Fantasy Football Guys Need To Get Laid Too

I discover the book is getting discussed on a fantasy football forum

After that I try to reach out to them and speak in a language the football guys will understand…

If the book was a book about coaching football…

Part 1
Alpha stuff = explaining basic offense
Beta stuff = explaining basic defense

Part 2
I cover basic conditioning, training drills and explain each postion on the team.

Part 3
Teach an easy but functional play book you can use right out of the gate.

Part 4
Talk about how to coach a team without turning it into a fiasco by doing something stupid.

Except it’s not a book about coaching football, but about getting laid and having a functional, productive marriage. Doesn’t work for everyone like a magic bullet, but seems to do the trick for most. You’ll spend more on gas driving to marriage counseling than the book costs. Mostly because you’re in separate cars.

Like all forums though, there are whiny trolls who cannot be silenced despite 4-6 guys in the thread saying the book is teh awesome…

Troll Persons 20th comment:  “Go to Search in books “men” “self help” “marriage” “sex” etc etc. Tell me how many results you get. What makes this guy’s ideas better than the rest?”


Troll Persons 21th and final comment: “I sit corrected.”

Anyway, I gotta confess, I know nothing about football other than it’s something like Rugby for Betas.

In New Zealand, Sparta plays in the second division.


  1. Aussie Bloke says

    "something like Rugby for Betas…Sparta plays in the second division." Classic! Love it!

  2. Anonymous says

    Laid like tile…don't make me laugh, I'm in the library!

    Rugby players are some of the hottest possible guys.


  3. Badger says

    Good God that's a long thread, only got through two pages. Couple of trolls and white-knight manginas (check the guy who said "marriage is for adults not for little boys who don't love their wife and children more than themselves") but all around supportive crowd.

    The OP does have some denial to lift out of…somebody told him to lose weight and do better hygiene and he said "good lord is this what it takes?"

  4. Anonymous says

    I dont get the "football is like rugby for betas" comment. Im assuming your one of the guys that that football players are sissies because they were pads. I respect your opinion which why i think your better then that. much respect to rugby players, they are real men, but the "rugby players dont wear pads" argue falls flat 100 time over.

    1.) sports science study after study has proven this. getting hit by a rugby player is with the force of a very hard punch. getting hit by an nfl safety is like getting hit by a car going 30MPG. rubgy is a game of toughness yes, but football is a game of super human collisions.

    2. if football was played without pads people would die… many people, every sunday.

    3.) even with pads, the force of getting hit in football is about 100 more then in rugby. the force the pads create is not offset but the force the pads absorb….not even close.

    3. NFL football players are MUCH bigger, stronger, and faster then even the most gifter rugby players. even rubgy players admit that.

    4.) pushing a 300 pound man as hard as you can while her pushes against you as hard as he can, 10 seconds at a time, 100 times a game uses as much energy as jogging around a rugby field for however long a rugby game is.

    5.) whenver i watch rugby all i see is just a bunch of dudes pressing into a big pile over and over and most tackle of guys just wrapped the legs up and riding the guy with the ball down… known of the that can really be considered "hitting"

    6.) the mental ability it takes really understand the game of football is really quite impressive.

    7.) rugby injuries – broken nose, broken fingers, knocked out teeth, occasional broken legs. football injuries – death, paralyzation. weekly broken legs/other legs injuries, broken ribs, broken neck, repeated concussions which
    lead to death and dementia.

    8.)football – everyone hits HARD just about every play. rugby- only the guy with the ball gets tackled…softly

  5. Athol Kay says

    LOL… I'm from New Zealand… I'm taking the piss mate. Also Sparta is a ancient Greek city-state and not a second division rugby team.

    As a more serious counter-point, one of my cousins is a full quadraplegic from a rugby incident.

    From the female perspective rugby is over in 90 minutes, and thus superior to football which takes three hours. More time for sex :-)

  6. Badger says

    Also you can see the blood and miserable faces, adds to the rustic blue-collar romantic quality of the game for the ladies.

  7. Anonymous says

    As someone who has played both football and rugby (and enjoyed both, and has respect for players of either sport):

    In football the real padding (helmets and shoulder pads) are there to protect the tackler. This is why football tackles are harder, because the tackler is protected from injury. Football is much rougher on the man getting tackled, but rugby is harder on the man tackling.

    The second key difference is that football players are specialists, while rugby players are generalists. This means that for a particular given ability (ie, speed, strength) you can find a football player that can outdo any rugby players. But at the same time, the average rugby player can outdo the average football at most tasks. There's no room on a rugby team for a man who cannot be called upon at any time in a game to: kick, catch, pass, run, tackle, etc. Every man on the All-Blacks, shown above, can outhit the qb, outrun the o-line, and outkick everyone but the punter. Every player needs to be able to read and run both defense and offense, and switch between the two on a moment's notice.

    But these are differences that emerge at the professional level. The real toughness of rugby comes with the culture. For the typical American, football is a spectator sport. If you aren't on track to progress through college and into the NFL, your football career has a well defined end, and it comes early in life.

    Rugby players play as long as the want to. Rugby clubs field teams of players for all skill levels and all ages. It's easy to find 40 and 50 year old guys who still go at it with the young kids. It's those guys that define the sport as the toughest out there.

  8. Anonymous says

    Thanks for chiming in on that thread Athol. That's where I discovered your blog from.

    Unfortunately most the guys on that board don't want help; they want sympathy.

    Keep up the good stuff here!

  9. Anonymous says

    Reply to Anonymous at 1.52 am.

    In relation to your comment that " Every man on the All-Blacks, shown above, can outhit the qb, outrun the o-line, and outkick everyone but the punter ", this is correct, but only up until the semi-finals of the Rugby World Cup when the All Blacks game tends to fall apart, causing much anguish and ongoing disapointment across the entire Kiwi nation.

    Hopefully the Aussies will be able to bring home the Webb Ellis cup for the Rugby World Cup that is taking place later this year in NZ.

    PS : Athol, great web site, keep it going. After your recent comments I was wondering what sort of people could be upset about a married couple with a great sex life. I have found it amazing how well some of this stuff works, especially the 10 second kiss, but I normally have to remind myself to not go the grope.


    An Aussie

  10. Walton Goggins says

    Is it true Athol that the only woman you have had sex with is your wife?

  11. Anonymous says

    Athol, really enjoy reading your work.
    Sounds like these "Fantasy Football" people are in denial.
    Seems they should try to keep an open mind.
    Hope you continue with your work.
    Opening your mind to new ideas never hurts anyone.
    Let's hope these "Fantasy Football"ers realize that.
    Everyone can use these tips for the positive.

  12. Athol Kay says

    Walton – yes it is. Was hard core evangelical Christian back in the day and married young. Atheist now and still faithful. Obviously I still have moments of curosity and temptation, but Jennifer is just too good to screw things up with.

  13. Athol Kay says

    Anon 6:00 – they aren't in denial any more than the average guy. The ones that have tried the book have had great results. One spammer isn't typical of them.

  14. Walton Goggins says

    Athol -

    Not surprisingly about the only married men who are happy in their marriage that I've ever known or friends of friends of mine who have known were/are very religious.

    I was married once and while naturally I am dominate there were some mistakes in my marriage where against my better judgement let her get her way thinking this would make her happy.
    Our sex life though funny enough was great.
    That said I have been a single father of two girls that I have half the time and couldn't be happier. It makes me sad to see the majority of my friends who are married leading a miserable life.
    In all honesty, marriage is the same as religion, concepts instilled in us that we have to believe in order to reduce chaos.
    I am 1000% happier now that I'm single, being with my kids, living my life by my rules and dating a ton..more than I ever thought possible.

  15. Athol Kay says

    There's no question that marriage is not for everyone, but there are ways to make it better if you go that route.

  16. Anonymous says

    Im pretty sure magic footballers are the last ones that should be giving advice on getting laid. These guys probably carry their frisbees in purses too!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *