Some things basically attract all men: nice skin, nice hair, nice eyes, nice boobs, nice butt yada yada yada. You do what you can with that of course, but you can’t exactly spin a cocoon around yourself and suddenly bust out in six weeks like a magical tits-and-ass-butterfly either. What you really want is something easy and practical to score some easy points in the attraction department.
Well sometimes those things really do exist as there’s often some sort of accessories or clothes that turn your man on in particular. So they work for him, but not all men. He’s not always going to tell you about them as some of these things can be deeply personal veins of erotic kink for him. He may or may not understand why he feels as he does about them either.
So you’re going to have to ask him about what things turn him on, or he may have already told you some of them and you’ve ignored them. Once you get it into your head to do them, they are always automatic +1 attraction when you do them. You don’t even need to understand these things and often they can seem to most people to be decidedly mundane. You initial reaction is quite possibly going to be confusion rather than icky repulsion.
Some of my own personal kink follows…
Big hoop-like gold earrings – I will always absolutely zone out and stare at them. Always an automatic +1 on any woman wearing them. This one I know is related to my first serious girlfriend Mary wearing a lot of big hoop-like gold earrings as part of her overall look. The experience of feeling intense attraction somehow got anchored into these damn earrings. It’s not like I even drift off and start remembering Mary either, it’s just a +1 associated with that sort of earrings. (You would think that Jennifer would have a small collection of these, but she doesn’t. I don’t know why either, I’ve mentioned it on several occasions, but don’t want to mention it again because things are going so well right now between us. Jennifer adds: DOH! Must buy big hoopy earrings…)
Blonde Hair – I mentioned that yesterday. Blonde hair is always +1 for me. That’s not wildly uncommon, it’s just there. Why this one is, I’m not 100% sure, but that’s probably another attraction anchoring thing from my endless elementary and middle school days crush on Kristen who had… blonde hair.
Sundresses – I do like dresses in a general sense, but sundresses just do me in. Not sure exactly why this one is for me. Awkward relationship friendship girl Rebecca wore a lot of these, but I think it might predate her a little, but that probably anchored the interest further.
Actually the sundress thing is a perfect example of where when he reveals “look these really turn me on” and you just go “Huh?” at him. You’re expecting him to say something like “I want to see you wearing nothing but a G-String tuned to A”, and instead you think you heard him mumble something about sundresses.
Jennifer was wearing a blue and white dress the day I met her. I can’t remember her wedding dress unless I look at a photo. I do remember that blue and white dress though. Even though she couldn’t wear it anymore post-pregnancies, when she threw it out during a spring cleaning I was pissed off about it, which surprised both of us lol.
Stockings - No idea on cause. Just OMG hot.
The deepest one though is just ridiculously simple. It’s the color pink. I get transfixed by something as simple as a $10 pink T-shirt. That’s seriously a +2 for me. I have no idea why that is. Just no idea at all. I never had a girlfriend that wore pink anything in particular, I can’t even remember a particular crush that layered up the pink.
If the 80′s could come back and that shocking hot pink lipstick could just return to stores anywhere I would be eternally grateful. We’ve found some shades close and I’m happy enough with them.
As you can see, most of those items are not all that hard to find or wear. It’s a certain type of earring. A few blonde highlights. A dress once in a while. Wearing stockings to bed once in a while. A handful of pink shirts and lipstick once in a while. These are things that work for me in particular rather than all men, and Jennifer using them are only mildly inconvenient at worst to her, but she gets a big payoff in my interest in her. Sometimes it’s even easier that what you think would work better… a comfy pink sleep shirt beats $100 of lingerie for me.
Well… unless it’s pink and black lingerie.
So ask him what turns him on in particular. Then all you have to do is work it into your clothing rotation and you’re good to go. Not every single day, just in the rotation. Though I do warn you, if you ask him and he clearly communicates to you something that is cheap, easy and non-offensive to do…
…failing to follow through on that will probably backfire on you quite impressively. The bigger the turn on it is, the bigger the shitstorm you will have created. Don’t fuck with people’s kink.
Related posts:
- Girl Game: Defining a Few Terms For the month of April I’m going to be talking...
- Girl Game: Have Long Hair Long hair is a marker for physical good health, is...
- Girl Game: Fake Ovulation With Lipstick and Cleavage The most important thing to understand about men’s interest in...
- Where To Find A Submissive Woman? Hi Athol, I stumbled across your blog today and liked...
- Sexy Move: Find Some Stolen Time Together If Game can be summarized into three words, it’s “instigate,...
Some of these won't work. He has specifically told me that he loathes huge hoop earrings and thinks they look really trashy. And I can't dye my hair blond since I'm Asian, and it would look ridiculous.
But I shall investigate the others. Thanks.
This is really good stuff. Glad to know I'm not the only one with one-off kinks (ponytails in baseball hats for one). Women just have to put aside the "huh?" factor and do one or more of these things, just like men have to make the game "leap of faith."
@Hope: I think you're missing the point. For each man they're different.
For example, blondes don't do it for me, but red heads are the bomb. The color purple works but pink is kind of a turn off. Dresses are nice but skirts, especially those wrinkly peasant style ones always catch my eye as do toe rings and anklettes (especially ones with bells).
And Hope, once you learn them you'll be amazed how well they work. After a decade plus with a wife who barely tried when we were dating and and silently added "not care about being pleasing to you" to "I do" at the wedding I had a gf who learned that a certain purple tee shirt (or one of several) did it for me and wore it to drive me crazy.
The big win, though was knowing I like lingerie, especially stockings and garters. She wore the later on our second date and just quietly put my hand on her thigh to feel them at the movie theater. Then made sure I had to wait until after the movie. The one time we had make-up sex she made a point to wear a matching tank and panty set. Nothing expensive or complex.
Even she was astounded by how well they worked to the point of saying "it's just a tank and matching panties". I still remember that as some best sex I had in my life even if it was fairly "normal" in terms of what we did.
I originally planned to just agree with the tank and panties story but Hope you inspired me. Learn them and understand they are particular to that man. They are more powerful than anything generic because they demonstrate not just a desire to be attractive but attractive to him. Learning his little quirks is investment in him in a way most women seem to just plain not get. In fact many women seem downright hostile to learning it. For some reason wearing a belled anklette steals all the power, independence, and freedom they have in their minds.
I really don't get that.
http://bit.ly/9lPAKq
Have Jennifer hit your local Sephora and try:
NARS Lipstick in Schiap or Funny Face.
Funny Face is my personal favorite–fuchsia with a gorgeous blue sheen.
The last few posts have me tempted to die my hair blonde just to see what happens. I have never been a blonde.
*dye
i'm still trying to get the DH to cough up what he likes.
ok, i know he likes erotic piercings, and unfortunately those aren't in the cards at the moment (nipples migrated out some years ago, then we had the baby, and he's still nursing, so when he's done, we'll redo the nipples, and i'm getting the clit hood done, too, but not sure if at the same time or not).
aside from that, i'm not sure *what* he likes other than watching me do yoga or linda-hamilton myself on our chin up bar (and no, i don't look Terminator 2 good. but still. he likes to watch me work out).
i'm really, though, not sure what else i can do. he has said miniskirts, but i'm not comfortable wearing them out (being 35). i don't mind above-the-knee a few inches, btu he's talking barely-cover-the-butt short. fine for home, but not so fine for out.
though admittedly, people do think i'm 25. it's rather funny.
anyway, i've been reading this one and the "slutwife" about inspirations and doing what he likes, but honestly, my husband is not coughing up the info. LOL
seriously. i am trying.
Hope – you're missing the point, these work for "me" and not "all guys". You have to go ask and experiment with your particular guy.
Sweet As – wear a mini-skirt for him at home then.
Anon – it's more like Roman Holiday at http://sephora.com/browse/product.jhtml?id=P2865&categoryId=B70
But brighter…
Athol,
Pink man, Think about it. I would wager your love of pink comes from the color of your favorite body parts. When it's worn, it reminds you of what you can't see . . . but want to.
Laurentia
Ok, I am computer illiterate. I have finally come up with a handle I be happy with and I have not idea how to make it come up in the comment. Open ID keeps telling me my credentials could not be verified. I have none, so . . .
i do not believe i had one pink item in my life, even underwear, til my husband suggested it–now i have tons, even my sneakers have pink in them. he loves my simple pink tank top undershirt from old navy more than 100$ worth of lingerie. also yoga pants, yoga pants, yoga pants–light colored ones, without underwear. long hair a must. ladies, listen to your husbands suggestions–he WANTS to be attracted to you! help keep him that way!!
I've been doing a decent job listening lately, I think. I know my hubby loves dark chocolate brown hair, so I recently went from red to chocolate hair and he LOVES it!!
He also loves sundresses, so I'm heading out to buy a summer stock in a few weeks…he also mentioned lipstick awhile back so that's on my shopping list as well! If he can't keep his hands off me, I will have succeeded 
Just wanted to add…I LOVE this series! I run straight to the computer when I get up to catch the latest post!
These kinds of discussions tend to show how we've been brainwashed by commercial culture. We don't question why people have a distinct affinity for sardines, cashews, Boston creme pie or whatever a favorite food is. But we've been led to believe that there's a strict standard of attractive beauty and anything outside that constitutes a kink or a fetish. I've found women especially tend to buy into what culture is selling on magazine covers, and think they can never look like that (or afford to) so there's no point. This is without mentioning the lies about male psychology sold to women in society.
"ladies, listen to your husbands suggestions–he WANTS to be attracted to you! help keep him that way!!"
This is really the key. When your man is giving you a big blue paw print clue, listen and implement. Think of it like business – if a loyal customer told you they really liked XYZ they get from your store, wouldn't you make sure you had those items available? Now doesn't one's spouse deserve that customer-centric treatment times ten?
My man always tells me what he likes, such as boots and hooped earings he finds a real turn on. So it is worth asking your partner what he finds attractive, it will make a difference to your relationship too.
Do pay attention to his other four senses… my hubby likes SOFT things – a satin nightie to bed (even though I made my own so it's kid-waking-up-at-midnight-friendly) or a cashmere sweater can do wonders.
Perfume – find out what he likes and how strongly he wants to smell it.
Soft voices. Good toothpaste and body lotion that doesn't taste horrid. Good meals.
My legs don't LOOK good in stockings (even hubby is on that page) but he still appreciates feeling them on me.
Work outside the box, especially if the "box" is the cover of Cosmo.
Whatever Cosmo says to do, do the opposite:
http://www.cracked.com/article_19066_7-psychotic-pieces-relationship-advice-from-cosmo.html
What if long hair works for me…. but so does short hair? Are these kinks you're talking about an all or nothing thing (+1 vs +0), or is it on a bigger scale? For example, I like dark hair, but that is not to say I would find blondes unnatractive. Would it be more like brunettes +6 and blondes +2 for me then?
You should have your wife check out Lime Crime makeup http://www.limecrimemakeup.com/products /CENTRIFUCHSIA-opaque-lipstick.html
I know a couple for my husband: glasses and red hair. I bought a pair of fashion glasses just to wear for him.
Sai – I can't tell you what your individualized kink is
For my partner it's the librarian look – glasses and dark hair pulled back into a bun or pony tail.
Having worked as a librarian several times, this is something I can do easy peasy.
Jennifer:
You're just gonna have to see those in person, love. NARS makes VERY beautiful, VERY pigmented lip colors, in smooth, drier formulas which stay on the lip (which means one-step lip color, the semi-matte formulas don't need lip liner because they don't migrate. Then again, I'm only 19.) At $24/stick, they'd BETTER be long-lasting! I put it on once a day and as long as I'm careful when I eat, it stays put and I don't have to reapply.
Roman Holiday is GORGEOUS, and brighter than your computer screen swatch. You could just make it your bedroom lipstick…
(Anonymous @ 3:03 AM)
Athol, your post made me think of this scene from How I Met Your Mother (go to 1:09).
(Sorry, I tried to embed but your HTML won't allow the code.)
LOL @ "Don't fuck with people's kink."
Where can I buy the t-shirt?
Hmmm… maybe I can do that Octavia.
On the other hand, people have boundaries about what they can and will do. What are you willing to do if it turned out it really, really turned on your boyfriend or husband? Some things you say ok, let's do that. Other things are full stop no. It can be an issue.
I had a LTR boyfriend who was really turned on by skirts and hose. I wore them just once, hated it with a passion and there he was loving it. I felt sad, but combined with other issues it was clear I needed to end the relationship.
If he would like it sure, but likes other things better, then it is doable. But, wow, did he like the panty hose.
Ahtol I do think this is one point for sex before marriage — you hopefully can sort out if the respective turn ons are doable by the other party. Dan Savage has frequent columns where someone writes in having found out their husband is turned on by and OMG they cannot ever do that! How can you get married without knowing your spouse's kinks?!?
Mac (who has long hair because her husband likes it, btw!!)
But what do you do if he claims he doesn't know what his specific turn ons are?
Jessica – Just start trying things out on him.
Only 30% of what you try will work, just trial and error together. Laugh about the failures, enjoy the successes.
I agree on the sundresses and stockings, and would add to the list heels. Anything that accentuates the legs/ass is good in my book.
Re: "you can't exactly spin a cocoon around yourself and suddenly bust out in six weeks like a magical tits-and-ass-butterfly either" … I understand and sympathize that not much can be done about breasts, and if a woman loses weight they often lose cup size; a lot can be done with the rest of the body. Some resistance exercise coupled with a good diet can do wonders for the legs and ass…