The Third Wheel…

I’ve had three different emails in the last week all dealing with someone starting to attach and just be excessively present with a boyfriend/girlfriend couple. In one case the Third Wheel was female and interested in the boyfriend, in two cases the Third Wheel was male and interested in the girlfriend.
To avoid excessive wordiness and confusion, we’ll assume the Third Wheel is male for the rest of the post. But everything applies much the same as to when it’s a female one too.
Generally a persistent Third Wheel male has a keen interest in the girlfriend. His goal is to turn it into a full blown Love Triangle, and then finally completely displace the original boyfriend. The longer the Third Wheel is allowed to stay a Third Wheel, the more traction he gains toward turning it into a Love Triangle. The Third Wheel is very very frequently the boyfriends “best friend”…
Buy Me!

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Comments

  1. haleyshalo says:

    Why do men even want to steal their best friends' girlfriends? (The reverse gender situation has been discussed on game blogs, but not the "dude wants his best friend's girl" situation you describe).

  2. Anonymous says:

    It happens, to some guys pussy is more important than friendship. Even if the friend doesn't set out to steal his buddy's girl from the start, hanging around them all the time can cause feelings to develop between best bud and girl.

    The MacNut

  3. Pode says:

    I think you covered the male third wheel quite well, but I just don't see the commonality for the female third wheel unless the two girls aren't friends and the gf can say "Bitch, that's my man."

    If they are friends, that confrontation won't happen as quickly, and the drama and preselection gives the guy a huge alpha spike for both girls. Ditching the 3rd on demand is a big Beta boost, but does that really make up for the lost/passed on alpha? Isn't everyone better served if he just ups beta with them both in other areas so he keeps the balance with his new alpha cred?

  4. Anonymous says:

    The Cars

    you're always dancing down the street
    with your suede blue eyes
    and every new boy that you meet
    he doesn't know the real surprise

    here she comes again
    when she's dancing 'neath the starry sky
    she'll make you flip
    here she comes again
    when she's dancing 'neath the starry sky
    you kinda like the way she dips
    she's my best friend's girl
    she's my best friend's girl
    and she used to be mine

    you've got your nuclear boots
    and your drip dry glove
    and when you bite your lip
    it's some reaction to love

  5. Athol Kay says:

    "Why do men even want to steal their best friends' girlfriends?"

    Because attraction is not a choice.

  6. haleyshalo says:

    Attraction may not be a choice, but you can certainly choose what to do about it. Then again, if she's not his friend's wife, everything's fair in love and war…. (but then what man would want a woman who could be so easily stolen away?)

    Athol, you should do a post on men developing feelings. The way the manosphere frames it, men either want to bang you hardcore, or they want you to go drown yourself in a river. The idea of feelings is almost never discussed.

  7. Anonymous says:

    Men CAN choose what to do about it, and often do choose to keep the friendship over a crush on a friend's girl. I've done that myself, even extending to a friend's ex because I thought he wouldn't be able to handle it. Athol is right, though. If the guy is clearly making a move on your wife or girlfriend, the friendship should be OVER. Tell him to fuck off, and then find a new friend.

    Jay

  8. Athol Kay says:

    The best friend has no choice about feeling attraction to the girlfriend, but you are correct – he does have a choice over what he does about it. By pursuing her he's clearly making the choice to do so.

    Whether the girl is a girlfriend or a wife makes no difference apart from the seriousiness of the loss. Best friends frequently move on friends wives.

    The girl isn't being "easily stolen away". The boyfriend is actively facilating her seduction by endlessly tolerating the Third Wheel.

    Feelings are tricky though. I cover a lot of that in the Oneitis Chapter.

  9. paige says:

    I saw this happen quite a bit in the military. Husband goes overseas, wife is lonely and spends more time with hubbies best friend for the comfort of having a man around…BF starts crushin and next thing you know they are having a lurid affair.

  10. Athol Kay says:

    Paige – even worse is the non-paternity rate for miltary families is around 30%.

  11. Derek says:

    nice; if you're the boyfriend in this situation the key idea is to cut off the third wheel while being perfectly secure in your manhood. great stuff.

  12. Andrew says:

    > "Dude, fuck off, we're on a date"

    I specifically like this. I've been in this situation before and wasn't sure how to 'correct' the problem without coming off as controlling or not confident about myself. My train of thought… I can't tell her to stop talking to dude as that's controlling. Usually having a separate conversation with the friend doesn't fix anything either actually putting it in-the-open can often lead to their quick escallation of the matter instead of them backing off.

    But specifically showing this assertiveness in front of your SO will show your alpha side and put you in a commanding position to over this dude. For example, if you're with your SO and she's texting back and forth with said guy, you can simply ask to borrow her phone and text him back that "Dude, fuck off, we're on a date". Showing your alpha over the friend, without telling controlling her and clearly getting the message accross.

    Great analysis and advice!

  13. Isse says:

    I am a little new to the Red Pill, Game, etc.
    Calling the girlfriend out on what she is doing wouldn’t be seen as beta?
    Once my last exgf was talking to an old fling of her (a guy she strung along for months). After that talk she told me: Are you never jealous of me talking to guys? (shit test, right?) In fact I wasnt (never been that type of guy) and I told her: “look you are talking to them but in the end it is me the one going home with you”. Was it a good answer? Cause I’ve read here they like you more when you protect what is yours.

    Also in cases where you guess something is going on is it far better to show you are affected by her behaviour and 1st) call her out on this 2nd) tell the dude to disappear? Isn’t she going to think that you are scared of the new guy?

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