Obviously it’s trolling, but I actually think it’s the most brilliant advertising for the book ever. Anyone that reads that on Amazon is going to think the book is so dangerously powerful it should be made illegal.
I mean I would love to be able to say that sort of thing myself, but I’d be called on the carpet for that immediately. I have to settle for something bland but truthful like, “It’s a lot of really good information that I cherry picked, and it’s a lot more organized than the blog.”
Which is just McWeaksauce compared to, “This book will immediately reduce wives to mindless obedient sex toys with no hope of escape. It needs to be banned before more women become multi-orgasmic.”
So wow. Just wow. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
April is, as we all know, “Girl Game” month. I’ll return to our regularly scheduled behavioral programming to reduce husbands to mindless obedient sex toys with no hope of escape.
After having sex, you snuggling into him and laying your head on his shoulder will frame him as strong, comforting and powerful. It’s like you’re telling him you feel he’s got the Alpha Male thing down.
Making him feel more Alpha, is going to make him act more Alpha. You might like that.
There’s often a little bit of a chicken and the egg thing happening here for Jennifer and myself. It’s usually after the rougher Alpha poundings that she snuggles into me like this. Usually I tease her just a little for it too.
Me: “Well somebody liked that didn’t she.”
This one is simple, simple, simple.
Most men are never routinely touched by anyone other than during handshakes, doctor visits or getting punched – playfully or otherwise. Even hugs from your mom tend to vanish at some point midway through childhood.
The other way men get physically touched is through sex. Half the reason men automatically think that getting touched by a woman is a direct line to the bedroom, is that all too often that’s the only time they get physically touched. A decent part of the reason men want sex is simply to get physically touched.
When a girl flirting with you does that playful slapping thing on your arm or shoulder, it’s powerful, almost electric sensation for most men. Instant attention getter; for a lonely guy it’s pure Kryptonite.
So touch him. Do the arm slap thing. Rub his back a little. Cuddle. Kiss. Do whatever incidental touch you can. I spend a lot of sitting in front of the computer writing. Jennifer running her fingers over my back as she passes me going from the living room to the kitchen is utterly enjoyable for me.
I. Could. Be. Massaged. All. Day. Every. Day. Forever. (Caveat: Happy Endings required though.)
Breaking it down a little further. Being sexy and alluring to him is going to be your Alpha ticket that creates your attraction goodies. But physical non-sexual touch is going to be comfort building to him, so it’s a Beta skill for you.
A husband lacking a supply of comfort building touch outside the bedroom, will probably try and get it met by having sex with his wife. You know this is happening when you want him just to pound the crap out of you like a wild man… and he wants to have some sort of slow cuddly-wuddly sex. Again.
Half the reason husbands trapped in sexless marriages feel so emotionally hurt by it… and have these enraged feelings of abandonment like they are little boys who have moms that don’t want them… is that they simply lack any single person in their life that has any regular physical contact with them. They haven’t had any comfort-building done to them. When you do that sort of thing to a newborn, the resultant syndrome is called “failure to thrive” and the baby has a pretty good chance of just dying. It’s not really much different at age 42, or 34, or 56.
Everyone needs positive touch in their life.
But to most men, touch is love.
This is why when men suddenly become a widower, their odds for suicide just skyrocket. He’ll put his wife into the ground and throw dirt on her casket, and half the people at the funeral won’t reach out and touch him and the other half will only shake his hand. A tiny handful will hold him, but after the funeral, he’s on his own in an empty bed and a silent house for a long, long time.
Without her touch, all the love in his world is gone.
If you can, lavish a bit more of the physical touch on him outside the bedroom. Kisses. Hugs. The hand on the shoulder. Massage him. Cuddle. If you can get his routine comfort needs for touch met outside the bedroom – when you guys go into the bedroom, all the need that’s left of his to meet…
…is his studfucking need.
I’ve had this question four times in the last three days….
“How do I get my wife to read the book?”
Dude? Did you read the book?!?! A major premise is that women are curious sluts that don’t always like people knowing they are curious sluts, so they do stuff in private.
Just leave the book out in the open and then walk away from it. Say you’ll be gone a couple of hours.
Book mark the chapter you most want her to read.
You could do some sort of hidden camera routine to see if she reads it, or some sort of old school thing where you drape a single hair over the book and see if the hair is gone when you come back. But it’s probably a good enough sign if you get an unusually high sexual interest that night…
…for no particular reason.
Reader question… and a huge messy answer… I’ve been neglecting the ladies with the Girl Posts for a day or two.
“Speaking for myself and a few of my friends it seems that men who marry wives who are much geekier than them eventually feel frustrated by their wives bookish ways. When one spouse is a life-long reader who likes to gain as much knowledge as they can on every topic and the other is more of a “doer” type who learns through life experiences eventually a hierarchy is formed. This can be beneficial when the “smart” one is the man, but when it is the woman the hierarchy can be problematic.
Is there a specific way a woman can contribute her researched knowledge without being intimidating or taking on the role of the Captain?”
They have to work on their communication skills and verbally express understanding of their roles and abilities.
The smartest person does not have to be the leader. The leader provides decision making. The smartest person provides insight. The smart person can provide the leader with insight and the leader can agree with the input and decide for it (or not).
The majority of leading does not require mega-smarts, but critical choices do require smart thinking. So the leader can lead without consulting over much a fair bit, but should actively poll the smart one for advice for the critical choices. A lot of time critical choices are between two good things, rather than a good thing and a really bad idea. A presentation of her thoughts on available options – in an even tone of voice – and open discussion about them is extremely helpful. Then let him make the final decision and abide by it without verbalizing second guessing on it endlessly. (The difference between asking to review a decision and ranting that he’s an idiot is a helpful distinction here.)
So the framing for the smart-wife leader-husband set up is both of them have to be able to verbalize and agree that yes indeed she is the smarter one of the couple, but he is the leader of the couple. So when critical choices come up, he can comfortably ask for input, she can give it freely, and he can agree with her suggestion, without reversing roles where she becomes the leader. Most wives don’t actually want to make the final decision on the really big stuff, but they do want to be able to give input into the decision.
Think of the Kirk-Spock Captain and First Officer partnership. If there was ever a more Doer-Leader coupled with a Thinker-Support pairing, I don’t know what else there is. Doer and Thinker are skills, Leader and Support are roles. These aren’t perfectly male or female skills or roles either. Some marriages work perfectly with a female Captain and a male First Officer – there’s not a moral imperative in my mind to have a male head of household – I’m just saying that for the majority of couples, this is what ultimately works best.
And seriously… do not say “I told you so” after you told him so and something went wrong. It’s important to support the team and take a united front together. Just fix the problem together. Not everything is going to go perfectly in your married life and sometimes their will be unintended bad decisions and accidents. Sometimes your team will win, sometimes your team will lose, but you win and you lose as a team.
It’s not wifely smarts that pisses the husband off, it’s the going turncoat on him and the contempt.
Even being the smartest as the husband doesn’t get you an automatic right to lead without her input. In our marriage, I am the smartest one. Jennifer is a bright girl to be sure, but I get the Jimmy Neutron brain blasts thing happening. But Jennifer is far better grounded and more stable than I am. So even though I’m smarter than she is, I very much want her input on the big decisions. I make better decisions for her being around. I’m the lightning and she’s the earth. We’re a team.
Sometimes I’ve made just truly awful decisions and she has gotten extremely stressed out in the aftermath, but never reached for the contempt and mutiny options when she could very well have. That’s golden. Loyalty is a key Beta personality trait for both sexes.
Going back to the Star Trek theme of Captain and First Officer… a couple of lines to use.
Captain: “Options Number One?”
Translation: “I want your input here and I am actively listening to you.”
Captain: “Captain’s Prerogative Number One.”
Translation: “Okay I heard all that and I’ve come to a decision and we’ll be doing this. For the moment at least the discussion is closed.”
Captain: “You have the Bridge Number One.”
Translation: “Your choice / you’re in charge of X / whatever you do here is fine … and I will back you up.”
Captain: “Make it so.”
Translation: “That was a damn good idea! Let’s do that.”
Most importantly… there is an element of the Captain and First Officer approach being a way of us playing together as a couple. It’s 99% of the time a playful sort of shorthand with communicating with each other. The other 1% of the time is a critical decision discussion.
Thoughts for an unmarried friend.
Male sexual presence is active.
So do whatever it is that you do that you’re best at.
When you’re in the middle of doing that, have a look at those women around you. They are usually decent options to choose from.
Figure out what you are going to be the Captain at first. Then hire for First Officer. That solves so much marriage drama right there.
Wives find playing the support role vastly more meaningful when you are a man both in need of her practical support and doing something worth supporting.
Be open to who you find along the way, but pay special attention to a woman that starts following you and helping out. She’s interested in you and what you’re doing.
Ideally she makes you a better Captain that you would have been without her.
I cannot do MMSL et al without Jennifer. For more reasons than I can explain. You only ususally see me, but she is always here.
Couple more reviews are up…
Keoni Galt at Hawaiian Libertarian
“I just got my copy from Athol last night, and I must say, it makes for compelling reading. I read the first 200 pages last night in a couple of hours, and than awoke this morning and finished it before breakfast. At 340+ pages, it may seem like a lot to read, but I didn’t really notice the time fly as Athol’s witty writing style and mix of cocky, funny and at times geeky humor has more than a few laugh-out-loud moments that help to drive his point home and make a memorable narrative that will provide a solid foundation for guiding young men in making potentially life altering decisions.
The $15.00 this paperback book costs on amazon is far cheaper and much less time consuming and emotionally and mentally exhausting than any kind of marital counseling therapy, and if you read it with an open mind and are capable of seeing how it applies to your own situation, it would be far more likely to actually work, than hopelessly paying some professional a small fortune to listen to your wife try and explain why she loves you but is not “in-love” with you.”
Vox at Alpha Game
“The Married Man Sex Life Primer is, without a doubt, one of the more eye-opening books one is ever likely to read. Athol Kay is one of the foremost theoreticians of Game, with a particular focus on its application to married life. His background as a male nurse is significant, not only in relation to his highly developed ability to communicate with women, but in his frighteningly clinical ability to write more freely about bodily fluids and body parts than anyone since Galen or possibly the Marquis de Sade.The Married Man Sex Life Primer isn’t merely for those who languish in miserable marriages, or even for men who are already married. As Kay states with regards to the purpose of his book, it is for both men and women who wish to improve what is, after all, the core bedrock of every marriage. I highly recommend it, albeit with the requisite warning that it is sufficiently explicit to make Japanese tentacle porn look conservative.”
Of course that’s just kicked off awkward discussion at the Kay household…
Jennifer: “I’ve never even heard of Japanese tentacle porn. What is it?”
Me: “Ahhh… well…”
Me: “It’s pretty much as you imagine.”
Jennifer… makes the food borne illness face.
Me: “You’re imagining it aren’t you.”
Jennifer: “I’m not trying to, but how can I not?”
Me: “It’s like sex offenders making Pokemon episodes while high.”
Jennifer: “I’m going to regret this conversation somehow aren’t I…”
Crap it’s not even cartoons anymore. Don’t google for it. Just don’t.
“You put some emphasis on ejaculating into the womb so that nutrients contained in seminal fluid can be absorbed by your female partner.
We all know that the primary purpose of the vasectomy is to eliminate semen from the ejaculate. But does the vasectomy also eliminate/reduce these other nutrients?
Coitus-interruptus has been our/my preferred choice of BC (and have been really successful over my 31 year LTR – only 2 kids, youngest is now 22) and had been considering getting snipped recently – if only for the benefits to the wife. Was not cognizant that semen absorption could be so critical to a LTR – but I wasn’t aware of a lot of relationship dynamics till I stumbled upon your MMSL blog (By the way – love the Primer!)….
Of course, now that she’s 50 (I’m 52), menopause is ‘just around the corner’. So soon, she’ll be ‘sterile’. So should I hold off on the operation? No, don’t expect you to answer the question (though your opinion is welcome). But I don’t want to ‘screw the pooch’ if the operation does more than eliminate semen from the ejaculate….”
Minor correction of terms first. The ejaculate is about 5% sperm, and 95% semen. So the idea of the vasectomy is to stop the sperm ever getting mixed in with the semen. So after a vasectomy you should ejaculate nothing but the semen with just a minor loss of total ejaculate volume.
What’s in the semen should remain fairly unchanged, though there’s also some testosterone in semen – the purpose being to trigger her sex drive further. Considering the primary production location for testosterone in your body is in your testicles, blocking the most obvious route for testosterone to get into her vagina by the vasectomy, I would assume it quite possibly reduces the testosterone that goes from you to her via the semen.
However, please read these posts…
What you are rolling the dice on is… a handful of years until she hits menopause vs. the remainder of your sexual life. Having gone this far successfully as you have, I would beg you not to have a vasectomy at this point. You’re gambling two or three years vs. hopefully twenty to thirty years.
A vasectomy may very well turn out 100% perfect for you, but I simply see no reason to risk permanent pain or worse, when you could simply use what you have done until now or condoms for a couple more years. Surgical is always the last option.
As I say in those posts – there is so little science on the aftermath of vasectomy that all I can offer is a hunch that it isn’t safe as they say it is. Many couples do just fine with vasectomy and love it. My worry is that if you don’t love it, well… you’re pretty much having to go back under the knife to fix it. Even then you may be hosed… (Wikipedia)
“One study found that epididymectomy provided relief for 50% of patients with post-vasectomy pain syndrome.Orchiectomy is recommended usually only after other surgeries have failed.”
So… please don’t do it without extreme thought and your own research.
Another review of The Primer is up at Foseti.
Lots of kind words, and it’s a good review. He points out the good with the bad, but it’s overall extremely positive.
“Athol is the best around at explaining what alpha and beta really mean. Both should be viewed positively, as both are necessary for a successful relationship. If you’re a beta, you need to work on alpha characteristics and vice versa. This is Game as it should be discussed and used. The book should not be underestimated as an introduction to realistic thinking about sexual relationships – it’s not just advice for married men who want more sex from their wives.”“…he concludes with some thoughts on marriage 2.0. If I were dictator for a day, I would make everyone read the final chapters on modern marriage.”
I also have a new fan at Simon Grey’s Le Cygne Gris….
“I’ve been reading Athol Kay’s new book in order to finally get a review up on the blog. I’m about halfway through it right now. I meant to finish it tonight, but I couldn’t find the book when I got home.Apparently my youngest brother (currently a freshman in high school) saw the book and, because it had the word “sex” right there in the title, picked it up to read. As a testimonial to Athol, he immediately recognized that Athol Kay’s observations about the fair sex were spot on, and recognizes the inherent truth of Game.Fortunately, my brother’s a natural alpha, so this book serves as icing on the cake. He’s pretty engrossed in the book, and has apparently read about half of it in less than a day. I believe that this book will serve as the perfect introduction to Game, and should help him refine his interactions with the girls at school.Anyway, many thanks are due to Athol for providing a great introduction to Game. Go out and buy his book (or Kindle version) now. It has a ton of applications beyond marital relationships, as my brother can readily attest.”
Okay I admit I never expectted High School Freshmen to read The Primer. I’m glad I kept to the PG-13 approach and kept it readable! Though I am appalled at the idea of my eldest daughter going into high school next year facing boys armed with my own material. Heavy duty talks to be scheduled this summer lol.
“Even more OT, I haven’t finished the book, but I’m tempted to give it away unfinished to a husband who really needs to get control of his relationship before it moves into the realm of “requires lawyers.”Of course, that could be considered a review.”
I sent Ulysses a PDF so he could both give in to temptation and keep reading. (I still need a review!)
But the most exciting news of the day is…. AMAZON DISCOUNTED THE BOOK!!!
I have zero control over Amazon – I just believe that there was enough of a volume of buying that triggered this response so I am very grateful for that. How long it lasts I’m not sure, I’m hoping forever.
A post idea…
I think we (girls) all know to some degree that padded, underwire bras are false advertising. They’re fine when you’re trying to look good for work, but they can also be a barrier to fun! Yup, the first objection to giving up the padding and underwires is that very few of us have perfectly round breasts. Duh! How many women realize that unless it’s fake, most boobs aren’t perfectly round? Not many.
Okay, I don’t like the shape of my ta tas, either, but I tried an experiment. I bought a bra that was not much more than some stretch lace. Yup, it took a lot of guts to wear it. But, when my man reached up my shirt and found that he could actually fondle my nipples without moving the stiff contraption I usually wear. Um, wow. What a difference for both of us! Now I’m faced with a challenge. Please the fashion gods or please my man? As an avid reader, it’s a no-brainer. But, for the less-initiated, that’s going to be a little harder. My man has become more vocal every time he encounters the non-padded bras (bralets!) that I can’t *not* pursue this! He very rarely voices an opinion on stuff that I wear, so I’m running with it. I’ve begun shopping for non-padded, no-underwire bras that still look good. I’m seeing this as an exercise in self-improvement. It’s an adventure, but I’m finding some good examples out there:
American Apparel has the stretch lace number that’s cheap and a great buy to experiment and see how it goes. (My first purchase)
Hanky Panky is more expensive than American Apparel, and seems to look better on those with a B cup or greater.
Eberjey stuff is really pretty and makes me feel very feminine. They do still offer underwire numbers, but no Victoria’s Secret uber-padding. (My second purchase)
Cosabella is another brand available on Zappos.com that has pieces similar to Eberjey, which are very feminine and still look good.
I had to share this because after my first American Apparel purchase, I went to all the big department stores and found nothing but serious padding and underwires. They’ve even developed a “no-wire underwire.” But it’s still a contraption that needs to be unlocked and disassembled before any skin contact can be made. As I wandered the lingerie departments, I wondered where the men’s voice was in all this. Based on my experience so far with MMSL, the prevailing voice in lingerie design is for the “look but don’t touch” crowd. I think it’s important for the MMSL women to know that they _can_ find feminine, pretty and flattering bras that make them easy prey for their men.
And we’re baaaaccckkkkk…
I have no firm uplifting policy on bras, other than you make a conscious choice about them and seek input from your husband about what turns him on. Plus breasts come in all sizes so hard and fast rules aren’t really possible here anyway.
Just ask him what he likes, if your goal is to turn him on and hold his attention, you have to calibrate to him. Go shopping together and figure it out together. You may end up with a mix of everyday “these are really comfortable” and some “this is for playtime”. It may be as simple as his true color preference – half of Jennifer’s bras are pink, because I love pink. How easy is that as a husband pleasing and attention pulling move?
The mega padded bras are a disappointment when a date peels them off for the first time, but with a wife it’s different – it’s not like you haven’t seen the goods before. Jennifer has one very padded bra that she wears once in a while, but it’s almost approaching a sex toy level. Compared to going under the knife for a boob job, I’ll take her going Bra-zilla any day.
In truth though, I’m very twitchy about bras with Jennifer. The bad mammogram x2 and biopsy x2 experiences left scars on both of us. My #1 priority with her bras is that she is comfortable and… alive.
I might have raised my voice at her once or twice that she spend more money on bra replacement.