Sexy Move: The Vaginal Orgasm Workaround

Because my mother left The Hite Report on Female Sexuality on the living room bookshelf, one of things I first learned about sex, was that only around 30% of women ever orgasm from penis in vagina thrusting. But it’s okay, it’s not like I turned out obsessed by sex or anything.
Sorry, was thinking about vaginas and lost my train of thought…
Oh, right! The old P-in-V and jiggling it about thing doesn’t get most of the ladies there, but vaginal orgasms are the holy grail of sexuality… so what to do?
One option is a long period of him using fingers or tongue and getting her to 90-95% of the way to orgasm. Then on her signal to switch out, she starts masturbating while he climbs on top and enters her. There’s probably only limited thrusting he can do as her fingers will need clearance to do their thing on her clitoris. (you could do a doggystyle or girl on top version of this too)
It usually takes a little longer to orgasm this way, especially as her being at the 90-95% mark can drop a little during the transfer and it’s probably a different set of sensations approaching an orgasm with him inside her. But once there it can be remarkably intense.
When she starts actually orgasming on your cock, that’s the end of your little tease and denial thing where you haven’t been thrusting in her. The combination of cumming on your cock and your immediate hard pounding will often make her orgasm last longer as well.
So it’s a workaround of sorts, but who cares if it is? If it works for you, it works for you. Enjoy.

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Comments

  1. RP-in-TX says:

    When we were first dating my wife had problems reaching the P-in-V orgasm. What I eventually found worked for her was just a LOT more teasing. Started with very very light rubbing around the clit, occasionally slipping down and probing the entrance with just part of the head.

    But just do it really slow and take your time. I would keep it up until she was almost pissed off, then just the head and back out for a bit, then a little more. By the time I went all in there was so much build up that she was ready to burst.

    Funny thing is that over time it's taken less and less teasing and build up to get her there. The first few times it went on forever. Now she can get there during an afternoon quickie.

  2. Anonymous says:

    Bless you for sharing this!! But, in my previous LTR, we got locked into this routine, and it became, well, routine. Great starting place. Just make sure to continue to push it by changing it up, entering earlier, or using the cock-head teasing like RP suggests. Starting with the teasing can backfire, though.

    Oh, how I wish we women were taught to be more comfortable with our bodies, and explore on our own more to know what works…

  3. Irish Lass says:

    Aaaahhh. Athol, it's been too long since you posted something that made me want to leave work and drive to my husband's office to ravish him. Thanks…

  4. Anonymous says:

    Sigh, I don't like to masturbate while engaging with my husband-I save that for when he is not around and unavailable.I do like these other teasing things but my favorite is him inside of me,man on top. Just continual thrusting isn't enough though–where do men get these ideas? Think it comes from masturbating in a rather perfunctory rhythm and they assume women get off in the same way?

  5. Badger says:

    "Just continual thrusting isn't enough though–where do men get these ideas? Think it comes from masturbating in a rather perfunctory rhythm and they assume women get off in the same way?"

    It's simpler than that – a lot of men never get any substantive feedback about what works from their women. I don't know if they think it makes them sound slutty or what. We don't have vaginas (at least alphas don't). Women want men to lead, etc etc, but you're never going to have any good sex if you can't speak up that "that's not doing it for me."

    Tell that to your girlfriends so they know to tell their men.

  6. Anonymous says:

    "I don't know if they think it makes them sound slutty or what."

    Yup – this is a real fear. Also, I was told in the past that I was frigid (dumped that one!) since intercourse alone didn't do it for me. Frigid, slutty – which is it?

    Apparently some / many guys don't like being "told what to do" in the bedroom and they believe that women who can't climax when they do are frigid – have seen these thoughts displayed around the manosphere many, many times. Eventually, we find a guy with a more secure ego who will allow us to take the lead.

  7. Anonymous says:

    Yes,the idea of telling him what to do seems counter to having him be Alpha. I have let my spouse know what feels good or doesn't but sometimes you just want him to try something without all the instruction so to speak. The other day though he once again did something I have repeatedly asked him not to do because it tends to put the brakes on my orgasm for some reason. He did it anyway and then wanted a hand job which took forever….

  8. LJ says:

    If you don't feel comfortable speaking up about it at the time, sexting is a great opportunity to let him know what you like in advance and give you both a good build up.

  9. Samson says:

    This is one of the biggest benefits of married sex life. If you're having flings or haven't reached that comfort level with someone, these kinds of conversations likely won't happen. I like the ability to take off your cool, and "learn" to do it "right." Sexual communication and willingness to do what it takes to get your partner off is important to any relationship. As guys we have egos, but you have to put that to the side sometimes. Just because you're doing it right doesn't mean you're doing it right for her.

  10. Athol Kay says:

    It's my view that the woman should be responsible for ensuring she has an orgasm if she wants one.

    His job is to co-create them with her.

  11. Samson says:

    Good point. A willingness to have open communication goes a long way with that also.

  12. Anonymous says:

    "Just continual thrusting isn't enough though–where do men get these ideas? Think it comes from masturbating in a rather perfunctory rhythm and they assume women get off in the same way?"

    Perhaps these men are getting such improbable ideas by sleeping with some of the 30% of women who can do it. It's not really farfetched. Or have one of the 10% who can orgasm vaginally every single time, like my wife.

    Just because you can't do it, doesn't mean others can't.

    That said, I do realize that most women can't, and any guy worth his salt should figure it out. But stop making it look like *no* women can orgasm this way. Women are wired differently from each other.

  13. Athol Kay says:

    The ability to be able to have a orgasm from penile thrusting alone is most dependant on the proximity of the clitoris to the vagina which varies from woman to woman.

  14. Anonymous says:

    My wife can have an orgasm ONLY from penetration, and usually way SOONER than myself. There are all kinds.

  15. Athol Kay says:

    The fine line between complaint and bragging Anon!

    :-D

  16. Samson says:

    Sounds like a good problem, lol

  17. Anonymous says:

    Sorry gentlemen,I was misunderstood regarding the penile thrusting post. I am one of those women that gets off from it and every time and fairly rapidly if I want. I have a less hearty response from other activities though. I'm just saying that if a man just plows away at an unvaried rhythm or force it might be harder for the woman(no pun intended) to get worked up.But probably most men reading this blog are mature enough and experienced enough sexually to have caught on to that long ago. About Athol's contention that women should be responsible for their own orgasm,I agree. For awhile though when a woman is fairly new to sex or may have had unsuccessful or disheartening sexual experiences she needs a patient and willing partner to experiment with her. Sometimes even with a wife experienced with sex it is fun to try new things–may not work but it's fun to try. I just see it as both partners trying to figure out how to produce the orgasms for both. I may be wrong but do you think that it is easier for men to have much less problem getting to an orgasm when new to sex) then women figuring out how to achieve theirs? I thoroughly enjoy sex but at first it was a bit mysterious to me on how an orgasm could happen for me. I quickly caught on but still it wasn't as instantaneous as my spouse's ability to have one in our new marriage. Athol, you aren't suggesting that a man should just go ahead and do whatever he wants with the woman and if she doesn't orgasm,tough, it's her responsibility ? You just don't seem like that's what you mean.

  18. Athol Kay says:

    Anon said – "Athol, you aren't suggesting that a man should just go ahead and do whatever he wants with the woman and if she doesn't orgasm,tough, it's her responsibility ? You just don't seem like that's what you mean."

    No.

    I said – "It's my view that the woman should be responsible for ensuring she has an orgasm if she wants one. His job is to co-create them with her."

    Men aren't mind readers so women need to say what works for them in bed. If the woman is screaming that she faked all her orgasms as the relationship ends, it's because she's a bad lover. (He might be too, but she definitely is.)

  19. Twenty says:

    @Anonymous 2:17

    "Eventually, we find a guy with a more secure ego who will allow us to take the lead."

    This is a tedious cliche. It's not that we're insecure, or have shaky egos. It's that it's no fun to have sex with a woman who's determined to go all Erich von Stroheim in her personal production of the Orgasm Monologues. You know how people hate backseat drivers? Same deal.

    The essence of the sex act is that the man is active, and the woman passive. When the man controls the woman, that's erotic. When the woman attempts to control the man, it's not. There's an art to this — we sincerely want you to have a good time — but if your solution is to "take the lead" you can forget about keeping your man satisfied.

    It's not all about you.

  20. Lindy says:

    Not rdg all comments but what works for us, even quickie “hurry before Sesame Street ends and the baby notices we’re gone” super speed sex, is for him to be on top missionary style leaning back enough for me to rub my clit. I like him at a 90 degree angle from me too BUT as long as my hand is positioned right, he can also lean down and kiss me in pretty much a standard missionary position. It’s basically masturbating with him as my dildo that pounds back hard- I love it! Oh and like regular missionary he can usually have at least one hand free to play with my tits. There is also the CAT (coital alignment technique) where you get his pubic bone rubbing right against the clit. It’s a little harder to get just right but can work. Also you can get c*** rings with small vibrating bullets on them and that’s really nice b/c ring helps him hold off orgasm (luckily not an issue here lol) while vib obviously gets her. However some work better than others depending on individual conditions- we had to experiment before rings were actually good for us. Of course you can also usually slip a vibrator between the two of you as well. Well anyways those are my tips as a new mom who still orgasms pretty much every time at a frequency of sex every other day and does so even with being constricted to sex mainly during naptime/bedtime.

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