Girl Game: To Bra-zilla Or Not To Bra-zilla?

Reader email…
A post idea…
I think we (girls) all know to some degree that padded, underwire bras are false advertising. They’re fine when you’re trying to look good for work, but they can also be a barrier to fun! Yup, the first objection to giving up the padding and underwires is that very few of us have perfectly round breasts. Duh! How many women realize that unless it’s fake, most boobs aren’t perfectly round? Not many.
Okay, I don’t like the shape of my ta tas, either, but I tried an experiment. I bought a bra that was not much more than some stretch lace. Yup, it took a lot of guts to wear it. But, when my man reached up my shirt and found that he could actually fondle my nipples without moving the stiff contraption I usually wear. Um, wow. What a difference for both of us! Now I’m faced with a challenge. Please the fashion gods or please my man? As an avid reader, it’s a no-brainer. But, for the less-initiated, that’s going to be a little harder. My man has become more vocal every time he encounters the non-padded bras (bralets!) that I can’t *not* pursue this! He very rarely voices an opinion on stuff that I wear, so I’m running with it. I’ve begun shopping for non-padded, no-underwire bras that still look good. I’m seeing this as an exercise in self-improvement. It’s an adventure, but I’m finding some good examples out there:
American Apparel has the stretch lace number that’s cheap and a great buy to experiment and see how it goes. (My first purchase)
Hanky Panky is more expensive than American Apparel, and seems to look better on those with a B cup or greater.
Eberjey stuff is really pretty and makes me feel very feminine. They do still offer underwire numbers, but no Victoria’s Secret uber-padding. (My second purchase)
Cosabella is another brand available on Zappos.com that has pieces similar to Eberjey, which are very feminine and still look good.
I had to share this because after my first American Apparel purchase, I went to all the big department stores and found nothing but serious padding and underwires. They’ve even developed a “no-wire underwire.” But it’s still a contraption that needs to be unlocked and disassembled before any skin contact can be made. As I wandered the lingerie departments, I wondered where the men’s voice was in all this. Based on my experience so far with MMSL, the prevailing voice in lingerie design is for the “look but don’t touch” crowd. I think it’s important for the MMSL women to know that they _can_ find feminine, pretty and flattering bras that make them easy prey for their men.
And we’re baaaaccckkkkk…
I have no firm uplifting policy on bras, other than you make a conscious choice about them and seek input from your husband about what turns him on. Plus breasts come in all sizes so hard and fast rules aren’t really possible here anyway.
Just ask him what he likes, if your goal is to turn him on and hold his attention, you have to calibrate to him. Go shopping together and figure it out together. You may end up with a mix of everyday “these are really comfortable” and some “this is for playtime”. It may be as simple as his true color preference – half of Jennifer’s bras are pink, because I love pink. How easy is that as a husband pleasing and attention pulling move?
The mega padded bras are a disappointment when a date peels them off for the first time, but with a wife it’s different – it’s not like you haven’t seen the goods before. Jennifer has one very padded bra that she wears once in a while, but it’s almost approaching a sex toy level. Compared to going under the knife for a boob job, I’ll take her going Bra-zilla any day.
In truth though, I’m very twitchy about bras with Jennifer. The bad mammogram x2 and biopsy x2 experiences left scars on both of us. My #1 priority with her bras is that she is comfortable and… alive.
I might have raised my voice at her once or twice that she spend more money on bra replacement.

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Comments

  1. Mike says:

    I know it goes against a lot of the girl game Athol's been advocating, but when my fiancee and I get home from work/med school we generally slip into something more comfortable, usually sweats. Not the sexiest choice of outfits, but I like seeing her, still with hair and light makeup done, wearing one of my old hoodies (and we're young, so we can't keep our hands off of eachother anyways).

    When we get into things and I reach up her sweatshirt to find she's not wearing a bra at all, it's a pretty big turn-on (and it's more comfortable for her too: win-win!). She's got B cups, so she can even get away with this in some daytime outfits that would leave more busty women struggling with gravity, were they to attempt these kinds of shenanigans.

  2. Anonymous says:

    Mmm does it compensate not wearing bra at home?
    I have to wear padded bra because I have the perkiest nipples on history, they never stop looking like is 10 F degrees on the room, so my husband totally understand the heavy padding as a necessary measure if he doesn't want everyone staring at my chest.
    S.R.

  3. Anonymous says:

    My hubby is big on no bra at all. No matter how many times I've come to bed in a sexy matching bra and panties set, the bra is ALWAYS the first thing to go. And, almost immediately, too. Even when we're just sitting on the couch watching tv, he'll reach over and unhook my bra and insist I take it off. I've learned my lesson, when I get home from work (from managing a bra store, no less–aerie.com) the bra comes off!

  4. Anonymous says:

    "My #1 priority with her bras is that she is comfortable and… alive."

    You're a good guy, Athol. This made me smile :)

  5. Anonymous says:

    This is off-topic, but can you implement a search feature on your blog? Sometimes I remember an article I want to find again but can't find it…

  6. Sai says:

    @anon 12:34 – I've ran into that situation myself a few times. It's not great but what you can do is try searching by topic from the labels to the right —————-> or use the blogger built in search bar at the top.

  7. Anonymous says:

    hah anon, my gf always said the same thing, "why do i even bother putting on a shirt when i'm getting ready for bed, it's just coming off anyway"… and she was right :)

  8. Anonymous says:

    My husband gets major props for not caring whether I have a bra on or not, because this thing comes OFF when I am home. I'm 38, nursed for 18 months, and am a G cup, so they definitely do *not* look the same. (He says, "boobs are good").

  9. elhaf says:
  10. Anonymous says:

    Also off topic, but as of right now, I'd like to point out that according the Labels section of the sidebar, Athol has written 146 posts about "What Women Want," and 146 posts about "Alpha Male." Ironic =]

  11. Bob says:

    For women's information:

    The most important thing about breasts is that the nerves work. That's my biggest objection to boob jobs. I don't know what percentage of women wind up with a permanent shot of Novocain to the chest…

  12. Athol Kay says:

    Exactly Bob.

  13. OffTheCuff says:

    Oh, I can go on all day about this. I like my wife in both push-ups and non-push ups. And yes, I pick them out for her.

    Both look equally great, with a slight edge to the push-up on an open neck. If a closed neck, it doesn't really matter, they look the same. The push-ups really just create a more pleasing shape on an open neck, more than add size.

    IMO the push-ups don't have any "disappointment factor". If you've been together for a while, you know what she looks like, and if you're just getting together for the first time, they're going to look spectacular no matter what you do.

    Here's what matters, especially if you're a C or above: a high-quality bra at all times. Spending $10 at Walmart is just not worth it. For the ladies who complain about being trapped and uncomfortable and how we have NO idea how restricting it is, it's probably because you have lousy bras. I suggest you mix it up with A) high quality bras during the day, B) soft "sleep" bras and C) shelf tanks. When you need to breathe, B & C are the best options.

    The OP seems to be talking about the soft stretchy, sleep bras. That's great if you're relatively flat, it's not the best long-term everyday bra for the D and above crowed like Mrs. Cuff.

    Here's another tip – you don't even need a push-up bra. Some strategic makeup will do the trick.

  14. Anonymous says:

    Off The Cuff, you seem to know what works well on larger sizes. Sometimes the problem comes in for us smaller-chested women. Or funny-shaped ones. Problem is that without an open-minded man who appreciates women, it's really hard to combat that sense that padded/push-up numbers are false advertising. Especially in the attraction phase… boobs attract men, so the padded is a must. But, then how do you get past the let-down? It's a long road finding someone who can hang on to sense the attraction when the boobs just aren't t there. Not impossible, but just harder.

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