Girl Game: Have Long Hair

Long hair is a marker for physical good health, is a feminine appearance marker and the overwhelming majority of men are attracted to long hair. Most husbands react to their wives lopping all their hair into some sort of short pixie cut quite badly. Kinda the same way you would react if he suddenly announced he’d shortened his cock to two inches long. You’re not going to really say anything, just make that strangling sound in your throat and hope that it can eventually grow back.
And yes I know, long hair is more work to take care of. Yes I know washing baby puke out of your hair is disgusting. Yes I know having a toddler deciding to latch onto your hair and rappel down the back of the couch is annoying.

Men really like it though. Shoulder lenght is just fine, anything past your mid-back starts seeming to be a little long. No need to go Rapuzel on us.

Buy Me!


  1. Anonymous says

    Completely agree about how a woman cutting her hair diminishes her attractiveness. Women, as they get older, tend to cut their hair, because they claim it makes them look better. I don't like it. Any thoughts, Athol?

  2. haleyshalo says

    Athol, you missed the Boundless controversy about long hair a couple years back when a number of black women stated that it is very difficult to grow long hair. I think that post still holds the record for number of replies, something like 300, iirc.

    Anon, part of the reason women cut their hair when they get older is that as hair loses its color, it loses its vitality and is harder to work with. Also, many women who are old with long hair just look like they are trying to hold on to youth they no longer possess. Does anyone really want to see grandmas with hairstyles like their granddaughters'?

  3. Jack Amok says

    Does anyone really want to see grandmas with hairstyles like their granddaughters'?

    Grandpas do. That's what Athol's trying to tell women here.

    Incidentally, about blonde hair, it's a marker for youth. Naturally blonde hair turns grey at a younger age than darker hair, so in the Time-Before-Clairol, a woman with blonde hair was obviouslyl still fairly young. So there's a Body Agenda angle to the hair color thing. I kinda like redheads myself. Don't know if it's biological or learned.

    But blonde, brunette, redheaded, grey, blue or any other shade, long beats short.

  4. Jonathan Manor says

    I completely disagree. Living in the city, women who cut there hair short and do it correctly, show an edge. Women with long hair are historically plain. Look at Andre Tatou, Emma Watson, some phases of Natalie Portman. They're all very edgy and new.

  5. Pode says

    Edgy isn't sexy. It's attitudinal and combative, not features I want in a wife. YMMV.
    The only time in my life I was attracted to a woman 20 years my senior, she had long, flowing, straight salt/pepper/silver hair. Minimal curl is best. Curl comes from weaknesses in the protien chain iirc, so straighter is healthier. A little curl at the ends where the hair's oldest is natural, totally perfectly straight is a mutation alert and a turnoff. Anything unnatural looking wrecks it for me. So go easy on the highlights & wild colors.

  6. Athol Kay says

    Haley – LOL @ "Boundless controversy". Even you laugh at half the stuff on Boundless as foolishly stupid and I'm further toward the dark side than you are :-)

    Black women do have difficulty with longer hair, I think they get more slack on this issue than other ethinic groups. However the sheer effort they put into their hair implies that they don't disagree with my primary point at all.

    Yes at some point you do give up on the hair Haley. But if you're having to do that in your 40's that's a really bad sign.

    Jonathan – I love Natalie Portman. But I love her better with long hair.

    Jack – You get it.

  7. Ari says

    I would agree about long hair. But I would say that shoulder length isn't the minimum. To my mind, hair reaching the chin (in front) and the back of the neck (in back) is just fine. Being straight, I don't know what they call that cut.

  8. Anonymous says

    Athol – I totally agree with this post. I'm a 40-year-old woman with long blonde hair. I like it, but more importantly, my husband LOVES it. I have had woman try to convince me to cut my hair, saying it would be easier, cuter, etc. I have been told "It's your hair, your husband should have no say in your hairstyle." HA! He's the one I'm trying to attract, not you ladies. The couple of times I have cut my hair has been for Locks of Love, but my hair grows fast, so hubby was OK with it.

  9. Thag Jones says

    And yes I know, long hair is more work to take care of.

    Actually it isn't. If anything it's easier. I've had every length hair imaginable and with the exception of a buzz cut, which almost no one (except other women) likes, past shoulder length is really easy. I suppose if you're blow drying the shit out of it, maybe not, but that will mess up your hair anyway; best to let it dry naturally, don't wash it every single day, trim the dead ends and you're good to go.

    And here I am, after just this morning saying there's only so much I can talk about hair before I get bored, lol.

    What do the guys think of hair sticks and accessories like that? Curious….

    And here are some great tips for long hair:

  10. Thag Jones says

    Oh, and I'm really damn lazy about doing my hair and make-up. I wear very little make-up and only blow dry my bangs (they look messy otherwise), and mostly just wear my hair down or sometimes in a pony tail. So take it from a lazy arse, long hair is NOT hard work. Medium length is the worst – way more work and all that just to look like a soccer mom.

  11. Anonymous says

    I have had long,golden hair,below shoulder length (currently to midback) all my life. It has a bit of a wave to it but can be styled many ways.Men and even women are always commenting on my hair (even coming up and asking if they can touch it!) and this has continued to seem attractive to men even though I am considerably older than your average reader. It really can be a woman's crowning glory and my husband would never be happy to have me cut it. It is not harder to take care of than shorter hair,I can simply let it wash and air dry or it can be done in numerous other ways. I have even used my hair in a sexual fashion by gently and briefly wrapping it around my husband's shaft while rubbing his shaft or using my hair to lightly tickle his shaft or chest or face. Most men do not have very long hair and I think that having long hair sets up one of those distinctive differences that attracts men. Some men love raven hair or redheads but thankfully my spouse likes me blond, which I am. Learn what your husband likes and do it. By the way babies spit up on daddies' shirts so does that mean daddy will stop wearing a shirt? Women can make the silliest excuses for reasons to chop their hair off.Completely agree about women liking other women to cut their hair off and the edgy style also sending a combative message.I am always suspicious when women gush over certain changes in hair or dress. It usually is not something in hair or dress that men prefer! It is not considered the fashion for an older woman such as myself to have such long hair but it seems like a more feminine,sexy alternative to the frequent older women's style of short,almost butch look.

  12. elhaf says

    @Thag Jones: what do men think of hair sticks and accessories like that?

    Men think: what the hell is a hair stick?

  13. Bob says

    I like medium length straight hair, even though I grew up watching Farah Fawcett.

    That said, there's a great deal to like in a graceful neck with an elegant jawline just asking to be kissed.

    The PUA crowd makes a mistake conflating the intrasex dominance hierarchies with sexual attractiveness.

    In men, the qualities the PUA crowd calls "Alpha" amount to a barbarian warrior's attitude. Until he earns a certain amount of prestige in battle a barbarian (say Native American or Maori) cannot marry. A true alpha male would be an older, still powerful warrior with proven experience and leadership ability.

    The women's hierarchy involves attachment to prestigeous men and restricting access to the best men to close kin. You see that in its primal form when women sabotage each other's attrictiveness with bad advice.

    btw, I would count Vikings as barbarians, too. Don't tell my wife.

  14. hans says

    Ugh, short lesbotron hairstyles. The horror.
    Men who like that are probably on the gay side of the sexual affinity pendulum.

    When the above cut their hair(Watson/Portman) they immediately fell of the "fapdar". To put it crudely but succinctly.
    That´s what you get when young girls are influenced by gay fashion "gods" and their beauty standards.
    Not that the older ones are any better in resisting the herd.

  15. Anonymous says

    Short(er) haircuts done right can look very "hawt" on the right women — no round heads or chubby face — provided there's enough body or "fluff" in the hair. Besides, we get bored of wearing our hair the same way, year after year. Currently my hair is the longest it's ever been (hitting shoulders) and my husband really likes it, so I'll keep it, but it is a lot of work when you have baby fine hair.

    Now let me just ask this: why on earth do so many young men embrace the cue ball? Enjoy your hair while you have it, guys, don't shave it! Bald heads on men – turns me off almost as much as the short lesbotron coiffure does for the guys. Sad when your husband starts "losing it."

  16. Anonymous says

    Anon 1:00, I think you inadvertently just proved Athol's point. Your husband likes your longer hair. Period.

    Yup, I fell for it all, too. The pixie, the mom cut… UGH!

    And I know I need to slow down and take better care of myself when my hair starts looking like crap. Yep, I can cut/dye it, but that will just mask the underlying poor health.

  17. Viliam Búr says

    Why is it that when someone gives a good advice, there are immediately so many women explaining how terribly WRONG it is?

    Yeah, it makes sense if you look at the dark side of human relations. Giving bad advice to woman means eliminating your competitor. Giving bad advice to beta man (alpha man wouldn't listen) separates the alpha-wannabe from true alphas.

    There is a reason why men are attracted visually to women. Looking at women is much safer than listening to them. (With rise of feminism, looking is no longer safe, but listening became even more dangerous.)

    On topic: Once I dated a girl with beautifully long hair. A few days later she cut them to very short. Huge attractivity drop. She looked almost like a boy. When I objected, she explained to me that I do not understand fashion; all her friends liked the new style. (And of course modern woman should not care about her boyfriend's opinions. That would make her a slave of patriarchy, wouldn't it?) It didn't make much sense to argue, there was no way to get that hair back soon anyway. So I failed the first shit test…

  18. Thag Jones says

    elhaf, I should have known, lol.

    anon @ 1:00pm, YOU may think short hair on a woman can look "hawt," but not a whole lot of men agree with you. The fact that your husband likes your hair longer proves the point of this post doesn't it. It doesn't matter what YOU think; we're talking about what MEN like.

    nd fluffy short hair? What, like this?

    No thanks.

  19. The Private Man says

    Long hair is a sign of femininity. The feminine attracts the masculine.

    Such simple rules are lost when the "I don't have to please any man" attitude intrudes. What's wrong with trying to please a man, especially a husband?

    That attitude never made sense to me.

  20. Anonymous says

    Hey all, It's just fun to swap opinions. :-)

    But really, it gets exhausting "pleasing men" – in my next life, I want to come back as a "nonsexual." :-)

    Just found this article; reaffirms what's been said here.
    The painful truth behind pixie haircuts and short hairstyles

    An excerpt: "Someone who has day-to-day familiarity with short-hair prejudice is Patti Stanger, L.A.’s resident cupidess for the wealthy and the host of Bravo’s The Millionaire Matchmaker. “Men want what they want in a woman because of what they learned when they were little boys,” she says. “Think about it: Who did they grow up wanting to rescue? Cinderella and Rapunzel didn’t have edgy bobs.”

    Anon 1:00

  21. Anonymous says

    This is a huge pet peeve for me. I call it the Matron haircut. It's the kind of hair cut that says, "I'm over 40 and I'm not trying anymore!"

    Yes, I'm sure it's easier to take care. Well, it's easier for a guy to shave once every three or four days. But does that make the stubble attractive?

  22. Thag Jones says

    "Men want what they want in a woman because of what they learned when they were little boys"

    Not the old "culturally conditioned" argument again. Bollocks, I say! The masculine likes the feminine, the feminine likes the masculine. It's like opposite electrical charges. This whole stick thin, short-haired fashion is GAY, literally.

    How is it exhausting pleasing men? Just curious. I always thought men were fairly straightforward in what they want from us.

  23. Thag Jones says

    P.S. I don't think little boys pay much attention to Rapunzel and Cinderella, much less have an impulse to rescue them – that's girl porn. o_O

  24. The Private Man says

    "But really, it gets exhausting 'pleasing men'"

    Hmmmm, this smacks of the subtle misandry of disrespect.

  25. paige says

    Actually it is kind of exhausting.

    If you are not naturally thin it can take an enormous amount of time and effort to stay that way as you get older. We aren't talking 30 minutes on a treadmill… I mean like hours and hours of hard cardio and very little food.

    Keeping up on your roots once you go gray means a hair appointment at least every 6 weeks which gets pretty expensive.

    An hours worth of make-up and hair care every morning. Nails done.

    Botox and possibly cosmetic surgery past 40.

    For some God unknown reason some women actually enjoy all of that stuff, but for the women who would rather read a book or be out doing something productive then all that attention to ones look feels irritating.

    But being attractive to men is crazy expensive and crazy time consuming once older. Nature did not intend for us to stay attractive, hence it becomes very hard.

    I understand that it is respectful to want to make your husband happy, but lets not pretend like it isn't also exhausting/irritating.

  26. Anonymous says

    Sigh…Oh Thag, yes it's biology AND some cultural conditioning. How could one ever escape their culture? If you grow up in a society where women shave their heads and practice ritual scarification, that's female beauty as you know it. Not all cultures have the Western model.

    Exhausting: Paychecking, cleaning, cooking, sexing, nurturing, supporting and do this while keeping yourself looking young – no weight gaining, no signs of aging. I know men are visual; I get that and don't hate them for it, but they do need to understand that it's hard for us to be as perfect as they want. I'd much rather do my art hobbies instead of the gym, but I go to the damned gym!

    Still married, but I don't always win the perfect wife award. That's why I visit this site. How 'bout you?

  27. Anonymous says

    Women cut their hair "at a certain age" because long hair pulls down the features – and we've never been taught how to put it up. Just pulling it up for out and putting it down for husband is how women did it for umpteen years, it's not difficult.

    Also, we're all addicted to hair dye/bleach and blowdrying – and you'd better believe that stylists push that stuff! – and those things damage hair and make long hair harder to achieve. (Plus grey hair is often a different texture than our youthful hair).

    It's actually quite difficult to find a stylist that knows how to put long hair up attractively, more so to find one that will help you put it up.

    In the last year I cut quite a bit off my hair – but all for the cause of getting it really properly long with good health. It was long enough to sit on (still is midback) but crunchy. Crunchy isn't pretty.

    So. Now. No layers. Cut it regularly. Oil it occasionally. One waterfall of healthy pretty hair… and we'll see how long I can get it. I always *liked* rapunzel… :)

    Last thought – yes, I have had men come up and look longingly at my long hair and ask if it's much trouble, and yes I have children and survived the babypuke years with hair intact. Crazy people. Like a bun isn't more compact and easier to deal with than anything longer than a buzzcut. /eyeroll

  28. Anonymous says


    I don't know how old you are, but you gotta cut back on the cardio and start lifting the weights. When you gain all that muscle you can eat more as the muscle burns more fat and calories and you will slim WAY down (I'm not assuming your big, but the fat melts off) A lot of women think they will bulk up but this is just NOT true. Unless of course your ancestors were amazons. I was skinny fat for a long time and then I started lifting and I am at a higher weight and far smaller in inches and dress size. Also a lot less time in the gym and much more fun.

    Anon 2:38

    I have been doing quite a bit of reading on hair as mine is quite curly and needs much more attention to keep healthy and long. You likely know this but in case you do not stay away from shampoo with sulfates in them. It is the same as using laundry detergent on your hair. With my curly hair I have completely stopped washing it (No, it is not gross, healthier and longer than ever, which my husband is thrilled about). In the reading I am doing, even women with straight hair can do this. I simply "wash" with conditioner.

    This lady is all about curly hair, but I am pretty sure many of her techniques work for straight as well (though likely not fine). Her name is Lorraine Massey and she has given me the ability to grow my hair longer. Before it would reach a certain length and just stop.

    Sorry for giving beauty tips Athol, but as this is for the ladies sometime we just need a little shove in the right direction and it can change a lot of things. In case it can help anyone just wanted it to be out there.

    For the workout thing, check out Brad Schoenfeld. Fantastic trainer geared toward women. He has a couple good books out there that dispel a lot of the myths women have taken to heart over the years regarding lifting weights.

  29. Anonymous says

    Yikes, who knew there was so much controversy on hair length. Anyway, I'm naturally blonde, but dye it brunette because he says he's always been more into brunettes… have started wondering if maybe the tide was turning on blonde being the most sought after? What about pigtails, too cliche? Baseball hats? :)

  30. Athol Kay says

    OMG Anon… baseball cap with a pony tail through the gap at the back = insta boner

    Agree on the weight lifting thing. Too many women do nothing but the starvation and cardio routine and it simply doesn't work worth a damn. Do the weights routine more and you will look much better much faster. And you get to eat more!

  31. Anna Beers says

    Lol, sometimes a long, frizzy, graying mane just looks like a horse's backside. That's usually why women rejoice when another woman chops her hair. Because it looks loads better on her. I don't think it ever crosses most women's minds that now they're one up on the newly-shorn.

    I get what you're saying about men's preference for long hair. I look TERRIBLE with long hair. My best look is a short wavy cut. (Think an inch below the jaw) My hair is very fine and when it gets longer, it goes limp and just hangs against my round cheeks, making my face look fat. No thank you. My husband agrees with me that, objectively, longer hair looks awful on me. But my short, flirty, flattering cuts get no attention from him, whereas if I grow my hair to shoulder length, he begs to brush it.

    My dad used to mourn when I'd get my hair trimmed (trimmed!) as a teen. I always thought it was pretty creepy that he cared that much about my hair. It never got that long to begin with, but after a while, I got sick of it and chopped it. He then started helplessly saying things like "As long as people can tell you're a woman from behind…"

  32. Anonymous says

    I see a lot of woman who asked (or looked) for advice about what would make them more attractive to men, not liking the response, and then rationalizing why MEN are wrong for feeling that way…

  33. Noeleve says

    Anon 7:11 – Yeah, mmm, some of the comments are starting to sound a little defensive… but PLEASE keep on with the advice! A lot of us are excited to have the feedback. We can't really show up with a clipboard of questions for our man, and as long as we're gonna be investing the time, nice to be pointed in the right direction :)

    Athol – Thanks for the response on the baseball hat, good to know!

  34. Badger says

    This sounds like a repeat of the Boundless thread. Lots of rationalization against uncomfortable truths. Quite frankly, these kinds of discussions are the type of thing that make me wonder if the marriage gamble is anywhere near worth it, seeing all the cultural programming I'll have to be a bulwark against. How can I hope to out-game an entire sisterhood?

    Maybe it is "hard work" or "exhausting" to keep attraction up. My response: so what? Do you think your man married you so he could give you the security to say it was too much work to accommodate his needs and desires? If you are going to make an argument based on "exhaustion," which high-impact attraction markers are you OK with your man forgoing? Are you ready to "just deal with" your man not cooking, changing the oil, working with ambition, or (pick whatever traits you like in your husband)?

    And be careful with the "my husband likes my hairdo!" Would your husband tell you you were fat, even if you asked him? Most won't. (Athol has a post on the topic.) Same with expressing dis-attraction with your hair.

    Here's another thing that was the "girl game" point of the post, but no one has really brought up: if you've got happiness to burn in your marriage, then go ahead and unilaterally disarm your sex rank. But if your marriage is mediocre, or you want more investment from your husband, which of the following do you think is going to make him more likely to invest:

    1. Growing out your hair (or not cutting it)
    2. Stomping your feet and proclaiming that you don't have to do anything if you don't want to?

    A caveat that's not really a caveat, just a note: don't confuse what you (or your girlfriends) find glamorous with what turns your husband on. Your typical man does not require high fashion and endless primping to find you attractive. Long hair and staying in shape will do more for your relationship than any designer label or deluxe salon treatment, and it'll be a lot cheaper in the long run too. Here is a classic example of that confusion:

    "no weight gaining, no signs of aging. I know men are visual; I get that and don't hate them for it, but they do need to understand that it's hard for us to be as perfect as they want"

    This is a straw man (or should I say a straw hamster). Who said anything about being perfect? Staying attractive doesn't mean no weight gain and no sign of aging (trying to hide signs of aging is a sure way to look hideous, just ask Nancy Pelosi). It means aging gracefully and not quitting the sexual market value race just because you've got the ring and kids and he's stuck with you. And make no mistake – if you insist you have other priorities and put his preferences down the list, he WILL feel "stuck" with you. Some return he got on his marital investment.

  35. Badger says

    "Athol – Thanks for the response on the baseball hat, good to know!"

    Oh ponytails with baseball hats are beyond hot.

  36. Dave in the cave says

    My wife had really long hair since before we met. Then the new girl at her hair place accidentally cut it too short, so it was just below her shoulders. She was worried I'd hate it.

    For the first time, she could leave her hair down during sex without it getting in my nose and mouth. OMG it was HOT. Getting to watch it get messier as I roughed her up was awesome. Before, she had so much hair that it would just get in the way.

    I agree 100% with Athol.

  37. paige says

    I am not being defensive…I was just defending the person who said it was exhausting.

  38. Athol Kay says

    I said it was more work to take of in the post itself as well Paige.

    Lots of things that are sexy take work.

  39. Anonymous says


    Why can't you show up with questions for your man? I do it ALL the time. I don't just blurt out awkward questions, but if something is set up well, I will ask. It has helped to make things so much better for us as I better understand what he finds attractive about me, in looks and in the bedroom.

    For example, I can ask him this stuff about long hair, why he likes it and if he would mind me cutting it short. He then tells me don't cut it and here's why. No hamster spinning and things are clear.

    Then again, I can ask my husband if a pair of pants make me look fat. His response? "Yes, you need to change them." And I don't get offended because, well, they do make me look fat and why the hell would I want to go out like that?

  40. Noeleve says

    Anon 9:58 – Hi, thanks, yeah sometimes I ask (like now I know he thinks green shirts make me look like an elf and he likes my hair in a ponytail), and other things I don't, because I wonder if it takes a little of the mystery/fun out of some things if I have to ask, like to try to keep him guessing a little

  41. Hermione says

    Leonidas and I have had some encounters over this. I really like long hair but I've occasionally gotten the thought of cutting it off; I was never particularly serious about it though because I don't think it would work with my face shape.

    Early on Leonidas shot the idea of very short hair down; he has long hair and I love it, and I mentioned once that I might cut off my hair and he said "If you cut off yours I cut off mine." So that's where that is.

    He likes redheads. I had auburn hair growing up that I'm pretty sure has darkened into more brown than red because of age and not spending as much time outside. But I keep it red when we can afford it since he likes it. Lately I've been going for the Amy Pond shade of red :)

  42. Hope says

    I cut off 11 inches of my hair to donate, and now I'm super self-conscious. :| My husband loves long hair, too, and I've had long hair since I was 16. I hope it grows out quickly.

  43. Badger says


    At least you did it for a good cause. Tell your husband you're helping another woman's man enjoy her newfound long hair.

    I am curious what the overall response to this girl game series will end up being. Sure they'll be hamsters, but I'm wondering if we might end up having to conclude that a significant portion of wives aren't that interested in going outside their comfort zone to improve their marriages.

  44. The Private Man says

    "I'm wondering if we might end up having to conclude that a significant portion of wives aren't that interested in going outside their comfort zone to improve their marriages."

    Did I mention the subtle misandry of disrespect?

    As well, if her hair is indeed long, she shouldn't always put it up in a bun. She should wear it long, too.

  45. Sweet As says

    I wear my hair long.

    Around age 10 or so, I started to really like my long hair. I'm blond, and I somehow figured out that being blond had special powers. :)

    It was at this age that my mother started cutting my hair *very short* and at age 12/3 when i started to develop like a woman, my mother cut it off so i looked like a boy.

    but let me put it this way. my mother strongly encouraged me to have super-short hair, such that i looked like a boy, and whenever i grew my hair out (and to this day), my mother would complain constantly about how "terrible" my hair looks.

    my mother wears her hair short, and has a preference for short hair, but man, she was PUSHY about it. so, from about age 10 until i was 18, i had short hair. most people thought I was a lesbian, and i didn't attract many guys until i had longer hair in my last year of high school.

    when i went to university, i grew my hair out. i got lots of attention. i had a great stylist, and he not only did a great job with my hair, he taught me how to put it up into different styles that — honestly — drive men WILD. it's amazing what two rubber bands, a few bobby pins, and a bit of molding/hair wax can achieve. LOL and seriously, it's a 3 minute do.

    anyway, once i was out of hte house, i would get hard core criticism at holidays. in addition to criticism about my hair, i would get it about not wearing make up (i have *really great* skin, and make up irritates it. I do brow/lash tinting and a smide of make up around the eyes and lip gloss, but my skin is so great, i do NOT mess with it), and i was continually considered "fat." (i am currently five ft, seven inches, size 4 US, 120 lbs, 18% body fat, 26 inch waste, C-cup bra, and yes, mother of one — so, i do not do endless hours of cardo nor starve myself: The Primal Blueprint, look it up.)

    Anyhoot, I think my mother had issues with me, but I can't put my finger on what.

    today, i mostly look to please my husband in as many ways as humany possibly because *i want to get laid, a lot*.

    he prefers long hair. And so even though i skype with my mom every week, and just about every week she asks me when i'm going to get that "cute" hair cut from 1989" or whatever, i tell her never.

    I hvae a new stylist, hair is even more awesome than ever, and I love it. And i can now do my do without the molding wax because of her cut. two rubber bands, a few bobby pins, and 2 minutes.

    and it looks great as JBF'd hair, too. LOL

  46. Athol Kay says

    Fabulous comment Sweet As. How horrible to have your mother try and deep six your looks.

  47. pdwalker says

    Long hair on a woman? Well Duh! Of course it's sexy.

    What's with all the English women in the last couple of years chopping their hair down to nothing? Bloody ugly!

  48. OffTheCuff says

    "My husband agrees with me that, objectively, longer hair looks awful on me. But my short, flirty, flattering cuts get no attention from him, whereas if I grow my hair to shoulder length, he begs to brush it."

    So,.. in other words, he says he likes it shorter to make you happy, but when it actually *is* longer his actions clearly show he likes it better. Athol 1, You 0.

    Your particular type of hair, or your maintenance technique, may not be amenable to growing long hair. That doesn't negate the fact that if you had longer hair of decent quality, most guys would find it better looking.

  49. Anonymous says

    Just a thought from the last couple of posts and from observation – it seems like if those of us who have gained weight just kind of give up on being pretty at all. Like, "oh well, I can't do it, I'm not even going to try".

    "I'm old/a mommy/a working woman, I can't have long hair".

    We believe a lot of lies, in other words. Suck in a lot of self-hatred.

    The more I do things old-school, the more I like them, the more I wonder why anyone over 25 does them the new way. Yeah, those jeans looked hot on you… last decade. Here, let me show you what a skirt can do for you now. No, really – you don't want to wear that super-tight tshirt. Why not a satin blouse?

    We can't always be young, but we can always be beautiful at the age we are at.

  50. Anonymous says

    Whatever you ladies do, please don't let it be anything close to this:

    I find it funny when people mentioned Natalie Portman and Emma Watson because they don't realize the real reasons for their chops. Portman had to for Vendetta and found it to be a change compared to the wacky hair get-ups from Star Wars; Watson wasn't allowed to do anything to her hair the entire duration of HP. Of course she wanted something different. They both still looked cute, but really their peak is with the longer hair.

    My husband prefers my hair long, and after having made the bad– but learning curve– decision of chopping mine off, I agree. I've also taken better care of my hair since then and it practically styles itself most of the time. People have commented to me that it looks shiny and is more so when I am in the sun. My husband has also asked me to go Rapunzel on *him*, LOL and I don't mind :D

    I think having long hair as a woman is actually counter-cultural when you think about it. The current culture is pro-feminism let's mutilate our bodies and look haggard. A woman with long healthy hair is viewed as a threat– even if she is average looking, and therefore must be annihilated. The hair, at least.

    Be an old-school rebel ladies and grow it out!

    -Lia S.

  51. The Mrs. says

    Lia S. has a point, ladies. Just because you want all the same rights as a man doesn't mean you have to look like one!

  52. Anna Beers says

    Well, I actually asked my husband what he thought (What a concept!) and he said he was fine with my short hair, but asked that I keep it long enough to put up. That's extremely reasonable. I currently have a pink azalea from the back yard pinned next to my loose pony tail. :)

  53. Tarlach says

    Here's an odd one. My boyfriend actually asked me to cut my hair shorter, a lot shorter. He couldn't keep his hands off of it and me after he saw it. Most of my exes have been redhead guys too. Odd.

  54. Anonymous says

    Thanks, Athol. Men don't want to answer this question. Mine finally did, after seeing your post. He simply didn't want to tell me what to do. I think that's sweet, but more importantly, I want to continue getting laid like tile by him. So, long it is.

  55. Badger says

    "Here's an odd one. My boyfriend actually asked me to cut my hair shorter, a lot shorter. He couldn't keep his hands off of it and me after he saw it. Most of my exes have been redhead guys too. Odd."

    Wise or otherwise, otherwise you're wise. If he digs it short then keep it that way!

    "Men don't want to answer this question. Mine finally did, after seeing your post. He simply didn't want to tell me what to do. "

    We don't want to tell women what to do, and we don't want to tell women they could be more attractive, because then we'll get dagger eyes and silent treatments. That's another reason women have a poor understanding of what turns men on, men don't bother to communicate it because they get punished for doing so. We even see it on this post, some women want to deny (or refuse to cooperate with) what are almost-universal truths about attraction.

  56. Octavia says

    @ Athol April 6, 2011 7:36 AM

    Strictly from my perspective, I don't think black women get slack for hair, at least in the U.S. Also, black women have hair that comes in a wide variety of lengths, shades and textures. I don’t think many people who are not black recognize that.

    For many people in Eurocentric countries feminine = long hair = being a white woman. Even if it’s ultimately damaging to their psyche, some of those who do not fit that mold will do their best to fit it. It’s understandable because many are susceptible to cultural conditioning, even when that can actually be self-destructive for some individuals. It’s similar to the millions of white women who feel that they must dye their hair blonde and/or maintain it that way at virtually all cost. If I remember correctly, there’s at least one book about the history of blonde hair. Some of the women discussed included Marilyn Monroe and Madonna.

    On another note, in some cultures, long hair on men is perfectly acceptable; hair length doesn’t carry the same gender markings from country to country.

    At any rate, this is quite an interesting thread. I look forward to what else gets posted on it!

  57. Octavia says

    There are instances when people ask a question, get an answer and react defensively. On the other hand, sharing your opinion when asked for it doesn't mean it will automatically be celebrated.

    "Well, if you didn't want my answer, you shouldn't have asked" doesn't address the full equation. You (universal) provided your answer. The next step isn't automatically someone else accepting it without asking for more information, wanting to see if you feel the same way six months later, etc. If you operate that way, you end up eliminating most discussions. If you desire to have your opinion accepted and the dialog closed, you can say that up front.

    Example: "I think women with short hair can't possibly be feminine. I'm not willing to discuss this further." Now everyone knows where you stand and most will move on to another topic and/or shut you out.

  58. Anonymous says

    "On another note, in some cultures, long hair on men is perfectly acceptable"

    I swear, I like long hair on men as much as men like it on women. When I notice a mane on a man, I check him out. LOVE IT.

    Do me, Samson!

  59. grerp says

    It's been my experience, in terms of effort, that maintaining what you have will maintain attraction. This basically means keep at a normal weight, and go easy on the aging agents like alcohol, cigarettes, sunshine, etc. Longer hair is what men prefer, I believe. I also think men respond to more feminine clothing and not just scary, edgy dominatrix stuff. My husband really likes it when I wear a skirt to go to church or a social event. I'm lucky that my hair hasn't grayed, but I've worked hard to maintain my weight, and I think my husband appreciates that. I "made" him take a long walk with me last week (about half my normal exercise for a day) and he asked, "Do we have to walk this far?" I said, "Do you want a fat wife?" "Good point," he said.

    I've never been a cover model, not even close, but I think, for whatever reason, my style of looks was pleasing to him; I am grateful for that because obviously you can only change so much. The other day I caught him staring at me and asked him why. "I just like looking at you," he said. Heady stuff for a 40-year-old woman.

    I also have been ramping up the cooking as I get older, and, strangely, I think that helps too. A subtle reinforcement of the idea that pleasant things and me go together, I suppose.

    I did cut my hair last year. My husband kept nagging me to do it – honestly. I waited until I had 10 inches to give to a hair charity, then I lopped it off. It's about shoulder length again now. It grows fast.

  60. Athol Kay says

    You are correct Grerp on the maintaining thing. If you generally hold it together well, I think his overall interest in you can slowly rise through the years.

    Jennifer is 38. I quite get that on an objective level she is less attractive than she was at 22 when I married her. I just don't feel that way though.

  61. Anonymous says

    Hey Athol, if you've already covered this perhaps you could direct me to where, and if not, maybe sometime you could write about how you and Jennifer manage your religious differences, as I gather you are an theist and she is a Christian (am I right?) That would make for interesting reading, and maybe Jennifer could write a bit about it too. Thanks.

  62. Anonymous says


    As someone who has had many black female friends, and the whole long hair thing I can only express what has been voiced to me.

    It is true that growing out hair is a source of frustration for black women, and while I am not black, NOR white–and I won't pretend that I am black–there are a few things that apply to all women and their hair.

    1. Don't damage it. I have known far too many black women who go crazy with the chemical relaxing. I've known women who had to get major chops because they literally *burned* their hair!

    2. Work with your texture, not against it. It's true that black womens' hair is a different texture– if it's wiry, why treat it like it's straight hair? If it has a tendency to curve up from the scalp and then grow down, why act like it's 1960's Cher hair?

    3. I know that many black women who stopped using tons of chemical relaxers, cut down the dyes, stopped using scalp-choking hair products, and treated their hair better were able to grow longer hair. Hair is still a protein fiber, no matter if you are black, white, brown, etc.

    -Lia S.

  63. Anonymous says

    I live in a golf resort community and all the women have short hair. When I moved here 13 years ago I was 40 with one of the oldest husbands 68 he is going to be 80 and in great health. I still have long hair. Most of the women's husbands died. Could be for the short hair, or drinking. P.S. doesn't take the blue pill either.

  64. Doug1 says

    Shoulder length isn't long enough. top of the breasts to mid back do it for me.

    I can stand shoulder length. Much shorter and meh.

  65. Anonymous says

    Anna Beers, I work with two women over 50 with long hair that looks like crap. Both COULD have gorgeous hair, but choose not to so much as comb theirs. I'd rather see short and well-groomed myself. BUT, for those gals who finesse their long locks, it doesn't matter if their faces are plain. These women are gorgeous, and catch my glance every time. So many women fall off the proverbial cliff when they choose to chop off their sensuous tresses. And most stay short, thanks to the delirious responses, from other women mostly, of course. I'm with Athol all the way. RC

  66. Anonymous says

    One more thing: PLEASE don't donate your beautiful hair to a damn "charity". Most are scams, and they have tens of thousands of unused ponytails. So much, that much is bundled and sold. Keep your hair if you cherish it! RC

  67. aley28 says

    I had NO IDEA that baseball caps with a pony tail was hot. I never wear hats because I thought they were considered ugly on girls! I just asked my husband if a girl in a hat with a pony tail through the back was hot (and after he gave me this very confused look, because, like, WHERE did that come from honey?)… he agreed that chicks in caps are sexy. I am totally getting a baseball cap to do yardwork in next summer!! I wonder if choosing one that features his football team or favorite beer is preferred or if I should just go with something generic? (I'd hate to totally freak him out in one evening… I'll ask him the next time we're in a hat store!)

  68. NK says

    I had long hair until a few years ago then I got a short bowl type cut – I’ve had LOTS of guys compliment my haircut when its fresh.

    Although, when I had long hair tying it back into a bun was a good look for me I”ll admit.

    Are these blokes lying’?

  69. Nerba says

    @NK: I don’t think those guys are lying, I think it’s just that there seem to be 2 scales of beauty: the esthetic, and the sexy. A haircut can look very nice, but not very sexy at the same time. Like a painting or a flower can be beautiful, but you don’t want to have sex with it.

  70. GASP a woman! says

    I mean,”Men really like it though.”…really? Really…? This guy genuinely believes that his personal opinion is somehow representative of “men”? As if men are all exactly the same? Actually this assumption alone is so stupid I think I should just quit while I’m ahead.

    If guys found short hair sexy, pinups and pornstars would have short hair.

  71. GASP a woman! says

    “If guys found short hair sexy, pinups and pornstars would have short hair.” Of course! Silly me! How could I possibly think that a group as large and varied as “men” could differ in their opinions? Glad we cleared that up!

  72. C says

    @GASPawoman.. don’t most pin ups have medium length hair? I’m confused what is considered long. My hair is past the shoulders and my friends tell me it’s not long. And didn’t Marilyn Monroe have short hair?

  73. GASP a woman! says

    @C – Sorry for the confusion. Both my previous posts were dripping in sarcasm. I have seen every hair length and color on pin-up girls and you’re right THE pin-up girl, Miss Marilyn had rather short hair and obviously she had quite a bit of “game” haha.

    @Athol – I don’t think you are consciously trying to fuel patriarchy with this blog entry, but you should consider reading this article:

    I hope you consider the larger implications of this “girl game” suggestion. sincerely (this time), a feminist

    Good grief I’m not frightened of short haired women, I’m just not turned on by them.


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