I’ve had several emails in the last few weeks about what to do when the husband has a lower sex drive than the wife. This is a painful topic for many and yes indeed it happens far more often than most people realize.
See when the husband wants it more than the wife, it’s fairly easy to balance things out – handjobs, blowjobs, and the grease-me-up-and-let-me-lie-back-and-enjoy-the-closeness routine. It’s not 100% ideal I agree, but it’s something rather than nothing. Vaginal sex twice a week, plus two handjobs and a blow job beats vaginal sex twice a week and frustration.
But when it’s the guy that has the low drive, that unresponsive-penis-thing is a… well I guess it really is a cockblock.
The first thing to do if the husband has a low sex drive is rule out the medical and medication issues. Get a testosterone level drawn. Eat right, exercise, and all that fun stuff I cover in Chapter 7 of The Primer. That’s all going to prime your pump full of semen and it’s the semen loading up inside you that really makes you want to find her and pin her down.
The second thing is he shouldn’t masturbate. If you’re a low sex drive husband and you pop one off in the shower, and your wife misses out on sex for the week because of it, that’s pretty selfish and cruel. Stick to my policy of “in her or on her” and don’t cheat on that. Knowing that her husband can have sex, but chooses not to have sex with her, is heartbreaking to wives. They usually turn that emotion inwards and wonder what is wrong with them rather than say anything about it until years pass.
Thirdly, encourage him to watch or read something erotic. Obviously this is not for everyone as personal beliefs about erotica and porn vary wildly, but there’s potential benefits here with moderate porn use. It’s exactly the same thing as lower sex drive women reading romance novels. It adds a bit more of a sexual charge for them for later. The more time you spend turned on, the more you are going to want sex. Just don’t jerk off to it obviously. All I’m saying is twenty minutes of messing about on a porn website (tons are free) before bedtime, might get him a little more worked up than usual… that’s where you come in.
Fourth, there’s fingering and oral sex to get her to orgasm. It’s all the same stuff as a lower sex drive wife can do for a higher sex drive husband. Why shouldn’t a wife get the same treatment? Plus even for me there’s plenty of times where I’m not wildly interested in sex when we go to bed, but by the time I’ve made Jennifer cum… I’m ready to go.
Fifth, if he’s getting you off with his fingers - hold his cock while he does that. Don’t worry if he’s soft at first, just keep holding it and gently stroking it. As you come closer to orgasm you’ll probably start forgetting you’re holding him a little and then it turns into naturally more excited shaking and jerking on him. Try it, see how it goes. It’s nice position him lying on his side next to you as he gets you off.
Sixth, try facesitting. (Hi Badger, there you go, I mentioned facesitting!) The best smell in the world is pussy. Let me just say that one more time. The best smell in the world, is pussy. A decent part of our sexual interest is driven by smell, so shoving your vagina into his face for a bit, should start to take a bit of an effect. A few minutes a day should be enough. Incidentally – I have no idea why women nag about anything, when they could just sit on their husbands face and ask nicely.
Of course when a woman wants sex, usually what she wants is a hard cock inside her and some bouncy-bouncy, so what’s the suggestion for that? If she wants bouncy-bouncy five times a week and his cock is only going to cooperate twice a week, that’s an beatable problem right?
A possible solution to that problem is that the couple does have regular sex including penis in vagina goodness, but for him, only to the point of orgasm twice a week. So instead of having sex just twice a week, they switch to having sex five times a week, but he only comes to orgasm twice in the week.
When a man orgasms, most of the semen inside him shoots out and essentially resets his sexual interest back down to zero. After that, his semen supply rebuilds and as it gets bigger and bigger, he gets more and more interested in having sex again. So for a lower sex drive husband, after he has an orgasm and empties the semen out, it might take him three or four days to build up a supply again to make him interested in having sex again. So the wife is forced to just wait it out until he is ready again.
But if he doesn’t actually orgasm during the sex… all that semen stays inside him and his sexual interest doesn’t get zeroed out. In fact the next day he’s going to be even hornier. He’s also very likely going to be more attentive to her and instigating due to his higher sexual motivation. The only trick to master to all this is managing to actually muster up the self control to pull yourself off her.
In the end though, if all you can do is have two cumshots a week and she is very high libido, this might really help even up the balance and take the edge off things for her. Just treat it like a game with each other, it’s a way of playing together.
Jennifer and I have played with this a few times. Day two I can feel more semen as a physical sensation that I am just “aware of”. By day three I have personality changes where I start hovering on Jennifer like flies on… oh bad bad metaphor. By day four I’m approaching batshit crazy with wanting her. The last day four cumshot required a full stripping of the bed and I came inside her lol. I don’t mean to brag on that point, I’m obviously blessed/cursed with my sex drive; I’m just saying it really does work to make you more interested in sex.
Try it as an experiment, see how it works out for you both. If it works, it works.