Find Your Frame First

Thoughts for an unmarried friend.

Male sexual presence is active.

So do whatever it is that you do that you’re best at.

When you’re in the middle of doing that, have a look at those women around you. They are usually decent options to choose from.
Figure out what you are going to be the Captain at first. Then hire for First Officer. That solves so much marriage drama right there.
Wives find playing the support role vastly more meaningful when you are a man both in need of her practical support and doing something worth supporting.
Be open to who you find along the way, but pay special attention to a woman that starts following you and helping out. She’s interested in you and what you’re doing.

Ideally she makes you a better Captain that you would have been without her.
I cannot do MMSL et al without Jennifer. For more reasons than I can explain. You only ususally see me, but she is always here.

Reports of Japanese Tentacle Porn Have Been Greatly Exaggerated

Couple more reviews are up…
Keoni Galt at Hawaiian Libertarian

“I just got my copy from Athol last night, and I must say, it makes for compelling reading. I read the first 200 pages last night in a couple of hours, and than awoke this morning and finished it before breakfast. At 340+ pages, it may seem like a lot to read, but I didn’t really notice the time fly as Athol’s witty writing style and mix of cocky, funny and at times geeky humor has more than a few laugh-out-loud moments that help to drive his point home and make a memorable narrative that will provide a solid foundation for guiding young men in making potentially life altering decisions.

The $15.00 this paperback book costs on amazon is far cheaper and much less time consuming and emotionally and mentally exhausting than any kind of marital counseling therapy, and if you read it with an open mind and are capable of seeing how it applies to your own situation, it would be far more likely to actually work, than hopelessly paying some professional a small fortune to listen to your wife try and explain why she loves you but is not “in-love” with you.”
Vox at Alpha Game
“The Married Man Sex Life Primer is, without a doubt, one of the more eye-opening books one is ever likely to read. Athol Kay is one of the foremost theoreticians of Game, with a particular focus on its application to married life. His background as a male nurse is significant, not only in relation to his highly developed ability to communicate with women, but in his frighteningly clinical ability to write more freely about bodily fluids and body parts than anyone since Galen or possibly the Marquis de Sade.
The Married Man Sex Life Primer isn’t merely for those who languish in miserable marriages, or even for men who are already married. As Kay states with regards to the purpose of his book, it is for both men and women who wish to improve what is, after all, the core bedrock of every marriage. I highly recommend it, albeit with the requisite warning that it is sufficiently explicit to make Japanese tentacle porn look conservative.”
Of course that’s just kicked off awkward discussion at the Kay household…
Jennifer: “I’ve never even heard of Japanese tentacle porn. What is it?”
Me: “Ahhh… well…”
Jennifer: …
Me: “It’s pretty much as you imagine.”
Jennifer… makes the food borne illness face.
Me: “You’re imagining it aren’t you.”
Jennifer: “I’m not trying to, but how can I not?”
Me: “It’s like sex offenders making Pokemon episodes while high.”
Jennifer: …
Jennifer: “I’m going to regret this conversation somehow aren’t I…”

Crap it’s not even cartoons anymore. Don’t google for it. Just don’t.

Vasectomy Question

Reader email…
“You put some emphasis on ejaculating into the womb so that nutrients contained in seminal fluid can be absorbed by your female partner.

We all know that the primary purpose of the vasectomy is to eliminate semen from the ejaculate. But does the vasectomy also eliminate/reduce these other nutrients?

Coitus-interruptus has been our/my preferred choice of BC (and have been really successful over my 31 year LTR – only 2 kids, youngest is now 22) and had been considering getting snipped recently – if only for the benefits to the wife. Was not cognizant that semen absorption could be so critical to a LTR – but I wasn’t aware of a lot of relationship dynamics till I stumbled upon your MMSL blog (By the way – love the Primer!)….

Of course, now that she’s 50 (I’m 52), menopause is ‘just around the corner’. So soon, she’ll be ‘sterile’. So should I hold off on the operation? No, don’t expect you to answer the question (though your opinion is welcome). But I don’t want to ‘screw the pooch’ if the operation does more than eliminate semen from the ejaculate….”
Minor correction of terms first. The ejaculate is about 5% sperm, and 95% semen. So the idea of the vasectomy is to stop the sperm ever getting mixed in with the semen. So after a vasectomy you should ejaculate nothing but the semen with just a minor loss of total ejaculate volume.
What’s in the semen should remain fairly unchanged, though there’s also some testosterone in semen – the purpose being to trigger her sex drive further. Considering the primary production location for testosterone in your body is in your testicles, blocking the most obvious route for testosterone to get into her vagina by the vasectomy, I would assume it quite possibly reduces the testosterone that goes from you to her via the semen.
However, please read these posts…
What you are rolling the dice on is… a handful of years until she hits menopause vs. the remainder of your sexual life. Having gone this far successfully as you have, I would beg you not to have a vasectomy at this point. You’re gambling two or three years vs. hopefully twenty to thirty years.
A vasectomy may very well turn out 100% perfect for you, but I simply see no reason to risk permanent pain or worse, when you could simply use what you have done until now or condoms for a couple more years.  Surgical is always the last option.
As I say in those posts – there is so little science on the aftermath of vasectomy that all I can offer is a hunch that it isn’t safe as they say it is. Many couples do just fine with vasectomy and love it. My worry is that if you don’t love it, well… you’re pretty much having to go back under the knife to fix it.  Even then you may be hosed…  (Wikipedia)

“One study found that epididymectomy provided relief for 50% of patients with post-vasectomy pain syndrome.

Orchiectomy is recommended usually only after other surgeries have failed.”
So… please don’t do it without extreme thought and your own research.

Amazon Discounted The Primer!!! Plus More Reviews And Self-Serving Preening

Another review of The Primer is up at Foseti.
Lots of kind words, and it’s a good review. He points out the good with the bad, but it’s overall extremely positive.

“Athol is the best around at explaining what alpha and beta really mean. Both should be viewed positively, as both are necessary for a successful relationship. If you’re a beta, you need to work on alpha characteristics and vice versa. This is Game as it should be discussed and used. The book should not be underestimated as an introduction to realistic thinking about sexual relationships – it’s not just advice for married men who want more sex from their wives.”

“…he concludes with some thoughts on marriage 2.0. If I were dictator for a day, I would make everyone read the final chapters on modern marriage.”
I also have a new fan at Simon Grey’s  Le Cygne Gris….
“I’ve been reading Athol Kay’s new book in order to finally get a review up on the blog. I’m about halfway through it right now. I meant to finish it tonight, but I couldn’t find the book when I got home.

Apparently my youngest brother (currently a freshman in high school) saw the book and, because it had the word “sex” right there in the title, picked it up to read. As a testimonial to Athol, he immediately recognized that Athol Kay’s observations about the fair sex were spot on, and recognizes the inherent truth of Game.

Fortunately, my brother’s a natural alpha, so this book serves as icing on the cake. He’s pretty engrossed in the book, and has apparently read about half of it in less than a day. I believe that this book will serve as the perfect introduction to Game, and should help him refine his interactions with the girls at school.

Anyway, many thanks are due to Athol for providing a great introduction to Game. Go out and buy his book (or Kindle version) now. It has a ton of applications beyond marital relationships, as my brother can readily attest.”
Okay I admit I never expectted High School Freshmen to read The Primer. I’m glad I kept to the PG-13 approach and kept it readable! Though I am appalled at the idea of my eldest daughter going into high school next year facing boys armed with my own material. Heavy duty talks to be scheduled this summer lol.

“Even more OT, I haven’t finished the book, but I’m tempted to give it away unfinished to a husband who really needs to get control of his relationship before it moves into the realm of “requires lawyers.”

Of course, that could be considered a review.”

I sent Ulysses a PDF so he could both give in to temptation and keep reading. (I still need a review!)

But the most exciting news of the day is…. AMAZON DISCOUNTED THE BOOK!!!

I have zero control over Amazon – I just believe that there was enough of a volume of buying that triggered this response so I am very grateful for that. How long it lasts I’m not sure, I’m hoping forever.

Girl Game: To Bra-zilla Or Not To Bra-zilla?

Reader email…
A post idea…
I think we (girls) all know to some degree that padded, underwire bras are false advertising. They’re fine when you’re trying to look good for work, but they can also be a barrier to fun! Yup, the first objection to giving up the padding and underwires is that very few of us have perfectly round breasts. Duh! How many women realize that unless it’s fake, most boobs aren’t perfectly round? Not many.
Okay, I don’t like the shape of my ta tas, either, but I tried an experiment. I bought a bra that was not much more than some stretch lace. Yup, it took a lot of guts to wear it. But, when my man reached up my shirt and found that he could actually fondle my nipples without moving the stiff contraption I usually wear. Um, wow. What a difference for both of us! Now I’m faced with a challenge. Please the fashion gods or please my man? As an avid reader, it’s a no-brainer. But, for the less-initiated, that’s going to be a little harder. My man has become more vocal every time he encounters the non-padded bras (bralets!) that I can’t *not* pursue this! He very rarely voices an opinion on stuff that I wear, so I’m running with it. I’ve begun shopping for non-padded, no-underwire bras that still look good. I’m seeing this as an exercise in self-improvement. It’s an adventure, but I’m finding some good examples out there:
American Apparel has the stretch lace number that’s cheap and a great buy to experiment and see how it goes. (My first purchase)
Hanky Panky is more expensive than American Apparel, and seems to look better on those with a B cup or greater.
Eberjey stuff is really pretty and makes me feel very feminine. They do still offer underwire numbers, but no Victoria’s Secret uber-padding. (My second purchase)
Cosabella is another brand available on that has pieces similar to Eberjey, which are very feminine and still look good.
I had to share this because after my first American Apparel purchase, I went to all the big department stores and found nothing but serious padding and underwires. They’ve even developed a “no-wire underwire.” But it’s still a contraption that needs to be unlocked and disassembled before any skin contact can be made. As I wandered the lingerie departments, I wondered where the men’s voice was in all this. Based on my experience so far with MMSL, the prevailing voice in lingerie design is for the “look but don’t touch” crowd. I think it’s important for the MMSL women to know that they _can_ find feminine, pretty and flattering bras that make them easy prey for their men.
And we’re baaaaccckkkkk…
I have no firm uplifting policy on bras, other than you make a conscious choice about them and seek input from your husband about what turns him on. Plus breasts come in all sizes so hard and fast rules aren’t really possible here anyway.
Just ask him what he likes, if your goal is to turn him on and hold his attention, you have to calibrate to him. Go shopping together and figure it out together. You may end up with a mix of everyday “these are really comfortable” and some “this is for playtime”. It may be as simple as his true color preference – half of Jennifer’s bras are pink, because I love pink. How easy is that as a husband pleasing and attention pulling move?
The mega padded bras are a disappointment when a date peels them off for the first time, but with a wife it’s different – it’s not like you haven’t seen the goods before. Jennifer has one very padded bra that she wears once in a while, but it’s almost approaching a sex toy level. Compared to going under the knife for a boob job, I’ll take her going Bra-zilla any day.
In truth though, I’m very twitchy about bras with Jennifer. The bad mammogram x2 and biopsy x2 experiences left scars on both of us. My #1 priority with her bras is that she is comfortable and… alive.
I might have raised my voice at her once or twice that she spend more money on bra replacement.