Girl Game: Hula Hoops…

Step One: Buy a hula hoop.

Step Two: Find a cool location and wear something that just barely shows your cameltoe.

Step Three: ????

Step Four: Wipe up your husbands drool.

But seriously. It’s cheap, it’s sensual, it’s a work out…

…it’s kinda sorta like a stripper pole, but it’s not.

Girl Game: The Hips Don’t Lie… But The Empire Waist Keeps The Secret.

If you’re a woman seeking to maximise your attractiveness, you need to exercise towards a goal of having a 0.7 waist to hip ratio. From Wikipedia…
Because what is healthy = what is good for making babies = what is sexy, we would then predict that there is evidence that waist to hip ratio of 0.7 is attractive…
“A WHR of 0.7 for women and 0.9 for men have been shown to correlate strongly with general health and fertility. Women within the 0.7 range have optimal levels of estrogen and are less susceptible to major diseases such as diabetes, cardiovascular disorders and ovarian cancers. Men with WHRs around 0.9, similarly, have been shown to be more healthy and fertile with less prostate cancer and testicular cancer.”

So it’s no accident that young women with toned abdomens wear midriff barring, or body hugging clothes. It’s a clear sexual signal of fertile good health, yet less direct that going about topless for example. It’s also no accident that heavier women start wearing flowing, elegant, graceful, tent-like clothes to cover their waists.
“Some researchers have found that the waist-hip ratio (WHR) is a significant measure of female attractiveness. Women with a 0.7 WHR are usually rated as more attractive by men from Indo-European cultures. Beauty icons such as Marilyn Monroe, Jayne Mansfield, Salma Hayek and Sophia Loren typically have ratios close to 0.7, even though they have different weights and heights.”

?
Empire Waist
?Some of this attractiveness is only achievable by women who have never had children or have a really good plastic surgeon. There is an element of waistly wrecking that goes on with pregnancy, so if you have those sort of marks, there’s not a whole lot you can do about it. Just try and get as much shape back as you can with exercise and good eating. Don’t neglect weight training – that’s what is going to tone you and pull everything into it’s proper place.
Also a big shout out to the empire waist on dresses and tops. That’s the one where the waistline is set higher and can be just under the breasts and has the rest of the fabric flaring out from that point. That’s a very flattering choice if you have imperfections in your waist area as it draws the eye up to the “fake waist” and registers as looking good to men viewing it.
I don’t know how I learned what an empire waist was… hmmm… mildly awkward.
Oh and there’s an entire range of lingerie called “Baby Doll” that is basically a flimsy bedroom version of an empire waist.
But of course if you’ve got it, you can flaunt it. Note how attractive Shakira is with essentially nothing more than showing off her midriff.
Why not belly dancing lessons too? A work out and maybe a new move or two…
 

Jennifer and the Two Hundred Pound Raccoon

Jennifer and I usually go grocery shopping together. I used to do it all myself back in my SAHD + working all weekend days, then somehow she took it over for a long time. Now that the kids are old enough to be home alone, we sneak out together on shopping dates.
So anyway, yesterday…
Eggs were on sale. English muffins were on sale. Cheese was crazy on sale. Bacon was crazy on sale plus we had a coupon. See where I’m going with this?
This morning I’m up and awake at about 630am. No reason, just up, so I clear the email, plow the feed reader and do about two hours of reading and commenting on Talk About Marriage.
Buy Me!

Book Review at Gaming My Wife

Leonidas has a review of The Primer up at Gaming My Wife.
I’ll be honest, it’s a long glowing post, not just of the book, but of the role of the blog and what I’m trying to do here. I’m having trouble cutting down the review to best bits. (He said most humbly.)
“If you’re a long time reader of Athol’s blog, there won’t be much here that’s new to you. But what he has done is something much more important. He’s provided the content in a clear format that’s perfect for introducing to the average married guy (or his wife). Unlike the blog, it’s ordered and structured and follows a nice, logical progression. Somebody completely unfamiliar with the words Game, Alpha, Beta, SMV, DLV, DHV, etc can pick this book up and understand it. This isn’t a book about banging supermodels or movie stars. It’s not a book about being a Navy SEAL or a CEO. But it is a book about getting more sex out of your wife and being a better husband for her. And along the way she might just start treating you better and looking hotter, too.”
“It is completely fair to say that Athol’s blog has helped transform my marriage. I live too far away to realistically buy him a beer as the Man Code demands, so I’ll be blunt: I’d have spent $20 on a book of blank pages if he’d put it out with this title. In my book, he’s already earned that. But for the men who haven’t been reading his blog, this book is worth the cover price and then some. I can all but guarantee that I’ll be providing copies of it to friends at some point. Well done, Athol.”
Also in the comments…
Simon Grey“Well said, man. Athol Kay is pretty much my favorite Game writer because he doesn’t feel compelled to hate on women or treat them like pieces of sh*t. (Maybe I’m still too beta, but I just can’t bring myself to hate women for being women.) Athol isn’t antagonistic, and is primarily focused on figuring out what works. And really, that’s all you need. It also helps that his approach is within the framework of traditional values. I don’t hate PUAs, but I have no desire to live their lifestyle. I’d rather be married.”
 Paige“His non-antagonistic tone is one of his biggest selling points. He can communicate hard truths without also implying that you were a sucker to get married and should prostrate yourself on the altar of proper manhood and beg for forgiveness.”
So thank you, thank you and thank you. All very much appreciated guys.
 
The other reason you can buy the book is just to say “thank you” if I’ve helped you any. It’s what pays the bills and keeps everything going for everything I do here.

Girl Game: How To Get Your Husband To Read MMSL

Often a wife wants her husband to read MMSL. So she tries to get him to read the blog and then I get email like this…
“Everything is right fucking there laid out like fucking kindergarten and he read it once and that was it! I’m sick of turning a guy at work down and then coming home to this fat idiot. What am I meant to do????”
To address that we’re going to have to take the long way around…
One of the problems that draws women to MMSL, is the issue of struggling with not feeling attracted to their husbands. They want to be attracted, they just aren’t. They look at their husbands and wish they were attracted, know they really should be having enthusiastic sex with him, but they just can’t feel it. They can lube up and lie on their back with their legs open, but once he’s on top of them, their Body Agenda doesn’t want him there. They’ve tried faking it until they make it… and didn’t make it.
The issue is simple – attraction isn’t a choice. They can’t make themselves feel attracted to him, it’s up to him to make himself be attractive to her. Or put another way – if you’re not attracted to your husband, it’s not your fault. It’s his fault.
There’s nothing you can directly do to him, that will make him more attractive to you. You can’t force him to exercise, dress better, make more money, playfully dominate you, talk to you more, play with the kids yada yada yada. Usually if you try and do that, all that happens is you start turning into a nag. And nagging doesn’t really work as an effective method of changing things. I mean if nagging actually worked, think how unbelievably perfect the world would be with so many nagging women acting as change agents.
The only person you can change is you. If he’s not attracted to you, then that’s a problem you can actively work on, because he doesn’t have a choice about being attracted to you either. You can lose weight, dress better, find the things he likes, shimmy up to him and so on.
At some point you may get tired of nagging… I mean repeatedly asking him… I mean just talking about the need for him to do something different. At some point you might decide to actually do something about it yourself and take action. That action is going to be essentially exactly the same thing that I’ve suggested for the men that read MMSL – start becoming more attractive to the opposite sex in general and leverage that toward a decision where he either realizes what he could be losing and gets his stuff together, or you move on to find someone else that does attract you.
That sounds fairly nasty if you’re a male reader, but I think no one would disagree that a wife that suddenly shuts off the nagging, starts losing extra pounds, pulls together a better look and starts making clear intentions about no longer tolerating an intolerable situation, is going to really get her husband’s attention far better than simply nagging him. This isn’t a new thought for Girl Game month either, I’ve said all this before.
Some 80% or maybe more of what I write about works equally well for women as it does for men. Take the Tit for Tat approach for example. There’s zero difference between doing it as a man and doing it as a woman.
So coming back around to the post title…
At some point a wife will start Googling in sexual frustration, find MMSL and then get wet panties for my approach to marriage. So the very next thing that happens is they try and get hubby to read the blog and he reads it once or twice and then does squat for personal change. This drives the wife crazy and then she emails me saying, “I can’t get my husband to read your blog, I’ve told him to read it and he went once and then didn’t read anything more.”
What’s happening is MMSL is being used as a prop for more nagging… a.k.a. as “just talking”, so he reads it a couple times to shut you up, then ignores it.
What you should be doing is getting into action - exercising, dressing better and starting to create in him a sense that if he doesn’t sort his crap out and quickly, he might be on the way out of your life. If you’re following the timeline recommended in the book, once you hit Phase Four (in Chapter 16) he will very likely have a huge “Oh shit!” moment. Then he’ll be really ready to learn anything and everything about fixing that problem. At that point handing him a copy of The Primer is going to work as a tool to help him change and he’ll probably devour it.
But what you don’t do is have sex with that guy at work. It’s action of course, but it’s action toward ending the marriage rather than renewing it. There’s no legal requirement to announce impending cheating without a fair warning to address the issues, but the majority of people will see a moral one.
I’ll just point out that by cheating you’d be markedly reducing your chances of a long term happy outcome to your marriage by doing so. Cheating just makes one problem turn into two problems. The fair warning approach is in your best interest. It will save you an enormous amount of hassle if in six months time your “fat idiot” could be changed into an in-shape guy that pulls your hair a little.

The Third Wheel…

I’ve had three different emails in the last week all dealing with someone starting to attach and just be excessively present with a boyfriend/girlfriend couple. In one case the Third Wheel was female and interested in the boyfriend, in two cases the Third Wheel was male and interested in the girlfriend.
To avoid excessive wordiness and confusion, we’ll assume the Third Wheel is male for the rest of the post. But everything applies much the same as to when it’s a female one too.
Generally a persistent Third Wheel male has a keen interest in the girlfriend. His goal is to turn it into a full blown Love Triangle, and then finally completely displace the original boyfriend. The longer the Third Wheel is allowed to stay a Third Wheel, the more traction he gains toward turning it into a Love Triangle. The Third Wheel is very very frequently the boyfriends “best friend”…
Buy Me!

Girl Game: Give Him a Fair Warning

A comment by MGirl on Girl Game: Husband Management
Anon-I had the same problem with my husband. My sex drive was through the roof, but I was extremely unattracted to him. I suggested he read this blog(he didn’t), so I got blunt. I told him I was tired of having to fantasize about other men. I told him I was finding myself looking at other men and wanting them. I told him I wanted sex, but not with him. I wasn’t considering, or even threatening cheating, BTW, but I was honest about how I felt. And boy did he perk up then. He started working out regularly, went to go buy new clothing, got his hair cut, and regularly asks me what he can do to increase my attraction to him. My approach was a bit aggressive, maybe, but I was desperate and couldn’t see any other option. And it worked!
This is dead on.
The husband should thank his lucky stars for his choice of wife. Plenty of other women would…
Buy Me!

Girl Game: Husband Management…

What are women getting out of their side of the game?
Short answer: A happier husband. More sex. Companionship. Fun.
 
Longer answer: What you teach him that you like him to do.
 
Reward the behavior you want to see him increase, fail to reward the behavior you want to see him decrease.
 
If you want to have long talks with him, initiate them with him and thank him/praise him/pay more positive attention to him when you have long talks together (reward). When he’s not particularly being talkative, don’t fawn over him and specially cater to him to get him to engage in conversation (no reward).
 
It’s somewhat like toilet training. “This is where I would like you to poop.” “Oh! Good boy!” “Okay a little accident, next time try remember the potty.”  Obviously a grown adult isn’t a toddler, so you don’t use the kiddie tone with him, but the principle is essentially unchanged. It just takes some time to work through and succeed.
 
Make reasonable requests of him in a reasonable tone of voice. If you both can agree that the request is reasonable that he does a particular task, just assume it will be completed. If he screws it up or fails to do it, don’t bail him out or take it back over. Just let him clean up the consequences. If he completes the task / does it well… thank/praise/reward.
 
I don’t advise you try that with critical tasks straight out of the gate – like finding summer camp for the kids – because if that task is screwed up then you have a huge problem to deal with that you probably do have to bail him out of… which would be a reward for his failure to do it.
 
Start this with smaller non-critical tasks first and establish a precedent that if something is agreed as his task, he needs to complete it.
 
I am also serious on the reasonable tone of voice thing as well. You can ask him to do something completely reasonable, but if you ask in that whiny-bitch-nagging tone, you are Fitness Testing him and he really shouldn’t comply with you. (He should call you on that and refuse your request until such time as you can ask in a reasonable tone of voice.)
 
If all this sounds manipulative, it’s because it is manipulative. You are changing your behavior to influence his behavior. But then you being a whiny-nagging-screech who slams the dishes into the dishwasher is also trying to be manipulative. The silent treatment is manipulative as well. You doing everything for him and pouting about it is manipulative too. They are just not as effective as what I’m suggesting to get you what you say you want.
 
Sex and food are two of the best behavioral rewards out there. You shouldn’t starve your husband of either, but nothing says you can’t put in a little extra effort on either one to please him when he’s pleased you.
 
 
 
Though I wonder if the real question isn’t “What’s in it for me?”, but more like, ”How can I get him to step up and be The Captain instead of being a crappy member of the crew?”

Balancing Alpha and Beta

Hi there,
I have a question for you about game for women. Is it a beta trait or an alpha trait for a female to show deep attachment or sexual attraction to her mate? I would think that the sexual attraction, at least, is alpha, because it should elicit a sexual response from the male. However, I wonder if there’s any benefit to keep him on his toes a little bit and not get too sure of you, to the point where he gets complacent.
The female deep attachment feeling is related to the oxytocin hormone, so that’s Beta.
The sexual attraction you feel for him is related to both his Alpha sparking a dopamine response in you, and your overall sexual impulse, which is part of your Alpha.
There is an element of conflict in those two impulses.
I think you balance it by framing it as, “I am going to get sex no matter what, but my attachment to you is affecting my all purpose sexual impulse and I am controlling myself to just have sex with you. I’m happy to do that because I do love you and want you, but it’s far easier for me to stay in control if you are giving me the sex I want from you.”
That is in essence my feeling and agreement with Jennifer. I think it’s fairly clear to everyone that I am very high on the scale in terms of overall sexual impulse. To be honest I’d really like to have sex with multiple women I know, I’m not even crushing on anyone, it’s just a general all purpose sexual interest. But I hold it together to have sex with only Jennifer because I love her and understand that me cheating would dramatically change things with us.
But I can’t do that holding it together thing without her having regular sex with me. If she stopped having regular sex with me for no good reason, I don’t know how long I could hold it together and stay faithful to her. We’ve had a few times where we’ve had to hold off on sex for a while – a very rough pregnancy, post-partum, and her awful biopsy experience – all those were fine as I can sympathize she’s in pain and needs my support. But her just not wanting sex with me for no good reason… yeah… very hard to handle.
So there’s an interplay of Alpha and Beta in there. For a husband it’s a brilliant Game approach and something I honestly stumbled onto by both luck and my sheer need to have her repeatedly.

Girl Game: The Step and Turn Move

April is Girl Game month….
Here’s an easy move to do.
(1) When talking to him, just hold out your hand to him. If you hold out your left hand, hold it out to his right so that he takes your hand with his right hand. It’s usually hard to not take someone’s hand when it is offered, and if you like them it’s enjoyable.
(2) Once you are holding hands, step in toward him and turn your back into him.
(3) Nestle your back onto his chest while holding his hand against your stomach.
(4) Options here are the lay-your-head-back-on-him thing, leaning your head off to one side to encourage your neck to be kissed and the traditional favorite of grinding your ass into his crotch.
(5) Enjoy for ten seconds…
(6) Step back out and away from him back to the starting position in (1) and keep your hand hold going. Make intense eye contact and the so-what-are-you-going-to-do-about-that face at him.
(7) If he has a clue he will initate something further. Enjoy.
Also this is easily transitioned to when you are walking together hand in hand somewhere and come to a stop together. Just take an extra step and pivot back into him gently. Pretend he pulled you there…