about the balance.

  12. Fourmyle says:

    Anon,

    It doesn't matter what "nuclear powered alpha" I used. It was appropriate for my circumstances, and wouldn't be for yours. Read Athol, Roissy and Mystery. Learn the principles of game and apply them to your context.

  13. MWMM says:

    You're playing it right. Let me tell you, if you get in shape and turn game into a natural trait, you will flip the tables for sure and she will see it. Then it's all about keeping YOU happy and whether SHE can ever meet your expectations. And guess what? You'll start to wonder if she can. Talk about turnaround.

    Game is a dangerous tool.
    MWMM

  14. Athol Kay says:

    It is dangerous MWMM.

  15. Anonymous says:

    Being masculine and assertive are not dangerous. Letting anything get to your head on your own success is; it's all about motive and method. The words about carefully not being ever actually nice are ridiculous, going too far in the "nice guys mean doormats" shlock. Also, I'd drop Roissy like acid.

    "I've lead her here by being the man I've always potentially been but never fully realized before"

    That's great. Some call this simply coming into your own; "game" can be a misnomer. But then, learning the traits of assertive manhood and applying them is basically what game is.

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