Girl Game: The Step and Turn Move

April is Girl Game month….
Here’s an easy move to do.
(1) When talking to him, just hold out your hand to him. If you hold out your left hand, hold it out to his right so that he takes your hand with his right hand. It’s usually hard to not take someone’s hand when it is offered, and if you like them it’s enjoyable.
(2) Once you are holding hands, step in toward him and turn your back into him.
(3) Nestle your back onto his chest while holding his hand against your stomach.
(4) Options here are the lay-your-head-back-on-him thing, leaning your head off to one side to encourage your neck to be kissed and the traditional favorite of grinding your ass into his crotch.
(5) Enjoy for ten seconds…
(6) Step back out and away from him back to the starting position in (1) and keep your hand hold going. Make intense eye contact and the so-what-are-you-going-to-do-about-that face at him.
(7) If he has a clue he will initate something further. Enjoy.
Also this is easily transitioned to when you are walking together hand in hand somewhere and come to a stop together. Just take an extra step and pivot back into him gently. Pretend he pulled you there…

Comments

  1. Anonymous says:

    Hey Athol, we get it. You like sex. I totally understand. :)

    I'm sensing that boy game is manipulative, get to know what women like and use it to make them do what you like. Girl game is to know that men like sex and use it to make them happy.

    Hm.

    I much prefer your post about the L move. Look, what's the game I can use so my husband finds summer camps for the kids? We have sex all the time so I don't see how having even more sex is going to make him take on this responsibility.

    What are women getting out of their side of the game?

    Mac, honestly puzzled (and female, perhaps I need a different nickname)

  2. Anonymous says:

    Hi Athol,
    Been following your blog for some time and the forums at talk about marriage. Just bought your book for my Kindle.

  3. Anonymous says:

    Mac asks: "What are women getting out of their side of the game?"
    Best question ever. All the books I've read, all the blogs, have never even touched on the answer to that as far as I can see.
    My husband does the "beta" stuff for the kids like cooking them breakfast on the weekends and father-son activities. For me personally, I would like what I consider the cornerstone of a relationship: conversation. That is not his thing. So I can go to my girlfriends for friendship and he can come to me for sex but now we are back to Mac's question : What are women getting out of their side of the game?

    Another Anonymous Wife

  4. Um, you get sex? If you don't like sex, I'm not sure why you are here, ladies, or even married. Sex is what a man gets married for, pretty much. You might be missing that basic fact.

    To get a man to do basic beta tasks such as taking out the garbage, you might try asking.

  5. Anonymous says:

    "Look, what's the game I can use so my husband finds summer camps for the kids?"

    ", would you find summer camps for the kids?"

    Basically, what elhaf said.

    One of the points here is that we're each responsible for getting our own needs met. If he wants her to have sex with him, he should ask. Directly.

    If she wants him to find camps for the kids, she should ask. Directly.

    Neither men nor women are mind readers, so don't assume the other knows what it is you want.

  6. Anonymous says:

    "Sex is what a man gets married for, pretty much."

    Really, no love, friendship, conversations, activities shared? No one needs to get married just for sex – there's plenty to be had for both men and women. Maybe some guys are just to lazy to compete in the SMP to show off their DHV, getting those IOIs and winning the SNLs :)

    Marriage = pussy on lock down = weak.

    @Anon 9:17 – didn't you have conversations/friendship before you married him? Maybe just more couple time w/o child in tow.

  7. Mac and Anon Wife,

    I second the ask directly approach. I used to try to be subtle with my husband in asking for things as I did not want to be a nagger. Everything just flew straight over his head. I got frustrated and he didn't have a clue why. Finally, we talked about it and he said, "you just need to come out and flatly ask, or I won't get it." The other thing I learned the hard way, is that once I asked, I could not get upset with how he did it. If you ask him to find a summer camp for the kids, you cannot then get angry that he did not find the one you want. He tells me often, "You may tell me what to do OR how to do it, but not both". Don't be upset with whatever solution he comes back with.

    Anon wife,
    What is it you want him to talk to you about? Something specific or just everyday stuff?

  8. Anonymous says:

    Yes, men get married for sex – that's the main reason.

  9. Anonymous says:

    @ elhaf: I suspect I am missing something! I read this blog to help me figure out why I don't want sex. However, I thought that most men actually get married to make a home for their children. Maybe I am misreading it, but I thought that Athol's opinion is that being married to the mother of one's children is not only best for the kids but for the man, as well.

    As Anon @11:00 mentioned, couple time without the kids can be helpful (maybe, I haven't tried it) BUT you get married to have kids and you have them and there they are, ALL THE TIME. Not even Grandma wants to babysit them since she already raised a passel of her own.

    I guess some of this is me refusing to face the "economic" reality of marriage. That's another reason I read here: to get a good but painful dose of reality. Marriage for men = kids + sex, after all the kids arrive marriage = sex. Women get financial support and an involved father for their children. Rationally, this is not a bad exchange, might even be pretty good for both parties. Emotionally, though, I occasionally balk and wish that companionship and friendship were actually the fulcrum around which the rest revolved.

    From,
    Another Anonymous Wife

    (@Jasmine: Specific categories, i.e. philosophy, religion, psychology, parenting, plans for the future, etc. Those are not his interests but I recently read advice focusing on the few things that a couple has in common is much more productive than thinking about the many things that they don't. I need to take that advice.)

  10. Anonymous says:

    Women DON'T get married for sex, we get married for companionship. You've heard the phrase, "Women give sex to get love, men give love to get sex?"

    So, while helpful in a playful sort of way, most of the women reading can get sex from their husbands.

    We want to know how to get our husbands to want to hang out with us for other stuff, whether "other stuff" is laundry or snuggling or hour long discussions about politics (depending on the woman).

    Or we want to know how to make you ridiculously happy, and not just in bed. Wait, I think those are the same thing. ;)

  11. The Mrs. says:

    Here's what I've found works with my husband (and maybe for you, too):

    1. Ask him to do X task (laundry, something for kids, chore, whatever), maybe tease a little to entice him.

    2. If he hasn't told you it's done in a reasonable time frame, tease some more. Make it clear that he doesn't get the "thanks" until you get your request.

    3. It's done, so do the "thanking" part. This is especially effective for me if it's something he doesn't look forward to doing. (He recently got a big, special thanks for doing taxes, for example).

    Guy game has a lot of "get her interested in sex with you, but make her work for it a little so you don't look easy." What's the harm in making the guy jump through a hoop or two for you once in awhile?

  12. Anonymous says:

    Given that Athol has gotten more comments on his posts this month that I've ever seen previously, I'd be willing to bet that a lot of women DO want to learn how to get more sex from their husbands.

    This is a blog explaining how to get more sex during marriage, is it not? I guess I don't understand the expectations for getting posts about "hanging out" when the entire premise of the blog seems to be, well, look at his motto- doing it like rabbits!

  13. Anonymous says:

    To the Mrs.: I don't agree at all with using sex as a bargaining tool. I think that's going down a slippery slope…

  14. If you want to "hang out" with your husband and have "hour long conversations" then you are going to have to start becoming highly educated and interested in the stuff that interests him. If you want him to talk to you about stuff that interests you, that might be harder. That is why I asked you what you want to talk about with him. If it is the kids, good luck with that. Tough one. Gardening? Mmmm, maybe if he has a green thumb. Your girlfriends? He would probably rather rot in hell first. You are going to have to find common ground and go from there.

  15. I just thought of something else that works really well. Pick something that he loves and ask him to teach you about it. Hopefully there is something that he loves that might interest you some as well. It can be so fun to learn something new with your husband as a teacher. I have had some of the best conversations with my husband when he is teaching me something new. It's great.

  16. Anonymous says:

    "Women DON'T get married for sex, we get married for companionship. You've heard the phrase, "Women give sex to get love, men give love to get sex?".."

    Sorry, Anon, I DID indeed marry for sex, and of course I wanted companionship and love, that's only normal.. Sex in marriage is very important. It deepens the bond between husband and wife.
    Fortunately I have a husband who enjoys sex as much as I do..

    Even coming home at lunch time yesterday (though he was busy with an important job) to "give me one". Lol..

    No kids.. No interruptions.. Bliss.

    Have a bite to eat afterwards, and a chat, then it's back to work for him..

    As for me I continue with the housework with a spring in my step and a smile on my dial…

    The more sex a couple has the better the relationship becomes.. The better the sex gets, too. ;)

    Kathy

  17. Anonymous says:

    I'm Anon wife at 9:17. I didn't write the Anon comment at 1:52, although I could have said the same thing she did. I just wanted to say that I appreciate the comments here, both the great ideas and the tone of the discussion. Jasmine, I think your 4:59 comment is especially helpful to me. I also wanted to explain to Anon at 4:12 that while "doing it like rabbits" may not appeal to some wives (certainly doesn't to me), it IS what our husbands want and so we have to keep trying to understand the disparity and learn what to do about it. That is why I am at this blog.

  18. The Mrs. says:

    It sounds like there's a "more sex is good" camp and a "more companionship stuff is good" camp at war here, but I think it's all part of the same big picture.

    The big point I think Athol's made to the guys (and I'm sure he'll correct me here if need be) is that getting what you want from marriage is about balancing the two sides of the coin. On one hand, be a manly man and on the other, be a nurturer.

    So for a woman, doesn't it make sense that sometimes you have to be the friend/companion, but other times you have to be the seductress? It's about balancing your approach to have more fun (whatever that means for you two) and improve your interactions (in the bedroom and elsewhere) with each other.

    It's *not* about using sex to bend him to your will, it's about giving each other something the other person wants…even if it's not necessarily your favorite thing. Marriage is also about compromise.

  19. Anonymous says:

    I'm Anon 1:52, and I like sex, thanks. :) But *getting* sex isn't a problem for me. Getting companionship used to be. I read Athol's site 'cause it's well written and it shows up some things we can do to make that spark a bit more sparky – and those are good things.

    But beyond sex, I want to be his #1 wanted, lusted after, sought for, companion, love bunny, etc etc etc. Giving *him* sex is part of scoring that alpha (?) role in life, but the goal there would be "I do x (partially sex), he thinks I am awesomesauce" rather than Athol's "she thinks I am awesomesauce, I get sexies".

    So what I'm saying is – yes, sex good. But what ELSE do you guys want? :) Food. Sex. Long hair – all check, check, check… but more information!

  20. Anonymous says:

    "Giving *him* sex is part of scoring that alpha"
    Hmm, it's not so much about giving HIM sex, but WANTING it yourself with him.. Nothing turns a husband on more than a willing wife, who initiates sex, because she is HOT for him.. Really up for it..

    Try texting sexy suggestive messages to hubby.. It will put him in a good mood for when he gets home. He may even want to sit and talk a bit more.. It's all about creating the right kind of mood(for both of you)You will find that those other aspects of your relationship will improve greatly too.

    Giving him sex is fine, but if it becomes a perfunctory thing for a woman(even if a woman enjoys the sex and closeness) then I would imagine she would not be as enthusiastic(and probably take longer to orgasm) about it.

    So.. if you want to be lusted after.. Lust after HIM.. The more you do it the better your overall relationship will be..The more he will lust after YOU!

    I woke my husband in the middle of the night last night.. Couldn't sleep. (he does the same thing to me) Afterwards we cuddled and fell asleep entwined.. Really, it doesn't get any better than that..

    Kathy

  21. Anonymous says:

    The girl game should be about how wives can game their husbands into doing their share of the housework. Followed by sex. Seems pretty win-win.

    I'm only seeing "girl game" as how a wife can be more sexy to her husband. I'm all for the sex and the being sexy. Don't see any of the girl game posts being about the women getting something other than sex. I know the men want that and I do not think that's as primary a motivator as Athol thinks.

    I would have expected real girl game to be like the comment from Mrs. How to make it clear that those "beta" house chores make a man VERY sexy and result in this step and turn move.

    Like the flip side of Athol's comment on the cooking post. Alpha makes the gina tingle, but without the trash taken out/laundry done the tingle fades away…

    For the record, my husband and I in fact TALK about these things and, for example, trade off laundry each week. Men seem to respond well to clear cut rules, definitions and expectations.

    Mac

  22. Anonymous says:

    I don't believe sex should be used as a bartering tool. It should be an expression of love between a husband and wife. Mutual giving.

    A husband should not have to do chores in order for his wife to be in the mood for sex.. It's quite demenaning..(for him) I game my husband for sex.. And he knows it (Does the same thing to me).

    How do you think that hubby will feel if has to take out the trash and do the dishes to get a bit from his wife?.. Total libido killer..

    Treat your man like a King and he will treat you like a Queen..

    Men WANT sex, indeed they do.. But they also want women to want it too.

    Women who make the effort reap the dividends.. You will enjoy sex more, have better orgasms, and become closer to your husbands..

    This in turn creates a flow on effect, that permeates the whole relationship.

    You won't have to ask him to do anything, because he will just offer to do it.

    Kathy

  23. Anonymous says:

    Mac… you're coming across as really selfish

    the whole point of this blog has historically been, telling men how to make their woman happy. How to give women what they want. How to be the man that women want. In doing so, the women are happier, and in turn the men get sexed.

    now that the last few posts are telling women how to make their man happy, your immediate reaction is "well what do I as a woman get out of this?"

    getting through to you yet?

    to spell it out clearer, the general premise is:
    husband pleases wife with manliness/companionship –> wife pleases husband with sex
    wife pleases husband with sex –> husband pleases wife with manliness/companionship

  24. Anonymous says:

    Amen! I'm here to learn how to want my man more. Sure, I want him, but I just need help in thinking about sex more. Is it possible that women are just more limited in their imaginations when it comes to sex? Programmed to not think about it? Programmed to think that thinking about it is not proper?? It's interesting when I think about him, I used to get stuck at a certain point, boring myself with the same old thoughts. This girl game series is helping me expand how I think about obsessing over my man. Getting worked up by more things than the usual. All of a sudden, noticing my hair getting just a smidge longer is now a turn-on. I'm putting on lipstick more, thinking of what might be going through his head (me!).

    It's not the only thing that makes a relationship great. It's something that kick-starts me into making all aspects of our relationship better.

  25. Anonymous says:

    Kathy, I think you are exactly right about a husband wanting to be wanted. My husband has told me that his desire is for me to want him. How do you get HOT for him if you are not, though? I am not even sure what being hot for someone means. I am a middle-aged mother. I would feel so silly doing the girl game twirl. I might have done it when I was twenty but now I would feel like a fool. The same thing goes for having long hair and wearing low-cut shirts. I guess this is morphing into another question: How can someone who left girlhood back in the dinosaur era, still play girl game?

    Anon Wife

  26. Anonymous says:

    Look the problem with women is they have this mental block…. Whilst men can focus on the job at hand (sex) women worry about so many other things.. kids, work, cooking dinner.. They can't relax..

    The secret to absolutely mind blowing sex (for a woman) is to train yourself to block out all distractions, and just focus on the pleasure at hand with your husband..

    This IS the problem women have..

    You may have to drop the kids off at Mum's initially… But once you learn to focus and block out all else you won't need to do that.

    The alarm went off the other day in the midst of our love making.. I never missed a beat..

    The really huge benefit for me is that I now experience multiple orgasms.. And..I can reach orgasm in about 5 minutes with ease, because I am primed.. I have been thinking about it and looking forward to it..

    Kathy

    Just saw your comment anon wife.. age has nothing to do with it.. It is all about confidence and attitude.. Look, I am over forty,now, and am experiencing the best orgasms ever. :) Go for it anon wife! YOU CAN DO IT..

  27. Thag Jones says:

    WTF is the big deal about taking out the trash? Good Lord, who cares? I can't believe people seriously use sex as a bartering tool to get someone to take out the trash. Seems like it would be much simpler to just take out the damn trash yourself – at least you get a couple of minutes out of the din of the house, lol.

    Same goes for the laundry – it's not like you have to drag it down to the river and scrub until your hands are raw anymore – for the love of God, a MAN invented a washing machine so that you wouldn't have to do that! Isn't modernity great? :D

  28. Thag Jones says:

    Anon Wife…. Don't get old before your time. Look at French women, they wear their hair long and dress nicely past middle age. The fashion advice for older women to cut off their hair is absolute horse shit. Don't buy into it!

    And if you feel silly doing the girlish things, get drunk first? lol I do know what you mean though, but there's no reason you can't, say, wear a nice flowy, feminine dress that doesn't make you look like mutton dressed as lamb.

    Act your shoe size, not your age. ;)

  29. Anonymous says:

    Athol's "girl game" is about more than just satisfying your husband by having regular sex with him. It's about making him want you, lust after you, adore you. Maybe that will lead to more conversations or him taking out the trash or finding a summer camp or whatever. Wouldn't surprise me. Either way, though, I bet you end up enjoying the results. And just as men are taking a risk with their marriage when they neglect their alpha side, and create the possibility of another man filling that role, women take the same risk by ignoring theirs.

    Jay

  30. Anonymous says:

    Thag Jones, Enjoyed your comments :). I had a revelation about the trash a few years ago. I was eight months pregnant and hauling the trash barrels to the street while my husband and sons sat around blissfully ignorant that there even was such a thing as trash. My first thought was that they don't care about me and my second thought was to wonder what the neighbors were saying about this little scenario. I finally, finally realized that it was not that my husband and sons didn't care about me; they just didn't care about trash! My new motto is that the one who cares about the job is the one who does it. That means I take out the trash because my family and even the neighbors just don't care as much as I do.

    Regarding getting drunk, I don't drink BUT I have been meaning to take it up. So many people extol the wonders of it, especially its helpfulness in getting women loosened up for sex. I've got to at least try it once. I don't have any trouble having multiple orgasms and doing so fairly quickly but unlike Kathy, who finds it fun, I am much more ho-hum about it. And if my husband woke me in the middle of the night to do that, I think I'd want to punch something. An orgasm is okay but sleep is priceless.

    It is really tough to find clothing for the more "mature" woman. They go right from girlish to senior citizen so my style is a mix of those low-waisted snug pants and stuff that my mom handed down to me that doesn't fit her anymore. I would love to find long flowing skirts but they seem to be out of style and I can't sew. Anon Wife

  31. @Thag Jones, Kathy,
    Yes, yes, yes. You absolutely get it. The very most sexy words I've ever heard in my life are, "I want you". Never heard them from my first wife, and our entire relationship was adversarial, to the end. No matter how much I did, it was never enough, etc. Thought I would never get married again, but I heard those three words, and I would follow my current wife into the fires of hell, running ahead to put them out. Don't tell her that, though. She'll get a big head.

  32. Anon 7:58,

    A suggestion in helping you think about sex more: Buy some romance books. It is essentially porn for women. As you have to imagine all the scenes in your head it helps get the imagination primed and it gives you more things to think about with your husband in the lead role. I particularly like Emma Holly but she is not for everyone. She has the best sex scenes I have read but the heterosexual ones tend to be in the fantasy area and her other ones tend to have lesbian and homosexual scenes. If those two things don't do it for you, look for another author. This helped me a lot when I was having this same problem a few years ago. A couple words of caution however, sex in real life with NEVER be as exciting as these books. It would be impossible, so don't get your expectations too high. Also, don't overdo it with these books. Use them to prime the pump and then back off. If you read them too much, you may start to get bored with normal sex as the stuff in the books is SO exciting. After a while, your imagination won't need these books. You'll be able to do it on your own.

    Also, if you know that your husband is going to want sex on any given night, spend some time throughout the day thinking about what you want him to do to you, preferably your favorite things. It will make you start to look more and more forward to the evening!

  33. Thag Jones,

    Sorry man. Gotta address the laundry thing. Washing it is not the part that is such a big deal Folding it and getting the damn stuff put away is. Especially with little ones in the house. 1-2 loads a day is not unusual and if you can't get it all folded right away it will take 1-2 hours to get it all folded and put away. With kids running around the house, finding the time to do this can be daunting.

    Taking out the trash? Eh, five minutes. No big deal.

  34. Thag Jones,

    Never mind. Just reading one of the other posts and discovered you are a mother of 2! You know the laundry routine. Maybe it's me or maybe your kids are older, but it takes me FOREVER!

  35. Thag Jones says:

    Yeah, I had two in cloth diapers at the same time and did 99.9% of the loads and folding – including a dryer that didn't dry properly and lugging the bin full of wet diapers to the building laundry room. So I'm not just talking out of my arse here.

    Now I make them wear the same thing all week and next year they'll have school uniforms, so that cuts down on the laundry. People have too much stuff, that's the problem.

    lol @ appropriate word verification: stabi

  36. "People have too much stuff, that's the problem."

    A resounding YES to this statement.

  37. Anonymous says:

    It depends so much on your own affinity for different household chores. I don't mind doing all the laundry because that is my favorite chore. I hate trash for some reason but it is fairly quick and only once a week. My most loathsome chore is washing the pots and pans. That is every day, at least three times a day, usually more. My husband will help me out with this when he is available. I guess what would be really difficult is if the chores were equally loathsome to both people. I revert back to the system in which the person who is most impacted by the chore remaining undone is the one who does it. It gets a little tricky when the mother in law says to me, "I guess you like living in a messy house". Nope, not really, just like it better than picking up everyone else's crap. Too much stuff – absolutely.

  38. Thag Jones says:

    "I guess you like living in a messy house". Nope, not really, just like it better than picking up everyone else's crap.

    LOL Exactly. I hate mess but I've learned to live with it up to a point.

  39. "Athol's "girl game" is about more than just satisfying your husband by having regular sex with him. It's about making him want you, lust after you, adore you." -Jay

    YES! This is what I expect and want "girl game" to be about…making your husband want you, learning how to seduce him ;) This blog is all about *attraction*, not about laundry or dishes or trash!

  40. My cousin worked in a nursing home. She described how male residents would buy the women residents a coke, before they went to her room. She thought the women were prostituting themselves for sodas.

    I asked her if the spoonbill crane buys his mate with the twigs he passes her during their courtship rituals. The human mating rituals include the giving of gifts/doing favors.

    He can't take her to dinner and a show. He does what he can.

    The main thrust of Athol's blog is that that being the provider doesn't work all by itself. The blog and book are for men who find that bringing antelopes home doesn't do it any more, so they bring elephants, but that doesn't do it either.

    If your husband doen't think he has a chance, then what's the point? He has probably gone from catering to your every need to doing the bare minimum to keep you from yelling at him because he thinks your default answer is no.

  41. cute_alisha says:

    bob thanks for sharing
    sex games
    sex game

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