Dalrock very kindly posted Mantervention and gave The Primer a nice plug.
“As you no doubt already know he has written a book titled The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011. Books are the perfect format to introduce someone new to a world they were never told about. The format forces the author to define the key concepts and terms upfront, and the reader doesn’t get the feeling that they came in during the middle of the conversation. Also, Athol Kay is pro marriage, so you don’t have to worry about the pickup side turning off your pro marriage and/or religious friends or relatives. Additionally, from reading his blog you already know he is a master of his topic and a gifted writer with a fantastic talent at teaching what would otherwise be fairly complex ideas.”
However the comments get interesting and are worth a read as well. The below is a comment I left that helps explain my overall approach to working with marriage problems.
“If the approach to problem solving frames the wife as the enemy, the logical outcome is war. If you frame her as someone having a difficult time in her marriage, with a problem to solve, it’s possible to work towards a solution.She’s married to him and has a lot invested in the relationship. Fixing the problems is the path of least resistance for her. Despite what Men’s Rights Activists say, most women see divorce as a last resort and a terrible outcome. Most of them don’t even fully understand why they are miserable in their marriages and detest their husbands.Women do have the advantage with family court, alimony, custody issues to be sure. But they don’t get married planning to screw their husband over as a long term strategy. They all see it as a horrible mistake to have married and see divorce as a salvage operation.I know of several women that made a 180 after learning basic Game principles when they realized that they were testing their husband etc.Don’t get me wrong on this – there are a minority of divorced men that are absolutely destroyed by the divorce machinery. There are clear cases of the most appalling injustice and the MRA rage over those cases are justified and righteous. However if you constantly frame every woman struggling in her marriage as simply biding her time to take on her demonic form, opportunities to save things will be lost and the end result will be the husband dumped into the divorce machinery.Most wives don’t want to divorce and see it as Plan B. I’m just in favor of trying to fix their Plan A before they feel they have to go to Plan B.”
All marriages have ups and downs. You get through the down times by sticking together, focusing on your commitment to one another and facing your problems together as a team. But if the wife is framed as about to spring the trap on him and pull off a divorce assassination at any moment, the husband obviously has to go into defense mode and ensure he doesn’t get caught in it. After that the war is on.
I’m trying to figure out where I am on the scale of things. I find myself sympathizing with various points of both feminism and MRA. I just can’t get into the hatred of either sex, or the hatred of marriage required to be a card carrying member of either group.
Yes I can see western society is looking in pretty bad shape right now. But what if it isn’t Humpty Dumpty? What if the solution is just to clean up, rebuild and move on into the future? Solid marriages are part of the solution. Especially if the decline of marriage was a major part of the problem in the first place.
I think I’m a Couples or Marriage Activist or something. Gonna to have to think of a better name for that…
No related posts.
"Gonna to have to think of a better name for that…"
Married Man Sex Activist, I think.
Antisexist? Equalist?
S.R.
I can´t believe you still haven´t "groked" feminism.
It´s nothing but Marxism re-framed to lay the blame on a WHOLE gender instead of a certain caste.
NOTHING in it is about equality, but instead revolves around female supremacy, simple as that.
Also don´t fall for this MRA = womanhate shaming tactic.
Surely there are some that are easily able to "hate" all women. Though it´s mostly being angry and/or distrustful of them. With very good reason (divorce/nice guy comes last or not at all syndrome).
Oddly it seems that the ones actually hating women seem to have no problem in finding specimen who spread their legs:
http://www.dnainfo.com/20110411/manhattan/man-charged-girlfriends-les-murder-often-fought-with-her-neighbors-say
Hans – I'm quite familar with feminisms weaknesses. I see it more as an Animal Farm situation. It tried to solve some problems on injustice and inequality, but then taken on a life of it's own and seeks to be the new tyrant.
MRA does = female hatred and anti-marriage as far as I can see. I've read plenty of MRA blogs/sites myself and it's just not for me.
Not to mention the ones who try to use it to attack black people.
MPAI (most people are idiots) and it doesn't matter if they're male, female, black, white or yellow.
A great and empathetic post!
Jennifer 6